women don't want you to pay for them? or they wanna pay for you?

[7onriverI f]

I've met quite a few women who don't want me to pay for things for them. If I offer and do it later they try and buy stuff for me or give me cash. Other women buy me drinks when out and when I go to pay they don't want me to pay for them. Anyone had any experiences with this?

 

[Scars]

There's different variables involved, such as family upbringing, and surrounding societal norms, but a woman buying, or offering to buy something for you is almost always a sign of high interest.

 

[Mike32ct]

The last two I dated were kind of 50/50. They wanted to pick up the tab on roughly every other date. Or if we went to two places on one date, one of us would pay for one and the other would pay for the other. Totally fair. Couldn't complain.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Just happened to me Sunday. She's over half my age (in my 40s). We went shooting at an expensive indoor range but our plans for the outdoor range got blocked by a car on fire in the middle of the road (I guess I could have busted through the fire like Mad Max but I'm not that brave sorry). So at the counter she extends her credit card (she makes minimum wage now after having a good job the past 2 years lost to COVID; also, her family's business of 40 years is almost bankrupt because of this hoax). So I have to override her and insist I pay with my card over hers. She may or may not understand that I could pay for my lifestyle for roughly 7 years without a job.

 

[Visionist]

It's always been a sign of zero interest or friend zoning to me. They want to pay to get rid of me and owe me nothing.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's always been a sign of zero interest or friend zoning to me. They want to pay to get rid of me and owe me nothing.

In my life, it's the opposite. If a lady is always trying to pay and always trying to do things for me, she see's me as valueable and thru her actions shows that.

Converely, Someone who comes and always has you spending the money has low interest in you, they like the fact that you will pay.

 

[Lookatu]

It can be several things as mentioned above but if it's a first date, I let them pay most of the time as I may not get a 2nd date.
If my spidey sense gives me the feeling that she's interested in seeing me again or I simply don't care because I had a great time, I'll usually pay but say something like you can get the next one and smirk about it.

 

[SW15]

I have footed the full bill for most first dates and early stages in my lifetime.

 

[Lookatu]

I have footed the full bill for most first dates and early stages in my lifetime.

To clarify, I have too but I have changed my stance on paying if they offer on the first date. Where as before, I always felt like I had to regardless if they offered or not.

Generally during the date, we discuss previous dating experiences and I tend to bring up gold diggers at some point. This triggers some of them to not want to be portrayed or fit into that category so some make an effort to either pay for the date or split it.

Face it guys, if you go on a lot of dates/first dates, there's nothing wrong with having a gal in this feminist period where they wanna be equal, pay for dates here and there. It definitely takes off some financial burden.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Never in my life have i met a girl that wants a man to pay, u can thank the strong presence of feminism here in Australia for that.
I've had women offer to pay for everything, it's actually getting more common now.

Paying for a woman is so old fashioned

 

[GaBrotha]

I think that with the #MeToo movement, women's rights and among other feminist movements that have evolved over the past few years could make it potentially worse for us guys when it comes to dealing with women when it comes to dating. If it was bad about ten years ago, imagine what is going to happen now. It's 2020 for crying out loud, women should be able to pay for their own dates especially if it's the first few ones when first meeting her. I mean why does a dude have to pay for a girl he barely knows...

 

[Visionist]

In Italy the man always pays traditionally. It's his role as the dominant sex and provider. A woman wanting to pay for him is seen as an affront to his masculinity. Italy is very traditional. Newlyweds are toasted "auguri e figli maschi" ("congratulations and may your children be male"). Imagine how such a toast would go down in libhole USA states LMAO.

Now I don't go in for any of that provider stuff but I'm very much a believer in the male leader - female follower dynamic. I have been known to buy my friends expensive gifts, but that simply extends the "generous, righteous leader" role I'm assuming by doing so.

That's why I find it hard to accept a girl offering to pay. It's cultural. Even when I know the girl is a dud I don't let her pay. It's only a few euros for coffee or a drink. Watch The Sopranos scene where Tony's daughter's boyfriend Finn offers to pay for a meal they're all having together, and how Tony wants to wrench the kid's head clean off, to get an idea of this rather Italian dynamic.

Pride and ego.

I've promised myself that the next girl who offers to pay I'll just say "I've got the next one" and then if she's a dud I didn't even spend a dime on her ass. #UMadAttentionWhöres?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In Italy the man always pays traditionally. It's his role as the dominant sex and provider. A woman wanting to pay for him is seen as an affront to his masculinity. Italy is very traditional. Newlyweds are toasted "auguri e figli maschi" ("congratulations and may your children be male"). Imagine how such a toast would go down in libhole USA states LMAO.

Italy is Italy. We are in the USA. In many "races" already women on average make more than the average man. They are entitled to the old way of a man is a provider. But they are taught to use providers. They dont' respect them.

Now I don't go in for any of that provider stuff but I'm very much a believer in the male leader - female follower dynamic. I have been known to buy my friends expensive gifts, but that simply extends the "generous, righteous leader" role I'm assuming by doing so.

Women are taught to not let a man lead. They believe that is taking her power. So the movement is a bit different in the USA.

That's why I find it hard to accept a girl offering to pay. It's cultural. Even when I know the girl is a dud I don't let her pay. It's only a few euros for coffee or a drink. Watch The Sopranos scene where Tony's daughter's boyfriend Finn offers to pay for a meal they're all having together, and how Tony wants to wrench the kid's head clean off, to get an idea of this rather Italian dynamic.

We all found it hard to accept. And then time and time and time again when you learn they don't respect the old dynamic at all. If you could hear the conversations behind your back... Did you know that when you are well off and she is not, if you take her on a nice expensive date, she will insult you for trying to "impress" her. She thinks your stupid. "He doesn't even know me, and he's spending all that money on me.". After take her home at midnight with your well cultured, well moneyed and well mannered ass she calls "Chad" or "Tyrone" over, who has no class, doesn't have to have any money to come and pound her azz out.

Pride and ego.

I've promised myself that the next girl who offers to pay I'll just say "I've got the next one" and then if she's a dud I didn't even spend a dime on her ass. #UMadAttentionWhöres?

I like that "I got the next one". So we have to behave in a way that we keep our masculinity strong and intact no matter what the dealing. There is a way to deal with the on average "unappreciative" female.

 

[zekko]

It's always been a sign of zero interest or friend zoning to me. They want to pay to get rid of me and owe me nothing.

Agree that is a thing. The key point is that they don't want to feel obligated to you, that they owe you anything. Some women are just fiercely independent also.

In my life, it's the opposite. If a lady is always trying to pay and always trying to do things for me, she see's me as valueable and thru her actions shows that.

There's a subtle difference between wanting to pay for you, and refusing to ever let you pay for them though.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Agree that is a thing. The key point is that they don't want to feel obligated to you, that they owe you anything. Some women are just fiercely independent also.


There's a subtle difference between wanting to pay for you, and refusing to ever let you pay for them though.

Refusing to let you pay is not good. She position herself as your masculine peer. It's the same as refusing to allow you to open doors or other gentlemanly behaviour.

 

[SW15]

On most of my early stage dates, I'm paying in full. That includes the costs I incur and the costs the woman incurs. There have been times in my life where I footed the bill in situations where the woman made more money than I was making at the time. Total nonsense. Male thirst would contribute to men continuing to foot the bill in most cases. If a man is willing to pay for a date, there are hordes of thirsty guys who will.

 

[BadBoy89]

Italy is Italy. We are in the USA. In many "races" already women on average make more than the average man. They are entitled to the old way of a man is a provider. But they are taught to use providers. They dont' respect them.

Women are taught to not let a man lead. They believe that is taking her power. So the movement is a bit different in the USA.

These are good points.

In North America, any type of action or movement designed to take away a woman’s power is judged harshly and frowned upon. Any man trying to establish a *connection* with a woman, trying to be provider, trying to be potential good boyfriend / husband, is to be used and abused to no end.

Here, it’s the women who decide about the romantic relationship, it’s the women who are taught how to extract resources from the men, it’s the women who decide when and where they are ready to get married or have a family. Now why give women all this power? Because its good for the economy. When men don’t have the *genetics* to compete, they have to compete with their pocket books. Keep spending on women. Keep women happy. Keep the rich people in charge.

Now whether or not a man pays for the first date is irrelevant. As long as he gets what he wants from her is all that matters.

Come on men.