Women confess they instigate arguments!

[Nighthawk]

Whilst trolling chick site handbag.com I found this invaluable thread. Won't come as a surprise to many here, but nice to have the proof in lack and white.

http://forums.handbag.com/showthread.php?t=403465

How do you argue?
What's it like in your house when you have a row?

I tend to be the one that instigates them...well I always am actually, if the boy had his way we'd never argue, he hates it. But I am quite argumentative even though I don't want to be!

So it starts with me getting narky...either he'll be able to pacify me, or I won't let him and then if I'm being an argumentative sod it starts with me going on and on, I shout, go on some more and often walk out for a fag to calm down.

He very rarely shouts or argues back unless I'm being a real **** and then he'll defend himself against my ridiculous attitude and then we're ok. Rows don't last longer than a few minutes and happen very very rarely.

hmm we dont really argue but since becoming pregnant i sometimes feel i am looking for a ruck!!!

oh hates arguing too, normally i do. i am happy with him so why argue? it only ruins what we have..

recently i have been looking for cracks in things he says, things i would normally see rationally but am seeing as a personal slight. i know we are spending his birthday together, he is out on the sat and asked if i wanted to go out with him and his friends... i normally would think 'how cute'!! but in my head i thought 'oh so i am invited with you and your friends, what about them coming with us????' and got annoyed. if he says someone is pretty on tv it is bugging me, although i can say what i like. ridiculous! i know noone is perfect, he nor me.. but i seem to be grabbing at every opportunity. he ignores it but i worry then i ahve upset him. so it goes like this currently..

i am chirpy and happy
he is
he says something normal, i morph this in my mind to be an insult, even his normal teasing i am morphing!
i get quiet and huffy for a reaction

We argue like cat and dog. I'm always starting it, (althiugh he can be quite passive/aggressive) and eventually he snaps! Once we both get going it's drama all the way, flouncing and packing and so on, then there is a bit of silence, then we make up.

It doesn't bother us

I wonder if he would agree.

They're always started by me and always because he's not taking in what I've said or has accused me of nagging

We don't generally. Mr A hates arguments, thinks they are a sign something is seriously wrong even when it's just about the washing up. I don't exactly enjoy arguing, but am more argumentative than Mr A.

Usually starts with him saying or doing something that I take as an insult or genrally a bad thing. Rather than being a mature adult and dealing with it I'll stew on it a while. I'll put it together in my head with other perceived and imagined insults and misdeeds, and get into a bit of a tizzy. Maybe speak to my mum or a friend and get even more het up. Then when next speak to Mr A I'll be distant and cold, forcing him to ask what's wrong, and at first I won't tell him till the situation is REALLY tense and horrible and then i'll blurt it out, then he'll defend himself and then i'll get all emotional and make some outlandish claim like if he can't put the bins out then he musn't enjoy having sex with me anymore or something, then he'll have to refute it and reassure me and i'll cry and he'll say sorry and i'll be all like "well let's just forget it". Then 10 mins later i'll come to my senses and be really sorry and tell him how sorry I am and what a knob I am and he'll laugh and agree and then we'll be friends and aside from a few "are we ok then?" "sure we're ok now?" type things we'll be back to normal.

It's awful I'm a bad girlfriend.

Yes. Yes you are.

i am not the only one.. why do we do it? is it for attention?

i used to love the peace and happiness, now i do similar to you adora and i hate it...

i wouldnt swap oh for the world he is amazing... yet sometimes i think he cant win!!!

i do the cold thing, if he acted like me i would be devastated!!

It is awful. I wish I didn't do it. I think for me, it is an insecurity thing, I do need that reassurance and so I create situations where he's going to have to give it to me. Or I'll be really cold so I can see how worried he is and reassure myself that he does care. It's only little odd moments, I don't carry out my whole life like this, but I am guilty of it sometimes.

I am getting better though, sometimes I can just say "look, i'm feeling like this and I know it's ridiculous but I need you to do this x,y,z to make me feel better and in return i'll do the following ....". Or if he says something like someone on tv is attractive i'll make a joke out of it and say "are you calling me fat?" to make him laugh and then i get over it quicker.

At least you have hormones as an excuse

That is SO true if he was half like me I would be a mess! He deals with me so well it's truly amazing....the patience of a saint!

I think our rows stem from something else bothering me. Say I'm tired or hungry and the house is a mess that will set me off...if I'm worried about money or the move I'll snap at him....as I say though it tends to never lead to a row because he will cuddle me or talk to me or leave me to it, he can read me like a book so knows how to react.

More often then not I bottle things up though which is terrible as I can tell him anything...but it's a learning curve sharing things that bother me as given time, I deal with them myself.

I know I'm a cow when I'm tired though!

Adora, I am just like you, and you BJ, when you wroggle things about it your head to make them worse. The poor boy...somethimes I can bring up something weeks old so he has no idea what the hell I'm on about...then it always escalates into me assuming it must be because I need to lose weight or don't cook something well enough...absolute madness.

Maybe i do this because he IS so calm and kind, maybe I like getting things stirred up otherwise we'd be in bliss all the time and I do love a bit of drama. Bit **** when it's one sided though I have to admit!

There are no posts saying that the man starts the arguments. I wish these AW's poor bfs could see how their beloved girlfriends laugh about how they upset them for kicks behind their backs, with a little fake guilt thrown in for good measure.

 

[insanity]

i've always said women start arguments just for kicks. except most times men don't know how to argue. alot of times when women instigate their little battles, a guy could be in the greatest mood that day and a nagging woman will wipe the smile off his face.

i think women start fights because your either showing to much niceness and acting weak so they want to feel your more agressive side. i have found a way to minimize such actions. you obviously can't knock out a woman even though you may want to because sometimes they just won't shut up. the best defence against a woman is go after her insecurities. if she thinks she has a fat butt that week then somewhere in the arguement throw in fatazz. one of my woman's aunts is in a psych ward so to lay insult to the wound i call her, her aunts name when she acts crazy. i always call her tracy or nutbag. that shuts her up. then i fire up my videogames and let her breathe and finally after a few hours she comes and apologizes. then they ask you again do you think i have a fatazz and i say no but it shut you up pretty quick eh tracy.

i know that may sound harsh but thats been the most effective way i have had dealing with girls over the years. they are obviously insulting the hell out of you when they come and attack you for no reason. heck sometimes if you leave a towel on the floor it starts world war 3. thats what works for me though and it hasn't let me down yet.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Oh my...it is painful listening to a bunch of gf's talk about how they make life miserable for their AFC bf's. I am sure they are all AFC's, or else the women would have a much more humble attitude towards their relationship. They argue for no reason and laugh about it because they know that they can get away with it! That is the fault of the AFC. CLEARLY the men (or in this case, BOYS) in the relationship are not putting their foot down hard enough and calling the girls out on their BS. Some of the morons even married the girls.

To all the newbies/AFC's who whine about not having a gf: Look at these examples of AFC's with gf's and even married AFC's. If you don't have the right DJ attitude going into it, you're bound for a miserable life that a girl not tamed by the DJ's ways would give you. Thank your lucky stars that you're an AFC without a gf and don't whine about it, because you have it good compared to an AFC in a relationship.

Lesson learned: don't go into a relationship with a girl unless you have a DJ attitude. Girls will eat you alive once they find out you're an AFC. When they're done having fun in their younger years with real men, they settle for the AFC becuase like those girls mentioned in the stories, they know they can have their way, b1tch, whine, nag etc till they are 6 fet under.

 

[Nighthawk]

I was 'inspired' by the above linked wimmens site to craft this delicate parody. You can have first look

 

[bigjohnson]

This is why, if I ever get into a LTR it will almost surely be with a non-western woman. Westernized chicks are programmed to think they should be in control when in reality that's not the way humans are normally wired.

This leads to relationship problems and the NEED for guys to play this game. They brought it on themselves.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

This is why, if I ever get into a LTR it will almost surely be with a non-western woman. Westernized chicks are programmed to think they should be in control when in reality that's not the way humans are normally wired.

This leads to relationship problems and the NEED for guys to play this game. They brought it on themselves.

For some reason, the western philosophy has taken a sharp liberal turn regarding gender relations...and not a good one. It is like the west wants men=women in the mathematical sense which is absurd.

I am in an engineering program....and I always hear about these groups specifically going around and promoting my program to girls in high school....to pursuade them to join my program. My question is "WHY?". Because it is dominted by men and men should = women? If they would otherwise not want to take engineering, leave them alone for fuvks sake. Let them make their own UNBIASED decision.

Stop turning our women into men. It makes little sense for a woman to go into a hardcore professional field like engineering. I would get called "sexist" by radical feminists for saying this biological truth...but women get pregnant, not men!! Ok, now that I am a sexist rolleyes I will continue:

Does it make sense for the manager of a big and critical engineering project to be a woman and get pregnant sometime during the project? There will be chaos, or at least disorganization which is bad for the company and consumer in the end. Same holds true especially for any big positions.

But then you ask: "Well you're a sexist, what if the woman does not want children, then what disadvantages does a woman pose that a man doesn't? There is no risk of pregnancy you sexist, what now???"

Here is my answer: Well then, we have a woman, who decides to take a professional position. Fine. She decides to abandon her natural role in nature and chooses not to have children. Fine. So she is a "bread-winner" who is not capable of having children because of her decision. Does this sound familiar???? A bread-winner who can't have children.....hmmm...what term is coming to my mind right now....oh yeah that sounds like a... A MAN.

Do the math and this "philosophy" of the west is accomplishing nothing but to make the MAN'S role in society redundant. That's why I am against it. Not because I hate women or feel I am superior, not because I don't believe in equal rights, but because it makes very little sense to me.

There are women and men. We are given different roles by nature. Our natures are COMPLIMENTARY. Why not work WITH nature instead of fight against it?

 

[bigjohnson]

There are women and men. We are given different roles by nature. Our natures are COMPLIMENTARY. Why not work WITH nature instead of fight against it?

So much content in such a short paragraph. Well done. "Our natures are COMPLIMENTARY" is such an obvious and carefully buried fact.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Most women thrive from the energy that emotions create be it either good or bad. Add to that the reassurance that they get from getting their guy to do something for them. If a guy doesn't engage a woman emotionally, she'll probably do something to cause an emotional reaction. What emotion causes the greatest reaction from men? You guessed it. So that's why many women will push buttons to get a reaction to get their emotional fix. The thing is that women will continue to do it as long as men provide a predictable reaction.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Most women thrive from the energy that emotions create be it either good or bad. Add to that the reassurance that they get from getting their guy to do something for them. If a guy doesn't engage a woman emotionally, she'll probably do something to cause an emotional reaction. What emotion causes the greatest reaction from men? You guessed it. So that's why many women will push buttons to get a reaction to get their emotional fix. The thing is that women will continue to do it as long as men provide a predictable reaction.

I agree, but not quite in the same context. The context you're speaking of to me is more about keeping a girl interested. To keep her interested, the guy has to somehow stir emotions inside of her. And you're right, good or bad, the end result is the same. It stirs up her emotions and helps maintain her interest.

That's why having a girl "mad" at you for something is better than the AFC who always keeps the girl happy. The AFC is not stirring up emotions and not maintaining any of her interest. I can attest to this fact from firsthand experience. Yes, I was an AFC at one point too, I admit it. I made sure the girls in my life were always happy and in the end I was the boring guy they turned a blind eye to while the "as$hole who rattled their cages got more attention.

However, in this case, it seems that the girls and guys are in committed relationships (or married ). In this context, I think the guys are AFC and the woman is subconsciously making attempts to get her AFC boy to act like a man. She is purposely crossing borders and seeing how much she can get away with in the hopes that her little boy finally decides to take a male role in the relationship and put her in her place. They are just begging for it. It has been said before, women in the end want to be controlled (even "feminists") and only try to control as a test to find a real man.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree, but not quite in the same context. The context you're speaking of to me is more about keeping a girl interested. To keep her interested, the guy has to somehow stir emotions inside of her. And you're right, good or bad, the end result is the same. It stirs up her emotions and helps maintain her interest.

That's why having a girl "mad" at you for something is better than the AFC who always keeps the girl happy. The AFC is not stirring up emotions and not maintaining any of her interest. I can attest to this fact from firsthand experience. Yes, I was an AFC at one point too, I admit it. I made sure the girls in my life were always happy and in the end I was the boring guy they turned a blind eye to while the "as$hole who rattled their cages got more attention.

However, in this case, it seems that the girls and guys are in committed relationships (or married ). In this context, I think the guys are AFC and the woman is subconsciously making attempts to get her AFC boy to act like a man. She is purposely crossing borders and seeing how much she can get away with in the hopes that her little boy finally decides to take a male role in the relationship and put her in her place. They are just begging for it. It has been said before, women in the end want to be controlled (even "feminists") and only try to control as a test to find a real man.

Yep, I agree. Nice guys who will do anything to make a woman happy will eventually bore the woman to death. She'll try to push his buttons before finding a bad boy or a DJ.

 

[penkitten]

whoever said we didnt?

 

[sexxyback]

why the hell do they need to pull stupid stunts like that? starting arguments just to get a reaction out of some guy?

 

[penkitten]

why the hell do they need to pull stupid stunts like that? starting arguments just to get a reaction out of some guy?

because we can thats why

 

[sexxyback]

because we can thats why

men can do the same thing if we wanted. we choose not to. why? because we're not selfish and irrational.

 

[Ripper]

because we can thats why

That's a ridiculous answer. Can you imagine if we said that when asked why we stuck our d1ck in the blender?

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

because we can thats why

Because the guy puts up with it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Because the guy puts up with it.

Isn't that what penkitten said?

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

its a shame. they cannot see the beauty in peace and silence.

always gotta stir the freakin pot

 

[Thomas94305]

It's an opportunity to be a man, and lead with some maturity. If a gal is really upset about something, she should talk directly about it.

You can say "when you calm down, we can talk about this". But, to make that work, you need to be serious about it, go out of she keeps at it, etc. In the end, you are really doing something quite romantic. You're saying to her, "I don't want to ruin what we have here. I will address real issues as adults. Talking plainly with me or anyone else can be an anxious thing, but you need to face that."

When I've been in a good relationship, it keeps things going well. She's allowed to get angry, so am I. When I'm in a bad relationship, little works anyhow. In any event, picking a fight is nothing to be respected, especially if she "cares" about me.

I know, I know.. the real world doesn't go like a textbook.. But, I've done the above, and it works wonders when it's pulled off.

 

[Nighthawk]

A couple more interesting threads from handbag. This one is four pages of women all saying they do not find flowers and chocolates 'romantic' but cheesy and complaining of feeling smothered by over-attentive bfs in this regard.

http://forums.handbag.com/showthread.php?t=404481

but better is this, a thread entitled 'What do you think of Nice Guys?'

http://forums.handbag.com/showthread.php?t=401960

There's a big difference between a nice guy and one that's needy, wet, cowardly etc. Mr Purple is definitely a nice guy and that's what attracted me to him (apart from the superficial stuff!). He's honest, kind, loyal, generous but he certainly isn't a pushover.

I've been attracted to bad guys in the past but, looking back, it seems like I've been attracted to nice guys when I'm in a place where I want a real relationship and bad guys when I only want a fling. I didn't realise that at the time though.

is anyone here currently dating a bad guy?
Me maybe
We have been on 3 dates so far and I'm seeing him tomorrow night. I dont *think* he is a bad guy but hes definatly not a goody goody

My OH is the nicest man I have ever met. He treats me like a princess, looks out for me, respects me, cares for me and never lets me down, ever.

He is also filthy as f**k, stands up to me and has a past that makes me feel a little jealous!

My ex fiance from 10 years ago was a nice guy...he still keeps in touch now and again and is still so nice he's just offerred to help me move my stuff out of my current BF's if our "chat" doesn't go well tonight!!

Obviously not the best idea but a really nice gesture anyhoo!!

Haha! What a chump.

Nothing beats a nice guy....only one with their own mind, not one who goes

me:'what do you wanna watch?'

him: 'i dont mind what do you wanna watch'

me: 'i dunno that looks good'

him: 'ok'

me: 'its pretty woman'

him: 'ok'

me: 'do you like pretty woman?'

him: 'do you?'

me: 'yeah'

him:'so do i'



Said guy was soooooo nice,seriously too nice, put me right off as didnt have his own mind and agreed with everything i said, didnt seem to have any opinions..etc..

in all honesty BORING. i don't go for out and out ********, but i like a guy to be a bit cheeky, a bit ****y. confiedence is sexy and nice guys are never that confident are they? they're the 'friend' that will always be available, the plan b for when you're miserable and lonely....or old and desperate ha ha .

I suppose it depends on what is meant as a nice guy. for some reason, some clingy, drippy type springs to mind!

Mr TT is a nice guy in that he's a v caring, considerate and a decent person. He also has a personality, opinions, cheekiness, confidence etc though.

Don't know why I tend to think of someone weak when the term 'nice' is used, but i suppose that 's the sterotype.

I like to strike a balance. You can be a nice person without giving into every demand. I like nice guys with an edge, a bit of a cheeky lad.

I have been out with a guy who really was too nice and it was such a turn off, I feel awful for saying this but its how I felt and I had to end things between us.