women and baggage

[sfeclipse]

man..is there any woman out there without baggage?! i meet this really nice HB8 asian...and she has all this excess baggage..

so we went out on a 2nd date right...we're havin a good time..drinkin some wine..chilling out...did a lil palmistry on her (its all about the kino!)...everythings cool. 70% into the dinner, and she gets this phone call...tells whoever that she'll call back later and shes busy. but i guess they didnt want to let go so she actually left the table for 5 minutes to talk on the phone. and when she came back, she wasn't as chirpy...we were thinkin of hittin the clubs after dinner cos shes an awesome dancer...and now shes all like is it ok if we go home. i knew something went wrong with that phone call but she wouldn't tell me. anyways..after dinner, we're just walking around and i finally get her to open up to me abt what happened. she was seein her ex for 2 yrs or so...long dist relationship. he lives in taiwan...long story short, she broke up with him cos it was getting hard to maintain the relationship and she caught him lying a cpl times...he doesnt want to accept the breakup and keeps calling her all the time and has tried killing himself so shes all stressed out with this dude. and this guy is coming in the middle of my game so i dont really appreciate it. anyways...i lightened up the mood and got her to cheer up..cracked a few jokes...put on some good music in the car...got her all set for dancing again...then she suggests we go back to her place and hang out there..listen to music. i was like..aite..sounds good. shes showing me photo albums and everything...thinking of putting on some movie..guess who ****in calls again. damn man! so she goes in her room to talk to him and then minutes later, she comes out and tells me she doesnt wanna be rude and that this guy is drunk and he cut himself (insane!) and she has to deal with the situation so maybe i should leave...i'm like no worries...hug her and outta there.

shes cute and shes a very sweet person. thats the only reason i'm still contemplating pursuing her but i'm really thinking of next'ing her. she seems to wanna move on but the guy isn't letting her..so maybe i should stick around as a friend cos she seems like a nice person...but of course i'll be pursuing other girls.

opinions?

 

[Life-Trainee]

You could tell her that it looks like she's got her hands full and you two should just be friends.

But don't listen to me i don't know schit.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by sfeclipse
man..is there any woman out there without baggage?! i meet this really nice HB8 asian...and she has all this excess baggage..

No. They don't have baggage only if they're 3 years old.

opinions?

IMO you shouldn't care about the guy. He can cut himself all he wants.

I would try to persuade the girl to forget about him and blow me instead.

 

[sfeclipse]

Cool...I did do something AFCish though last night...when I was leaving, she didn't say anything like I'll call you or anything. it was just a hug and out.

I txt msg'd her later (i dont like txt msging either but everyone in OZ does it )...anyways..i msg'd her later that night hoping that things were under control and she should jus chill and take it easy and to call me if she felt like talkin to someone. she was feelin bad during the date that i wasn't having a good time so i also included a ps. sayin that i had a good time...and left it there.

havent heard back from her...i'll prob ring her thursday or something.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Why in sam-hill does she answer the phone when the dude is a few thousand miles away and he frustrates her and you are with her - huh????

She loves drama, I take it. If you go out together only go if she agrees to leave the phone at home - if not then leave her at home!!! It is a matter of respect!!

 

[sfeclipse]

I did call her on the phone thing.... she was very apologetic and turned her phone off.

 

[WaterTiger]

Why doesn't she just get a new number? The Mr. Slice-and-Dice can't call her anymore!

 

[sfeclipse]

like i said..this girl is really sweet..she prob doesn't want anything to happen to him...cos i mean ****, if i were in her place, and if anything did happen, i would feel hella guilty even tho its not her fault he's a lunatic! and they did go out for 2 yrs so maybe she can't just ignore him so easily (even tho it was long distance for the most part)...

i havent heard back from her since last night...might call her tomorrow though cos she has a job interview....but yea..i think i may stick around as a friend for this one. if anything happens, cool..if not, theres a lotta girls out there...

OR

i could just do a next on her & completely drop out of her life...i mean i have a lot of friends already...

 

[SuperMan_Wuss]

Your not a butler, don't deal with baggage.

 

[Fadero]

She ain't over him, bro. She's still waiting for him for whatever reason if she's still making herself available for his calls. I have dealt with this type of triangle relationship before.

The girl will always have an excuse as to why she is still in touch with the ex. The excuses get creative and its always sympathy related. They will always drop on a dime's notice what they are doing with you whenever the ex calls. I once had a girl's cel phone go off in the middle of sex and she pops off me and answered the phone to explain to her ex why she had not been answering her phone all night. Why should she care what he thinks? What is his current business to why she doesn't answer to anyone, much more him? If they are indeed over, what does it matter? You need to ask yourself those questions. I booted that girl from my room and my life that same evening.

You'll soon find yourself in situations where you are having a nice conversation with her on the phone, then she tells you to hold on really quick, only to come back on the line to say, "Can I call you back?" They'll always halt your conversations to talk to their ex. The ex has more history than you and gets more priority. Then at her convenience, she calls you back and you are now her emotional tampon.

Plus the fact that he lives so far away, they don't need to always be around each other to establish a relationship. They are long-distance, so she will always be used to getting frequent calls to keep communication going. The ex is always gonna call, bro. And if he's suicidal, she's not going to cut him off anytime soon, because she very well cares that he won't hurt himself based on anything she could do to make him do such things.

Why would you want to be in a situation like this? You are her rebound case. If the girl was totally into you, she would not excuse herself into her room to talk privately with the ex. That was outright rude and inconsiderate. Your date with her was time for you guys; not to be interrupted by someone else. Would you let any of your ex-girlfriends get priority in a phone call and put your date on time out if they called? Hell no if you were over them. You would take the mis-call and get on with your date. That was really rude of her to excuse herself in the middle of dinner to answer a call. What a turn off. I would've walked out and left her with the bill.

The premise of pursuing this is that you will only prolong this love triangle. They're always going to talk unless the ex totally cuts her off which is hardly what ever happens. Especially once he learns of your existence of that you are someone new that she is seeing, he will turn up the jealousy juice and do anything to get her back again. Then it's a tug-of-war for this b*tch's attention and approval.

And just think, what if you happen to finally get with her and make her your girlfriend? Answer me this: The moment you have your first serious fight or argument that temporarily distances you both (yes, it is inevitable..even the healthiest relationships have their first major milestone fight), who is the #1 candidate person she will go to, to have a shoulder to cry on?

Yep, him. Cut your losses and cut that tug-of-war rope you will deal with.

 

[sfeclipse]

werd...i can see what you're sayin man.

i think i'm gonna lay low and chill. if she does call anytime to hang out, it'll be as a friend. i have nuff drama in my own life w/o having to add on hers.

funny thing is, if this was like 2 yrs back when i was a real AFC, i imagine i would've sent her flowers or something to wish her luck on her interview and to cheer her up from this whole situation with her psycho ex...haha

NEXT!

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

Don't go overboard with this girl.

Hang out with her and see what happens, but obviously she is either attached to her ex or she feels bad for breaking up with him.

WHo knows and who cares.


as for the comment regarding, "Your not a butler, don't deal with baggage."


Do not let her baggage control your life or possilby your relationship with her, but unless your about 6 years old, every person you meet, male or female will have baggage.

As you get older and live life, it's just the way the world is.

Things happen. You move on and learn to live.

But that baggage is always there.


A 35 year old person with no baggage from life usually means it's a person who's led a very sheltered life, if any life at all.

If you have no baggage by the time your 30, 40 years old, I'd rather not date that person and I wouldn't want to be a friend of theirs.


You learn from your baggage. If you dont', then you'll be stuck at a 15 year old mindset your whole life. And who wants to deal with you?


Yes there are some people who can't deal with baggage and need some serious help.

But to me, I'd rather hang with somebody who has lived life and has the baggage to show for it and learned from it then somebody who never left their parents home and will never know what its like to live, to fail, to learn, to succeed.

 

[playasupreme]

There is a difference between resolved and unresolved baggage. It is not your job to resolve other people's bullsh*t. Tell her to let you know when she's made up her mind and dump her.

 

[sfeclipse]

thanks for the advice fellas...

i'm gonna NEXT her though...cos i was talkin to her yesterday on the phone and she has some serious issues! she's like, this guy loves me so much , he's hurting himself for me..he must really love me so i should go back to him even though i don't love him as much!

all i gotta say is good luck to her...with a psycho bf like hers, she'll pretty much need all the luck in her life! and then she says shes also doin it to save her friends cos apparently he has friends here who check up on her all the time and if they find another guy, they mess him up.

so her plan is to cut off all friends (guys) from her life and sit at home like a hermit and just talk to him and not do anything with her life....wow...talk about a turn off. who wants a girl like that...with no ambitions or a mind of her own...all i can say is either he has her scared out of her wit or she has issues of her own. either way, i'd rather stay out of this whole drama.

i agree that everyone has baggage but like it was mentioned earlier...its all about resolved vs. unresolved baggage.