Women 23-28...how to deal with the anti-slvt instinct?

[squirrels]

One of the things I'm noticing a lot of in dating women my age (I'm almost 27, dating girls 23-28) is that they're all coming off their party-phase and looking...too hard...to settle down. And I think a lot of it's driven by that idea of, "I dont' want to be a slut forever".

I'm usually pretty quick with the sexual stuff. I want to find out early-on if the girl is sexual or has hang-ups/inhibitions, but it seems like as soon as things start turning intimate, the girl immediately wants to lock-on and be exclusive. It's kind of "ASD after the fact". We hook up, and then she thinks, "OMG what did I just do? I don't want to be a slut! We need to BE together!" and she starts pushing really hard for something more permanent/exclusive...or at least acting that way.

Now I could just deceive them and pretend to be into the whole relationship idea, but that brings a whole new set of problems...namely that I can't date other girls because if she thinks she's the only one, no telling WHEN she'll show up and ruin things.

Now here's the funny part...I actually LIKE the idea of having a girlfriend. I'm tired of the endless stream of one-nighters and F-buddies. I'd like to have a woman I can relate to and take places and get close to.

BUT...I have a very zen approach to relationships. I've always gotten myself into trouble when I've rushed into the idea of a relationship, so my idea is to just chill with the girl, go out, have fun, have sex, do all that good stuff, and if a relationship is meant to happen, it'll form on its OWN pace, not mine and not hers.

But that's not good enough for the ladies...they need it RIGHT NOW to alleviate their anti-slut anxiety. So they try to get all close right away and when I tell them to chill out and give it time to develop, they go running back to their ex-boyfriend or some other guy who will jump right into a relationship...or pretend to...just to get that level of commitment.

It's just a shame these women are so insecure, because a lot of them are REALLY good women that I COULD become involved with over time. But I don't like feeling that pressure that if someone better WERE to come along in the early stages of the relationship, that I would just ruin her world.

As such...it always turns out that just when I start becoming INTERESTED in them, they start thinking that they're wasting time with me and leave.

I guess I expect a lot, and some of the things I look for in a woman aren't exactly "fair"...who knows...maybe I'm just not READY for a steady relationship with a woman. But still...it seems like after the first screw, they all immediately want to get me on lockdown. I'm just not comfortable with that.

Any advice?

 

[wayword]

Ya, I've noticed American girls are the biggest sluts in their GGW phase after they've racked up about 10-15 "partners/STDs" (often drunken ONS's) within just a few years up to their early 20s.

And then they "sober" up and become extremely guarded against men.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Between the ages of 18 and 26 a girl is in her party years. 27 to 30 and it's time to cash the chips in before her expiration date is passed. Women instinctively know that as they age, the less sexually marketable they become as they're replaced by the next years models. For the women in the 27-30 bracket, what you're describing here isn't so much ASD (which I think is a sham to be honest) as it is a social contrivance that gives them an excuse to act on what's becoming a more imperative priority for them - finding a long term partner to provide for their security as their sexual marketability wanes. She says "I don't want to be a slvt forever", when in fact she means "I can't be a slvt forever." Mother nature wont allow it. This is the classic 'have her cake and eat it too' scenario; she hits it with the Bad Boys in the foam parties on Spring Break in Cancun for 5 or 6 years and then seeks out the Nice Guys with the steady paychecks who were always into them back in the day when she realizes her looks wont last forever.

You're almost 27, don't even think about monogamy for another 3 years. Men's sexual value increases as they age, with (hopefully) more access to status, provisioning ability, wealth, maturity, better understanding of how the game works, etc.

 

[wayword]

27 to 30 and it's time to cash the chips in before her expiration date is passed. Women instinctively know that as they age, the less sexually marketable they become as they're replaced by the next years models.

in fact she means "I can't be a slvt forever." Mother nature wont allow it.

Yup, as they pass 30, they suffer multiple whammies:

Losing looks
Fertility window closing
Less single eligible men

So, you get these washed-up GGW sluts desperately trying to find Mr. Right and bear kids within just a few years before their fertility window slams shut. Problem is, that's not something you can just pencil in in your dayplanner at the last minute. Cuz, who the hell knows when they will ever meet Mr. Right - much less work out a successful relationship with him? I mean, it would take a BARE MINIMUM of 1 YEAR to even barely get to know a good guy (3 mo) and have a kid (9 mo) - but when you're 34 or 35, you barely even have THAT!

Biologically speaking, women should start looking seriously MUCH sooner, to give themselves far more time and selection.

However, most would rather slut around and piss away their primes.

 

[Hitman10000]

Hmm funny, women 23-28 act like the sluts they were when they were 18-21, the difference is that they're mature, have direction, and are actually much easier to get into their pants *ONLY* if you meet their requirements vs a girl who just got out of high school who doesn't have much of a clue of real life yet.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Quit hits of thoughts and experiences.


*** The girl that wants YOU will go at whatever pace you choose. Some will want to be AROUND you alot, but she won't push to have the constraints and trappings of a relationship as some women will.

*** Girls are always slutty. It's remarkable how many guys settle down at 30 with the girl who was formerly know as a slut, but can't do it anymore, so she finds sucka guy A to accept her, bed her own, and create her dream palace. My gf's cousin is doing this now...I had heard all about her previous parties, the awful guys she dated, how she loved to party, etc, and then she finds guy A, age 33, who's a nice guy, but no type of MAN, nice, but quiet, whom she talks a fair amount of crap, despite wanting his ring, and his kids, and they're set to marry on New Years of all dates. Tell me she isn't scheduling THIS one to have her one last party, to deflect some of the specialness of the moment, and throw the tab on mommy and daddy?

*** As you get older, you can still date the same aged girl. I haven't had a relationship lt with a girl OVER 23. I'm fine with it. Of course, they're not SUPER mature girls, but if they caused too much fuss to date or be with, I'd break up anyways and find the girl who fit me better. But obviously I've found that for now. And time will tell. I'm in line with Rollo's comments on not marrying til much later, and I can't envision that of ANY of my friends or cousins. Many of my guy friends dislike their jobs, even if they make some sort of coin, how can they tie down to a long-term retreat, if they hate what they do daily or aren't sure. Not to mention, thinking "i have to get all this stuff in before I marry" is a poor mentality IMO. Maybe being promiscuous you'd want to slip in a few more excursions, but those urges will likely only come back unless the one dime you settle down with TRUMPS all other women before her. Otherwise, she'll just seem like "one of the bunch," just the one of the bunch you happened to marry or become monogamous with.

*** Women seem to think men don't want to marry. That's not entirely true. But the kind of girls from whom there are to choose are becoming sparse. Most guys would marry the house-wife, porn star, hot-arsed, ready-to-be milf material, who's type of chick, or at least be with her in a steady relationship. It's a not brainer. But instead of women making themselves BETTER, they've made themselves WORSE. Sure they're better in regards of contributing money, and they of course put out more easily, but most guys, IMO, would prefer a virgin who would become a nympho, over the used up easy slvt. Right? Monogamy is only present amongst 3% of animals/mammals, and humans are no different. It's very difficult to coral urges for our entire lives...

*** Women naturally want sex. They have an empty hole, commanding regular fills. It's that easy and crude. What they don't want is to be "the slut." Some guys try to dress it up, and use NLP and other things. For me, being "laid back" as a sort of take it or leave attitude suggests, works better. It's true. Why hassle over pvssy, when there's so much of it? Really, if you wanted, you could call an escort, a hooker, go to a club, call your regular FWB, or get into a relationship, or find a fat chick or any other idea to get laid. But why hassle or stress or push or even have to "set the scene." Most times I had a short-term fling or an ONS, it just happened because it was NATURAL. We'd covered all other bases and having sex was the last one. We had fun, we related to each other, we connected, we were getting hot n heavy, and sometimes booze was introduced to set the mood, sometimes it wasn't necessary. However it was introduced, women want to have sex in the safest way possible (i.e. meaning protection and not being seen, not necessarily prudish), and without much damage to their image. And some girls, just don't care what other people think either.

Girls exist of all kinds. Every person will find what they want.


A-Unit

 

[Hitman10000]

So true. At 40, I have a date tomorrow with a 19 year old. I usd to date 19 year olds exclusively 20 years ago. I have a friend of mine, 43, who dated a 16 year old a few weeks back (he decided to suspend it for the next year as she will be in her senior year of high school - and she is over the age of consent.)

Sure buddy, whatever you say.

 

[bossdog]

good topic. ive been reading up on this type of stuff lately. There is a book called "Why There are no good Men left" you should check out.

Women these days put thier carrer goals ahead of thier marraige goals. they establish thier independence, work through the ranks at jobs, and party hard in thier early to late 20's. Then around 30 and up they begin to look for a husband. and start a family.

Also because of the feminist movement in america. Most women don't want to submit to thier husbands or even fill the role that a woman is supposed to play. The ones who are still cool with submitting and playing thier role GO FAST! they usually marry early cuz they aint slutting around. If you get one of them you better hold on to her cuz thier almost extinct.

 

[wayword]

Also because of the feminist movement in america. Most women don't want to submit to thier husbands or even fill the role that a woman is supposed to play.

Exactly, which is why modern feminist-Americans are absolutely useless and you should never marry one.

Because they don't want to fulfill the caretaker/homemaker Darwinian female role.
But, nor do they want to fulfill the provider/protector Darwinian male role.

In fact, they expect MEN to serve both roles for them now - while they assume all the power but none of the responsibility and sit back and bych about how oppressed they still are... Yup, now the man is expected to pay the bills, fix the car AND cook...while she cheats on you with the local gas pumper! So, why get married to an American diva - it's like adopting an ungrateful child!

 

[squirrels]

Hmm...interesting that the years are kind of "off". In my experience, it's been when they get to about 24 or so they start looking, if not to get married, then to jump into a serious relationship with someone. Probably because it's at that age that friends and people they know start getting married and becoming involved and they feel "left out".

Then if they don't get hitched, by 29 or so, they start realizing how much stress and wreckage they've caused in their lives by FORCING things and become eligible for mating again. And then the whole "biological clock" thing kicks in at like 35.

I'm just starting to feel like "good women" are an empty promise.

 

[baltyre]

This is the same Squirrels who 2 or 3 years ago couldn't get a date and was a virgin. Glad to see the amazing progress he has made, this site can do wonders for some. Now, If I could only follow in the Squirrelman's footsteps.

 

[squirrels]

This is the same Squirrels who 2 or 3 years ago couldn't get a date and was a virgin. Glad to see the amazing progress he has made, this site can do wonders for some. Now, If I could only follow in the Squirrelman's footsteps.

I was thinking about that today. I was lamenting over the fact that my steady F-buddy is probably out with another guy, my current go-to gal is away in Florida, and the new chick I was kissing and cuddling with, the one with the smokin' ass, is busy with personal sh!t and doesn't have time to date right now.

And then I thought...WTF?! Literally three years ago, I was an awkward virgin who shied away from women...back then ANY girl was enough. Today I'm sitting here b!tching about how all the girls I've dated, fooled around with, sexed, or otherwise had "encounters" with don't have all the qualities I'm looking for, or don't stay around long enough to develop them.

And to tell the truth, I RARELY, if EVER, do "cold approaches". I don't talk to girls on the street, I don't talk to them in the gym, basically just bars and MySpace...and even THERE I've found some decent women. Some crazy ones too...but some decent ones.

Seriously, if I could open it up and start actually DRIVING the encounters, God knows what I would uncover. I'm seriously starting to consider just hitting on the hottest girls in the clubs...like 9s or higher only...because when you think about it, they're probably less corrupted just because most guys think they're out of their "league" and don't approach. I bet if you can crack the rough *****-shell there's some decent unspoiled fruit inside.

The me from 3 years ago WISHES he had my problems.

Hopefully I can solidify this new outlook on life and overcome even THAT.