Withholding attention is one of the best ways to control women

[Zimbabwe]

People make the mistake of yelling at a girl but often times this reinforces if she upsets you she gets attention. Not unlike kids who who act out if you get no attention or are attention starved negative attention is better then no attention.

Simply ignore her or respond to things in the most minimal way when she does things against your wishes. And set firm boundaries at any moment be prepared to go cold. Only reward good things with attention (she makes you a meal) attention (she cleans something) attention she doesn't clean something withhold it and act cold. Always give her the impression you are one step away from leaving her.

 

[Barrister]

If you mean once she is invested in some type of relationship with you (plate, STR, LTR, etc.), then yes, this tactic can work very well. However, don't use it if you are in very early stage dating - especially if you haven't banged her yet. She has to care for it to actually work. Otherwise, she will just find another guy.

 

[Barrister]

Ignoring your girlfriend/boyfriend is a good way to destroy the relationship.

It's called "stonewalling" and it may be the worst thing to do and that's just not my opinion. See below article linked.

How is anything going to get resolved if you just ignore her?

Do NOT get angry either. Why is it always such extremes with you guys?

Ignore or get angry? Do you not have the ability to control your emotions and discuss things in a calm but direct and rational manner?

Agree ignoring can be effective, I used to employ that tactic myself with boyfriends who disrespected me or behaved badly until I learned how toxic and soul-destroying it is. Those relationships all ended up breaking down and ending with many unanswered questions because we failed to communicate.

If you seek control, control through your words - directly, assertively and rationally. No need to get angry. That's as weak as ignoring.

That's how you resolve issues and build intimacy and trust.

Assuming THAT is what you want. It may not be, your call on that but whatever it is you have or want to have, ignoring and stonewalling destroys.

Stonewalling: The Silent Relationship Killer | Banner Health

Stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate, and this defense mechanism could be a relationship killer. Read on to learn the signs and what to do.

www.bannerhealth.com

I agree you should never get angry at a woman. And especially not yell. A man should always keep his emotions in check and remain in control.

That is where my agreement with your post stops. Of course no one with a 2 cent brain is going to say that at the first sign of a disagreement with a woman a man should just walk away and refuse to talk to her. That isn't realistic or healthy in any type of relationship (plate, LTR, etc.). However, if you think a man should sit there and continue to talk to her in a meaningless and exhausting back and forth while a woman acts childish and continually tries to get him to admit fault for things that are not his fault, then you aren't thinking about it clearly. If you feed into this, a woman will continue along this line of communication until the man eventually apologizes for something he shouldn't apologize for OR she walks away herself convinced he isn't willing to take ownership.

Withdrawing attention (silence and distance) actually is a very healthy way of handling bad arguments. It isn't "stonewalling" at all. By doing so, you allow both yourself and the woman space. It eliminates pointless, unhealthy arguments that produce no results and kill the relationship while also allowing her to cool down and come back to reason. Eventually, you will resume the discussion, albeit in a much calmer and more focused way without the emotion, and typically you will get a resolution to whatever the issue was (and usually there is no real issue to most arguments - hence why silence and distance is so effective).

Very rarely is there a truly serious issue that needs to be drawn out and discussed at length (in an LTR). If there is, then yes, that is an exception. But 99% of arguments are generally not over what the people think they are arguing over. Usually it is about nothing and more because of emotion. S&D is your number one tool at disposing of those and eliminating pointless, silly arguments with a woman that kill attraction and enjoyment.

 

[manfrombelow]

When a woman disrespects or misbehaves at you, you say something along the line of:

"Honey, until you're calm down and ready to communicate to me like a civil and loving partner, let me know."

And only after having said that, do you deploy the "Silence & Distance" tactic a.k.a get the fucck outta there. That's the "withholding attention" act.

You should not leave while she's acting all crazy without saying anything (unless it's the 10th time she did it).

So it's all about rewarding good behaviors and punishing bad behaviors.

If a woman decides to yell at you, to throw stuff at you, to curse you and you don't leave the scene (after saying the said line of course), you're "rewarding" her bad behavior.

Instead, you "punish" her bad behaviors by leaving the scene, and you "reward" her good behaviors (apologizing whole-heartedly and sincerely, showing she realized what & how she did you wrong) by resuming your attention to her.

To sum it up:

- A man withholding attention from his woman for no valid reason just to "control" her (like the retarded OP said) is equivalent to a woman withholding sex from her man for no valid reason just to control him. Both are stupid and destructive to the relationship itself.

- A man only withholds attention from his woman for VALID reasons (she disrespects/misbehaves...etc)

- A man withholding his attention from his woman is a way to set boundaries and respect himself in that relationship, not to "control" her. Because we can never "control" anyone but ourselves.

Do I get it right both of you @Barrister and @catsmeow ?

 

[Barrister]

When a woman disrespects or misbehaves at you, you say something along the line of:

"Honey, until you're calm down and ready to communicate to me like a civil and loving partner, let me know."

And only after having said that, do you deploy the "Silence & Distance" tactic a.k.a get the fucck outta there. That's the "withholding attention" act.

You should not leave while she's acting all crazy without saying anything (unless it's the 10th time she did it).

So it's all about rewarding good behaviors and punishing bad behaviors.

If a woman decides to yell at you, to throw stuff at you, to curse you and you don't leave the scene (after saying the said line of course), you're "rewarding" her bad behavior.

Instead, you "punish" her bad behaviors by leaving the scene, and you "reward" her good behaviors (apologizing whole-heartedly and sincerely, showing she realized what & how she did you wrong) by resuming your attention to her.

To sum it up:

- A man withholding attention from his woman for no valid reason just to "control" her (like the retarded OP said) is equivalent to a woman withholding sex from her man for no valid reason just to control him. Both are stupid and destructive to the relationship itself.

- A man only withholds attention from his woman for VALID reasons (she disrespects/misbehaves...etc)

- A man withholding his attention from his woman is a way to set boundaries and respect himself in that relationship, not to "control" her. Because we can never "control" anyone but ourselves.

Do I get it right both of you @Barrister and @catsmeow ?

I wouldn't preface the S&D so much as merely stating my position in the argument very clearly for her once. If she continues to fight, I then immediately exit the argument as it currently stands and begin applying S&D. If she pursues the argument when I am trying to exit, I give a stern "I am done with this conversation" and then remove myself from her vicinity altogether if need be.

 

[manfrombelow]

I wouldn't preface the S&D so much as merely stating my position in the argument very clearly for her once. If she continues to fight, I then immediately exit the argument as it currently stands and begin applying S&D. If she pursues the argument when I am trying to exit, I give a stern "I am done with this conversation" and then remove myself from her vicinity altogether if need be.

Yeah man, the principles are one thing, how we deploy it flexibly and adaptively is another.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Withholding attention/ignoring your girlfriend/boyfriend is a good way to ultimately destroy the relationship.

It's called "stonewalling" and it may be the worst thing to do and that's just not my opinion. See below article linked.

How is anything going to get resolved if you just ignore her?

Do NOT get angry either. Why is it always such extremes with you guys?

Ignore or get angry? Do you not have the ability to control your emotions and discuss things in a calm but direct and rational manner?

Agree ignoring can be effective, I used to employ that tactic myself with boyfriends who disrespected me or behaved badly until I learned how toxic and soul-destroying it is. Those relationships all ended up breaking down and ending with many unanswered questions because we failed to communicate.

If you seek control, control through your words - directly, assertively and rationally. No need to get angry. That's as weak as ignoring.

That's how you resolve issues and build intimacy and trust.

Assuming THAT is what you want. It may not be, your call on that but whatever it is you have or want to have, withholding, ignoring and stonewalling destroys.

Stonewalling: The Silent Relationship Killer | Banner Health

Stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate, and this defense mechanism could be a relationship killer. Read on to learn the signs and what to do.

www.bannerhealth.com

Going silent/distant must always be paired with you explaining to her, calmly, what she did. You can go distant either before or after explaining.

Ie, you explain to her what she did, and if she doesn't apologize, then you go distant after (and if she still refuse to apologizes or acknowledges it, walk away completely). Or, you simply start off going distant, until she either apologizes or asks why (and most likely, she knows exactly what she did), at which point you'll explain it.

Stonewalling is a different thing entirely, and not only is it toxic, but it's passive-aggressive, feminine sh!t.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Ignore or get angry? Do you not have the ability to control your emotions and discuss things in a calm but direct and rational manner?

The reason that men lose their temper is very simple: Women do not comprehend calm, rational and direct discussion. They will insist that they do comprehend it, and YOU will certainly insist that you do, but you don’t. And you can’t. Women constantly try to turn things around on men, just as you’re doing here.
Men go through a period of attempting calm, rational discussion and correction with their woman. They swallow their anger and frustration time after time, hoping that this time she will get it.
After a while, he just can’t take it anymore. He can’t take the stonewalling, the attempts to blame anyone and anything in lieu of taking responsibility for her words/actions, and her utter inability to understand or relate to his frustration. At that point, he feels he simply has to ramp up the intensity in order to convey his point.

It’s so easy for women to label men as “angry” and not in control of themselves because it wraps everything up in a nice little box with a bow on top. What’s a lot harder is to RESPECTFULLY listen to a man’s points and then employ introspection in order to understand why he is frustrated. Perhaps to entertain the ghastly thought that he may have a legitimate point and the he may have been trying to express that point subtly for months or even years.

Women will ALWAYS turn an unpleasant discussion or argument away from the actual issue at hand and instead make it all about his “anger” or any other aspect of his delivery that she doesn’t like.

This is why the ONLY tool we men have is the removal of attention or the rewarding of attention in order to influence a woman’s behavior. Verbal persuasion doesn’t work because you are casting seed on cement. It cannot take root.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Women will ALWAYS turn an unpleasant discussion or argument away from the actual issue at hand and instead make it all about his “anger” or any other aspect of his delivery that she doesn’t like.

This is literally lowkey gaslighting, and cannot be tolerated. If they do this, and they continue to put the blame on you, going silent is the only response until they apologize and cut the sh!t. If they don't ever apologize sincerely, walk away and ghost.

 

[Atom Smasher]

This is literally lowkey gaslighting, and cannot be tolerated. If they do this, and they continue to put the blame on you, going silent is the only response until they apologize and cut the sh!t. If they don't ever apologize sincerely, walk away and ghost.

It is indeed gaslighting and it effectively eliminates rational thought and discussion, both in private disputes and in the courtroom.

 

[manfrombelow]

This is literally lowkey gaslighting, and cannot be tolerated. If they do this, and they continue to put the blame on you, going silent is the only response until they apologize and cut the sh!t. If they don't ever apologize sincerely, walk away and ghost.

They've been doing it since the dawn of time.

To me, women are non-discussionlike by default.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

They've been doing it since the dawn of time.

To me, women are non-discussionlike by default.

That's why you nip it in the bud immediately.

If they disrespect you and you feel something in your gut, it's valid. If you "let it slide" or buy into their gaslighting when you question it, they'll just ramp it up - give them an inch and they take a mile.

If they continually do disrespectful things and/or don't apologize, there is zero reason you should continue seeing them. Next.

 

[manfrombelow]

really creepy way to put it in your title there. are you an abuser?

No he's just a retard that ate too much black pills

 

[EyeBRollin]

Withholding attention/ignoring your girlfriend/boyfriend is a good way to ultimately destroy the relationship.

Sorry cat, this is wrong.

Poor behavior must have consequences. I generally agree with not “ignoring.” However, I do put some things on hold each time my woman acts up.

 

[The Duke]

Sorry cat, this is wrong.

Poor behavior must have consequences. I generally agree with not “ignoring.” However, I do put some things on hold each time my woman acts up.

Example #1,069 for why MeowCat should be banned. Her advice is more often wrong than it is right.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Example #1,069 for why MeowCat should be banned. Her advice is more often wrong than it is right.

But that's just all women.

At least she changes her mind after further discussion.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have no interest in controlling women and neither should you.

Controlling women is what guys who don't hold enough value for the women to control herself do.

 

[Scars]

I mentioned this in another thread recently, but here is one I used recently that you guys can also use:

She was having a temper tantrum over nothing so I told her "It seems like now is not a good time for you. We can talk later." It was direct and straight to the point, without being too much of a d!ck. I made it known that I wasn't gonna continue entertaining the conversation if she was going to continue having a hissy fit and being disrespectful. After that I ignored her. 20 minutes later she apologized for her actions.

Another good point made in this thread is that this only works that you've already slept with and have high interest in you. Do it any sooner and you're surely just gonna get replaced.

 

[Scars]

Sorry cat, this is wrong.

Poor behavior must have consequences. I generally agree with not “ignoring.” However, I do put some things on hold each time my woman acts up.

This is scarcity mindset. Guys with options don't worry about this stuff. Even if you don't have options, you need to make it appear like you do, and one of the easiest ways to convey that is to withhold attention when she is acting up and the willingness to "walk away".

 

[EyeBRollin]

This is scarcity mindset. Guys with options don't worry about this stuff. Even if you don't have options, you need to make it appear like you do, and one of the easiest ways to convey that is to withhold attention when she is acting up and the willingness to "walk away".

No. You don’t break up with your LTR every time she does something wrong.