Wife used the mid-life crisis line on me last night

[BetterCallSaul]

Some of you may recall some things I've posted before about setting goals for myself and one of those was to get back into riding motorcycles since I haven't done it in such a long time. Anyway slowly my gear is arriving and I'm taking a class to get my license changed then I can buy the bike. As each new piece of gear arrives my wife comments on it and most recently my leather jacket (which I think looks damn sexy) came in and she looked it over then commented about how she still doesn't like the idea and thinks this whole thing about me getting back into riding is my mid-life crisis.

I replied with something like "Why is it that anything a man my age is interested in or is trying to get better at is considered a mid-life crisis?"

Her: It just is and that's what you're going through.

Me: There's no such thing. Society has come up this phrase in order to try and shame men for wanting to do something more with themselves in order to repress them and keep confined into a certain role. (like just punching the clock at the office every day)

Her: It's a psychological term and it's been proven before.

Me: Then I'm sure you can provide appropriate references of these studies in independent journals for me to review, right?


Anyway, I finished up telling her I'm still going through with this. I don't believe in any sort of mid-life crisis BS because a lot of men my age are reaching a point in their life where their age is still good to go in being able to still attract younger women, and they're usually knocking down a lot in earnings to be able to have some serious discretionary income. I think this term is invented to shame men so that they don't risk 'rocking the boat' so to speak of the reliable beta male who punches the clock at the office to bring in a paycheck and sit at home.

I've been punching a clock in my career for almost 20 years now and I can tell you firsthand that there are plenty of days where it gets pretty damn boring and you do want to get out and do different things in your spare time. SS has already confirmed for me that other guys feel the same way and my thinking is on the right track: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=177829

Next time she brings this up and I know she will, I'll just turn it around on her and whatever new thing she's doing I'll just chalk it up to pre-menopause, being on her period, ovulating or whatever.

ETA: After we had this discussion I went and banged her. She said she wasn't feeling too well but I got what I wanted anyway.

 

[dasein]

When next "mid life crisis" comes up, and you can bring it up yourself. "I'ven been thinking about midlife crisis, honey," walk up, grab her ass, kiss her, and then say, "did you know that the chinese meaning of 'crisis' is half danger and half opportunity? let's make some opportunities together while we can."

In other words, buy her into your supposed crisis too. She could be balking because she may feel a little left behind, or that your goals don't involve her enough. Get her involved. Good luck.

 

[Alvafe]

next time just agree and say yeah i'm also thinking on quitting my job and go live in the mountains meditate about the world afairs.

 

[Colossus]

Next time she brings this up and I know she will, I'll just turn it around on her and whatever new thing she's doing I'll just chalk it up to pre-menopause, being on her period, ovulating or whatever.

^My thoughts exactly.

BTW what's up with your wife always breaking your balls? First it was the t!ts on tv, now this...

Dasein had a good point that you can try to bring her in on your adventures. Take on some motorcycling trips. Otherwise she'll just see it as you trying to act like a teenager (aka having fun) while she sits at home because she isn't bold or clever enough to think of something cool to do.

 

[Fireballs]

Agree and Amplify.

''I know. Wait till you see the Ferrari I just ordered .''

 

[Epimanes]

@fireballs.... Exactly. And do it with a sly grin on your face.

Don't feed her hamster.... It will spin like crazy.

Btw midlife crisis.. Its just an excuse to justify something that you shouldn't have done or whatever. That line is also the excuse line for cheaters too.. "I am going through a midlife crisis, so I couldn't help myself". It is no proven fact or scienctific statement.. And if someone is in the habit of using that excuse they need to seriously get some pshycological counselling.

Epi

 

[BetterCallSaul]

BTW what's up with your wife always breaking your balls? First it was the t!ts on tv, now this...

Dasein had a good point that you can try to bring her in on your adventures. Take on some motorcycling trips. Otherwise she'll just see it as you trying to act like a teenager (aka having fun) while she sits at home because she isn't bold or clever enough to think of something cool to do.

My whole point in joining this forum was to demonstrate to younger guys that even us older guys who are in LTRs and married still have to deal with little sh!t tests women do because, well, they're women. It's what they do.

I have actually mentioned to her a couple times before that I want her to ride with me because I've begun noticing in our marriage that we don't have a lot of things we do together as a couple. I'm trying to find something that just the 2 of us like doing. She is still against the idea of me buying a bike and balks at the notion of her riding with me on one.

However, I remind everyone on SS that I have discovered a couple of universal truths in my life thus far. Womens pvssy gets wet when they shoot guns and ride motorcycles. I'll be 2 for 2 when I buy my bike and I will eventually get the wife on it.

My wife is actually a pretty decent woman; you're only hearing about the sh!t tests and such that I post here on SS because I want other guys in LTRs and such to see how to deal with it.

 

[stephenbaldwin]

My whole point in joining this forum was to demonstrate to younger guys that even us older guys who are in LTRs and married still have to deal with little sh!t tests women do because, well, they're women. It's what they do.

I have actually mentioned to her a couple times before that I want her to ride with me because I've begun noticing in our marriage that we don't have a lot of things we do together as a couple. I'm trying to find something that just the 2 of us like doing. She is still against the idea of me buying a bike and balks at the notion of her riding with me on one.

However, I remind everyone on SS that I have discovered a couple of universal truths in my life thus far. Womens pvssy gets wet when they shoot guns and ride motorcycles. I'll be 2 for 2 when I buy my bike and I will eventually get the wife on it.

My wife is actually a pretty decent woman; you're only hearing about the sh!t tests and such that I post here on SS because I want other guys in LTRs and such to see how to deal with it.

You are a gentleman and a scholar. Thank you for your posts and advice

 

[sodbuster]

What SOCIETY calls a midlife crisis is just a man doing the things for HIMSELF that he put off doing earlier because of lack of money. I've never had a sports car. The Dental office took all my money at first, getting it started. THEN it was the wife and kids expense. Wife divorced me 7 years ago, kids are in college..... BUT in 3 years when I buy it.... I suppose I'll hear that sh!t....

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

By alluding to your "mid-life crisis" she was attempting to diminish the reasons for doing what you wanted to do, which is often times easier than giving you an honest reason why she doesn't want you to do it.

A good response (in addition to the ones already given) is to just say, 'Hmm. Maybe you're right, I never thought of it that way before." and then continue talking about getting your bike.

This is an old technique (called "fogging" if memory serves) that comes from When I Say No I Feel Guilty, which is very valuable resource on assertive communication.

You: I want to get the new Moto Guzzi 1400, what do you think?
Her: That's just your midlife crisis talking!
You: Hmm. Maybe you're right. Do you think I should get a blue one or a red one?


You: I want to take you on a ride.
Her: I'm never getting on that bike. They are too (X).
You: Hmm, maybe your right. I heard that girls sometimes orgasm while riding on the back In fact, a lot of my biking buddies tell me their wives experience hour long orgasms while going on rides. How's this weekend sound?

 

[VladPatton]

Fück what everyone labels your decisions as, fück that midlife crisis illusion, and fück what you're supposed to do to be a good lil beta provider. Dudes need to see American Beauty on a loop. You go get certified in riding, rocket building, or whatever the fück you wanna do with YOUR hard earned money.

Next time your wife brings up that midlife crisis bullshıt, just laugh and love the room. Seriously, just simply do not entertain her verbal diarrhea that she picked up on The View. Just leave the room, and think about your new bike.

 

[Epimanes]

Fück what everyone labels your decisions as, fück that midlife crisis illusion, and fück what you're supposed to do to be a good lil beta provider. Dudes need to see American Beauty on a loop. You go get certified in riding, rocket building, or whatever the fück you wanna do with YOUR hard earned money.

Next time your wife brings up that midlife crisis bullshıt, just laugh and love the room. Seriously, just simply do not entertain her verbal diarrhea that she picked up on The View. Just leave the room, and think about your new bike.

Yup.. Exactly. Do your best and fvck the rest

 

[TornadoWatch]

A girl I met recently and I were talking about some psycho/neurological stuff she read up in an article, it was related to an age of a person, so at some point it went like
Me: how old do you think I am?
Her (she's 23): I don't know, 25 perhaps?
Me: everybody says that. i'm 32.
Her: hmm... Well, you're going to have a mid-life crisis pretty soon!
Me (a bit condescending): oh. And what should I expect?
Her: some very nasty stuff.
Me: ha, thanks for the moral support.
Her: well... I'm going to give a birth someday, that's very stressful too!

I guess if you kind of pretend (even if it would be obviously playful) that you do take this crisis thing seriously and that compassion would be appreciated she might as well be willing to show it. Who knows, maybe she already means it in that sense when she brings it up, and not as a way to restrict you.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Next time she starts blabbering about something stupid or annoying, tell her that her menopause must have started early. She will get the hint.

 

[speed dawg]

Man I wanted to reply but sodbuster and taiyuu beat me to it.

What SOCIETY calls a midlife crisis is just a man doing the things for HIMSELF that he put off doing earlier because of lack of money.

By alluding to your "mid-life crisis" she was attempting to diminish the reasons for doing what you wanted to do, which is often times easier than giving you an honest reason why she doesn't want you to do it.

Yeah, who cares what you call it. Mid-life crisis, need for speed, or just a life jolt, that's not the big deal. It's the INTENT behind the shaming that is the problem. Shaming always comes from a place of jealousy, when someone feels they are about to lose something or give up control. I suspect your wife can sense that you are moving back into a more dominant position, and she's a little freaked out by it, probably because she realizes she'll have to work a little harder to 'keep' you.

This is sort of where the shaming and sh*t test lines start to cross/merge. Knock that crap out of the park.

 

[The_411]

Pure shaming tactic is what is going on here. That's implication of the phrase to suggest a man is acting like a petulant selfish child and therefore he must be neglecting his family.

 

[Zunder]

Tell her Heisenberg made you do it.

 

[Cejay]

Just adding my support.

Fvck her. Get your bike. I have 2 (soon to be 3).

There's no better feeling that roaring away from town with your buddies in tow or flying across the desert. Its not mid life crisis, its experiencing freedom, enjoying nature and life.

CJ.

 

[MOTU]

Saul, what kind of bike are you gonna get and what part of TX do you live in?
I have a Road King, a raked and chopped Intruder 1400 and an Intruder 800. I have ridden all over the state and can tell you where all the good rides are.

 

[logicallefty]

Next time she starts blabbering about something stupid or annoying, tell her that her menopause must have started early. She will get the hint.

^^This^^


Also, throw a little bit of "woman logic" at her:

"I did this for you. From the way you have been acting towards me lately I thought you were getting sick of me being around the house so much so this will get me out and out of your hair more often. I was thinking of you, not me."