Why self-help books and sosuave CAN'T inspire

[thefonz]

Just came across this article and this therapist that makes perfect sense to me about why inspiration from Tony Robbins, Stephen Convey, and Pook etc. never really seem to last

http://theemergencesite.com/Tech/Inspiration-Covey-8th-Habit.htm

It's a long but the guy makes a great arguement......Every self-help book I've ever read has a tiny section dedicated to when the author experiences a state of emergence that changes his life FOREVER but they hardly ever say anything of that moment except that it happened. This article is basically more insentive for me to get out there and live my life. To get off this ****ing **** box and stop trying to be perfect. I'm so lost right in life right now and this helped give me a little more direction.

Do you think he's making a good point? Any experienced DJ's felt this aswell?

 

[chickenlegs03]

Awesome article.

I read up to "Two Qualities of Genuine Choice" ...didn't have much time the read the rest, but thanks for posting this, as I generally grasped the gist of it. (but bookmarked so I'll probably read more later).

Definitely not an "experienced DJ" by any means...and what a relevant comment that is.

The whole "DJ" thing was forced. All the inspiration I ever got from this board was forced...and to some degree, like this guy writes, will power can be good. For me, it got me through quite a few cold approaches...but then again, like this guy said, it wasn't permanently-inpsiring. Hence, it faded...so true, and I've had a 4-month drought.

Now, again, back on the board, I'm at it again. It's willpower, not permanent inspiration. Because...unfortunately, I haven't had that permanent-inspiring moment yet, or I don't think I have. Like you know, I'm the kid who once had - and probably if I stay out of practice could go back to having - social anxiety problems. So, our struggles with these problems definitely will keep going until we're permanently enlightened. Very true.

In a sense, what I'm saying is, when we experience an inspiring moment which is visually permanent, afterwards, we make better choices by nature, not by will. More over, we can make these choices permanently. Why? Because the inspiration which fuels these changes lasts for the rest of our lives.

So true.

And that's how I stopped drinking. It's just not me any more. It's not a matter of will...it's just NOT ME. It was more a sequence of permanently inspiring events that changed that for me.

Or...the fact that I am so well with controlling my anger. Because I have seen from life-changing, inspiring experiences, how anger can ruin lives and relationships.

And the fact that I want and am constantly trying to start my own business. School feels sooo forced. Yet, no one has to inspire me to pick up Donald Trump's book and read it in half an hour. I am even studying business now, in school, yet the classes don't excite me the same way that 'business-oriented' books at Barnes&Noble excite me. I would go and spend hours and days at a time at B&N and teach myself everything there is to know and probably learn much better than I do at school. Sometimes I gain some willpower and decide to get 'A's in classes...but what's really the point...I've never been truly inspired by anything in school, ever.

I could write pages upon pages about my other experiences. But the point I wanted to add is, that unless you allow it to change you, it won't change you. You have to be completely open to change and allow things to take a toll on you.

I remember when I was always 'waiting for the perfect life-changing moment.' It was almost like I wanted something really bad to happen to turn my life around. Even after my lungs collapsed twice, and I nearly died and spent weeks in the hospital, I still didn't change my extremely unhealthy habits. But months later, when I was recovering, and becoming hooked on sleeping pills...one night I couldn't sleep, and my uncle wouldn't take me to the store to buy more of them. That night was pure hell, and so were the following nights of no sleep. Especially when you're that weak and you haven't slept a few hours in a week, a slight breeze can land you back in the hospital. But that experience, and him talking to me...it really changed me. It changed me so much that I even despise taking cold medicine when I have a cold nowadays. Because all it does is get rid of the 'symptoms.' Why put chemicals in your body to just get rid of pain? Deal with pain, it only makes you stronger...and he told me about some stuff he'd been through before which made me feel better about my situation, which comparatively was a cakewalk.

Ever since then, I have only become healthier. And sure, you can hear the words, "whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger," and it could give you some temporary boost. But I get a really rush when I hear that become it really means something to me, and it's a part of me.

Again, thanks, great article, I'm going to be sharing it with quite a few people.

 

[I love Hyori Lee]

I think there is a flaw in the writer's opinions.

Basically, I could have told the writer four sentences to answer his question.

Practice what you read.
Practice what you preach.
Practice it daily.
Practice it always.

If you constantly practice and do the things that you learn, you will not falter. I study quite frequently in school. I get good grades, but a lot of the knowledge that I learn from school, I forget. The ones that I do not forget are the ones that I constantly practice. It is through practice and action, that the best advice can be enacted. When there is something that you constantly study and practice, you will not falter in that skill. There is a difference between a person who just reads a book, and the person who puts the words into action. The key is constant practice and making the words a part of your life. Someone can read Pook's advice and get a good rush. And then there's that other person who reads the advice and practices the advice. It's about application. I can promise you that the writer of that article did not apply himself. He did not enact action upon the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People into a daily process. The more you do something, the better you get at it. You must constantly practice the words, and you constantly use action upon that which you have been taught.

For example, if somebody taught you how to snowboard, you would have a new skill. However, all snowboarders know that after some time of not snowboarding, you get rusty. It doesn't just happen with snowboarding, it happens with all facets of life. Observe professional athletes. When they are inactive for about four weeks, they are not as effective as they were before. In fact, players who have taken off years off thier playing, due to injuries, are much slower, rustier, and ineffective. It is only through constant practice that your skills become honed. Practice makes perfect.

The writer of the article is correct and incorrect. He is correct, in that it takes more than words to inspire a person and to reach perfection. But he is incorrect, in that he uses a whole series of useless hypotheses. He has neglected the most fundamental reason why he has failed in his endeavors. Practice. Action. And constant practice.

 

[chickenlegs03]

I think there is a flaw in the writer's opinions.

Basically, I could have told the writer four sentences to answer his question.

Practice what you read.
Practice what you preach.
Practice it daily.
Practice it always.

If you constantly practice and do the things that you learn, you will not falter. I study quite frequently in school. I get good grades, but a lot of the knowledge that I learn from school, I forget. The ones that I do not forget are the ones that I constantly practice. It is through practice and action, that the best advice can be enacted. When there is something that you constantly study and practice, you will not falter in that skill. There is a difference between a person who just reads a book, and the person who puts the words into action. The key is constant practice and making the words a part of your life. Someone can read Pook's advice and get a good rush. And then there's that other person who reads the advice and practices the advice. It's about application. I can promise you that the writer of that article did not apply himself. He did not enact action upon the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People into a daily process. The more you do something, the better you get at it. You must constantly practice the words, and you constantly use action upon that which you have been taught.

For example, if somebody taught you how to snowboard, you would have a new skill. However, all snowboarders know that after some time of not snowboarding, you get rusty. It doesn't just happen with snowboarding, it happens with all facets of life. Observe professional athletes. When they are inactive for about four weeks, they are not as effective as they were before. In fact, players who have taken off years off thier playing, due to injuries, are much slower, rustier, and ineffective. It is only through constant practice that your skills become honed. Practice makes perfect.

The writer of the article is correct and incorrect. He is correct, in that it takes more than words to inspire a person and to reach perfection. But he is incorrect, in that he uses a whole series of useless hypotheses. He has neglected the most fundamental reason why he has failed in his endeavors. Practice. Action. And constant practice.

Unfortunately, I think you missed the author's whole point.

Sure, you can practice...but you need motivation to keep practicing unless you were inspired permanently. It requires constant energy to keep yourself motivated. If something is already part of you, however, there is no need to motivate yourself. There is no 'choice' or 'decision-making' in your head, you only see it one way and do that.

For example, I used to drink every weekend and go clubbing. It was my primary venue for getting girls. An experience or two permanantly inspired me to change. I don't go clubbing any more or drink. When people offer me drinks or to go to clubs or parties...it's not even me any more. It's not like I want to go deep inside and resist the temptation. There is no temptation.

What the author is saying...true inspiration leads to permanent change inside of you that you don't even think about it...your nature changes.

When you say "practice what you read, practice what you preach, practice it daily, practice it always..." what will make you do that? Thousands of people every day give up on their goals. Because it takes energy and willpower to follow through. And the author is not saying that's bad...it's just that it's not permanent. The people who actually practice what they preach...and trust me, I have met very few so far in my life...those people don't read much self-help books, actually none at all. It's in them. It's part of them. And that's what happened to these people who wrote the self-help books...they changed inside out, so it's no longer a matter of practicing...they have become it.

 

[Permission]

^^ Chickenlegs, good post.

TheFonz, that's true, I've found that any real change has to happen from within.

 

[thefonz]

Sure, you can practice...but you need motivation to keep practicing unless you were inspired permanently. It requires constant energy to keep yourself motivated. If something is already part of you, however, there is no need to motivate yourself. There is no 'choice' or 'decision-making' in your head, you only see it one way and do that.

Abso****inglutly, I'm glad you saw that the way I did,

Right now I'd give my left arm to feel that inspriation he's talking about. Some days I just pray for some sort of near-death experience or sudden enlightenment that will change me permenantly and make me less.......I dunno, afraid of the unknown. I think the last time I was really inspired was when I read Senor Fingers' post on Weapons of Mass Seduction.....I remember trying to contain my excitement as I jumped up and down over how he convinced me I was destined for greatness because I was reading this.....but even that faded and I think ever since then 2 years ago I've been trying to cling onto that feeling. I believe that self-help books have their place. But they all stress the same thing.....finding permenant goals to live for.

Hylori.....You don't think that EVERYONE knows that. People most people outside of sosuave are aware that practice makes perfect, we all know what we need to do to improve our lives. But what is it that is going to KEEP you practicing, to not loose sight of your goal with all the distractions of life. Life is very very distracting. I'm starting to think there's more to becoming successful than mimicing successful peoples' behaviors.....how do you mimic their drive? That's what the most important thing after all. Where do they get that from?

 

[backbreaker]

speaking from personal experience, all the self helf books, and I have alot, didn't do anywhere near as much as when I just got fed up and refused to accecpt my life for what it was at the time

 

[thefonz]

speaking from personal experience, all the self helf books, and I have alot, didn't do anywhere near as much as when I just got fed up and refused to accecpt my life for what it was at the time

Can you go into more detail about the experience?

 

[Visceral]

Inspiration doesn't last because it's based on a website, a self-help book, or something you saw on TV - an impulse based on an external stimulus instead of a deep, ego-congruent desire. It's an act rather than an true expression of the self.

You see something you like, and are inspired to do it, but you don't really care about it, so when it gets hard or you get bored with it, you quit. I know this phenomenon all too well, because every one of my attempts at change fell apart because of it. Deep down, I was secretly fine with the status quo, or would rather avoid the required suffering than live a better life.

True, willpower can keep you going when the initial inspiration fades, but since you don't actually care - you don't actually value what you're pursuing - you won't derive any self-satisfaction from your efforts and the material rewards will mean nothing to you, so your "psychic energy" or whatever you want to call it will eventually be exhausted.

speaking from personal experience, all the self helf books, and I have alot, didn't do anywhere near as much as when I just got fed up and refused to accecpt my life for what it was at the time

This is a good example right here. Backbreaker failed when he was just imitating something in a book but succeeded when it was a genuine desire. Inspiration that will last can only come from within, a paradigm shift away from the status quo and towards something completely different.

 

[backbreaker]

read my past posts, it's well documented. With that said, you just have to want it. All the self help books do is tell you stuff you know already deep down inside. It's pretty simple. Disipline + Orginzation= Success. In business, in life, in general.

 

[NHY]

I read the whole article ( and bookmarked the site for later reading ) and I have to agree with it. The guy knows what he is on about. All of the stuff here can inspire me but it hardly ever makes a diiference, I know I CAN do it but there is always something missing to that prevents from doing it, like my failed attempt at the boot camp, the motivation just wasn't there for me, I was forcing it and it didn't agree with me.

After reading it, one of my ideas I got from it is that there are always people out there who want to ' help ' you but you won't accept thier advice as you know if you followed it, it would be like cutting off an important part fo yourself. What is natural to you might be UNNATURAL in the eyes of others and try to ' help ' you by insisting that you do / behave in a way that you know, in your heart, is UNNATURAL to you. In a sense, they are trying to make you into thier idea of ' perfect ' , which might not be your ideal at all.

For instance, I have a fetish for computers and video games, now my well - meaning but mis - guided family are ALWAYS telling me that ' I'm too old ' to be doing certain things ( Theres an older topic by me that goes into further depth, although its really badly written in essense of the message I was trying to get across at the time ) , simply, its UNNATURAL to them and so they tell that what is NATURAL to me is in fact, UNNATURAL, which in my heart and mind, isn't unnatural to me at all. Hmmm, prehaps thats the main reason I am so private, angry and untrusting of my fmaily with thier alcoholism only serving to add fuel to the fire!

Nevertheless, I know what its like to have an ' emergence ' , as the author called it, I'd had a few myself. Its really up to you how you intercept the message of the article but right now, i'm one of the curious.