Why men and women have nothing in common (except sex)

[A-Unit]

[Q]Why men and women have nothing in common (except sex)
By NIRPAL DHALIWAL - More by this author »

Last updated at 08:54am on 18th April 2007
Having an afternoon drink with a friend last Sunday, we found ourselves sitting beside a trendy twentysomething couple whose conversation we could overhear all too clearly. Actually, it was just a monologue by the young woman, who spelled out each of the banal uninteresting problems and worries that plagued her life.


All of her mind-numbing anxieties - about work, her friends, what to buy someone for their birthday - were articulated in excruciating detail over the next two hours in a grating, whining voice.

Men just want to be happy right now while women constantly worry about the future


Her companion gazed empathetically into her face from across the table, listening intently as he stroked her hand to comfort her. He was paying her the sort of devoted, patient attention that only a man in desperate want of sex can manage.


Any other guy would surely have found her blathering unbearable. From the tension in his jaw and the way his eyes narrowed as his hand slid ever upwards along her bare arm, it was obvious there was only one thing on his mind.

And he was prepared to listen to two hours of her garbage in the hope that he would get it.

In their idiotic way the couple exemplified a fundamental truth about men and women.

We exist in two different time zones. Men want to be happy right now, today, preferably in the company of a beautiful woman. Tomorrow can wait.


Women, on the other hand, are constantly concerned with the future, and with their prospects financially, emotionally and sexually.

While this girl prattled on about her vague hopes and worries for the future, her boyfriend was anchored by his carnal desires into the immediate here and now.


They exemplified what I've come to realise over the years: that men and women have almost nothing in common, other than the desire for sex and, if they have any children, a shared concern for their wellbeing. Besides that, we have very little interest in each other.


The reason, I believe, is that we are fundamentally selfish beings, only really interested in ourselves.


Some people claim to be lovingly entwined with their partners. They're deluded or lying. I'm in my mid-30s and have met no such couple.


I've known couples of all races and ages, some of them in arranged marriages - all of them simmering with tension and dissonance.


I've never met a couple I've envied. I don't feel sad admitting this. I feel liberated. I no longer cling to the myth that relationships create happiness, and I don't feel guilty or alone when feeling dissatisfied in my marriage. [/Q]


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Discuss.

 

[DJDamage]

They exemplified what I've come to realise over the years: that men and women have almost nothing in common, other than the desire for sex and, if they have any children, a shared concern for their wellbeing. Besides that, we have very little interest in each other.

That's what I am talking about!

Men and women do not have much in common because they want to do different things and they sacrifice things for the primal feelings of sex/relationship. Picture this scene of the one lone dude surronded by a group of girls, blabbing with each other and sitting in the same spot for hours. We all seen it before and we know that this guy is there for the sole reason to get ass. If it was up to him he would rather be jerking off and going to sleep because that is pretty much the exact thing he is going to achieve sitting there and waiting for the oppertuinty to get ass (which is nothing.) What he really would like to do is play sports and move around and not sit there and wait until his ass gets numb and listen to some banter about how guys suck.

We scarifice something to get something for ourselves. At work for example organisations always stress that we should all be in doing team work because working together to achieve a common goal and not be selfish. In actuality cooperation is a cover up for self-interest. Cooperation is a fail safe technique, that enables the ambitious to take credit if things work out well and cast blame if they don't.

 

[Jariel]

I think it's full of unproven generalisations. Example:

We exist in two different time zones. Men want to be happy right now, today, preferably in the company of a beautiful woman. Tomorrow can wait.

Women, on the other hand, are constantly concerned with the future, and with their prospects financially, emotionally and sexually.

What about all the men who are in further education, working in careers, trying to set up homes and generally planning and working for the future? What about men who don't even believe in sex before marriage or sex outside of relationships?

What about women who are wreckless, drink heavily, do drugs, have one night stands, go on shopping sprees and basically live for the moment?

Do these people not exist? I think the original author needs a bit more life experience before he tries to write another article. Of course, some of what he's saying is valid for some people, but you can't make sweeping generalisations like this because not all women are the same and not all men are the same.

On a side note, I've got a suspicion the author is a single man who doesn't have much luck with women and this is his attempt to justify himself.

 

[wayword]

DJ Alpha Male PERSONIFIED!

I recently had a frank chat with a female friend, and she admitted that women address a man's qualities as though they are scanning his CV with a view to employing him.

Above all, they want a man who turns them on.

Failing that they settle (in descending order) for a man's money, his ability to entertain them, and his willingness to do the dishes.

Her words confirmed my belief that men and women are incapable of a genuine spiritual union.

We're too dissimilar even to understand each other, let alone combine in harmony, so we just grasp what we can from our relationships.

Awesome! This is the same guy I had written a post about earlier!

 

[Holland]

Women and men both want to enjoy, they both need food, they both want fullfilling lives.
Not all women worry about the future.
Not all men live in the present.

The only thing that little scenario describes is an AFC hoping for some *****, which he will not get.
Men and women have a lot of differences but also a lot of things in common.

 

[Drum&Bass]

I'm an illustrator and I enjoy working out. What happens when I meet a woman who is also an illustrator..or a woman who is a fitness trainer.. Is Nipple lol, i mean Nirpal saying i won't have VERY SIGNIFICANT things in common with these women ?

this article is drivel get yourself some hobbies and interests and find a woman who shares those same hobbies and interests..

Women, on the other hand, are constantly concerned with the future, and with their prospects financially, emotionally and sexually.

well...what do you expect ??? as a man you get better with age..things work in reverse for women..If you knew your "stock" went down hill with age you'd feel the same way as these women. you may have more class the way you deal with it..but its depressing..hence why there is a stigma for single women over 30.

 

[Rata Blanca]

"By the age of twelve, at the latest, most women have decided to become prostitutes. Or, to put it another way, they have planned for a future for themselves which consists of choosing a man and letting him do all the work. In return for his support, they are prepared to let him make use of their vagina at certain given moments. "

Acording to Esther Vilar, this is the moment where the path of men and women is separated, forever.

 

[ryannath]

I don't really agree. For example, I like basketball because I play it alot, and played on some teams, and there is a girl one time that asked me out, and she was a good basketball player and we had the love for sports in common. It was kinda like she was the female version of me, and I was the male version of her. I think me and her could have had a healthy, long relationship. I was just too much of an AFC back then to do anything, so nothing happened even though she invited me to her house on New years Eve. I chickened out. I was so AFC then.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Sex seems to be the only thing in common between the sexes because it's the one thing that is done between them that involves little or no communication. Once the sexes realize and understand how/why the other communicates, they will find that they have a world in common; strangely enough it mostly involves relationships.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't know if it's normal, but the idea of "dating ONE person" right now is laughable... why?

Most, not all, but the vast majority of guys date women to secure sex. it's that simple. You take that one issue away, and men are like horses in a grassy nole.

Over the last 2 years I have not 'dated' anyone. I've met women. I've met lots of women. I've been "out" with women. I've had sex with some. I've even liked some of them. But once you let yourself go of what is "expected" of you and what the media wants you to do... why should you do things any faster than you want?

I've PERFECTLY happy single. I don't even go out as much as I used to. There is soo much more to live then *****, I've promised you. Over the last 6 months I have been to 4 different countries, I've learned a new language (to the point where I can at least sound like a dumbass), i've learned alot of new interesting stuff.

It's not spite towards women. If I find someone that fit's what I am looking for, I just might get in a LTR. But being who I am now has put me in a position to execpt nothing less than that. I can say what i really want to say to women. when my old LTR calls me and starts *****ing about her BF, which is once in a blue moon, i hang up on her. The times I do go out with women, i make my intentions known, I want sex and I want it now. you don't? Great, good bye, let's cut this off now so i can get back to somet hing more interesting.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't really agree. For example, I like basketball because I play it alot, and played on some teams, and there is a girl one time that asked me out, and she was a good basketball player and we had the love for sports in common. It was kinda like she was the female version of me, and I was the male version of her. I think me and her could have had a healthy, long relationship. I was just too much of an AFC back then to do anything, so nothing happened even though she invited me to her house on New years Eve. I chickened out. I was so AFC then.

take your eyes off the trees so you can see the forest.

What he is trying to say is.... let me put it like this. you are 21. Okay, you play basketball, she plays basketball. That's good. When you are 41 and she is the same age, is your love for basketball going to hold you together for the rest of your lives? When she starts talking about how great the WNBA is, when everyone knows it's the worst league in existance, are you going to listen and agree with her becuase you believe her... no, because you want SEX.

me personally, I hate women who like things I do on an everyday basis. I'm in horse racing, I couldn't date a girl I met at the track, I need to be able to seperate my personal life from how I make a living. As much as I talk about horse racing, I don't want to come HOME and talk about it, I want to talk about different stuff. On the flip, I don't want to be one of thoose guys that has my girl with me EVERYWHERE I go. The best relationships to me are the ones I see you a couple of times a week.

 

[Rudra]

First of all, I disagree with this black-and-white dichotomy of man and woman just based on having a c0ck or a vag. Don´t get me wrong, I absolutely disagree with the theory of gender purely being imprinted onto people by society, this is the giga-BS of modern feminist gender theories.

Gender strongly is defined on a genetical level. People are born and much of their later behavior, ways of thinking are already programmed into them. This does not mean that we cannot really learn, I would guess the ratio to be 50:50...

BUT this programming is not the same for everybody. Psychologists speak about a typical male brain that is strongly analytical and rational and has weak to none empathy on one end of the scale, and on the other end of the typical female brain that is purely emotional, great at empathy but sucks at analytical thinking.

Now people´s brains are at different points on this scale, and it is really not rare that the brain type does not correspond to the biological sex. I know a (lovely) girl with a male analytical brain that is an already famous criminal attorney at 28... I know another one that is running the analytical department of a firm turning over almost 1 billion a year... again, purely male brain in a very beautiful woman. On the other hand, I know men that have more empathy than most women... that are absolutely in touch with their emotions, their "female side", and I am not speaking of gays, but of psychoanalists, philologists, a photographer.

To sum it up, the way people´s minds work are not defined by their biological gender... and I am not speaking of freaks of nature here, to my experience there is much more mixing than you would expect. So, to find a perfect LTR mate you would have, besides getting your shyt together in the DJ way of this site, to find somebody whose personality and intellectual structure is fitting and matching yours. This you would have to find out either based on psychological profiency based on your own experience, or by doing psychological testing like in Socionics http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socionics, the russian theory of personality types that equals the western MBTI theory http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MBTI. Those are highly interesting theories that I am currently studying. They are very helpful at deciding which types of personality match and which do not. I strongly suspect that one of the main reasons for the high number of mismatches ending in clashes and divorces are caused by the inability of people to really understand who they need and who to steer clear of.
I will make it a thread when I have reached some sound unterstanding.

But back to the thread - I am absolutely going with Francisco here. People have to learn how to communicate with each other, that is the whole deal. There has to be some compatibility, or you will not be able to communicate. And this is not a question of the biological gender. You have to find your psychological and intellectual match, that is the whole deal.

And speaking about this indian Nipple... much of what the guy writes has some truth to it, but he is exaggerating shamelessly to get his points across more clearly. Yes, a purely "male" male would with a purely "female" female indeed only have sex in common, but those pure types rarely exist in nature.

 

[backbreaker]

I mean, I'm not one to spill my guts, if i need to talk to anyone these days about anything of any importance, I talk to my mom. But if I can't hold a somewhat intelligent conversation with you about anything, you can go.

My old oneitis, the ONLY thing she can talk about is how she doesn't like her BF, how she got drunk the previous weekend, her plans to get drunk the NEXT weekend and my old GF's (her best friend) relationship. the main reason she is my old oneitis, no substance (but the bottle sure does look nice)

When my last GF told me that the difference between the old testiment and t the new testiment was that the old testiment was written in "that language that no one understands" and the new testiment was written english, I knew it was time for me to move on