Why many women flake after number close

[Jariel]

So you approach a woman, make small talk and all is going well. You number close, wait a few days to call her and she flakes. Most guys will look for reasons why this happened: did they call too soon? Did they sound too desperate? Should they have been more funny?

However, nothing you did or didn't do would make a difference. She flaked because she isn't interested and probably never was.

I was talking to a group of female friends yesterday and they were telling me how they give out their numbers to guys because they hate confrontation and would rather brush them off over the phone/text message or ignore their calls than to tell them to their face. Other times, guys approach them and act like they want to be friends and so the girl (in her naivety) gives out her number thinking she has made a potential friend.

The thing is, many guys are just too arrogant to accept this and get uptight and angry when the girl flakes out.

A number close does not mean she's interested and if you encounter flaky behaviour, take the hint! and move on. She will get back to you if her excuse is genuine and she's really interested, so save your dignity.

The girls also explained that they wouldn't feel comfortable alone with a guy they'd met in this way and persistent calling creeps them out. If they were interested, however, they'd consider hanging out as part of a group and take it from there.

So in future, when you come to call the girl you number closed, you may want to be a little more casual and suggest a group get-together rather than a date. I.e. "My friends and I will be in X club on Friday, maybe I'll see you there".

Just thought I'd share this.

 

[h2o]

note: i've gone posting crazy today because i'm terribly sick with the flu and have nothing better to do at the moment...wish i could have been out doing approaches today...i'll be outta here tomorrow, don't worry.

hey man, this should probably be in the tips section.

i'm glad you bring this up, because i've been having such problems, but maybe i'm not being persistent as i should be? i think that's so, but since you made this thread, you probably know better.

Originally posted by h2o
also, when i did call here's what happened:

-3 girls said they would call back (took down my number and all), but never did. not interested, np.
-other times (like 4 girls), said they already had plans on blah time/date, but i was stupid and suggested doing something on short notice, like the next day. they told me to call back because they still "really, definitely" wanted to hang out with me. i never called them back. i thought that if they were really that interested they would look at my number on caller id and call me back, right?
-3 girls actually agreed to date/time, and i said i would call back that day to pick them up...or to tell them when to drive over. 2 girls were willing to drive 30min-1hr from where they lived (i know i had a "connection" with these on the approach...ones i could have kiss closed) ...anyway, i decided they weren't as hot as i thought they were when i approached them and never called them back ...i didn't give them my number, but just about everyone has caller id these days...

here's what nonstop told me:

Originally posted by nonstop
a guy probably would call you back, but a woman is normally too lame/wimpish to do such a thing. Think of a really really lame scared guy who over thinks everything and you have a women. After you get off the phone her mind will be going at 100 miles an hour over thinking everything, she won't go on the caller ID and call you back, that would make her a stalker and make her look like a desperate fool.

anyway, you said you'd call some of them back

i deleted all the numbers off my phone, each after like 2-3 days(except for one #), so regarding those numbers, i'm not going to call back. but for the numbers i get from now on, should i or should i not be more / less persistent?

i'd appreciate any more advice? thanks.

 

[BrotherAP]

Dude... more persistent. You're being the flake in some of these cases. Why would you flake on a girl you like?

The girls also explained that they wouldn't feel comfortable alone with a guy they'd met in this way and persistent calling creeps them out. If they were interested, however, they'd consider hanging out as part of a group and take it from there.

Often it helps to agree to meet them somewhere public, where they won't be afraid that you could get away with something. I think this probably might be less of an issue if you two made a good connection on the first meeting

 

[h2o]

yeah, i feel very sh*tty for flaking myself, but for the most part it was because i didn't want to appear desperate. also, i decided that maybe i had seen an hb8 when she was really probably an hb7. you know how you feel a sort of 'rush' when you approach? maybe i was feeling too good or something.

and then nonstop says that i said i would call some of them back. i mean, i may have if i still had their numbers...i mean i still have one (who i hit it off pretty good on the approach), but wouldn't calling back after like 2 weeks make me appear even more desperate? i mean, maybe i'm not completely secure with myself yet, but if i was in her shoes i would think, this guy must have just run out of girls to call that he still remembers who i am after 2+ weeks and calls for a date? i think that would be creepy, wouldn't it?

sorry, i don't mean to hog this thread with my question...it's really a good tip.

 

[Triple X]

So in future, when you come to call the girl you number closed, you may want to be a little more casual and suggest a group get-together rather than a date. I.e. "My friends and I will be in X club on Friday, maybe I'll see you there".

Hmm.. hate to sound negative mate but I've been in this situation.. and it doesn't really work (or it didn't for me). I met this pretty hot girl thru a friend, we swapped numbers etc.. and she said that her and a few friends were going out later in the week and I was invited to come along.

(At the time she had been giving me hints that she was interested)

So later that week I went to the same club she was at. She was there alright. Surrounded by 'friends' or to put it bluntly, male admirers. They were just drooling over her and it was embarrassing to watch and frankly kinda funny.

But there was no way I could have gone over there since they were ALL AROUND her... the c*ckblocking was unbelievable. Luckily I was with a couple of friends (one female) so I spared my dignity and just stayed with them instead. I couldn't be bothered to be another guy desperately vying for her attention.

Needless to say we havent spoken since, but f*** it - she's been NEXTed now anyways..

Not saying this applies to every girl you meet, but it's not a strategy I would recommend anyway.

 

[Jariel]

H20: I think in your case they expressed genuine interest. People do have genuine reasons for flaking sometimes (even if it's just a bad hair day), but if they emphasise they still want to meet, it's a good sign.

Triple X: Yes, this same thing happened to my friend and sadly some women (attention wh0res) will do this to build a larger base of admirers. But you did the right thing by holding back.

As with everything I guess it depends on the woman, but I'm sharing this from what I've been told rather than my own experience as I don't personally go for women via approaches. It just seems an awful lot of guys are encountering flakes and very few seem to get decent dates from these number closes.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Jariel

However, nothing you did or didn't do would make a difference. She flaked because she isn't interested and probably never was.

I was talking to a group of female friends yesterday and they were telling me how they give out their numbers to guys because they hate confrontation and would rather brush them off over the phone/text message or ignore their calls than to tell them to their face.

So in future, when you come to call the girl you number closed, you may want to be a little more casual and suggest a group get-together rather than a date. I.e. "My friends and I will be in X club on Friday, maybe I'll see you there".

Absolutely right - flaky=not interested.
Though I dont get how they think - I like whne women tell me "Sorry I you are not my type" for example than just never pick up the phone and not answering my emails. But this is juts me.

Anyway, I think you took it too far: suggest to hang out with friends for the first meeting? Dude, sorry to say it but that's just very wrong...You go to the club with her and possible your\her friends - she'll have attention. What would you have? You would not be able to talk to her.. just observe how other dudes would approch her? Besides if you suggest to bring friends on the first 'date" or you may call it "meeting", she may think you are odd...Women expect some intinacy at least on the first date - to have a talk without any other people - to get to know each other.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by h2o
1. i feel very sh*tty for flaking myself, but for the most part it was because i didn't want to appear desperate.

2. but wouldn't calling back after like 2 weeks make me appear even more desperate? i mean, maybe i'm not completely secure with myself yet, but if i was in her shoes i would think, this guy must have just run out of girls to call that he still remembers who i am after 2+ weeks and calls for a date? i think that would be creepy, wouldn't it?

sorry, i don't mean to hog this thread with my question...it's really a good tip.

1. Take it with some common sense: if you call her once, even next day - it is not a big deal, you will not appear as desperate.
If you have some "connection" with her - it all will be fine.
If you didn't have connection, well, certainly you are not going to develop it over the phone since you both didn't have it in the very first meeting.
Cocnlusion: if you have connection, call her - doesn't matter much when. If you didn have connection - just don't care about her - it is not gonna work out anyway - you may call her, you may not - it doesn't matter since there was no connection in the first place.

2. The same concept is applicable here: if you has something at least similar to connection - call her. But sure you have to compensate for 2+ week: call her and tell her a little somehting that makes your call look like some natural thing to do: example:
"I have been studying a lot recently...and need a break...I remember I always like Cold Stone Creamery when I was a kid. Lets get together for ice cream!"

I.e. come up with "excuse" why you called her...been studying biology and expereimenting with the flu at home...been busy counting clouds, now is switching to countsing starts at night...
Basically any non banal excuse is good. it doesn't really matter if it makes sense or not. What matter is the pattern "Because I did....or didn't do... now I want <...>"

 

[h2o]

Originally posted by Jariel
H20: I think in your case they expressed genuine interest. People do have genuine reasons for flaking sometimes (even if it's just a bad hair day), but if they emphasise they still want to meet, it's a good sign.

great...i hate myself now.

oh well, i guess everything happens for a reason, i'll live and learn.

Originally posted by al77
1. Take it with some common sense: if you call her once, even next day - it is not a big deal, you will not appear as desperate.
If you have some "connection" with her - it all will be fine.
If you didn't have connection, well, certainly you are not going to develop it over the phone since you both didn't have it in the very first meeting.
Cocnlusion: if you have connection, call her - doesn't matter much when. If you didn have connection - just don't care about her - it is not gonna work out anyway - you may call her, you may not - it doesn't matter since there was no connection in the first place.

2. The same concept is applicable here: if you has something at least similar to connection - call her. But sure you have to compensate for 2+ week: call her and tell her a little somehting that makes your call look like some natural thing to do: example:
"I have been studying a lot recently...and need a break...I remember I always like Cold Stone Creamery when I was a kid. Lets get together for ice cream!"

I.e. come up with "excuse" why you called her...

yeah, thinking back of those 4 who i told i would call back, i'd say 2 really did want to hang out. sh*t. atleast i'll know for next time...i think i'll read this thread over again everytime i think i'm being desperate. of course the ones i set up dates with would want to also. but i only have one of their numbers.

yeah, i'll call it...and just say i was busy...at least that way i won't lose every opportunity.

thanks.

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

Just for the record...I have always said this, and I will say it once more...IF ALL YOU ASK FOR IS HER NUMBER, THAN YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED!

Case in point, I see a girl and since I have outgrown my AFcness, and nowww I have the balls to approach(thats humor) I go up to her and shes all smiling and everything and I just think I am sooooo cool right now.

So I number close her, and I go to my boys and say, Yeahhhh look what I did! I am the mannnnn!

So since I read sosuave and I know that I should not look desperate, I wait like three or four days to call her, and what the hell....she acts as if she does not even know me! I mean, she is acting totally brand new! When I first met her, she was all smiles and even seemed happy to give me her number, what happened?? It is simple, all you asked for was her number.

Guys if you continue doing this, you ll do like I did last summer, and you will collect about one hundred numbers and go out with about three girls, and then come back on the website and post things like women are a numbers game and so on....that is not true.

Instead, guys do this SET UP THE DATE FIRST.

Now that you have balls and you approach, tell her you are doing whatever on whatever date, and she should meet you there or go with you, if she accepts, then you get her number....but guys if you have not read my thread, Do This And You will have puzzy coming from everywhere, then being ****y funny, being tall and handsome, or being Pook wont mean anything.....you must first connect with her....once you do that, she will begin to chase your azz.....

 

[ChenCristos]

sounds good ***** eater-
imma add that element of setting up the date or letting visualize it before the # close

 

[guitaronfire411]

Thanks for the good thread.

H20: I think in your case they expressed genuine interest. People do have genuine reasons for flaking sometimes (even if it's just a bad hair day), but if they emphasise they still want to meet, it's a good sign.

I was waiting for a counter-offer today (see my recent posts) after I asked (doh) her what she was doing on Wednesday night. She said that she has soccer (didn't catch the second bit... she was quiet) on that night. None came. Instead, she said "But I still want to talk to you when you come in [to where she works]."

I've since gone in and ignored her. Should I keep it up or just next her?

 

[Alphathree]

You guys make this soooooooooooooooooooo complicated. Maybe we can describe the whole thing as a system of differential equations and work from there?

Call a woman a complex-valued variable X and suppose the following:

a(t)d^2X/dt^2 + b(t)dX/dt + c(t)X = d(t)

...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

This is why I say that the number close is a waste of time. Unless it is obvious that she is into you, don't depend on the #close.

Put away the AFC BS like, "we had a good time together","she gave me a lot of eye contact", "there was tons of kino" blah, blah blah.... The only way to tell that she is into you are her actions of getting back in touch with you or going out with your right then and there. Her projecting future tense is a good sign to but it too isn't definite.

Stop thinking the #close is a goal. There's a bunch of guys in this forum that get the number and is afraid to call because they lack telephone conversation skills. I wonder why these guys even waste time with a #close.

Focus on seeing the woman on your terms. Take her away from your current venue, if she accepts that is a good sign but still, it's not definite.

 

[tristan22]

I've been in the game a long time, and i have yet to figure out girls and telephones! I have honestly really hit it off with a girl (kiss, talk, etc.); she has put her number in my phone, laughed about giving some guys the rejection hotline number, and then flaked when i called her!

I'm to the point where i just go out to have a good time! I no longer go out to just pick girls up! If you notice, most of the girls in bar/club atmospheres have closed off dispositions and mad faces.

A lot of the females are so influenced by Hollywood, they think they are some sort of celebrity and they all believe that eventually they will be the next big thing! No females have their own identity, it's all about emulating Paris, J-Lo, Beyonce, etc.

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

True, that

Francisco d'Anconia This is why I say that the number close is a waste of time. Unless it is obvious that she is into you, don't depend on the #close.

This is a lesson I'm currently learning.
Baby steps, baby steps....

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by Jariel
Other times, guys approach them and act like they want to be friends and so the girl (in her naivety) gives out her number thinking she has made a potential friend.

WRONG!. Thats a lie proudly perpetuated by feminism. Chicks are not that dumb and your not giving them enough credit. Make no mistakes, shes NEVER "naive", all chicks know exactly whats up, even losers who play the "friends" card she knows full well all about.............unless shes a retard. Shes dealt with these "friends" ever since she sprouted tits.

Originally posted by Jariel
The girls also explained

Wait...backup. Your talking about the game with chicks?

You seem to be looking for the whys and what fors of chicks flaking, big mistake.
Try this , accept chicks flake for whatever chick reason. why? because its none of your business. Accept it as her loss and move on to the next one. Anything else is mental masturbation. A man who has self worth doesnt give a fvck if she had to shampoo her hair or didnt like the look of his teeth, or smell etc etc. Again thats her business and nothing to do with you AS LONG as the man is making a conscious effort of self improvement.

Chicks flake mate, thats all you need to worry about, nothing else.