KarmaSutra said:
One of the Brothers here sent me a PM asking to expound on the meaning and motivations behind my signature.
First, let's properly describe a "broken b!tch".
According to Karma's Chicktionary: Bro-ken [broh-kuhn] - Fragmented. B!tch [bich] - a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman.
A malicious unpleasant selfish person sucks, woman or man, if I am trying to tell them something and they DO NOT listen and think about it, then I am not going to try twice.
What I am talking about is women with damaged self esteems, women with identity and trust issues (for example women having only male friends, or only gay male friends) or women who are so insecure they are very promiscuous, stuff like this. But they have to be able to listen to what I have to say and at least half think about it - if that's not the case I doubt I would waste my energy.
I came to appreciate this Law through my mistaken (old) belief that saving women from themselves would make them appreciate my efforts with attention and sex.
Well this is as you said wrong. I don't try to help human beings to get something in return, I just want people to be better period. Helping means opening up and sometimes that can even turn the girl off. She knows she is damaged and wants validation, and here you are trying to tell her to step her game up.
To my repeated detriment, I always failed miserably. What I realized is that some women are just plain broken. Unfixable. By their own choice unfixable. They'll perpetually search, target, shoot, ensnare, use, then discard those men who she believes can fill the black hole of nothingness in her soul.
I don't understand - she wants someone to fill the void so bad, but then discards them? Seems counterproductive, and women I know with self esteem issues like to CLING to men.
The problem; it's an endless swallowing gape. The more attention she accumulates and stuffs into that hole, the larger it gapes. Who's responsibility is it to stitch that wound? Hers. Hers alone. By trying to save a "broken b!tch" from herself you're robbing her of her opportunity to repair her issues. She has to want to learn, until it's in her muscle memory, the art of reflection.
OK this is what I meant above when I said she has to be able to listen to what I am saying.
I truly believe this is what separates masculine, positively powerful men from those guys who are just as broken as she.
I'm not saying to not help women. On the contrary, if she's teaching you to become a better man through your interactions with her, it's completely beneficial for you both to teach her to be a better woman through her relationship with you.
We men have to stop with this Disney-esque paradigm of the white knight saving the poor distressed Damsel from peril. What's happened is we're constantly bombarded with the (misguided) belief that we're incomplete if we don't make it our life's goal to be a woman's savior.
OK here is the difference - I am talking about fixing their mentality, NOT A WORD about doing things for her or white knighting in the usual ways like paying for her rent and car..
I will give you a great example from last week, there is a girl I ran into, very cute, VERY VERY approchable, but a bit overweight, and all of her friends are gay men and she will tell you this quick.
I am a fairly good looking guy and I more or less have my stuff together so biologically she is attracted, but, as I can tell from experience, she is the type of girl who has been so ****ed over by men before that she MUST find some holes and discredit him and put him in a friends category. I knew exactly what she was going to do, and that is to push me to make a mistake so she can do just this. Well, two can play this game.
Now I wasn't super interested in bedding her, but I would let her suck my d!ck no problem, so I played along seeing if I can at the same time tinker with her mind a bit.
So we had a few shots after work, just chilling, when she says we should go smoke weed at her place. I had some great stuff at my place so I say let's go to mine. She has to wait 20 mins to get her keys from someone in the meantime I tell her I will go to another few bars nearby with a friend, she can call me when she's ready.
So she calls me up and I meet up again, she is bawling. She is saying how she was walking down the beach to meet me and all these guys were saying mean things to her about how they want her for sex.
I thought for a sec about this being a test, and looking back it could have been, but as we got in the car she kept being sad and pessimistic about it so I told her "why are you letting what some losers drunkenly yell at you affect you?"
We get to my place start smoking, and weed makes me even more introspective, and of course more touchy feely, so I sit on the bed and tell her to give me her hand, she slowly does and I pull her in, she kind of flops on top of me and IMMEDIATELY closes her eyes and FORCEFULLY acts like she is passed out. This is a HUGE HUGE HUGE red flag - it shows you whenever things were goign sexual in the past, it was somewhere when she was asleep, or worse, pretending to be asleep, and given her issues and only having gay friends you can guess for yourselves why.
So I get up, I tell her I want to slow dance for a second, she tells me she has no idea how to dance, and I take her and try to grind a bit, she at first doesn't move at all then kind of starts doing ass shake. I kiss her neck twice and she runs to the couch.
I say "wow you are salty"
to which she, given a chance to put me in a friend category and protect her heart shouts "Haha GROSS I am all sweaty and salty, you are gross!! ewww!" obviously over reacting.
So I get real honest with her, I tell her to look inside and I know that there was some ****ed up **** in her past that made her act this way, and that you can't change the past but you can't let it affect you now, and that those males that messed you up, that they were terrible people but you can't go back so go forward. I tell her I can see right through her, her games, and manipulation.
She doesn't respond for awhile then says that she sees I am manipulative as well.. which I suppose I am since I am here trying to mind **** her into being a better human being.
She gets one of her gay friends to come back and pick her up (interestingly she called him right after my frist try to get close, a defense mechanism..I mean we are AT MY PLACE on the second night I know her smoking weed...)
as she is leaving she says "We are hanging out again!!" and kind of starts crying.
Next day at work she was playing a game by hanging out with another guy (no competition) and then at the very end telling me "if you weren't such a jerk today I was going to have you come over and smoke with me!" I wasn't being a jerk so I knew she was again playing games... ignored her
a few days later she was texting me, she got a new job as a waitress in a strip club because "then she won't be hit on" I just kind of laughed. I don't know if I fixed her a bit, I think I did, but obviously she was open to spending more time with me, and with enough comfort I bet I could make her trust men again. I just don't want to because I'd rather get better myself, she isn't gf type looks wise for me, and I'd rather go after already cool girls. I thought may be that makes me an *******, but two things:
1. If I do "fix" her, how long till she reverts back through a couple of bad experiences again - I'd need that self esteem to be strong, that takes at least months imo
2. I have a lot of friends and people I actually care about that I could make better in the meantime.
