Why it’s OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough

[AlphaSoldier]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23053553/

 

[Desdinova]

Didn't read the entire thing.... didn't need to since she yammers on like a good girl should

Do you REALLY think women are going to take the advice given here, to 'settle down' with a guy who's only 'good enough'? Yeah right. If she's not feeling attracted to him, she ain't gonna marry him. If she does marry him to get what she wants (a child), then he'll be useless after she's done having children. Seperation and divorce will likely follow since he's no longer useful.

No matter what you tell a woman, she will follow her emotions.

 

[Jitterbug]

She couldn't be more insulting. So men get the honour of being mobile ATMs and sperm donors in exchange for damaged goods? That opinion piece is essentially a really damn good list of reasons why men should avoid those old hags like the plague.

But she's very honest. I can respect that.

 

[AlphaSoldier]

She couldn't be more insulting. So men get the honour of being mobile ATMs and sperm donors in exchange for damaged goods? That opinion piece is essentially a really damn good list of reasons why men should avoid those old hags like the plague.

But she's very honest. I can respect that.

I am planning to use this article to touch some emotional keys when doing online dating.

As a matter of fact, most of the chicks in match.com check your profile, and if you're not tall/handsome/whatever enough, they won't even return your mails. They are shopping men. But this article might change their mind. Or hope it will.

Online dating is ****e, but right now I have no choice. Oh, wait, this evening I will see that library clerk I've a crush on. If I only had the balls to ask her out...


-AS

 

[afc_2_dj]

Even women who settle but end up divorced might be in a better position than those of us who became mothers on our own, because many ex-wives get both child-support payments and a free night off when the kids go to Dad’s house for a sleepover.

Yippeee, that leaves me all fired up to go out and find a women who is willing to settle for me!

 

[PhatE1vis]

She points out something in her article that I'm not sure she even understands:

"Choosing to spend your life with a guy who doesn’t delight in the small things in life might be considered settling at 30, but not at 35. By 40, if you get a cold shiver down your spine at the thought of embracing a certain guy, but you enjoy his company more than anyone else’s, is that settling or making an adult compromise?"

In fact, it's neither settling or making a compromise. For the woman, it's recognizing that in most cases by age 40, her sexual market value is no where near what it was at 30. It's becoming less likely that she will be able to bear children, and less likely that she's as attractive as she once was.

It's not about her settling. It's about her recognizing reality and the fact that her options have been reduced.

 

[mrRuckus]

It's not settling. They are pricing themselves over what the market can bare. If they were so awesome, they'd have landed that great husband by now. They are now looking to marry a man at the level of their OWN WORTH rather than having $20k and trying to buy a Porsche instead of a Civic. If i don't have the cash, I don't "settle" for a Civic. It's all I CAN GET BECAUSE I AM BROKE. Their opinions of themselves are ridiculous. In my recent foray into the world of craigslist, the women claiming to be intelligent are often anything but that. They can barely spell or punctuate. It's like the Simpsons episode where Homer was singing "i am so smart. i am so smart. s-m-r-t."

In the meantime the great guys are seeing the great women that don't see men as some accessory to their life that they use to hear them *****, pay for kids and a house, and to let them feel like winners among their friends.

I got turned down by a couple women because they thought I wanted too much too fast (because i was demanding upfront) and they were busy with grad school, work, or both. Haha, it's gonna be a delight to watch these women who think they have all the time in the world turn 30 when I'm 35 and still in great physical shape, and I'm still going for 25 year olds and unavailable to the women who suddenly want to rush me into commitment in time to have kids. Sorry, sister, you had your chance. You chose to be a lawyer or doctor rather than be happy with a smart, attractive man. There are pros and cons to everything.

Lately i've been meeting ambitious women who want these big careers and work 12 hour days and act like they're great catches. They assume their ambition is an attractive quality to men since it's an attractive quality in men. Nope, don't care if you have a lot of ambition. Just have enough that you can have some mid-level job that isn't 80 hours a week so you can pull your own weight and not be too tired to be active and fvck me.

And you have some other guy's kids? Hahaha.

I'm sure my old time will come but it sure isn't 40, and I'm planning ahead of time (of ability to attract females indefinitely) like a smart investor rather than p1ssing away my young age and then b1tching i didn't save up while it wasn't too late.

 

[Mr. Z]

theres nothing like seeing a bitter old maid, sitting at home drinking boxed wine. Sulking in mascara filled tears watching a lifetime movie. lol

 

[mzilla2]

Interesting read, while everyone will have their own spin on it, I found it suprisingly pragmatic advice, especially coming from a woman.

Those of us who choose not to settle in hopes of finding a soul mate later are almost like teenagers who believe they’re invulnerable to dying in a drunk-driving accident. We lose sight of our mortality. We forget that we, too, will age and become less alluring. And even if some men do find us engaging, and they’re ready to have a family, they’ll likely decide to marry someone younger with whom they can have their own biological children. Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option.

Geez, how often is that statement posted here!

I'm sure she will soon enough be vilified by the majority of her gender espousing the "soul mate he completes me hollywood happily ever after prince charming bull**** rhetoric"...

 

[##17]

But it's the opposite for men.

What's the deal with these women who have babies using sperm from a sperm bank while single? Possible one of the most selfish acts someone could do.

I agree. And if anything, it's going to scare away Mr. Right. Not too many guys want to raise a child that isn't theirs.

I don't think what the author is saying is all that surprising, though.

(1) Women, especially the post-feminists, define themselves a lot more by their relationships than men do (making broad generalizations). The fear of many a woman is ending up alone. And as it is easier for an older man to end up with whatever type of woman he wants than it is for a older female to do likewise, settling might be the best option.

(2) Women are driven to mate with the alpha male for good genes, and settle down with a beta male, who would make a good provider. Can't find a guy who has the best qualities of both? Then the beta male will still do (most of the time).

 

[MatureDJ]

I like this thread.

One of the biggest facts of life that I have learned over time is how the temporal trends of sexual marketability are so different for men and women. I didn't understand this when I was 25, but by the time I was 35, I had noticed it. And by getting into an age where single mommies could at least be though of as a possibility (i.e., when I was under 25, I couldn't fathom such a possibility, although now, while I could fathom it, I still wouldn't consider it), I realized just how much of a sexual marketability hit motherhood is, and how single mommies are so much easier to meet than childless women.

This relevation has made me quite contemptuous of older maidens. I picture the early 30's woman who seems interested in me now as being the stick up b ---- who would have just summarily blown me off a decade ago (or who may have dated me, but did so in the typical flaky way, eventually dumping my azz.)

 

[MatureDJ]

Back when I was still convinced I’d find my soul mate, I did, although I never articulated this, have certain requirements. I thought that the person I married would have to have a sense of wonderment about the world, would be both spontaneous and grounded, and would acknowledge that life is hard but also be able to navigate its ups and downs with humor. Many of the guys I dated possessed these qualities, but if one of them lacked a certain degree of kindness, another didn’t seem emotionally stable enough, and another’s values clashed with mine. Others were sweet but so boring that I preferred reading during dinner to sitting through another tedious conversation. I also dated someone who appeared to be highly compatible with me — we had much in common, and strong physical chemistry — but while our sensibilities were similar, they proved to be a half-note off, so we never quite felt in harmony, or never viewed the world through quite the same lens.

Now, though, I realize that if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I’m at the age where I’ll likely need to settle for someone who is settling for me. What I and many women who hold out for true love forget is that we won’t always have the same appeal that we may have had in our 20s and early 30s. Having turned 40, I now have wrinkles, bags under my eyes, and hair in places I didn’t know hair could grow on women. With my nonworking life consumed by thoughts of potty training and play dates, I’ve become a far less interesting person than the one who went on hiking adventures and performed at comedy clubs. But when I chose to have a baby on my own, the plan was that I would continue to search for true connection afterward

This chick is amazing. She went ahead and put herself in the much less sexually marketable by inseminating herself , and now she's ready to "settle." I'm trying to think of what kind of a nut-job man would marry a 40 y.o. woman mother of a toddler who is so screwed up that she would get inseminated.

I can't help but think that Rollo Tomassi would say that this woman is so proactive that she actually decided to get the very best genetic sperm donor based on careful analysis rather than the typical way of just getting knocked up by the alpha bad boy, and that part of her reason for writing this book is to rationalize in her own mind why she should now settle for the "nice guy" provisioner (in the emotional sense, as obviously this woman is wealthy enough to provision by herself.)

... it certainly wasn’t that I would have a baby alone only to settle later. After all, wouldn’t it have been wiser to settle for a higher caliber of “not Mr. Right” while my marital value was at its peak?

Honey, the one fact of life is that we only get one chance to go through it. You screwed yours up big time!

 

[jophil28]

She couldn't be more insulting. So men get the honour of being mobile ATMs and sperm donors in exchange for damaged goods?

.

Priceless insight !

 

[joekerr31]

this kind of diatribe this is the last bastion of womanhood before they enter the stage of realizing that they are totally f*cked.

the article, from the parts i read, basically espouses 'make sure you take a guy, ANY guy if you have to, for a ride before you lose your market value. its your responsibility, as a woman, to milk at least one guy for everything he is worth. if you fail to do this then you have short changed the return you rightly deserve as a woman - ALL women have this inalienable right to take at least one man to the cleaners in their life time."

its really sad that 90% of the population actually thinks along these lines - that they are plugged completely in to the matrix.

life is so short. i really wish people would wake up and stop living life as though it were a poker game where you try to win as many hands as you can.

thats not what life is / should be about and it sure as hell doesn't lead to happiness.

on a side note, i made a post recently about how our relationship with our mothers impacts our lives. I shudder to think of the impact women who follow the advice in the article will have on their sons and the damage that accrues being raised by such a woman.

 

[Last Man Standing]

But it's the opposite for men.

What's the deal with these women who have babies using sperm from a sperm bank while single? Possible one of the most selfish acts someone could do.

Hors are ab-hor-rent!!! Deviants! They minds are corrupt and thus their actions! You're right - selfish they are - it is about them and the hell with the welfare of the child!!!!

 

[jophil28]

the article, from the parts i read, basically espouses 'make sure you take a guy, ANY guy if you have to, for a ride before you lose your market value. its your responsibility, as a woman, to milk at least one guy for everything he is worth. if you fail to do this then you have short changed the return you rightly deserve as a woman - ALL women have this inalienable right to take at least one man to the cleaners in their life time."

Yep, a woman who cannot brag about "taking him to the cleaners" has failed the sisterhood and one of it's imperatives
.
How fukked up can woman get before the tide of commonsense and rational living turns back.

I sometimes despair of ever seeing the return of harmony and mutuality as primary goals in marriage .

IT has all become so adversarial.

Feminism has taught women to hate as a legitimate emotional state.

We are all fukked for a while yet..

 

[Last Man Standing]

bbb

 

[Last Man Standing]

Yep, a woman who cannot brag about "taking him to the cleaners" has failed the sisterhood and one of it's imperatives
.
How fukked up can woman get before the tide of commonsense and rational living turns back.

I sometimes despair of ever seeing the return of harmony and mutuality as primary goals in marriage .

IT has all become so adversarial.

Feminism has taught women to hate as a legitimate emotional state.

We are all fukked for a while yet..

Youngsters on here may take this as negativism - but, us, mature men know reality! Beware! Meaning Be Aware!!

 

[Mr.Positive]

I used to let articles like this get to me.

Now, part of me actually pities these women. The other part of me, is very thankful I've learned what to avoid at all costs.

Yes, they've made choices and now have to deal with the consequences.

However, these women literally think, after being in their late 30/40's, with children from a sperm donner, that they should 'settle' for a decent guy that treats them well?

They should be so lucky. I can't imagine living life thinking the world owes me something, that I can make every bad decision in the book, and still think that I would settle for something which is far greater than I deserve.

After all, no man wants a woman to "settle" for them.

For that I pity them...I can't imagine living life where I don't take responsibilities for the position I'm in, or the choices I've made in the past.

We can all learn from this article. We can learn more about what women to avoid at all costs.

Like VU says, protect your heart soldier.

 

[Mr. Me]

Her next article will probably be called, "I Can't Say I Really Ever Loved Him"