Why is it so hard to make a relationship work?

[Ghyhuji12]

I want to hear everyone's thoughts.

My number one reason is NOT BEING F'ING HONEST. It sounds like the most simple thing in a relationship but, somehow it is the biggest one that eludes everyone. Why the heck can we not be honest with everyone that we want to date from day one. WHY ? It makes no damn sense at all.......That is why from day one on my next adventure I am going to make sure I do these 2 things

1. What are you looking for ? If they say, "Oh I am just looking to date right now" I might even get up in the middle of the date and just leave. It makes NO SENSE at all to even say this when you first meet someone. It basically says that I am not looking to make anything work from day one. Why can people not just say I am looking for a relationship but also let it be known that you must feel someone out first in order to know if they are relationship material......Same thing but atleast I know that the person in front of me believes in a one man one women relationship.

2. Always tell me the truth....No matter how bad you think I will react. I will always respect the person if they tell me the total truth.......Even if they say in the beginning of us going out that they are so confused at the moment and they hooked up with an Ex........I would have the option of at least thinking that OK, I have done the same thing and, We have not been going out that long and I RESPECT the heck out of this girl for telling me this. That shows that you have great communication skills which are rare.........If someone chooses to not display all their bad things about them and hold it inside, they are only dooming the relationship, just for a later date in time. Be honest, I am no where near perfect and NEVER expect to encounter a girl who is.

 

[The Logical Player]

if its work, and you arent getting paid, then why do it?

why be in a relationship if a relationship isnt making you 100% happy?

dont just do what society has brainwashed you to think is the right thing to do

 

[CptnFantastic]

I want to hear everyone's thoughts.

My number one reason is NOT BEING F'ING HONEST. It sounds like the most simple thing in a relationship but, somehow it is the biggest one that eludes everyone. Why the heck can we not be honest with everyone that we want to date from day one. WHY ? It makes no damn sense at all.......That is why from day one on my next adventure I am going to make sure I do these 2 things

1. What are you looking for ? If they say, "Oh I am just looking to date right now" I might even get up in the middle of the date and just leave. It makes NO SENSE at all to even say this when you first meet someone. It basically says that I am not looking to make anything work from day one. Why can people not just say I am looking for a relationship but also let it be known that you must feel someone out first in order to know if they are relationship material......Same thing but atleast I know that the person in front of me believes in a one man one women relationship.

2. Always tell me the truth....No matter how bad you think I will react. I will always respect the person if they tell me the total truth.......Even if they say in the beginning of us going out that they are so confused at the moment and they hooked up with an Ex........I would have the option of at least thinking that OK, I have done the same thing and, We have not been going out that long and I RESPECT the heck out of this girl for telling me this. That shows that you have great communication skills which are rare.........If someone chooses to not display all their bad things about them and hold it inside, they are only dooming the relationship, just for a later date in time. Be honest, I am no where near perfect and NEVER expect to encounter a girl who is.

It sounds like you live in a fantasy world. No woman is going to be 100% honest with you right from the get go. Does it ever occur to you that you have to earn somebody's honesty? When you tell the unfiltered truth you leave yourself exposed. Would you expose negative things about yourself to someone who you might not ever see again or to someone who might take advantage of you?

You need to get real and observe the rules by which the game is played. Saying that "I'm looking for a serious relationship" on the first date is heavy stuff and it makes you very unattractive. Sexy, normal girls generally date to have fun. If something more comes out of it, great, but that's a side benefit, not an end goal.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Khalil Gibran wrote "Think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, will direct your course."

It's true. Relationships and love only seem to find you when you are not looking for them.

Dude I usually at least get a BJ from "I'm just looking to date right now" chick. You lament for complete honesty from the beginning because you are afraid of being alone, and you want to get into an LTR as easily as possible.

Nothing in this life worth having will come to you easily, my friend.

 

[Bass-Turd]

if its work, and you arent getting paid, then why do it?

why be in a relationship if a relationship isnt making you 100% happy?

dont just do what society has brainwashed you to think is the right thing to do

nothing in life will ever make you 100% happy. Relationships take effort just like anything else

even just fooling around with chicks take effort. nothing is perfect and carefree

thinking that way is another type of brainwashing. the brainwashing from society that says that a good relationship must be happily ever after and never bad. and you must leave at the first sign of trouble, because their should never be any. it should be roses

with this mindset, you will never find a relationship.

 

[John888]

An ideal relationship wouldn't need work.

I mean ofcourse you always need SOME work... but not to the extent that it drives you crazy.

That's why you know you're in the wrong relationship.

 

[AAAgent]

The most important reason y people fail relationships is because they forget to maintain it. Check the Tips section, i just posted a tip on relationships there.

 

[WC2]

What things truly come down to are the consequences of our actions.

It's so incredibly simple when I first heard it a few years ago (KontrollerX), yet it never really did cross my mind.

Why has the divorce rate gone up ten-fold?
Why are there more people getting divorced today than ever?
Why is it that America is among the top in divorce rates?

Consequences of our actions

Back a generation or two ago (not that far away), the practice of being loyal to your spouse was highly honored. Adultery was a sin to god and thus a sin upon yourself. If you cheated on your husband or boyfriend, you were shunned by most upstanding citizens.

However times have changed. Feminism has increased greatly. There has been an uprising of anti-religious beliefs that allow both men and women to NOT feel guilty about cheating on their spouse.

Think about it... if a girl cheats on her boyfriend these days, no big deal right? He got what was coming for him, he should have known, blah blah blah.

Well take another time or another country such as Israel or India and you'll see that cheaters are sinners and sinners are the devil. They have consequences to their actions.

Sh!t, if they had no consequences, there would be a sh!tload of wh0res (housewives) running around their streets as they do here.

There are also theories that the 'hippie' age brought upon a more 'girly' and sensual man, allowing women to take the higher ground and become more manly, thus reversing our sexual poles (masculine and feminine).

It's said the greatest sexual tension lies in couples that are polar opposites.. whether the female is feminine or masculine.. as long as they are polar opposites. However, the common age has screwed with the poles and now they're all over the place.

Men are no longer always breadwinners. Women are no longer always womanly in their actions.

So there's a whole bunch of mixed up marriages and relationships in which man and woman are not truly polar opposites, but neutral (meaning hardly any sexual tension).

Again, these are just theories, but credited theories at that.

But yes indeed, it's more difficult to make a relationship work in recent era.

 

[The Logical Player]

nothing in life will ever make you 100% happy. Relationships take effort just like anything else

even just fooling around with chicks take effort. nothing is perfect and carefree

thinking that way is another type of brainwashing. the brainwashing from society that says that a good relationship must be happily ever after and never bad. and you must leave at the first sign of trouble, because their should never be any. it should be roses

with this mindset, you will never find a relationship.

why would someone want to burden themselves with extra work that isnt a requirement to be happy. Why would a player want to FIND some dead-end committed relationship that is hard work to be in?

there are plenty of ways to have women in your life, have sex, have fun with them, and be totally satisfied without having the need to be in some committed relationship

 

[Interceptor]

Because we are both at different levels of understanding, maturity, and growth, and have different views on the same things, and have different ways of communicating to each other and expressing our love and affection.

We both have areas of our personalities which are underdeveloped, while others are better developed. This is actually the main thing going on.

We are all at different places and have had different experiences. Your communication skills will be stressed to the maximum. And you will be facing your Values and managing your personal boundary daily.
You will benefit from this if you take the perspective of being grateful for the opportunity to experience these things and grow and improve because of them.


The coming together and joining is something that will never be 'perfect'.
And understand that both of you will make errors in judgement, and mistakes. And be prepared to forgive yourself and your partner often.
Making the 'space' for yourself to be human is important. You cannot let your woman determine your value and level of self esteem. She doesnt have the right to judge you and assess and define your value.

Making the space for your partner to be free, and feel comfortable and comforted by you is a very rare and special trait to have. A partner that offers you that is to be respected, and honored for their devotion to you. Women NEED to feel like the women of the relationship, they need to feel respected , and 'SEEN' be you. If you offer these things to her, she will be grateful. Giving her the opportunity to FIND her 'place' is critically important. And if a woman isnt appreciative of this, then she may not be worthy of you and your resources at that point in time. Sometimes out of rote behavior programs, insecurity, not trusting enough, women tend to have too much masculine energy in the relationship and it throws off the dynamic, leading to power struggles in the relationship.



Men need to feel invited and have a sense of freedom, in additon to feeling trusted to be the Man of the relatonship. When we feel these things we are more allowing, thus, more relaxed, and able to create more energy for both of you. You become inspired to be the Man, actually. And she does enjoy reveling in that masculine energy. Your character has a lot to do with it, and a woman feels tremendous gratitude for you and being with you, and especially you choosing her out of many women when you are a man with high character and who knows himself and what he wants. Have ambition and drive, and a passion for life. Woman truly admire that even if you dont have a mansion and a Ferrari, etc...



Being able to provide that for a woman is a rare and special gift, so never feel that you dont 'have' anything to offer if you feel you lack something (car, money, looks, status, etc..) if you have this ability, the ability to make the 'space' for her, you have quite an asset, and have something very special to offer women. This is not given out arbitrarily though, respect your resources and your personal boundary and dont let some 'pretty face' get the best of you with nothing in return.


Men often do tend to get a little complacent once they've 'gotten' their partner. So this does need to be understood and avoided as early as possible.
Sometimes we take our partner for granted.
Often once men feel their needs are satisfied they're under the impression that her needs are satisfied too, many times they are not. These things can be avoided though.

Women are not perfect.And that is ok.
No matter how much they try to pretend they are, or present an image of perfection, and being beyond reproach. Understand much of that is actually out of past hurt and need to protect themselves, and certain feelings of lack, low self esteem, maintaining a self image for themselves, and still a little bit of ego feeding.
Women need to feel secure with you, and safe. They need to know you trust yourself, so that they can surrender to you and trust you for the both of your benefit. They check on your character to see if YOU know WHO you are, and what you value, and what you want to get out of life.
Many women run too much masculine energy. As a result, they burn out, and need that magnetizing. That polarization and magentic attraction is the key component to letting her feel like the Woman of the relationship, thus feeling safe, secure, and willing to surrender to you and let you take the lead. If she cant trust you and doesnt feel safe and secure, she wont surrender to you, and will be more prone to dissatisfaction. Thus, making your enjoyment of the relationship strained, and drains your own level of masculinity.

So we must understand we are human, and not perfect and will make mistakes.So will she. In fact, part of what will make her respect you is your awareness of not only your behavior and choices, but hers as well.

We are also often drained of our resources from outside circumstances.
This leaves us a little empty when it's time for intimacy with our partner.
But part of a shift in perspective is to view your relationship as a Priority, and tend to it daily. A good partner will be able to inspire you, and re energize you, and re invigorate you so you can give even more to them.
These are special people,and appreciating their efforts to take care of us, love and support us should not be taken lightly.



There's a lot more to be said, and I will probably continue to elaborate further and a later time.
I hope this helps a little.