Why I feel better....

[Ricky]

Guys like us that work their ass off have a tendency to take personal responsibility for all our actions. It's what makes us successful in our careers. We never want to quit. It is what defines us. Guys like us are cornerstones of society. We make it tick.

So when it comes to women we tend to act the same way. Or at least myself. Not wanting to quit and also taking responsibility.

I freed myself today. How?

I realized that the ex gf was scared. I dont' blame her. It would have taking alot for her to move.

She was scared, i wasn't rejected. It took me this ****ing long to understand that it truly was her. She even told me as much. She said sometimes she takes the easy way out. This is easier for her.

In the end I wasn't rejected, I rejected myself by taking personal responsibility for the fact that she is stuck in a comfort zone and always will be unless she consciously changes it.

She has been talking about getting a masters for years and has taken no steps, i should have seen this as one example in her personal life.

Guys, its time to stop blaming yourself for a girls flaws.

I AM FREE!

I am the same great, attractive, hard working guy I ever was. The interest I get from women at work shows that.

She is afraid and stuck in a comfort zone. I hope she enjoys it. I think she could be an outstanding woman if she could break out of it.

I vow to stop being so fricking hard on myself. In the area with women as long as you are out there trying don't take anything as your personal responsibility. Their flawed logic and insecurities aren't our fault.

Now how to find a less insecure woman? (Kind of ironic because in this whole breakup process I let my insecurities shine)

 

[Ever onward]

Hey Ricky,

Glad you had such a personal breakthrough.

Why don't you try bootcamp again? You had so much success iwth it before didn't you?

 

[Ever onward]

double post

 

[Ever onward]

triple post

 

[Ricky]

Well i have done informal bootcamps to this date.

I did do ok tonight in a sense but it' snot worth posting.

Until i get laid again, I won't have the breakthrough I need LOL

 

[scordate]

amen and halleluja brother !

am really glad to see you've worked it out

can relate to all you said; just remember this;

women are not work and not intended to be like work; women are fun !

how to find a less insecure woman ?

i truly believe that there is no such thing !

women are 'very' insecure when you peel all the layers

my advice would be to find a professional woman
( no no and no not THAT kind of pro-woman )
but one that can relate to your situation, used to have reponsabilities etc

but that kind of relationsship will be a very diffrent one; one where you both are string and self-reliant, but where you choose to meet and give and take

good luck

/ scordate

 

[Ricky]

This one was a professional woman and she had a decent job.
Yeah I make twice what she makes and will eventually make even 3 times or 4 times what she makes though.

She had a condo in her town and plenty of other reasons why the move would be tough.

I will stop blaming her for being scared but also not consider it a rejection either which it never was, and she was good to point it out but I still took it as a loss.

Now it is really her loss.

SHe realizes it too, but some people put the fear of change over the pleasure of being with someone great.

The reason it was so tough is that we had a great time everytime we went out, had great sex, and enjoyed our time together and look forward to more of it.

I think she'll regret her choice more and more after she starts dating loser AFC's and jerks.

DJ's like us are hard to find.

BTW I acknowledge my response to the breakup was AFC at it's finest, but from the beginning of the relationship I had the control, was ****y and confident and after introducing myself to her, she did the pursuing.

So I think she will have a tough time finding a quality guy and think about me to the end of her days and what she could have had. HAHAHA I laugh about it. I honestly believe it will be that way.

 

[Ricky]

Too add to this, to anyone that has a breakup that messes with your mind for a while I want you to do the following exercise. I held off on doing this for now, but that's because i kept the hope that she would come back and the ideal of her in my mind that was so fatally flawed.

Try and write as many reasons why you are better off without her
Put even shallow reasons like what I start with, all is good

1) I have had better looking girlfriends
2) She was very slightly overweight
3) She had been more overweight in the past, so very likely she would get fatter
4) She said she would move to be with me and changed her mind. Indecisive women are bad to be with
5) She would have wanted to move back to her town in a year or two anyways. A woman should move for me, I don't have to move for her (although for a few reason I would initially have been willing)
6) She is getting older, i should have a younger woman than 31. I am 31, i know that is ironic, but for child bearing reasons I don't want to have a biological clock ticking. I want kids and I want them to be healthy
7) She wasn't sure if she wanted kids. And if so only 1
8) She was an only child, we know what problems that is supposed to bring
9) She is the product of a divorced family (in which her dad cheated), once again problems. I'm guessing trust issues with men.
10) SHe was 31 but her longest relationship i know of lasted only 1 year. Red flag
11) She disagreed with me politically, by alot really.
12) She did some work for an organization I really abhor due to my beliefs
13) Her friends even admit she is a control freak and anal
14) She doesn't have that many girl or guy friends for living in the same town for so long
15) Most or all of her girl and guy friends she met in college, not too many new friends
16) Initially in the relationship she seemed very needy
17) She alluded to credit problems
18) She never had much money
19) She had career goals that she talked about but took no steps to attain
20) She was scared to move here
21) She was out of her league in dating me
22) She admitted she takes the easy way out
23) She turned down the chance to be with a guy that has a great prestigous job, is ****y and funny, is experienced with how to please a woman both sexually and emotionally.
24) She wasnt there for me on one of the most important weekends in my life, instead she took the turn to address her selfish needs.
25) She really isnt a good cook, and doesn't eat that healthy
26) She doesn't workout at a gym on a regular basis and she claimed some crap reason for why she can't run
27) She does have a hobby that is athletic but I have no fricking interest in
28) She gives advice when it is unsolicited
29) She has to have the last word and thinks that she knows more about thing
30) She called me what she thought was a personality trait of mine(sometimes i get quiet when i'm thinking about things, i'm in my own world) and I told her to **** off about it. I thought that was very nervy on her part to be judgemental
31) She had a lot of different jobs. I wonder about her work ethic
32) She was a bit too easy. I may be skilled but I wonder about her sexual history


I'm going to add to this soon....
But it also helps to feel better, knowing that someone you dated is below you and your standards.