"WHY don't I want him???"

[STR8UP]

Okay, so I'm pretty much done posting about my experiences with women, but I did want to share something interesting that a female friend shared with me last night. I think it's a safe topic since it has nothing to do with me. Nothing at all groundbreaking, but I think it's worth a mention.

Anyway....

It was my friend's birthday last night, so a couple of us went out for a drink. She was telling me how excited she was to be moving back up north, and how she is happy because she already has two dates lined up when she gets back.

She proceeds to ask me "So what is WRONG with me? The one guy I have a date with I have known for a long time, and he is HOT, I mean absolutely gorgeous. All of my friends say the same thing. I know that if I were to get with him, he would treat me like gold. He would be great with my kids, (blah, blah, blah). But the problem is.....he's just so NICE. I mean, isn't that really BAD of me to not want him just because he is too nice and isn't a challenge?"

I explained to her that she doesn't need to apologize or rationalize her attraction. It's natural, and you can't force yourself to see someone in that way. I told her that woman want what other women want, and what they think they can't have. It's NATURAL, and she is simply acting on what is in her best interests.

The thing is, by her tone I could tell that she deeply WANTED to be attracted to this guy, almost desperately. She was basically saying to me, "He is all I want in a man, except....I don't 'want' him. WHY don't I want him???"

She was frustrated because a guy that had all of the physical attributes and personality traits she was looking for wasn't being a "Man".

Again, nothing groundbreaking here but it just goes to show you the importance of maintaining your image as a Man, and part of that includes displaying to women that you have "value" by making sure that you aren't too attentive and focused on HER.

This is the basis behind Rollo's Plate theory, and no matter what method you use to accomplish this (spin plates, put a low priority on women, have lots of interests OTHER than women, etc.) you gotta make sure you're on point before and during a relationship, cause the second you give up your ability to "charm" the snake, it's gonna jump up and bite you.

 

[jophil28]

before and during a relationship, cause the second you give up your ability to "charm" the snake, it's gonna jump up and bite you.

Or it will slither away and be charmed by someone else.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

you gotta make sure you're on point before and during a relationship, cause the second you give up your ability to "charm" the snake, it's gonna jump up and bite you.

TRUE.

A man should never give all his power away to a woman. He should only give of himself in proportion to the amount of "gifts" he sees her giving back to him.

The law of RECIPROCITY should rule the day in the case of most healthy relationships/friendships/business interactions, etc.

And let us not forget, that perhaps another plan a man might try, in and attempt to maintain his VALUE, is to consider minimizing the amount of charm he's willing to use on a woman whom he suspects may be "Snake-Like."

 

[jophil28]

TRUE.

A man should never give all his power away to a woman. He should only give of himself in proportion to the amount of "gifts" he sees her giving back to him.

The law of RECIPROCITY should rule the day in the case of most healthy relationships/friendships/business interactions, etc.

And let us not forget, that perhaps another plan a man might try, in and attempt to maintain his VALUE, is to consider minimizing the amount of charm he's willing to use on a woman whom he suspects may be "Snake-Like."

Gold !

 

[joekerr31]

once again we need to differentiate between 'nice' and 'doormat'.

no woman wants a doormat.

as for this woman, to be honest, my take on this would depend on knowing her.
for all we know this guy is a solid, mature man who has his sh*t together and she is an immature drama seeking chic.

when women are young they want drama. even when some are old they want drama. they want to fight and argue and engage in constant push / pull - this makes them feel like they matter since if they didn't matter their man wouldn't bother fighting with them.

there are plenty of drama queens out there who screw it up with awesome mature men. then six months later see him engaged to some chic who has her sh*t together and then they sit at home and eat a pint of ice cream and cry and whine about why THEY can't find a good man and while they are all taken and why life is so unfair to them.

on the other hand, if this woman IS mature, then the guy she's talking about obviously doesn't have his sh*t together. but one has to ask, why she would waste her time going out with him then (assuming she is mature and doesn't waste her time on men that she knows she has no future with).

ultimately, i reiterate, mature women LOVE nice guys. all women however dislike doormats.

i guess my only problem with this scenario is that we are assuming that the woman is the prize and that this guy isn't doing what he needs to do to raise her IL. but for all i know she isn't a prize and she merely rationalizes why she can't keep a man as all the men are 'too nice'.

interesting scenario regardless though.

 

[MacAvoy]

zzzz...BORING...

I think you should stick to posting about your life, its much more interesting, and all the jealous guys around here can live vicariously through you. Seriously man, you've been around long enough to ignore a dozen guys putting you down cuz they miss the boat, then why are you here? You've got some really valuable insight from the life that you live. I love your sh1t man, I know I was teasin a bit, but we need real life stuff. For example, I love how you make young girls qualify you.

If it wasn't for guys like you who are actually out in the field, then it would just be the same theory over and over again. Yes this stuff works but its not the ONLY solution.

Your a great poster, I know you've taken heat for hanging around the hor populace or having friends with no morals, but I've always lived my life by the motto "who cares what others think".

PLEASE don't let the good people miss out on what you have to offer because of a few bad apples.

 

[jophil28]

there are plenty of drama queens out there who screw it up with awesome mature men. then six months later see him engaged to some chic who has her sh*t together and then they sit at home and eat a pint of ice cream and cry and whine about why THEY can't find a good man and while they are all taken and why life is so unfair to them.

.

I swear , women who are young drama queens grow into olde drama queens. Why ? because they tend to marry sumbmissive wussies -total AFCs who never stand up to them or call them on their faked up dramatics. THis just reinforces the drama, and so it continues.

The excerpt above from JK is a classic, I hear it and see it at least once a week in my circles.
THis is another priceless observation on how women rarely change their ways .
Instead they go to " i'm a victim" and whine and biaitch about the dearth of "good men" . THese women cannot find any "good men" because the good guys have wised up and are avoiding them.

 

[STR8UP]

Straight from the horses mouth.

this gal needs an argument every now and then I like someone with their own mind.

I have had more than one woman tell in so many (or not so many) words that they crave confrontation. The last one that I recall stormed off one night after she saw me talking to another chick. The next time I talked to her she told me "If I would have known that you weren't going to get upset i wouldn't have acted that way".

WTF????

 

[STR8UP]

Your a great poster, I know you've taken heat for hanging around the hor populace or having friends with no morals, but I've always lived my life by the motto "who cares what others think".

PLEASE don't let the good people miss out on what you have to offer because of a few bad apples.

Little by little I'm trying to get my life back together, and arguing about a chick being a "hor" vs. "quality" vs. whatever is kind of holding me back from that. I was posting like a madman for a few months when I was working a gazillion hours (I know that sounds strange but I could post MORE when I had no energy to do anything else) but now I get a day off every week (WOOHOO!!) and I'm trying to make strides to get my social life back on track. If there's anything "worth" posting I will post it.

 

[STR8UP]

i guess my only problem with this scenario is that we are assuming that the woman is the prize and that this guy isn't doing what he needs to do to raise her IL. but for all i know she isn't a prize and she merely rationalizes why she can't keep a man as all the men are 'too nice'.

This isn't assuming that she is or isn't a prize. To be honest, she's one of the coolest people I know but I don't see her in that way, although she gets hit on all the time when we go out, including last night when we were right in the middle of our convo.

All I was saying is that obviously she WANTS VERY MUCH to be attracted to him, but she's frustrated that she is standing there looking at the "perfect man" but she can't force herself to want to be with him.

 

[STR8UP]

THis is another priceless observation on how women rarely change their ways .
Instead they go to " i'm a victim" and whine and biaitch about the dearth of "good men" . THese women cannot find any "good men" because the good guys have wised up and are avoiding them.

A big part of this particular woman's problem is that she is obsessed with a friend of mine, and he doesn't share her feelings.

This is another interesting topic that hasn't really been discussed.....how a lot of women "take themselves out of the game" when they are very interested in someone else, even if that person isn't interested in them. These women will DATE you, they might even fool around with you, but they are nearly incapable of any amount of interest level due to being in a state of suspension over their attraction to someone else. This deserves its own post...

 

[ketostix]

I see and agree with your observation Str8up, but looking at things from the outside I agree with joekerr somewhat too. Your friend maybe cool and all, but I think this is an example of a woman who's never satisfied too. So no matter what a guy does or doesn't do women like that are forever nitpicking and never satisfied. This is a problem of older woman who are still single. If they had any clue what they wanted and appreciated what they get, generally they wouldn't be single at such an advanced age.

 

[iqqi]

once again we need to differentiate between 'nice' and 'doormat'.

no woman wants a doormat.

as for this woman, to be honest, my take on this would depend on knowing her.
for all we know this guy is a solid, mature man who has his sh*t together and she is an immature drama seeking chic.

when women are young they want drama. even when some are old they want drama. they want to fight and argue and engage in constant push / pull - this makes them feel like they matter since if they didn't matter their man wouldn't bother fighting with them.

there are plenty of drama queens out there who screw it up with awesome mature men. then six months later see him engaged to some chic who has her sh*t together and then they sit at home and eat a pint of ice cream and cry and whine about why THEY can't find a good man and while they are all taken and why life is so unfair to them.

on the other hand, if this woman IS mature, then the guy she's talking about obviously doesn't have his sh*t together. but one has to ask, why she would waste her time going out with him then (assuming she is mature and doesn't waste her time on men that she knows she has no future with).

ultimately, i reiterate, mature women LOVE nice guys. all women however dislike doormats.

i guess my only problem with this scenario is that we are assuming that the woman is the prize and that this guy isn't doing what he needs to do to raise her IL. but for all i know she isn't a prize and she merely rationalizes why she can't keep a man as all the men are 'too nice'.

interesting scenario regardless though.

A+, young grasshopper. Move to the next level.

 

[iqqi]

I have had more than one woman tell in so many (or not so many) words that they crave confrontation. The last one that I recall stormed off one night after she saw me talking to another chick. The next time I talked to her she told me "If I would have known that you weren't going to get upset i wouldn't have acted that way".

WTF????

This response is also in regard to your other posts following the one I quoted, and probably all your threads period: you hang out with drama queens.

Sorry, but still, nothing has changed. So my responses to what you are "witnessing" or "observing" cannot change. I know you are tired of hearing it. But let me repeat, Sorry, but still, nothing has changed. So my responses to what you are "witnessing" or "observing" cannot change.

 

[reset]

I swear , women who are young drama queens grow into olde drama queens. Why ? because they tend to marry sumbmissive wussies -total AFCs who never stand up to them or call them on their faked up dramatics. THis just reinforces the drama, and so it continues.

But chicks aren't supposed to be ATTRACTED to guys like that. I know it happens but I really don't get it. If they mainly get turned on by guys who don't take their crap, then how could they be satisfied by a submissive wussy and end up marrying the guy BECAUSE he's a wussy? Do they actually FEEL anything towards these doormats? Do they stay up at night with their little hearts beating thinking of the new wussy they met?

Or is it that guys with their act together just won't stay? But even in that case, they'd be forced to change if dudes keep leaving them because of their drama.

Of course, I know women are rarely wrong or make mistakes.

 

[jophil28]

But chicks aren't supposed to be ATTRACTED to guys like that. I know it happens but I really don't get it. If they mainly get turned on by guys who don't take their crap, then how could they be satisfied by a submissive wussy and end up marrying the guy BECAUSE he's a wussy? Do they actually FEEL anything towards these doormats? Do they stay up at night with their little hearts beating thinking of the new wussy they met?

Or is it that guys with their act together just won't stay? But even in that case, they'd be forced to change if dudes keep leaving them because of their drama.

Of course, I know women are rarely wrong or make mistakes.

Women do NOT always marry the hot guys. Attraction is what gets women hot but it does not guarantee "provisioning" (ref. RT ) This is hard for some guys to grasp that a woman can be "in love with" guy A who is a bar man or a musician, is handsome, popular and gets her wet BUT she settles for guy B who is a junior partner in an accounting firm, is well connected, and loves his mother and his labrador..
Women seek security and will often marry the AFC steady guy whom she can control and "manage" Why ? because her chances of being provided for are higher that if she married the hot guy who had options.

 

[reset]

Good points. I guess guy B couldn't be a DJ (as in masculine, confident, assertive man). Guy A gets more fun and satisfaction from life and Guy B gets parasites.

Hopefully being a DJ and being successful financially don't cancel each other out.

Of course if a woman only wanted my money, I wouldn't want her. But maybe I'd never be able to tell.

 

[DavenJuan]

STR8-

i can think of several women i know who share this same philosophy. isnt it amazing that what the SAY they want in a man, they still really have no idea.

in this particular case, this guy as all the nuts and bolts that if explained to any other female, they would tell her she is crazy for not going for him. but if they were replaced in her shoes would still have the same outcome.

there is NO CHASE, NO MYSTERY. with all her has to offer, its there waiting for her. now i have to believe that if given the opportunity, she would possibly be intimate with him, but not able to sustain an actual relationship because he lacks that "it"

howver, the same plays for both teams. if a women regardless how HOTT, SMART, AND FUNNY... she lacks that INTRIGUE, THAT MYSTERY.

 

[Desdinova]

She was frustrated because a guy that had all of the physical attributes and personality traits she was looking for wasn't being a "Man".

The way I see it, this guy doesn't excite her emotionally. In other words, he's BORING.

The last thing a woman wants is to be bored. That's why they create drama. That's why they're interested in their friends' drama. That's why they become involved in their friends' drama. Drama is ANYTHING but boring, and it stimulates women emotionally.

No Des, you're WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!

There, I did it for you iqqi

 

[Latinoman]

STR8UP - Good topic and good thread.