Why does how my girl dressess bother me so much?

[netman]

I know that it's un-DJ like to be jealous and stuff, but the way my girl dresses is really affecting my thoughts. Without going into tons of details, I've been burned in the past by an ex-girlfriend, so I have trust issues that I'm still getting over. My girlfriend of almost a year is VERY hot, and she loves to wear tight jeans and tight shirts that accentuate her Coca-Cola body, and it irks me!! Don't get me wrong, she doesn't have her breasts hanging out and stuff and she's not a flirtatious person, but it bothers me to think of the other men who gawk at her all day and approach her all day long. I'm 27, good looking, very confident and pretty financially successful, so I really shouldn't feel insecure but I can't stop these thoughts in my head.

I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that men are gawking and approaching her everyday, or the thought that she dresses like this for the attention and that she likes it. She says that she dresses this way to be classy and comfortable (she has been dressing like this for years - I knew her a few years before we hooked up) and that she doesn't do it for the attention, but it still gets to me. She's a very mature and conscious person and she says that she's used to the attention and that she doesn't pay any mind to it, but am I having doubts about that?

I know I'm going to get responses like, "You should be proud to have a hot girlfriend" and stuff like that, but I want to know what I can do to change my thinking so that I can enjoy my time with her instead of having these thoughts rule my days. One thing that helps is that I'm not vocal about these thoughts, but it bugs me inside. Help!!

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Do you dress well yourself? That could be a good step to take if not.

I think you'll just have to get over your insecurity somehow. If you trust her, well there you go. If not, you're in trouble.

Yes, be proud!

 

[Elimidate]

I've been in the same position and have had all kinds of chumps blatently staring at her while were together.

At first I was pissed, and even asked a guy what the F are you staring at??!

Here's what I've learned - GIRLS HATE INSECURITY! Its a huge turn off - so play it cool jack!!!!!!!!!

Now whenever I'm in this postion I take it as a compliment.

Bro, It's like driving down the street in a yellow ferrari. Everyone looks but its who is in the drivers seat that counts.

Keep your DJ skill sharp and your ride will never be stolen

Elimidate

 

[Avsguy01]

If your going to have a hottie like that your going to have to expect her to dress like it. If you have a problem with her dressing that way you shouldnt be dating her. Just dont worry about it. Insecurity is the biggest flaw in the DJ world, and the fact you dont like her wearing them clothes just almost makes you seem insecure. Be grateful. I wish i had a hottie that could wear clothes like that.

.02 cents

P.S. Just think how sexy it will be everytime you take them nice clothes off of her

 

[drixsa]

ya the guys might be looking at her thinking, "wow, shes hot" etc.,

but when they see you with her theyll be thinkin "damn, what a lucky SOB" or "what the hell is she doin with him" either way they will be jealous of YOU

i think that you are over reacting, yea men are going to look at good-looking woman, you cannot stop it so why let it bother you??

hopefully, there are woman looking at you saying those same things , so whats really the big deal??

your problem may have to with less of how she dresses and it may be more about YOU

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Yeah my girl likes to wear short skirts and sexy clothing and gets checked out and all... even the other week I was hugging her and some guys passed by, one of them checks her out and says something like "Deflower her for me man!". I just grin at these guys for two reasons. a) I like to flirt with girls while they're with their guys just to mess with them a bit and watch their reactions (tee-hee!) b) I don't have any trust issues with my girl and have watched her tell good looking guys to get lost when they're too persistent for their own good.

If you have trust issues after being with her for almost a year, you're doing something wrong IMO.

 

[STR8UP]

Get rid of the insecurities man.

Last weekend I went out with a friend and his girl. She's the kind of girl you only see once every few months...pretty freakin hot.

The DJ saw her dancing and before long he had her up on the bar with a spotlight on her shakin her ass for the world to see. Every tom, dikk, and harry in that bar was standing there with their tounge wagging. My buddy totally loved it! He was with her. She was going home with him, what does it matter?

Someone steps over the line and touches her or disrespects her and he turns into Mike Tyson crossed with a rabid pitbull, but that's a different story.

So long as they only LOOK, be proud she's with YOU.

 

[netman]

This is all great advice. Any females reading this post have any advice for me?

 

[MysteryWoman]

Testing

 

[MysteryWoman]

Hi Netman

I can understand why you feel intimidated but the majority of hot women dress this way and flunt their bodies. So asking her to cover up with only make her resent you. But this doesn't mean that she wants to cheat on you, any hot girl you date you will have this problem. Seeing you are a handsome guy, I think most of those guys who stare don't have a chance in hell. So you need not worry.

Just don't show your jealousy, don't take it out on her or the other guys or this could sabbotage your relationship.

 

[32swf]

I agree with Mystery Woman. Asking her to cover up or wear less revealing clothes will only make her want to do it more. If she is only dressing that way, and not doing anything else, like being overly flirtatious or giving you any reason to think she would cheat on you or isn't happy in the relationship with you, than this is something you need to change within yourself.

If you've been burned in the past, you need to remember to keep that in the past. This is a different woman, a different relationship, a different time. What's past is past.
Don't project your old past hurt feelings and mistrust onto this woman and this relationship. It will only hurt you in the end, and maybe drive her away. If it's lasted a year so far, than it's probably going pretty well. Don't make YOUR insecurities become HER problem or a RELATIONSHIP problem.
If you start to get annoyed by the attention you girlfriend receives from other men, relax. Take a deep breath. Get out of your chair, walk over to her and give her a hug and a big kiss right in front of the gawkers. That'll show 'em. And it'll give you a huge ego boost.

"ACT AS IF." if you act like something doesn't bother you, than after a while it won't. Remember it only takes 7 days to form a habit. good luck.

And remember the way she dresses probably attracted YOU to her in the first place.

 

[bugsquish]

I used to encourage my HB ex to dress as sexily as she liked cuz I trusted her and was proud. I used to love seeing guys eye her up and even try to hit on her cuz I knew she was mine.

 

[Ice Cold]

You have nothing to worry about.


All the guys will be paralyzed and unable to approach.

 

[confused_girly]

Jealous is jealous - doesn't matter if it's cool or not. It happens.

From a female perspective, I have a girlfriend who is TOTALLY gorgeous and is worried about her guy dressing nicely when he works with other women....so the gender-reversal of your situation. They talked about it - he knows she's going to be jealous and as long as he re-assures her now and then, she's ok with it.....oh and alcohol makes the jealousy worse unfortunately!!!!

The truth is....most women - however gorgeous - have phases in our lives when were are insecure about how we look. During this phase, we find a way of dressing, wearing make-up that suits us and gets us the most attention - which makes us happy!!

Then we get involved with a great guy and we want everyone to admire us as a couple....a woman isn't going to get lazy just because she got with someone! - and we wouldn't want you guys to do that either. Therefore, she's probably right - she's dressing in what is comfortable and great - and remember that is what you found attractive in the first place!!!! It was for you first!!!

As for your fear that she's doing it for the attention - yes, she could be - but it doesn't necessarily mean you should mis-trust her. Some women think that their guys WANT other men to pay attention to them and be jealous of them - because it proves that he's got something REALLY worth having. (That's OUR insecurity coming out)

So for that reason, it might be worth just saying it - it's a part of your personality and this is currently part of hers...

With regard to trust....consider all the other behaviour....if it's just the way she dresses, you have nothing to worry about....it's her behaviour - how she treats other men when they pay attention to her that matters - and how she treats you when this happens.

If I am wearing jogging pants and a tee-shirt or a really short hot dress...I still ACT the same around someone I like/love....and once I have HIS attention, I'm really not concerned how all the other guys act - so consider what her BEHAVIOUR is like!!!