Why do woman take offence when asking them out in everyday situations???

[Duracell_Bunny]

It happens quite a lot. I've gone off the whole meeting at a bar on a Saturday night thing and trying something else.

For example there is this cute checkout assistant that I see quite a lot (works at a local shop just around the corner from my home). When I'm buying food on my way back from work and she is on, she usually gives me a bit of a wave when I'm queuing, we have a bit of cheeky small talk. The other day she was going on about how she was supposed to be seeing a film with friends after her shift but they've backed out. I said to her "tell you what, we'll go together" - she froze, didn't speak a word and it all went awkward. Seen her again last night, she didn't smile once and served me in silence. Ok fair enough that she wasn't interested, but I don't get why she has to give me the cold shoulder.

A couple of weeks ago at the gym I was chilling in the spa area when this sexy thing was walking past me. We made eye contact so I said hi. She sat next to me in the jacuzzi (there was no one else). I asked her how her workout went etc. and she became very talkative and reacted well to touching (checkout out her muscles). There was no way of getting her number unless I have awesome memory so I asked what she was up to afterwards, and then said "lets grab a coffee, I'll meet you in the cafe". I got a polite "no thanks" then she went silent. When I see her around the gym she doesn't even acknowledge me. mmmmm!

 

[abe0]

Because maybe they get asked a million times a day and all they want to do is either do their job and be friendly or work out on the gym. Not everyone out there want to date....there are people who are content and maybe friendly who do not mind chatting...but tired of thinking that just cause a woman is talking does not imply they want to sleep with you or go out with you. abe

 

[SgtSplacker]

I think you need to build a little more rapport before you go for the hangout like that. There are ques a girl will give you that cross the line of casual conversation. Like asking about your girlfriend, or telling you nobody asks her out. Rather than just asking her out like that, test the water by saying things like "so when are we going to hang out? you're a trip!" and see how she responds first. Find out where she hangs out and start going there until you see her, then go over and say hi and test the waters like that. Don't put yourself out there like that, your lack of social tact suggests other masculine short comings to a woman.

This advice is for a typical looking dude, of course there are guys out there that just throw semen at women and collect numbers all day.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Gym girl I would of asked for her number if we were not sitting in water.

For the checkout assistant, there was a lot of report going on there and she previously asking questions like "Cozy night in with the girlfriend?" when buying a bottle of wine.

I do see what you mean by treading the waters first though.

 

[Robert28]

I mean if they want to act all silent and awkward then that's on them. Don't let it bother you. fvck em. Look at it like this, you saved yourself a lot of trouble by being up front and asking them to hangout rather then piss around and find out later on that they weren't interested in you. it's true, you may want to build some more comfort with them and try not to be so direct by asking them out next time. on the other hand if you aren't direct then that won't get you anywhere either. if they were TRULY interested in you they would have accepted or either came back with a counter offer to you by giving you their number or suggesting something else. I don't have time for chatty b!tches that are just "being friendly". This ain't Mr. Rogers neighborhood and I've got sh1t to do. I have plenty of friends to talk to, wtf do I want to talk to some random stranger just because. I'm kind of a d!ck though so you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt. I've gotten to where I don't take sh!t from no d@mn body, pretty face or not.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I mean if they want to act all silent and awkward then that's on them. Don't let it bother you. fvck em. Look at it like this, you saved yourself a lot of trouble by being up front and asking them to hangout rather then piss around and find out later on that they weren't interested in you. it's true, you may want to build some more comfort with them and try not to be so direct by asking them out next time. on the other hand if you aren't direct then that won't get you anywhere either. if they were TRULY interested in you they would have accepted or either came back with a counter offer to you by giving you their number or suggesting something else. I don't have time for chatty b!tches that are just "being friendly". This ain't Mr. Rogers neighborhood and I've got sh1t to do. I have plenty of friends to talk to, wtf do I want to talk to some random stranger just because. I'm kind of a d!ck though so you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt. I've gotten to where I don't take sh!t from no d@mn body, pretty face or not.

I do respect this point of view also, there's some girls I just ask out and i'm done with it. But whenever i'm talking to a girl it's always with the objective of prepping them for the number grab or whatever. I very rarely just idly chat with a girl with no purpose.

 

[Driggs]

I am always careful about asking counter girls out, especially if I go in there regularly. It's their place of work and IMO they shouldn't have to deal with that. I've had a few dates that way but I think it has made more girls uncomfortable.

 

[skinnyguy]

This is the problem with day game.

It's inappropriate to ask someone out at work because it's "unprofessional" and she might sue you for sexual harassment.

It's inappropriate to approach at the gym because they just want to work out and not be bothered.

Bars an clubs have a low success rate, but at least you don't look like a weirdo for wanting to talk to a girl there.

 

[Robert28]

I do respect this point of view also, there's some girls I just ask out and i'm done with it. But whenever i'm talking to a girl it's always with the objective of prepping them for the number grab or whatever. I very rarely just idly chat with a girl with no purpose.

I do the opposite. I have learned that chatty girls who act all friendly and outgoing without you having to do any work almost always have a boyfriend or are enganged or are married. That's why I'm so weary of girls who are overly chatty with me when I'm not chatty with them. Case in point, went to get a haircut last week and the girl that usually cuts my hair wasn't there. They stuck me with the new girl. She started chatting it up like you wouldn't believe. someone that didn't know any better could have sworn she was "showing interest". bullsh!t she was. me being a pro and knowing what to look for, I could smell a rat. I started talking about football and going to the next game and that's when she dropped the boyfriend bomb on me. I didn't even have to ask her if she had one, I have learned a method to get them to voluntarily give it up. she was like "yeah my boyfriend likes so and so". like I give a d@mn. beware of girls who go out of their way to be friendly. if it seems to easy, it usually is. trust me!

 

[SgtSplacker]

Well waitaminute... if a girl you are paying for something is chatty with you that never counts man. C'mon now...

 

[Robert28]

Well waitaminute... if a girl you are paying for something is chatty with you that never counts man. C'mon now...

No, this girl was VERY chatty with me. Asking me personal questions and crap like "what do you do for work, what's the name of your business, etc". This girl was talking to me like she was on a date with me and trying to get to know me. You had to be there I guess. She was basically asking questions a girl that is interested in you would be asking.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I also hate it when people say ask her out whenever you want, feel like it, but if you do it like that and keep getting rejected, obviously something is not right, because after all remember what Einstein said about insanity, basically the hardest part is knowing when to ask her out, you don't want to do it too soon nor too late either, that's why I need more practice on developing rapport

 

[Robert28]

I also hate it when people say ask her out whenever you want, feel like it, but if you do it like that and keep getting rejected, obviously something is not right, because after all remember what Einstein said about insanity, basically the hardest part is knowing when to ask her out, you don't want to do it too soon nor too late either, that's why I need more practice on developing rapport

It's also insane to overthink it too. Don't do that! look, a girl determines within 5 seconds if she wants to date you or not. They can lie and say they don't but they do. It doesn't have sh!t to do with "getting to know you better or being comfortable with you". If you appeal to them physically then you can ask them out within 10 mins of talking and they'll jump for it if they are attracted to you. If she digs you, then the only way to fvck it up is to act like a moron or act all awkward and weird. Don't sit there thinking "when should I ask her out? now? tomorrow? next week? ahhhh!" She's just a girl. you aren't meeting the president.

 

[NewJack]

This is basically the big problem with all Game: you can't compress relationships into five minute time windows.

I don't think it works. We will always be banging our head against this same wall with this stuff, IMO.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I dunno sometimes I feel like the teachings for the clueless harm the normal folks who try to apply the same things. It's silly to think that you should not use tact and strategy when picking up women. I mean heck this forum is full of it. But then there is always that here and now type of advice that seems to prevail due to it's simplicity.

The truth is that you should never deal with absolutes. No single piece of advice applies to every situation blindly like that. There are times when you should not take any nonsense, and times when you have to plan things out a little...

Never deal in absolutes...

 

[corrector]

I am always careful about asking counter girls out, especially if I go in there regularly. It's their place of work and IMO they shouldn't have to deal with that. I've had a few dates that way but I think it has made more girls uncomfortable.

I don't see why they would be offended or be uncomfortable. It just sounds like another type of rejection, and being a numbers game, if you did get dates then it shows that strategy is working.

I get it if a woman's not interested, and if someone gets mad at them because they got rejected, or continues asking them again. However, I think this sounds more like a superficial double-standard, that if a guy is like an 8+ in looks, then the lady would behave differently than say a typical looking guy, and if the tables were turned and a lady was asking a guy out then he would be flattered.

Again, this sounds like Stageer Lee's looks idea. Rejection is always hard with guys that are average or below average on the looks scale since you also have to deal with social fall-out on top of the rejection itself, and now have to worry about shaming tactics as well.

So the only real problem with the OP is he's not HM 8+, and he only made 2 attempts (i.e. given they were warm contacts so it may be difficult to drum up numbers) rather than more.

Judging by the rejections, he's probably a 3-5 on looks, but that's for him to disclose to us how he looks and what type of feedback he gets out there from women in general. It's sad that typical looking below-average/average guys have to endure shame and social fall-out on top of rejection as that's like adding insult to injury for doing what any guy is to do.

 

[VikingKing]

I think you need to build a little more rapport before you go for the hangout like that. There are ques a girl will give you that cross the line of casual conversation. Like asking about your girlfriend, or telling you nobody asks her out. Rather than just asking her out like that, test the water by saying things like "so when are we going to hang out? you're a trip!" and see how she responds first. Find out where she hangs out and start going there until you see her, then go over and say hi and test the waters like that. Don't put yourself out there like that, your lack of social tact suggests other masculine short comings to a woman.

This advice is for a typical looking dude, of course there are guys out there that just throw semen at women and collect numbers all day.

I trust this gut response first. She doesnt trust you yet. She might feel akward about it. To get a woman to fall for you, you build up her ego a good amount at first (but dont dvl) then you cool off, then warm up, cool off ect.

You have to build her up, break her down, so on so forth.

 

[Driggs]

I'm just goddamn lucky I'm tall. I actually got hit on the other day by a woman in a hospital elevator who was commenting on my height and saying how awful it is in this society for guys who aren't tall. I totally agree with her, social graces are just a thin veneer over some realities that are extremely primitive and unpleasant.

 

[Driggs]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIfXdtml2gU

 

[TheODB]

While I certainly don't frown upon day game, it has its drawbacks. The most obvious one is that people in general are NOT super-responsive to being approached by strangers when going about their daily business. This rings true for both men and women, but rings more true for women because they've bought into a lot of the media-fueled "stranger danger" panic, and is more of a certainty when one lives in an urban environment. If you're going to approach random women during the day, there are simply too many factors against your favor that you wouldn't have at a party or night club setting. When people are out, they're trying to get sh** done: working out, grocery shopping, buying coffee, getting to and from work, whatever. Some people are not in the mental mindset to be approached when a million other things are on their mind, or if they are pressed for time. Expecting more nonresponsiveness or flakiness in these scenarios seems like common sense to me, but many dudes seem to really lack it around here.