why do I feel so guilty?...this sucks...please help

[Jaun_Don]

long story short...do you remember the room mate story?...yes?...okay...basically I gave her notice today and we ended up getting into a huge screaming match and I told her so many times to get ****ed or **** you and I told her I didn't actually like her and that she isn't my type of person and I called her pretentious too (she is) but the one thing that seemed to set her off was when I said too her "you made your bed, lie in it *****" she ended up saying "don't ****ing talk to me like that" and throwing a plate on the ground and stormed off.

I am quite stressed due to exams and I haven't been sleeping well but I can't live with this girl and she hasn't made any effort to find somewhere else to live.

A good friend of mine reckons I should say sorry to her, but you know what?, I actually feel relieved that I did this, we hadn't said a word to each other in weeks and she doesn't make me happy...but there is a part of me that does feel guilty, the thing is though now I have given her notice it feels better for me.

any thoughts?.

thanks

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Guns. Stick to them.

You suck up to this one with an admission of guilt and she'll respect you even less for rewarding her for her behavior.

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Guns. Stick to them.

You suck up to this one with an admission of guilt and she'll respect you even less for rewarding her for her behavior.

damn straight, I am a Man and that's that.

Thanks, I am glad I didn't go up and say sorry because I'm not, I just feel a little guilty.

what do you mean by "rewarding her for her behavior?"

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Child Psychology 101. When a child displays an innapropriate behavior (such as breaking a plate) in an effort to attain reinforcement, you must ignore the outbursts of the child and insist on compliance.

When you 'cave in' and tell a child "it's alright" this newly escalated behavior is then reinforced with a reward (your compliance) and then establishes this behavior as the requiste response for the next time an unacceptable behavior is performed.

It's like the child that pitches a fit in the grocery store to get a toy or some candy with their Mother. If the Mother concedes and gives the child the candy, she thus unwittingly reinforces that behavior by rewarding it and the child will even more readily default to pitching a fit on the next visit to the store.

By offering any sort of appology to this woman you will in effect be reinforcing her behavior and reducing any respect she may have for you as a decisive/authoritative man.

Very simple really.

 

[NewMan]

This is the same chick who was fvcking your other guy roommate in the shower?

Are you still crying about this b#tch?

Why the fvck are you even interacting with her? ignore the b#tch, move out and get on with your life. Why all this drama? That's something you need to seriously ask yourself. Self created drama.

The problem here is that you just want to hurt her feelings. She's fvcking your buddy - move on. Deep inside I believe you just want to get back at her - otherwise why the screaming match? you wanted it didn't you?

Anyways it's done. Don't appologize. But now, can you finally move on and forget about this b#tch?

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by NewMan
This is the same chick who was fvcking your other guy roommate in the shower?

Are you still crying about this b#tch?

Why the fvck are you even interacting with her? ignore the b#tch, move out and get on with your life. Why all this drama? That's something you need to seriously ask yourself. Self created drama.

The problem here is that you just want to hurt her feelings. She's fvcking your buddy - move on. Deep inside I believe you just want to get back at her - otherwise why the screaming match? you wanted it didn't you?

Anyways it's done. Don't appologize. But now, can you finally move on and forget about this b#tch?

There is no ONE ITIS...I swear on my grandmothers grave (RIP), this is me moving on, I don't want her in my life and I don't believe that she has made any real effort to move out.

I don't like her and have no attraction to her anymore I haven't for a long time...she is a high maintenance, annoying rude ***** and I told her that.

All I was doing with this post was asking why did I feel a little guilty that was all.

peace

and for the record I am seeing someone (sort of)

 

[NewMan]

I'm just saying, there was a reason why this happened. Revenge? anger? whatever. It really is uneccessary - why give her the satisfaction - because from what I've read, she loves this drama BS (don't they all?).

As I guy, the less drama in my life the better. Stress management - just ignore the b#tches.

 

[Tazman]

All I was doing with this post was asking why did I feel a little guilty that was all.

You can deny it until you're blue in the face, but the ultimate reason you feel guilty is because you still care. I agree with the person that said you're trying to get back at her in a way (hence the unnecessary arguing). Your strong emotions and screaming are "blatant" signs that you are still hung up on this girl and she knows it as well. You're in denial. Just stick to what you said and leave it at that. God knows you need to get away from this girl for your own sanity.

 

[Bonhomme]

IF there's an element of revenge in it...

... and I'm not asking you to say if there is or isn't... that's your business... bear in mind the old saying:

Revenge is best served cold.

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by Tazman
You can deny it until you're blue in the face, but the ultimate reason you feel guilty is because you still care. I agree with the person that said you're trying to get back at her in a way (hence the unnecessary arguing). Your strong emotions and screaming are "blatant" signs that you are still hung up on this girl and she knows it as well. You're in denial. Just stick to what you said and leave it at that. God knows you need to get away from this girl for your own sanity.

phhhesssshhh honestly...there is nothing still there on my part...why is this so hard to believe?...what it is for me is I have lost a good friend of 9 years over this...you see I resent the ***** and want her and him out of my life, it has been a hard few months but I'm much better now but in order for me to really move on...I need her out of my life.

The thing is I have told her numerous times to move out and we have talked **** out or something else....anyway it is FINAL now you know...I gave her notice, told her exactly what I thought of her and other things...why?...because I don't care about her and she isn't my type of person...it's as simple as that.

This isn't some 'big drama' with me hoping that we fall into a passionate embrace...or whatever , because it's not...I got over her months ago...please give me the benefit of the doubt guys.


Did I feel guilty today?...No and she is pissed and all frosty to me and I gave her a print out of some rooms for rent.

I want her out guys, this ***** has turned my life upside down and isn't good for me, I know this.

 

[Tomb]

I don't believe Juan_Don has oneitis with her. It's possible he lost alot of attraction to her as she did cheated. When I found out a girl cheated, it is the same with me. Anger is the only emotion left but not attraction nor love etc and even that emotion doesn't last long. After you give her a piece of your mind, a great feeling of relief is out. That's what Juan here felt when he scream at her. But the reason you feel a little guilty because you two have history and you are still a person. You are probably a nice person inside and yelling like that at anyone would cause you to have a bit of guilt.

 

[the_great_gaia]

she's not going to move out..

she's gonna put up a fight with you, possibly forever, because you allow it.

She is interested in you NOW, your room mate..

She knows that once in the past, you used to like her so much, and now she sees this change in you and your behavior. The biggest question in her mind is "Why doesn't he like me?" and "What can i do to get him to like me again?"

This is a game of cat and mouse.

The mouse is trying to get away and the cat isn't going to let it. The mouse is small and can hide, but she's trying to find you, and once she does... lunch time.

whether you know it or not.. you are filling her interest level up TO THE MAX!

You talk shyt to her; that's a turn on

You want her out of your place but she takes it as a joke because you haven't called the police yet; She thinks that you are all TALK!

She not going anywhere, she's going to ALWAYS be in your business. She's making herself apart of your life, whether you like it or not. If you continue to be mean to her, she's gonna be MORE and MORE turned on.

That plate she broke.. that was her way of blowing her whistle for the war to begin. She's gonna become even more WEIRD.. STRANGE... I hope you like TAKE OUT because I wouldn't eat ANYTHING she cooks if I were you.

You won't be able to fvck any pu554 in your place, because K will always corrupt everything you set up.

You wanted to be with K once before remember? I bet you even wanted to fuk her too. You couldn't THEN... but now, I bet my LIFE you could... And K knows this. If you do plan to fuk some pu554 in your place, it's gonna be with her. K wants to be #1. Especially since your boy of nine years is GONE!

You, my friend, are TRAPPED! And I honestly believe that you LOVE IT! Being trapped by a beautiful girl is quite interesting, but this girl is playing for keeps. I think you should fuk her at least one time..

If you really want her out, you're gonna have to revert back to your old AFC ways towards her (you can pretend), but you have to really SELL YOURSELF. Tell her that you LOVE HER and that you want her to GIVE BIRTH TO YOUR KIDS. Write her countless notes, leave messages in her bathroom mirror for her to see when she gets out of the shower. Basically put: YOU HAVE TO SCARE HER OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! SCARE HER! FEAR! OBSESS! Any female will repel to that, even her... you won't have to show her the apartment ADs anymore, she'll be GONE!

I don't know what you're gonna do, but you have two choices:

Plan A) SCARE HER by pretending to be in love with her MADLY. Consequences: If she discovers that you are purposely trying to scare her, you would only be opening up another can of worms. She'll hit you with mind games, tests, drama, and probably even SCARE YOU...

Plan B) Accept the fact that.. she just ain't going no where. You are stuck with her forever and you might as well marry her because this is whats goes down when you move in with a woman thats not YOURS. Watch Judge Mathis on TV, this could be your new favorite show.

 

[NewMan]

she didn't cheat on him - he was not even fvcking her.

get it?

 

[Jaun_Don]

I swear I could strangle this *****...alright here is what happened....earlier today she had a bunch of clothes that ended up sprawling all across the road we live on,and I picked them up and had to go through her room to get the clothesline, so I told her about it when I got home and she asked me what was it and I told her and she thanked me, later on when I got home after being at a friends place and drinking...I went up to her room and asked her sign something which the landlord needed and she kicked up a fuss and said **** like "get out of my room"(I was outside her room for the record) and "you can't talk to people the way you talked to me" and then I reached in my backpocket and pulled out a piece of paper with some details on it about a flat she could look at, around this time while K was saying Oh great more notes and threw it on the floor and said the other room mate came out and said she couldn't handle all this aggression and she would move out and I looked at Kate and said "have you been talking **** to her have you?" and she said no she just must see what a psycho you are" and I just looked at her and said you are such a rude *****, it's not funny.

This is incredible, I save her washing today, help her find places (like she asked me too) and she treats me like a ****.

so in the end I told her that she nows has 2 weeks as opposed to a month (I am the leaseholder and I can)

 

[the_great_gaia]

oh man...

you saw her clothes in the street and you helped picked them up? Why in the hell did u do that for? That's not thinking on your part. When you did that, you might as well say you helped her move back into your apartment. When the clothes were OUTSIDE that was a GOOD THING for YOU.

Why did you bring them back in the flat for? That was very weird!

When you went to her room to have her sign something, she fussed you out over it.. dude, she's NOT LEAVING! She sees you as the PREY of the household, because she's the predator. She knows she has power over you, your social life, your sex life, basically EVERYTHING... you should sleep with one eye open. Because she knows where you rest your head at night.

First, it's gonna be the drama, next, she's gonna boil a pot of grits and that's gonna end up on your back while you're in the shower. You roomie is a psycho bytch; a psychedelic jackass. What you don't realize is that ALL OF THIS is FUN to her.

She loves every minute of it. Hell no, she'll never appreciate ANYTHING you do for her, but why are you doing anything for her in the first place? It's almost to that point where you are gonna have to get a restraining order, but for who? her or yourself? I really really am close to believing that you have feelings for this girl. Why else would you be putting up with this non-sense.

When you told her that she has 2 weeks to get out, that really mean 2 decades to her. You can swear all day long on your grandmother's grave that you don't have any feelings for this chic, but i don't think it's fair that your grandmother has to go thru any of this. Who knws, your granny is probably still alive.

You need to be a man. Stop SAYING. Start DOING. Either kick her ass out of that fvcking apartment, or fvck the BLUE HELL out of her and be with her, her attraction is defenitely turned on. You're in a hell in one right now, it's almost too late to get out. Post back!

 

[Tazman]

fvck the BLUE HELL out of her and be with her, her attraction is defenitely turned on.

LOL! If this was possible he wouldn't be kicking her out. That's the whole point of all this, she wasn't/isn't into him and he became obsessed with trying to read "signs" that steered him wrong. Juan_Don if you really believe this you haven't learned anything from this. For christ's sake stop arguing with this bvtch and just be prepared to give her the boot when her time is up.

 

[Wyldfire]

It's kinda hard for him to move on when she's been his roommate all this time.

Making her leave is definitely what he needs to do, however, with doing that any person with even an ounce of compassion is going to have mixed feelings about it because he's basically booting her out of her home (his home too). In the back of his mind he's likely just feeling badly because he's concerned she might not have anywhere to go.

It doesn't mean he still wants her or even cares about her. I'm guessing it's just basic compassion he's feeling.

 

[NewMan]

We've given you advice on this - I don't know what is so difficult about all of this - but it seems like you constantly want the drama. I don't get it.

I can't read this anymore - it's to difficult to read.

 

[Jaun_Don]

nah you guys have got it wrong...she pushed me out of HER room...I picked up her clothes because a friend helped me and even though I don't like the *****, we still are room mates you know...I would hope she would do the same for me.

I came home to a note outside my door asking me to Please (underlined) not help her find a place as I can do it on my own thanks.


and NO i have not said sorry and I don't plan too, she is a prissy ***** that has had people kiss her ass for so long, she is bossy and full of herself, it's about time she met someone like me that won't put up with her bull**** and games.

It took a while but I am glad I said what I did to her...and I do still have my nuts intact and of course I can't beat myself up over the one itis...but I can learn from it and I have.

come on this is the 2nd time she has called me "psycho" and it's obvious she can't really deal with a guy telling her the real deal about her superficial personality.

oh and as for ****ing her, ermmm...yuck, no I found out she has a bladder infection, not too mention before she moved to the city I'm from, I hear she was quite the 'party' girl...and lastly, I have lived with her for 6 months and have seen things in the washing room that NO MAN should have to see...if you know what I mean.



Karma is a *****:crackup:

 

[Jaun_Don]

Originally posted by MetalFortress
Okay. Want her to leave? Here's what you do. First off, everytime she's asleep, stand over her and watch her until she wakes up. When she freaks out, tell her you wanted to give her her mail, her phone messages, etc.

Second, take every article of clothing that you picked up, and throw them back in the street. Make sure you do this during the busiest time of the day. Add a few more articles as well. Just tell her you charge interest for labor.

Third, hire some of your guy friends to creep her out in every way possible, like to call her, breathe heavily, and then hang up. Another fun one is to have them just stare in her window.

If none of that works, start taking dumps in her bed. That should do the trick just fine.

Alternatively, you can just stop being a wuss and kick her out.

that was funny...I already have kicked her out give her notice...some of you seem to not be getting the gist of this.