Why do girls lie about their sexual past, and why does it hurt me to find out?

[Engetsu]

Usually, I would turn to someone around me, but since there is no one that I can trust right now since I live in a Arab neighborhood and me and most of my friends are Arabs... Yeah, believe it or not, most Arabs like to talk, so I'll keep my mouth shut this time or else a word might get to my girlfriend. Still, it hurts to keep this **** inside, so I'll type it out here instead.

My girlfriend lied to me about her sexual past. HER version of the story is that she had sex with one guy in a 5-month LTR, then she had another boyfriend which she did nothing with. Therefore, I am the second guy she has sex with.

However, bottom line is, I found out that she DIDN'T screw the 5 month guy and screwed the guy after that, which she went out with for ONE MONTH. She had sex with him after 2 weeks, and he left her 2 weeks later... I proceeded to ask her why she gave up her virginity so easily, and she said that she "got lost in a moment of passion" and "wanted to get it over with". I then told her that I don't accept to be with a girl who has no values. I asked her "If you had your 13-year-old daughter in front of you right now, would you actually tell her to fvck any guy just to get it over with???". She obviously said "no", but not with as much emotion as I expected... And she didn't have anything to add, except "if you think that I have no values then you better leave me".

I really do love this girl, so I asked her if she thought if what she did was a mistake that she wouldn't do again if she had the chance... And she said yes, but again, with not as much emotion. I told her that she wasn't being very convincing, and she told me that it's because it's been so long that it happened that it's not affecting her anymore. I thought just the fact of me finding out would at LEAST make her a little more willing to fight to keep me. All I got were some measly tears, which isn't enough, to me, in a situation like this.

Her actions are those of a girl who has no control over her emotions, just like a slut. So many things and words are going through my head... right now it's "you're just the next pimp in line". It hurts me so much to know that I love her but that maybe I shouldn't have gotten into this in the first place.

What's going on? What should I be asking myself right now?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What do you want to hear "I am a hor!!!" You already know she is a hor!!

PR_L Lover's hor classification - "Hor" (non-virginn), "Mega-hor", Giga-hor", "Tetra-hor", "Catastrophic hor" - pick a category of your choosing!

If you are 'sexing' her and she isn't your wife then she is horing and you are just the next pimp in line!!

 

[Engetsu]

It hurts to find that stuff out man... I want to be in a relationship with her because she is a great person and I don't want to throw away the connection... the memories... the stability... over something like this.

Can't I find any reassuring words?

 

[Le Parisien]

You will be a stronger person when you are through with this, and you WILL be through with this!

 

[Engetsu]

How???

 

[[look]aRhino]

From my viewpoint, the big deal is the fact that she lied, not that she sexed up a different person than you thought she did.

So she slept with someone after two weeks, virginity means different things to different people. No need to get super mad at her, you can obviously see what her opinion is of and her values are towards being a virgin.

What you need to do now, is decide for yourself, does her viewpoint on virginity differ from mine? and if yes, does this matter to me? and if it does, does it matter enough that I want to leave her?

Personally though, virginity is just a label, it means nothing either way to me. However, I would be concerned as to the lieing. It seems like you want an LTR, you need trust in an LTR. I would goto her and say "It hurt me that you lied to me, especially with no reason. Trust is very important to me, if you ever lie to me again, I'm gone."

Alternatively, if you just want to sex her up, forget about all that for now, sex her up, and then drop her later.

Rhino

 

[Engetsu]

Originally posted by [look]aRhino
I would goto her and say "It hurt me that you lied to me, especially with no reason. Trust is very important to me, if you ever lie to me again, I'm gone."

I did say that... on the spot. And she admitted a couple of stupid little things, like I said in my above post. Also, I already sexed up, this isn't the deal.

The problem is... I see her as an easy girl now.

I realize that if I leave her because of this, she'll be traumatized for life, and she'll hide it from every single one of her boyfriends from now on, which isn't good because there's always a possibility that they find out later on, for a reason that she said was a mistake to her.

See, I'm turning around in circles! I don't know what to think of her. Do I let her go and move on or do I keep the love that we have?

 

[[look]aRhino]

Why does her being an easy girl matter that much? An easy guy gets props, yet an easy girl gets sh*t.

I dunno man, ultimately this is your own issue you ahve to work out. Does her being easy outweigh the "love" you think you've got.

What might work for you, is to continue to go out and sleep with her, and by the time you've found someone you might consider, you'll be able to answer this question much better. My guess, is with time you won't care as much.

Rhino

 

[Befuddled]

Engetsu, quite being a jackass. sorry but it had to be said.

Your 'problem' is not just with you, it's with everyone around you as well. All guys hate finding out about the sexual past of their girls. I too have been in quite a delima about a girl i was seeing.

Here's somethign to consider....
1. Everyone makes mistakes. Sounds to me like this girl was on the rebound, and vounerable.

2. So shes just been with ONE guy !!!!! it's next to impossible to find a virgin these days, consider yourself lucky that she hasnt been with 50 guys !

3. It's in the past. it does have some influence on the present and future, but dosent have to. (you can choose to overlook it and have a great time with a girl you like, or you can choose to make a big do about nothing)

4. Maybe she lied to you cause she didnt want you to think less of her and actually cared about what YOU would feel. Dont throw that away... and dont be a drama queen.

5. In my limited experience, i try not to care about a girls sexual past.... what concerns me is her loyalty and trust to me. So if she sleeps around with other guys after we have hooked up, thats when i get worked up. Not otherwise.

6.For heavens sake man...don't use the 'L' word.

Advice:
If you care for her....come to grips with reality that she is possibly loyal to you right now, and thats all one can hope for. If that changes you have all reasons to question your relationship with her.

If i were you, id tell her that it was kind of upsetting to find out. (but imo you shouldnt have asked her in the first place...your questions should be limited to the number of partners rather than the circumstances of each). And that you still care for her and would like to get to know her more deeply.

And on a second note... consider yourself lucky. Shes only been with one guy !


Just so you know, i usually see things the way you have described and i need sence knoced into me in much the same way. so make the right choice. treat her right.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Engetsu
It hurts to find that stuff out man... I want to be in a relationship with her because she is a great person and I don't want to throw away the connection... the memories... the stability... over something like this.

Can't I find any reassuring words?

"Reassuring words" - what in sam-hill? Isn't the 'truth' more worthy??

She is a 'Ho' with a capital "H" - she didn't even tell you the worst of it - girls never do!!!!

If a virgin/hor staus doesn't matter then why do men always question a woman's sexual past?? And get upset when she tells them that she is a hor!!! Mostly older men don't care about a woman's past (I do however).

But if you are young and thinking about being 'serious' with a woman then only "Chumps" disregard a woman's character and only then cry 'foul' later when the hor's legs are wrapped around someone else 4 months later!!! We call these chumps 'fools'!!!

If you are a 'pimp' then the hor status shouldn't bother you - you then are just the next pimp in line!!

Do a search for a thread titled "Women's sexual past" for further guidance!

 

[BrWnSugaMan]

Give Her the Axe!

Engetsu,

1.) The first thing that you need to ask yourself is “If she lied to me about her sexual past, then what else has she lied to me about or will lie to me about in the future?”

2.) She “got lost in a moment of passion”. What would prevent her from getting “lost in a *another* moment of passion” and cheating on you in the future by sleeping with some guy?

3.) "if you think that I have no values then you better leave me". Sh!t Test Alert! She’s calling your bluff. You should walk away from this chick.

4.) ***Important*** Being Indian, I know how the close knit community and gossip works. If you stay with her this is what she will do. She will find some reason to dump you and make you look bad before you can dump her. This way, when word gets around that you guys broke up she can claim that you were a jerk, insensitive, etc and it was something wrong with you and not because she is a sl*t. She knows that if you dump her now, her true sluttiness will get out. Your only hope is to break away from her and let the real reason for your split come out into the open. This may sound cruel but if you don’t tell people why you guys broke up, then she will! Girls talk about everything. Her friends will want to know why you two broke up and she is NOT going to say, “Well, I’m a sl*t and I lied to him.” She will most likely give a fluff answer like “things just didn’t work out” etc.

 

[tiburon]

So here is what you have to do

First of you should take advice for PuertoRican_Lover and realize that she is a slut or a Hoe or even a *****. But thats not a big deal brother becaus eall women are like this, well there might be a few percentage that is not.

So why are you in this mess? Easy! You overlooked the red flags , you got infatuiated or even worst you fell in love and blinded yourself . OHHH LOVE that beautiful word. There is no problem in falling in love though ..if you do it the right way and you didnt .

Love a women for what she is ( a *****, slut, hoe, nun, virgin, mature, sexual, cheater, low,easy etc.) but not for what you wnat her to be or what your mind wants her to be. Open your eyes for the next time.

About the whole virgin vs slut argument this is the true :

Now and days a virgin and slut don't guaranteed ****! Why? I will point at some of the **** i have seen in this life and i will rank them from 1-10 ten being the worst

1-) Virgin is in a relationship with a stud , the guy is honest and respectable and she cheats on him just to know how it feels with a different guy.------>>5

2-)Virgin is in a relationship with a guy , the guy is honest and respectable and she cheats on him just to know how it feels with a different guy keeps ****ing the guy and uses the bf for her material needs ------>>9

3-) Virgin ****s a guy just because she feels bad about being a virgin because of peer pressure--->3

4-)Virgin is in a relationship with a guy , the guy is honest and respectable and , she gets bored of him and deides to have something on the side,she cheats on him just to know how it feels with a different guy keeps ****ing the guy and uses the bf for her material needs after he got her accepted in a great college so that they could be together. Like if that wasnt enought the guy she is cheating with ****s her in the ass for the first time something she never led her bf do.------>>10

5-) Virgin takes out her virginity wit a dildo because of peer pressure?---->>1

6-) Virgin takes out her virginity wit a dildo because she didnt want her husband to knwo he was # 1 and raise his ego---->> 5

And there are many more about virgins..now you can change the word "virgin" with a "woman" and they are still very sad things. You can change the word to "slut" and all you will think of is that the guy should have had seen the red flags.If you change the word to " wife" now ill let you figure what that means on your on........

When you finda women you feel compatibel with , attracted , etc ...test her integrity and forget about this whole virgin crap, or if she is a slut, some sluts make great mothers and even better wifes.

So here are three things to look for : Integrity , Maturity , Compatability with you .

You should also keep real open eyes for why is she with you , for my money , power , or what i can do for her, or becuase you are the guy she just likes which is what you want. Make sure you know how interested she is in you.

Ofcourse if she has does three components and is a virgin , even better but the problem is most virgins are inmature and after a certain age they look weird infront of society.

Me...i just treat them as if they were all slut and it works out well for me because i aint trying to get marry for now.But you remind me of me when i was 15.

## A guy with a good heart trying to find a perfect women beliving he could have his own Utopia .Perfect was the fact that hse only fantasized about me and not any other man....ect Then you put her on a pedestal and realize oops she aint perfect- well Now you thinking Einstein. Finally your world collides and your whole view of women chnges.##

Bro this whole slut vs virgin argument is more psychological complicated than any men nor women could handle...so try to find the real person that lies beneath the label and see if you are willing to be with that person for what she is and what she can bring you in the future.

 

[tiburon]

one last thing

By the way i dunno how old you are but you sound young and i will suggest for you to practice your sex skills with her, get as much pvssy as you can because you never know when is going to be the last time before you go with out it for a long time. Also stop trying to make every girl your wify.

 

[MacDiddy]

Man, take a look at yourself. If you want a chick to be untainted for you and only you, then why the F*CK are you having sex with her. So you can taint her for the next man? You're no different to her first BF. You wanted to know, she told you. The truth hurts. Get over it.

Think about this, you've had sex, how would your hypothetical next virgin GF think of you? But of course, most guys would say "Who cares." .....Don't employ double standards and you'll get along just fine.

If it means so much to you then dump her or use her for the ride. What? You feel guilty doing it. Man you're only human and so is she!

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Alot of you people are just sad, pathetic, hurt and AFC. Oooh NOO She had sex after JUST TWO WEEEEKS, that must make her easy... NO IT DOES NOT. It just means that whomever did it was able to get her attraction and passionlevels high enough for her to be comfortable with it.

Only bad thing here was that she lied, nothing more.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Kinetic, so you put a 'lie' over 'wh@redom'' as a worse offense?? Why?? Oh that's right - no such thing as a hor. Kinetic, I would love to meet your future wife, if any - I guarantee a divorce within 3 years! Of course you must pay my expenses to Norway!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I actually agree with Kinetic on this one. I don't think its a big deal that she fuvked some guy after two weeks. That's the sign of a true pimp. A guy that was obiviously very physically atractive to her and has game to emotionally make her comfortable and horny to fuvk.

Have you caught this girl lying to you before? This seems to be a classic white lie. Chicks do it ALL THE TIME. They don't want to hurt you or make you feel like less of a man so they dance around these questions.

To be honest with you, her sexual past and your sexual past should be treated as such. I know I would never want to know how many doods fuvked a girl I was dating. I know a relationship is about trust and communication. But there are certain things that are better left unsaid.

PRL, I love you bro, but you seem to be real quick to label every chick a slvt, w-hore etc. WTF happened in your past bro??? LOL



PIMP

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
PRL, I love you bro, but you seem to be real quick to label every chick a slvt, w-hore etc. WTF happened in your past bro??? LOL PIMP

Haha, never argue with a 'Pimp-sicle" on the waywardness of women! I love you too, in a non-homosexualish kind of way. It is sad that you have to clarify yourself nowadays when one uses the word "Love"! Such is the state of humanity!!

First off, let me make this very clear - when a woman methodically takes her clothes off and opens her legs to a man she just met, this is not a mistake!! This is a thoughtful premeditated action and a "willful" act - this is NOT a mistake!! Before she left her house she knew she was going to take her panties off – I KNOW THIS and so does she and every woman!!! "In the heat of passion I couldn't help myself" COME ON!!!! Save this shyt for soap operas!!!!

Women always excuse their indiscretions as a "mistake"!! Mistake? WRONG!! It was a willful and a voluntary action on her part!!

Pimpsicle,. it is obviously from my 'experience' (past) that I speak from but believe it or not my thinking of the 'correctness' regarding sexual relations between a man and a woman have been established since I was 16!! And the last 25 years of experience and wisdom has only strengthened this foundation!

I am not bitter if that is what you are thinking – although I understand if you see me as such based on my correspondence. I can open up my window and grab a hor within an arm’s length and she will acquiesce to my romantic wooing advances! I have the looks, wit, intelligence, humor to charm the panties off of these ‘modern day’ hors - and I dare say an 18 year old one at that!!

No brother, what I tell you is real – but many DJ’s don’t have the same standards as me – no problema, No one has to think like me – this is not my objective. I cry out to you DJ’s more as a plea for understanding than for obedience, because I see the destruction in your path caused by your own ignorance/inexperierence/corruption - you’ll learn once you get ‘burned’ and then question “What happened?” And then say in a afterthought, “PR_L wrote a post about that!”

You have been forewarned – I wash the blood off of my hands!!!!

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Ah girl won't know she is going to take her panties of, but she might go out open for it, many will be.

It does NOT make them a wh0re or a slut because they sleep with someone the first day they meet, it makes them sexually unrestricted/cool.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Kinetic, let it be said we have our differences and leave it that! But I'll bet a ruble that you'll never 'fall' in love because you'll know who they are and the truth that I speak - you'll be a 'Pimp' until you die - alone!