hey guys,
been thinking about the dynamics of cheating. thought id throw some thoughts out here.
I believe (at the risk of being attacked by various DJs) that cheating is the actions of a weak person (male or female) and that ultimately the person hurt most is the person who did the cheating.
We all have a sense of self. this relates to our self esteem. when you have low self esteem you will engage in amoral behaviors and/or let people abuse you.
people with high self esteem / respect, place a high value on what they think of themselves, more so than what others think of them.
Cheating inherently requires lying. Moreover it requires that you lie to someone in the most intimate of lies. that you take what is absolutely most prescious to them (the trust that they have entrusted to you) and you abuse it.
it is impossible to do this without fully embracing a "dog eat dog" outlook on life - every (wo)man for themselves.
by embracing this philosophy however you cut your own throat. Once you adopt this mentality you then will live your life as a parasite, always in it for what you can get out of it. and the only people who will put up with that are people with a similar outlook. which then destroys any hope for a loving relationship.
now, most cheaters have a million excuses as to why they cheated. its easy to rationalize why you had to do something. but really it comes down to just two things:
1) you are weak
2) you don't think much of yourself
because any strong man or woman who held themselves in high regard, would do the right thing and end a relationship before pursuing another.
the reality is people cheat because they are afraid to lose the person they are with. sounds kind of paradoxic doesn't it, since cheating is exactly what will make them lose the person they are with.
but the reality is that they very much want to be with the person they are with, but because they are weak and don't think much of themselves that one person's attention (or lack of attention during a rough spot) isn't enough for them. so they seek out additional attention.
but look at the paradigm that gets created. they dig their whole 10x deeper.
- they already thought less of themselves, and now feel ever less because now they are a liar and cheat
- the relationship they want (becuase remember, they'd leave if they truly didn't want it) is now a big lie
I think most cheaters are people in a great deal of pain (probably in denial as well) who are so focused on themselves thta they lose any sense of regard for anyone's welfare around them.
i think life offers us many tests along the way in life. I think ultimately the point of life is to think well of yourself above all else. and to do so i think you have to stick to your principles regardless.
So when the chasier gives you back too much change, you let her know. becuase you know at the end of her shift the till will come up short and thats coming out of her pocket.
And it means that when you are in a relationship with someone and you aren't feeling loved, you leave. You don't go banging someone to make yourself feel like you matter. And you don't blame the person you are cheating on for not making you feel good. At the end of the day its your responsibility to make yourself feel good about yourself - and sometimes that means leaving a relationship.
So yes, i think a LOT of people in this world are susceptible to cheating becuase a LOT of people in this world are weak, confused, irresponsible and have very little value or regard of themselves. And many like to think of themselves as victims.
most of men's problems on this board are becaue they think of themselves as a victim - as though they can't walk away from a woman. and thats the exact same kind of thinking that mena nd women use to cheat. I can't walk away therefore I better get some attention on the side.
YOu can always walk away, and provided you've made an effort ot make things work only the WEAK man or woman stays in a bad relationship and/or cheats.
I think i've put this topic to bed in my mind. Would love to hear what you guys think of my views.
I'm sure many will tear into them with the argument that its in our nature not to cheat. Personally, i think the whole biology argument is a load of bull.
my biology says that if i need to take a dump to take a dump, but you don't see me pulling off my pants on the bus and crapping on the seat beside some little old lady.
sorry. i think cheating comes down to being weak of character and lacking self respect and value.
J
been thinking about the dynamics of cheating. thought id throw some thoughts out here.
I believe (at the risk of being attacked by various DJs) that cheating is the actions of a weak person (male or female) and that ultimately the person hurt most is the person who did the cheating.
We all have a sense of self. this relates to our self esteem. when you have low self esteem you will engage in amoral behaviors and/or let people abuse you.
people with high self esteem / respect, place a high value on what they think of themselves, more so than what others think of them.
Cheating inherently requires lying. Moreover it requires that you lie to someone in the most intimate of lies. that you take what is absolutely most prescious to them (the trust that they have entrusted to you) and you abuse it.
it is impossible to do this without fully embracing a "dog eat dog" outlook on life - every (wo)man for themselves.
by embracing this philosophy however you cut your own throat. Once you adopt this mentality you then will live your life as a parasite, always in it for what you can get out of it. and the only people who will put up with that are people with a similar outlook. which then destroys any hope for a loving relationship.
now, most cheaters have a million excuses as to why they cheated. its easy to rationalize why you had to do something. but really it comes down to just two things:
1) you are weak
2) you don't think much of yourself
because any strong man or woman who held themselves in high regard, would do the right thing and end a relationship before pursuing another.
the reality is people cheat because they are afraid to lose the person they are with. sounds kind of paradoxic doesn't it, since cheating is exactly what will make them lose the person they are with.
but the reality is that they very much want to be with the person they are with, but because they are weak and don't think much of themselves that one person's attention (or lack of attention during a rough spot) isn't enough for them. so they seek out additional attention.
but look at the paradigm that gets created. they dig their whole 10x deeper.
- they already thought less of themselves, and now feel ever less because now they are a liar and cheat
- the relationship they want (becuase remember, they'd leave if they truly didn't want it) is now a big lie
I think most cheaters are people in a great deal of pain (probably in denial as well) who are so focused on themselves thta they lose any sense of regard for anyone's welfare around them.
i think life offers us many tests along the way in life. I think ultimately the point of life is to think well of yourself above all else. and to do so i think you have to stick to your principles regardless.
So when the chasier gives you back too much change, you let her know. becuase you know at the end of her shift the till will come up short and thats coming out of her pocket.
And it means that when you are in a relationship with someone and you aren't feeling loved, you leave. You don't go banging someone to make yourself feel like you matter. And you don't blame the person you are cheating on for not making you feel good. At the end of the day its your responsibility to make yourself feel good about yourself - and sometimes that means leaving a relationship.
So yes, i think a LOT of people in this world are susceptible to cheating becuase a LOT of people in this world are weak, confused, irresponsible and have very little value or regard of themselves. And many like to think of themselves as victims.
most of men's problems on this board are becaue they think of themselves as a victim - as though they can't walk away from a woman. and thats the exact same kind of thinking that mena nd women use to cheat. I can't walk away therefore I better get some attention on the side.
YOu can always walk away, and provided you've made an effort ot make things work only the WEAK man or woman stays in a bad relationship and/or cheats.
I think i've put this topic to bed in my mind. Would love to hear what you guys think of my views.
I'm sure many will tear into them with the argument that its in our nature not to cheat. Personally, i think the whole biology argument is a load of bull.
my biology says that if i need to take a dump to take a dump, but you don't see me pulling off my pants on the bus and crapping on the seat beside some little old lady.
sorry. i think cheating comes down to being weak of character and lacking self respect and value.
J
