Why aren't women open to cold approaches?

[Yo'Mama]

A thought just occurred to me while reading Deicide's journal.

A big part of attraction for women is social context isn't it? Deicide gets knocked back a lot as any of us would if we were doing that many cold approaches. Deicide, good going bro - your journal is awesome.

It just occurred to me that if you take the serious boyfriend/husband of most women, if that guy had approached her on the street or in a club in all likelihood they never would have gotten together. She would have blown him off or used him to feed her ego for a bit and then got rid of him.

Hell, I know for sure that none of my exes would have gone out with me if I had met them in a club (except for the exes I did actually meet in clubs, lol - but they turned out to be no good).

What's the big deal about this? Well it's in striking contrast to the average guy. I know it wouldn't matter one bit whether I met a girl through social circle, was approached by her or even if I caught her robbing my house. Us guys are much more open to things aren't we? Why are they so closed? Why do they assume a guy approaching them on the street has lower value that a member of their precious social circle. I think if anything the guy approaching on the street should have higher value because he has the confidence to cold approach which takes much bigger balls than asking out a member of your social group.

Of course I'm not saying they should be open to every guy hitting on them, but yeah if a guy is well dressed, well spoken and looks like he has his s**t together, then why not?

Am just kind of thinking out loud here and wondering why are women like this?

 

[Yo'Mama]

Good stuff Espi.

Yeah I still can't get my head around the fact that fully grown women still expect to be swept off their feet by a knight in shining armour. Can't help but feel contempt for them.

 

[n00bPimp]

Wow you have the most pessimistic mindset about cold approaching. Have you done enough cold approaches yourself to make such a judgement? It is not half as ineffective as you're making it seem. I've done around 20-50 cold approaches a week for the past year and change, and i can tell you for sure that it pays off not only in getting me laid, but it has also built my confidence.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Fair enough, I am glad to hear that it is effective for you.

I have cold approached a lot but in bars and clubs where women expect to get hit on. I was talking more about daygame, although I didn't make that clear.

I haven't really done much cold approaching in the daytime at all. Actually only once in recent memory and, funnily enough, that actually worked out ok. I was going more by the approach journals I read on here.

 

[bigneil]

The woman's #1 priority is knowing you won't physically harm her, so startling her is not seductive. Plus lots of guys do it so you put yourself in the category of bad pickup artists.

She needs to see you and find you attractive before you can safely approach. She'll reveal it by sending "buying signals" such as fixing her hair, primping her clothing, adjusting her belt (one of which should happen within about 10 seconds of her seeing you for the first time). Then she'll hold eye contact and smile, as if you were already part of the conversation. Just say hi and let her do most of the talking. If she's attracted, she will find a reason to touch you first, such as extending her hand or touching your arm.

Girls take longer to warm up than men. Women are like a pot of water on the stove. Men are like an aluminum pan. One heats up more slowly but holds the heat longer. The other heats up quickly but also cools off quickly.

 

[ImWithTheDJ]

because your approaching her show that there's an intent. If you're gonna do it, you'll have to be as natural as possible. Slowly initiate a conversation, build rapport, and close.

 

[ImWithTheDJ]

if you successful close and got her number. you pretty much seal the deal. Just start kino as soon as possible on your first date without being forceful and you got her.

 

[tafakna]

Nobody is open to cold approaches, that's why they are called cold.

Telemarketers are nice, polite, and we still tell them to go f$#% themselves when we have a bad day and they call.

IMHO it's a bit pointless to fight human nature. Cold approaches are fine as long as you know it's a numbers game and you have no problem with being rejected many times over.

A friend of mine has no problem doing that, he talks to every chick he meets, insists even when they are unresponsive, and has no problem with rejection (he doesn't see it as rejection and he's probably right). His results are very good.

I prefer a more focused approach...

 

[irocknike23]

most girls like to know a guy first(work with him, have class with him, or have a mutual friend(s))

 

[sstype]

Nobody is open to cold approaches, that's why they are called cold.

Telemarketers are nice, polite, and we still tell them to go f$#% themselves when we have a bad day and they call.

IMHO it's a bit pointless to fight human nature. Cold approaches are fine as long as you know it's a numbers game and you have no problem with being rejected many times over.

A friend of mine has no problem doing that, he talks to every chick he meets, insists even when they are unresponsive, and has no problem with rejection (he doesn't see it as rejection and he's probably right). His results are very good.

I prefer a more focused approach...

You're absolutely right. You can't take cold approaching personally. When I was hitting the gym daily, wearing nice clothes, and approaching like crazy I was still getting rejected plenty. Not outright rejected, but just getting the "flattered you spoke to me, but not interested" vibe.

Most women, for whatever reason, are not going to be open to the idea of dating a strange guy. She may have a bf, husband, f*ckbuddy or potential dates already from guys she knows and trusts. She may have been told that dating strange men is dangerous. She may think you do this all the time and does not want to be a notch on some player's bedpost. She may just not find you attractive.

It's like baseball......if you're batting .300 you're a hall of famer. You have to have a similar mindset when approaching women.

 

[Deicide]

A thought just occurred to me while reading Deicide's journal.

A big part of attraction for women is social context isn't it? Deicide gets knocked back a lot as any of us would if we were doing that many cold approaches. Deicide, good going bro - your journal is awesome.

It just occurred to me that if you take the serious boyfriend/husband of most women, if that guy had approached her on the street or in a club in all likelihood they never would have gotten together. She would have blown him off or used him to feed her ego for a bit and then got rid of him.

Hell, I know for sure that none of my exes would have gone out with me if I had met them in a club (except for the exes I did actually meet in clubs, lol - but they turned out to be no good).

What's the big deal about this? Well it's in striking contrast to the average guy. I know it wouldn't matter one bit whether I met a girl through social circle, was approached by her or even if I caught her robbing my house. Us guys are much more open to things aren't we? Why are they so closed? Why do they assume a guy approaching them on the street has lower value that a member of their precious social circle. I think if anything the guy approaching on the street should have higher value because he has the confidence to cold approach which takes much bigger balls than asking out a member of your social group.

Of course I'm not saying they should be open to every guy hitting on them, but yeah if a guy is well dressed, well spoken and looks like he has his s**t together, then why not?

Am just kind of thinking out loud here and wondering why are women like this?

Thanks for the props! And I don't mind being part of the inspiration for this thread.
If you approach a woman in the daytime, you need to get past that awkward/strange part of the approach. That is usually the first couple minutes. Once you've displayed your personality and hooked them, you should be good to go. But still, women do not expect to get approached. I think a lot of women are socially conditioned to believe that men who hit on women without knowing them are lower value. Around my area, women typically react negatively to the notion of being hit on. That's why I think indirect is the best way to go for a cold approach in my area.
As much as I approach, I still have problems approaching women as soon as I see them. It's hard, and I'd really like to find a method to do it. I know that some people from Real Social Dynamics have gotten to the point where they can walk up to a girl within a second of seeing her. But that's some pretty advanced stuff that requires complete apathy from social criticism among other things. I believe jlaix uses this method.

 

[corrector]

I think this is one of those "looks" and vibes thing. If you have the right type of looks and the right vibe then then cold approaching is no problem. Chances are, the woman will give the buying signals.

If you are average looking, and don't have looks / vibes going for you (i.e. that women like you) then you will not get the buying signals in the first place, and can never really approach without looking creepy.

The only chance that exists at approaching is using some lame excuse such as asking for time, directions otherwise it just looks creepy.

Again, this is probably a problem that guys with good looks do not have in their "world" and only has to be a problem for average nerds that post on here.

 

[Borknagar]

I don't think a lot of women are as against it as some think. I agree with many it's totally a looks and vibe thing, if she's physically attracted to you, she'll be glad at first and if you vibe then she'll be glad for sure, but doesn't mean she won't be a flaker

 

[yuppaz]

I agree with looks / vibe. If you're feeling great and being loud / yourself and talking to everyone (just for instance) and you HAPPEN to include her in what your doing it won't seem unnatural at all. There is also something to be said for really good body language. If you are dressed the part, look good, feel good and have powerful body language, more often then not she will HOPE that you approach her. If you come in looking THIRSTY and wanting something, or looking like your trying to figure out an angle with her, she will pick up on it and that will definately put her off.

I used to try to teach guys how to be better with women, and an analogy I made was to imagine a homeless person walking up to you with that look of (I want to ask them for something) all you need to see is the look and you know what's up. Same with women and guys too eager to f*ck em. They can SEE THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE. Lately at first I like to come in much more subtle to avoid that, unless she is giving YOU the F*CK ME look first, or showing "IOI's"

 

[Borknagar]

Yeah, I mean, have a purpose, I once opened a hb9-10 asking for her opinions on cologne at a walgreens(local drug store) and we chatted for 45 minutes and got a number close with her saying "so glad I met you!".