why am i failing so much with these cold approaches?

[Maximus Optimus]

im 40 years old and I live in Texas. My looks are a 7. My cold approach is usually going up to a girl and talking about whatever is going around us or asking if they know of any cool bars around the city to go to. For example ill ask them if they are from the city then if they are then ill ask for cool places go to then ill ask if they are single or if they have facebook or for there phone number. Most of the women I ask out are usually 19 to 31. What am i doing wrong?

 

[Bigpapa]

im 40 years old and I live in Texas. My looks are a 7. My cold approach is usually going up to a girl and talking about whatever is going around us or asking if they know of any cool bars around the city to go to. For example ill ask them if they are from the city then if they are then ill ask for cool places go to then ill ask if they are single or if they have facebook or for there phone number. Most of the women I ask out are usually 19 to 31. What am i doing wrong?

do You look like you are in your 40s ?

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

im 40 years old and I live in Texas. My looks are a 7. My cold approach is usually going up to a girl and talking about whatever is going around us or asking if they know of any cool bars around the city to go to. For example ill ask them if they are from the city then if they are then ill ask for cool places go to then ill ask if they are single or if they have facebook or for there phone number. Most of the women I ask out are usually 19 to 31. What am i doing wrong?

Cause it's a weird way to socialize.

She just met you 30 seconds ago. That's not even long enough to determine that you're not a serial killer.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Are you making it man to woman when you first approach. Let them know that you are approaching because you are interested in them sexually.. My last approach that netted a phone number went something like...

I walked right up to her with intent in my body language.
Me- "Hi, I noticed you over there and thought you looked cute. So I thought I'd come over and say hi. My name is DJj. So what are we getting today?"
We were in front of carbonated waters. Which I also drink, so we talked about that for a little bit.
Her- "Do you work in this town"
Me- "No I work in this other town"
Her- "I work in that town also." "I work at x place"
Me- "Oh high roller"
Her- "I'm a xyz".
She brings up that she has a kid. I told her that I don't. "Maybe some day though". I went back to the topic of the waters to try push/pull and make her qualify to me.
Me- "honestly I thought you were cute until you said you liked those flavors".
Her-"I didn't say I liked that one just that one."
Me- "those are the worst ones they taste floral.
Her-"yeah I can see that".
I say that other one is the worst.
Her- "I don't think I'd like it tasting like flowers"
So I accused her of liking two bad flavors, she only likes one of the two, then she agrees with me on probably not liking the other also, because she wouldn't like the floral taste. Even though they both have a floral taste to them...So she's qualifying at this point.
Me-"since you said you don't like that one you get a point back".
She laughs... I start the close process...
Me-"since you have a kid, I take it you have a husband also?"
she replies no just her and her kid.
Me- "Can I call you sometime?"
she says yeah. I get her number, then said I'll call/text her to confirm her going on a date with me at x place say around 8?
Her- "I'm not really much of an alcohol drinker, but I've been there and had a whatever that tasted good".
I then started talking about what I liked from that place. Then said..
Me- I've got things to do, and I'm sure you do too. So I'll call you in a couple days to make sure our date is still on, and nothing came up.

So I opened with man to woman. "...looked cute..." She knew I wasn't a salesman, or interested in being friends. It was sexual interest. I was speaking with her long enough to have an emotional investment from her. I teased her a little eliciting an emotional response, got her asking questions about my life, asked her questions about hers.

Out of 21 approaches, this is only my third successful number acquisition. The first resulted in a date, but not a second one. The second was a flake. I realized the majority of those rejections was because I was just saying things like "Hi, I thought you looked cute. I thought I'd come over and say hi. My name is DJj. I was wondering if I could call you sometime". Essentially all I was doing was Opening, which is the "Hi" part. Premise which is why I am initiating a conversation with her "I think you're cute", and then close which is "Can I call you sometime?" Skipping evaluation/investment which is what establishes some kind of familiarity or interest.

 

[SW15]

im 40 years old and I live in Texas.

Most of the women I ask out are usually 19 to 31. What am i doing wrong?

Are you in Dallas? Dallas is the toughest environment for dating in Texas due to the pretentiousness, particularly in the neighborhoods closest to downtown where the 20s/30s college educated singles typically live.

Austin is a little bit more chill but a bad environment as well. So many SJW/feminist women in Austin. It's not a coincidence that feminist dating app Bumble is headquartered in Austin.

Houston, San Antonio, and Fort Worth are better big city environments in Texas in terms of female attitudes. Fort Worth/Houston would be better for looks than San Antonio.

El Paso might be good if you're into Latinas. I've not heard much about El Paso. Midland-Odessa is the biggest sausage fest in the state due to the oil/gas extraction jobs there.

My looks are a 7. My cold approach is usually going up to a girl and talking about whatever is going around us or asking if they know of any cool bars around the city to go to. For example ill ask them if they are from the city then if they are then ill ask for cool places go to then ill ask if they are single or if they have facebook or for there phone number.

You need a better opener. Asking questions is solid. You might be able to pull your typical approach off if you are new to a city for your first 3 months in the city but beyond that, it isn't going to work.

 

[King Lion]

What am i doing wrong?

Cold approaching!

Warm 'em up a bit and let them feel your true intentions - Smoothly!

When they feel/see the calm Alpha in you they can/will appreciate your true confidence!

 

[Maximus Optimus]

do You look like you are in your 40s ?

Yeah I do. I look exactly 40. Ive been told this by a few people

 

[Bigpapa]

Yeah I do. I look exactly 40. Ive been told this by a few people

then this might be one of the biggest challenges that you face

big Age differences are not seen good by society , so women will play it safe from this point of view unless they have something very valuable to get out of it

you Have 3 options :

- either continue with the 18-30 range , till something will pop . But this will happen more rarely than for someone younger than you

- increase your age range to 30-35 ( there are still good looking women in this range )

- try to work on your self to appear younger Than you are

 

[Kotaix]

You do need to communicate sexual interest in your first interaction. Also, only approach women who have smiled at you when you've looked at them.

Are you hitting the gym and in very good shape? 40 and flabby is very different from 40 and fit/buff. At 40, the gym is no longer optional, simply for health reasons.

 

[bmp2cpm]

im 40 years old and I live in Texas. My looks are a 7. My cold approach is usually going up to a girl and talking about whatever is going around us or asking if they know of any cool bars around the city to go to. For example ill ask them if they are from the city then if they are then ill ask for cool places go to then ill ask if they are single or if they have facebook or for there phone number. Most of the women I ask out are usually 19 to 31. What am i doing wrong?

I stopped reading at the second sentence where you tell us what your looks are.

Women think very differently from men. Looks are a plus to women, but the primary focus of every woman is a resourceful man who is willing to share his resources.

Resouces can be time, money, protection from unwanted male attention, actions that give a woman things she wasn’t previously getting, eg something as simple as fixing a loose kitchen cabinet. This is biology.

Cold calling women with just your looks won’t get you too far. I think you are putting most of your efforts in the wrong areas.

Stop thinking like a man and start thinking like a woman. It takes some effort but once you get some practice, out thinking a woman consistently is a beautiful thing.

Consider reading Evolution of Desire. Every scientific study on women ever done. A real eye opener.

Good luck!

 

[pipeman84]

Are you making it man to woman when you first approach. Let them know that you are approaching because you are interested in them sexually.. My last approach that netted a phone number went something like...

I walked right up to her with intent in my body language.
Me- "Hi, I noticed you over there and thought you looked cute. So I thought I'd come over and say hi. My name is DJj. So what are we getting today?"
We were in front of carbonated waters. Which I also drink, so we talked about that for a little bit.
Her- "Do you work in this town"
Me- "No I work in this other town"
Her- "I work in that town also." "I work at x place"
Me- "Oh high roller"
Her- "I'm a xyz".
She brings up that she has a kid. I told her that I don't. "Maybe some day though". I went back to the topic of the waters to try push/pull and make her qualify to me.
Me- "honestly I thought you were cute until you said you liked those flavors".
Her-"I didn't say I liked that one just that one."
Me- "those are the worst ones they taste floral.
Her-"yeah I can see that".
I say that other one is the worst.
Her- "I don't think I'd like it tasting like flowers"
So I accused her of liking two bad flavors, she only likes one of the two, then she agrees with me on probably not liking the other also, because she wouldn't like the floral taste. Even though they both have a floral taste to them...So she's qualifying at this point.
Me-"since you said you don't like that one you get a point back".
She laughs... I start the close process...
Me-"since you have a kid, I take it you have a husband also?"
she replies no just her and her kid.
Me- "Can I call you sometime?"
she says yeah. I get her number, then said I'll call/text her to confirm her going on a date with me at x place say around 8?
Her- "I'm not really much of an alcohol drinker, but I've been there and had a whatever that tasted good".
I then started talking about what I liked from that place. Then said..
Me- I've got things to do, and I'm sure you do too. So I'll call you in a couple days to make sure our date is still on, and nothing came up.

So I opened with man to woman. "...looked cute..." She knew I wasn't a salesman, or interested in being friends. It was sexual interest. I was speaking with her long enough to have an emotional investment from her. I teased her a little eliciting an emotional response, got her asking questions about my life, asked her questions about hers.

Out of 21 approaches, this is only my third successful number acquisition. The first resulted in a date, but not a second one. The second was a flake. I realized the majority of those rejections was because I was just saying things like "Hi, I thought you looked cute. I thought I'd come over and say hi. My name is DJj. I was wondering if I could call you sometime". Essentially all I was doing was Opening, which is the "Hi" part. Premise which is why I am initiating a conversation with her "I think you're cute", and then close which is "Can I call you sometime?" Skipping evaluation/investment which is what establishes some kind of familiarity or interest.

She already knows that you're interested in her sexually, don't have to spell it out...do you really think she believes a guy approaches her wanting to be 'friends'? What, are we in kindergarten?
Re the bolded part, I learned this from Zan Perrion...always statements, not questions. It sub-communicates that you're the man and willing to lead, you're inviting her into your frame. She can take it or leave it. So instead of 'can I call you sometime' just say 'I'd like to call you'.

 

[SW15]

What am i doing wrong?

Cold approaching!

Approaching strangers has a low probability of success. When a man randomly approaches a woman in a non-bar venue, he doesn't know anything about her other than the fact she likely looks "hot/cute". Maybe she's giving an IOI. Approaching strangers without IOIs isn't any better than a sales rep dialing the telephone to make sales.

In a bar, there's at least a decent probability she's looking for new penis. However, there are some other cons to bar approaching.

Unfortunately, approaching strangers is still valid because online dating websites and later swipe app never lived up to their promises and in fact made things worse.

 

[The Duke]

OP- you have to connect with them. You aren't throwing out any content that drives a connection. I'm going to say most women know you are sexually interested in them, thats why you approached them in the first place. They aren't dumb.