Who was your girlfriend AFTER your BPD girlfriend?

[bigneil]

Many of us on this forum (sadly) have dated BPD women (those officially diagnosed or otherwise).

However, what I'm curious to hear is, what types of women did you end up with AFTER your BPD woman?

Was it another BPD woman? Or was she the opposite? Is there a predictable trend? In other words, do BPD women breed other BPD women?

Thanks in advance.

 

[AlexDP]

Many of us on this forum (sadly) have dated BPD women (those officially diagnosed or otherwise).

However, what I'm curious to hear is, what types of women did you end up with AFTER your BPD woman?

Was it another BPD woman? Or was she the opposite? Is there a predictable trend? In other words, do BPD women breed other BPD women?

Thanks in advance.

My current girlfriend is quite the opposite of my BPD girl. She doesn't like drama at all, is very healthy (almost all BPD women have weird physical illnesses too) is physically active (the complete opposite of my BPD ex). She's also, despite being very feminine, quite rational in relationships. When she gets emotional, but realises that what she's telling is nonsense, she'll apologise. She doesn't care for drama with an ex boyfriend and is actually quite bothered by the fact that her ex still cares so much about her. She's polite towards him, but does not text him or talk to him anymore.

All in all I'd say she's just a balanced, emotionally adult woman. She's goodlooking and the sex is beyond great. Lately she's been a bit guarded though, because she's starting to get attached to me and she doesn't know how much I'm attached to her. But it's all pretty reasonable. All in all I'd say I'm a million times better off. I have however refused to have sex with girls I thought were a bit funny in the head before I got with her, so I think I've learnt from the whole experience and I now only go for women who are in a healthy place emotionally.

 

[bigneil]

Good news AlexDP. I had a similar experience with my next gf. In fact, the new girl is so much better I must wonder whether BPD women indirectly help us to find better women.

 

[Scars]

Ive always had a long history of dating bpd woman. I dont know if the problem is me or if they are just drawn to me, but whatever it is we always seem to cross. Ive had a couple of really great gfs that had their sh!t together but i generally fvck it up by cheating or not showing how much I "care" enough. Right now im just single and loving it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Typically, after being with a bpd girl, other women seem boring, especially if they are somewhat normal.

 

[Sue Madre]

After my BPD girl, I met a normal girl and married her.

The BPD went on to get knocked up and have a bast@rd child. That is because she just wanted child support payments, and threw away the dumb father.

I will take the normal girl and be happy without stress all the time.

 

[bigneil]

Typically, after being with a bpd girl, other women seem boring, especially if they are somewhat normal.

I do agree somewhat. I find myself in a role-reversal where my new gf is obsessed with me the way I was obsessed with my BPD ex. It's funny how it works - how it pushes you away when they really love you. Although I know I'd never be cruel to her the way my BPD ex was to me.

 

[Scars]

BB brought up a very good point. I've touched base on this inside my "Narcissists get all the girls" thread. I've had a lot of healthy sane girls grow a very strong interest in me (and logically, I know they're good for me) yet, I seem to steer away from them. I couldn't exactly put it into words of why this happened, but BB cleared it up for me. It wasn't that they weren't attractive or anything, they were just simply boring. I never really understood it myself either. I have a strong hatred towards BPD woman. Whenever I identify one (which seems to be a lot nowadays), I just look into their eyes and see my ex. It becomes so much easier to play them and have absolutely no remorse.

Read my last lay report. I got with a psychobilly/rockabilly chick this weekend. Although maybe it was too soon to label her BPD, I already was getting vibes from her that she wasn't quite "all there in the head". And she kept repeatedly saying statements about how I'm "never going to talk to her again" blah blah. Just showing her abandonment issues on her sleeve. I had to give her constant reassurance just to lay her, and in the end, I still haven't contacted her sense. She's probably freaking out right now.

But back to the main point.. my BPD ex was the best sex I ever had from any woman. She also knew how to suck a mean d!ck. During my ONS's and flings I can usually last all night and it takes awhile to get me off, but with my BPD ex she had me going off within minutes. It was like I was premature. I think it was just from jumping from the extremes of love and hate constantly. We had a lot of make-up sex that was great. But yeah, these BPD's know what they're doing. Their whole life is spent on seducing. They have to make sure they are getting that constant reassurance they need.

I feel confident enough to play their game now. I've never really met a BPD woman that wouldn't fvck me on the first date or within a couple meet ups. The problem lies in you coming back for seconds, it's what they bank on. As long as you have a little self control you're alright. And make sure you don't give out your personal information. Rockabilly girl never got my number. I took down hers, and when she asked for my FB I told her I didn't have one (actual truth.)

-Scars

 

[Bible_Belt]

To cite my source for the idea of sane women seeming boring after being with a bpd girl, it's this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/

I bought that book for a friend of mine who was with a bpd girl who later became my girlfriend. He loved the book. Then she found it, started screaming because she thought his mom had bought it for him, ripped the book in half, set one half on fire, tossed one flaming book half onto the couch, and then ran into the front yard to burn the other half.

And yes I knew she was crazy before I even dated her, but understanding her disorder made it all much easier. The disorder itself is complex, but once you understand it, then you can predict and even sometimes control what a bpd girl is thinking. It's a complex game of psychological manipulation...and if you play the game well, she fvcks you like a porn star. After all of that, normal women do seem boring.

 

[AlexDP]

To me it's quite the opposite. BPD women seem boring, because they repeat the same relationship patterns over and over again. Yes, it is a game of psychological manipulation, but regardless of what you do, the same things will happen. The only thing that changes is the pace they happen with. I am not at all interested in a predictable partner who I consider to be beneath me.

 

[iqqi]

<female speaking here> My ex was BPD, and my new boyfriend of two years is a complete angel. I remember having a slight breakdown during the aftershocks of forcefully ending my BPD relationship where I asked any higher power to please send someone good into my path because I needed it. As someone who usually goes years in between LTRs, I took it as a sign when my new boyfriend appeared in my path within a month.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Hmm.. Could the BPD woman be the "jerk" of the female? lol.

 

[AlexDP]

Same here.

In response to the OP, I haven't settled on a relationship yet because I disqualify women immediately upon seeing Cluster B traits(not even a full blown disorder). I have had some flings but nothing serious.

I dont find BPD/HPD women to be any better than others, they just do more damage in the relationship and make YOU crazy until you finally let go. Also, they tend to dumpster dive(with us, lol) so you wont get a hotter chick than them generally. Luckily mine has gained a ****load of weight so I am above her in looks and of course sanity lol. I can say that I am starting to respect women of character and not be so focused on looks like I was after than relationship.

I'm above mine in terms of looks. But I'm above pretty much everyone (I know because I have been approached by photographers in the past and just yesterday two people from Abercrombie asked me if I wanted to work as a model in one of their shops - which is so so wrong on so so many levels.) . I'm not interested in internet bragging here and if someone doesn't believe me, that's fine by me, after all I don't even know you guys.

So why do I mention this? Because even though they tend to dumpster dive, they are also highly superficial. A goodlooking guy is a bright shiny toy to them. A fast car, a big house, a yacht.. They think in terms of looks and money. I used to be cool with chicks wanting me for my looks only. Now I'm a bit wary of them. Like you I am less superficial after this relationship. I am much more of a man and oddly enough, most of the time I'd rather date 7 or 8's instead of 9's, because they tend to be goddamn insane. My current girlfriend is most definitely a very pretty girl, but that is definitely not the main reason I am with her.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

They are also highly superficial. A goodlooking guy is a bright shiny toy to them. A fast car, a big house, a yacht.. They think in terms of looks and money.

Yeah. The bpd nutcase I knew, was bragging about her new BF and showing his pic on her cell phone to her GF. "he´s a medicine major", "he works at hospital xxx", look at his body and face "hands on his pic on the cell"...

If you pay close attention, he´s like an expensive toy she´s playing with. It´s all about value, she needs to attach to him so she can be valuable since she has no value herself (of thinks so). Bpds are leechers.

If it´s only about value, then you can be easily discarded for someone with (a little) more value than yourself.

 

[Glumix]

Wanted to ask the exact same question as OP and then found this thread so excuse this little bump.
Anymore experiences to share? I would be glad to know the next step.

 

[Twodogs]

At the end of my 3 month bpd stint I found this site. This chick would constantly say she "feared abandonment" and it was through googling this phrase that I ended up here.

A very steep learning curved followed as I realised my part in the whole mess.
I took all the usual advice, blocked all communication, worked out, worked on my issues and got into my hobbies. Kept reading on this site, taking on the good advice and ignoring the crap.

Started OLD but didn't last too long, my new mindset and direct manner had me getting lots of interest but I was nexting at any sign of red flags. I had discovered my self worth.

It was while I was out mountain biking that I came across my current girlfriend, cold approach, quick chat, got the number.

It's been about a year and a half now, I've maintained frame throughout the relationship which has been effortless really, partly due to my mindset and partly because I'm dealing with a healthy woman who respects and understands male/female roles. IL remains extremely high.

Now to compare the two:

Bpd works part time as a cleaner and has no hobbies.
New girl owns her own hair salon, does mountain bike tours on the side and keeps herself fit.

Never once met a friend of the bpd but she had a stream of followers on Fb.
New girl has lots of friends mostly female but some male. This doesn't bother me at all. She doesn't scream for attention on social media.

In social situations bpd would flirt with my male friends but then sulk if I interacted with other women.
New girl is cool with all my friends as I am with hers.

Bpd became very disrespectful within a short time.
No sign of disrespect whatsoever from the new girl.

The list could go on......

The only thing the bpd was better at was sex, I've never had better but it came with way too much crazy.

In hindsight the bpd was the best thing to happen to me.

 

[Jarton]

Dated two bpd and I seem to miss them more than my more normal exs in comparison, meaning it took longer for me to get over them. Weird, because when I did get with healthier women I knew immediately they were higher quality than those with bpd.

 

[Infern0]

I haven't settled on a relationship yet, I have more self work to be done and I don't think its fair to drag someone through it with me.

Something about BPD dumpster diving, I was the only guy who looks wise was on a par with my BPD ex.

All of her exes were disgraceful, I'm not Channing Tatum but I'm in shape, well groomed and have above average/decent looks.

When I found out the guys before me I was in shock, one of them looked like sideshow Bob off the Simpsons, the other was a short chubby guy who looked like a buch lesbian. The guy after me was no better.

I don't think BPD are bothered about looks, its more the quality of supply they can get. With me there was some in-built resistance to her manipulation, with these other guys there was none, so in her eyes they are "better" than me even though to a normal women I'd be superior in ever category, by a distance

 

[expos]

I don't think BPD are bothered about looks, its more the quality of supply they can get. With me there was some in-built resistance to her manipulation, with these other guys there was none, so in her eyes they are "better" than me even though to a normal women I'd be superior in ever category, by a distance

Even a BPD women is not exempt to the laws and rules of attraction. Built in resistance on your part is a desirable trait for any man to have...it means you have the tendency to stand your ground and do what's right for you. Nobody ever respects a pushover.

I suspect that your BPD-ex's relationships probably died when the relationship became "too easy" and the guys became predictable and lacked a backbone whenever her behavior became erratic.

Using this logic, your ex probably values you over all of her previous exes.

 

[Infern0]

Even a BPD women is not exempt to the laws and rules of attraction. Built in resistance on your part is a desirable trait for any man to have...it means you have the tendency to stand your ground and do what's right for you. Nobody ever respects a pushover.

I suspect that your BPD-ex's relationships probably died when the relationship became "too easy" and the guys became predictable and lacked a backbone whenever her behavior became erratic.

Using this logic, your ex probably values you over all of her previous exes.

Could be, when he relationship with guy before me broke down he literally begged for her back for weeks, even so far as contacting her friends and her MUM to try and get help getting her back.

I've been beta with her but after she dumped me time 1 i went immediate ghost on her and only talked to her after she tried to talk to me for a couple of months. Every other cycle has been a case of me walking as soon as i see devaluation coming.

I guess i'm harder prey to "finish off" than these other ones.