Who is f***ing up here?

[MountainSlide]

Friday: Met up with this girl (been dating her a couple of weeks now), went to a festival, had a good time, she asked me and we made plans to go to the festival together for the next two days, I asked her out for breakfast -- she agreed.
Saturday: I sleep in and miss our plans, she had left me a few messages, so I asked her if she wanted to do lunch instead -- she responded that she would rather not because she is now not in the mood. A few hours pass and I asked her what the plans were for the evening -- after about an hour or so she responded something along the lines of "more music festival fun". So then about 30 or so min later I text back and asked when and where? And apologized for missing the morning date. She then ghosted me until monday.
Monday morning: She sends me a text saying that she isn't mad at me and that she was "out and about" and not really checking her phone.

First of all, she is lying, because when I was out with her on friday, she was checking her phone, second I think she is lying about not being mad. I haven't responded because I was kind of pissed but now I'm over it. Need some solid advice on how to proceed.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

In answer to the question presented in your title: YOU were the one f--king up. You knew you had plans Saturday and didn't set your alarm? No bueno - to her, it shows an inability to make plans and stick with them, and that you don't value her time by doing what you need to do to make sure you show up when you're going to show up instead of having her wait, or worry about something happening to you, etc.

THEN, you messed up again by trying to still see her that same day. When she said she wasn't in the mood to see you, your best option would have been to say "Okay, that's cool, hit me up when you're ready to talk" and left it at that. Even in her mad state, she would have appreciated you giving her the space she needed to feel out her angry feelings, and she probably would have hit you up the next day or the day after to talk about the whole thing. But instead, you basically said "well, darn your feelings, I want to see you today" - at least that's how she took it, which is why she didn't answer you back. She knew if she did you were going to keep trying to see her, and she wasn't having it that day - which I totally get, 'cause you basically flaked on her. As much as we talk about girls flaking on us here at the site and how mad we get about it, you should have been MORE than understanding at her frustration.

So, what do you do now? One, no need to call her out on lying - you know she is, she knows she is, but she did it because you weren't leaving it alone. Two, since she's responding to you, just a simple "well, I'm glad you're not mad, but I still want to make it up to you - let me take you out to ______, just lmk if (day A) or (day B) would work for you." Then see what she says. (BTW: This would be best done by way of a PHONE CALL - she needs to HEAR in your voice how sorry you are, not just read some text words with no emotion.)

Hope this helps, keep us posted!

 

[MountainSlide]

Alright, maybe I will try to give her a call tomorrow evening when she isn't at work.

lol when I slept in a felt like a ****ing moron.

 

[GS750]

Yeah you fvcked up. Harry pretty much summed it up so really all you can do now is let her come to you a bit. Have some banter back and forth and try and set up a new date. If you apologize for flaking, do it once. Don't overdo it.

 

[Trump]

As much as we talk about girls flaking on us here at the site and how mad we get about it, you should have been MORE than understanding at her frustration.

Come on bro, he just slept in. The only reason she is even responding to him is because she didn't meet another guy at the festival.

You think if she met a movie director she would even care about him anymore? You are giving her too much credit.

just a simple "well, I'm glad you're not mad, but I still want to make it up to you - let me take you out to ______, just lmk if (day A) or (day B) would work for you." Then see what she says.

Wouldn't say this either. "I'm glad you are not mad, let me make it up to you?" Bro, she will absolutely DESTROY you if you say those words. Just say "let's go for a nice dinner or something."

Don't ever apologize, it won't help you. She will pocket it and use it against you. These girls don't care about anything but themselves.

 

[piranha45]

Exactly what Trump said.

Don't act apologetic, and don't act like you even care. Behave as if you have other women, other options, other plans. If you feed her attention OR emotion, you'll be putting your balls in her purse.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Right - because it's "Beta" to act like you're at fault for something or apologize, right? GTFOH - if you made the mistake, it's perfectly fine to apologize and offer to make a correction. The only time you shouldn't apologize is if you did something that's displeasing to her but isn't disrespectful (i.e. she doesn't like you hanging out with friends and you do it anyway, or you smoked a cigar and she hates smoking - stuff she may not like but isn't actually harming her). Other than that, being apologetic doesn't suddenly give her the upper hand - if anything, it lets her know you take responsibility when you f--k up. Like GS750 said, say sorry once verbally, then take her out for a good time and don't bring it up anymore.

 

[gravityeyelids]

You dun f*cked up. However...just because it IS your fault doesn't necessarily mean that that's the reality from which you should proceed.

As other posters have sais properly setting the frame allows you to get away with A LOT of f*ck ups and make the other party think that maybe it was their fault. Yea its messed up and a bit manipulative but that's life. If you play it off as if it's not a big deal then in most people's reality, they will accept it.

If you act like a big f*ck up and keep apologizing and acting like you're a piece of sh*t, then that's how she's going to view you.