Who is at fault here?

[Old Player]

I am married for 3 years and have 2 kids ages 2 and 10 months. I work full time and my wife does not work at all. My day consists of work and me going to the gym 4 days a week. I work a pm shift so when I come home everyone is sleeping including my wife. If the kids get up at night my wife takes care of them. On my days off I will watch the kids for a few hours so she could do what she wants and get a break.

My wife has her own car,debit card, and is pretty much free to spend whatever she wants. She probably handles 90% of the changing diaper,feeding,putting kids to sleep part. She also cooks every day but I don't ask for a 5 course meal. She will cook once a day.


Lately she has been nagging me and saying that she can't sleep and the kids don't let her sleep and she is exhausted. My problem is that I want to feel sorry for her but the only thing is i can't because she is not working. She also doesn't workout and have no hobbies or friends and I think this is a reason for her misery.

I have told her personally to start doing yoga or working out and that this would help but she always says she is too exhausted because of the kids.

Her unhappiness is really starting to piss me off.

 

[scrouds]

There may be a bad diet feedback cycle going on. Basically is goes like this: eat crrap, feel like craap.

Carbs, processed foods, rancid veggie oils, and a possible lack of vitamins, especially B can all lead down the "too exhausted to improve" path.

On the other side of all this, you may just need to add some beta twinges if you don't already. Reassuring her that she does a good job with house, home and kids can help; nobody wants to feel their efforts are being wasted.

 

[The Duke]

sounds like a typical woman b*tch b*tch b*tch*! What a woman says is wrong and whats actually wrong are usually two different things.

 

[Gro0ver]

Can't see that anyone is clearly at fault although I'm sure she'd be a lot happier and more energetic if she had hobbies, social life etc.

If it were me I'd cook her a meal one night (nice gesture, break from routine), try to put the kids to bed early or get someone to look after them for the evening and at some point gently start discussing how she can improve her life outside of looking after the kids and see if there is anything else that's bothering her. When you've identified stuff then try to galvanise her a bit with plenty of DJ positivity.

Use a positive approach for positive results, imo.

 

[5string]

samspade is right.

Step it up man. Get out with her and be social with others. It'll give you both something to talk about when you interact with others. OK, you are doing your part, but don't discount how hard it is to maintain a home and take care of kids.

A suggestion, and this is easy. Get some salad shrimp, some medium shrimp, salad and ****tail sauce. Put the salad in a large glass about halfway up, then put in a bunch of the salad shrimp and then put the medium shrimp around the lip of the glass. Pour a mess of ****tail sauce in it and serve it to her with a glass of wine. No problemo.

She'll appreciate the effort and you may just get a nice wet BJ in return.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Who is at fault here?...Her unhappiness is really starting to piss me off.

There is no "at fault." This is not a car accident. And you can be as angry as you want, but it will only make things worse.

I wonder if she might have post-partum depression:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-partum_depression

 

[FairShake]

Anyone with kids has been in this same situation. Being alone with two young kids all day is DRAINING. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I think that, like in any relationship, you have to take a long look at things from the other person's side of things. She's lonely and stressed and depressed. Expressing displeasure and annoyance won't change that.

Encourage her to get out of the house a little more. Encourage her to associate with other new mothers (a high percentage of women's friends come from these mommy groups). Basically get her moving in some direction because she's stagnant right now and stagnation is what causes depression.

Give it awhile, you guys are going through something very common.

 

[Tictac]

http://marriedmansexlife.com/blog/

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