Where is this relationship going?

[bronyraur]

After 9 months of stress-free relationship, she brought it up. She brought up the "exclusivity" subject after 2 months and I agreed to that, but it seems she is taking it to a higher level. I said I am very happy with my life and really didn't see any change in the future.

I'm 35, she's 34....both divorced for 3 years. I really don't have any intent of getting married to anyone (not just her). I think we are on a self-destruct course now and I wonder if I will go through this with every LTR I have in the future.

Would you start a business knowing you would lose half of your assets, some of your future income and the chance of success was less than 50%? (and your business partner is a woman).

I assume I can expect to get this pressure from every woman I date in the future....which means a lot of 1 year relationships, I guess.

 

[JohnJones]

I think so. Especially if she doesn't have kids. I dated one girl who was somewhat young for me (late 20s) and had zero maternal instinct. All of a sudden after about 6-7 months, she starts talking about babies.

 

[NatureGuy]

Are you afraid of commitment because you think whatever you do she's going to get
'half' later on? It doesn't work that way.
Firstly, no decent woman is going to steal money from you, and secondly, she would not likely have any right to money/assets you gained prior to the new marriage, and
lastly, you can always insist on a pre-nuptial agreement. Or, just tell her you are open to a LTR but don't want to get married. (advice can vary by state)

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by bronyraur
After 9 months of stress-free relationship, she brought it up. She brought up the "exclusivity" subject after 2 months and I agreed to that, but it seems she is taking it to a higher level. I said I am very happy with my life and really didn't see any change in the future.

I'm 35, she's 34....both divorced for 3 years. I really don't have any intent of getting married to anyone (not just her). I think we are on a self-destruct course now and I wonder if I will go through this with every LTR I have in the future.

Would you start a business knowing you would lose half of your assets, some of your future income and the chance of success was less than 50%? (and your business partner is a woman).

I assume I can expect to get this pressure from every woman I date in the future....which means a lot of 1 year relationships, I guess.

you're assuming that an LTR and exclusivity necessarily leads to marriage. i think that's corrupting your thinking with her.

just a note, don't let HER lead the relationship, you do the leading. perhaps this is the problem? she's leading you into a dark abyss, or otherwise a place where you don't want to go (marriage).

if you haven't already, tell her straight up that marriage is out of the question, with her and with anyone else (so that she doesn't take it personally). if she doesn't like it, she's welcome to leave.

 

[dietzcoi]

Nature guy, you are mistaken. She will get half. My ex got half. Don't try to tell ME that it doesn't work that way. Are you a judge?

Brony, I think most women do have marriage in mind and view anything else as wasting time. Don't ask me why, they just think thay way.

Why do you care anyway? To me a series of one-year relationships with various HB's sounds like paradise! Enjoy it!

Dietzcoi

 

[Chrispy]

You should highly consider a pre-nup. If your business has partners, your partners should demand that from you.

I have seen divorcees get along better with each other, so don't write her off too quickly

 

[TooColdUlrick]

you've already got this guy married and buried.

 

[cbratton]

Sign a prenuptual agreement. Issue closed, right?

 

[bronyraur]

Why do you care anyway? To me a series of one-year relationships with various HB's sounds like paradise! Enjoy it!

Dietzcoi

####################
Thanks man, I think that's exactly what I needed to hear. We took a trip this weekend and the stress is mounting. It won't be long I think. Bron

 

[dietzcoi]

Thanks, at least somebody takes my advice instead of attacking me as a bitter old man...

I have unfortunately gained my knowledge thru 44 years on earth.... who ya gonna trust? Me or a 17 year old??

Dietzcoi

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Bron, any woman you date after 25 is looking to get married!! Women don't want to be alone for the next 50 years!!

Solution - date much younger womem and not women in their 30's!!!!

Dietzcoi, finally - you have one joining your side on the 'no-marriage' thinking!! I think Bron just saved a few hundred thousand dollars!! Unless of course he gets one of these hos pregnant!!!!!

 

[Eileen]

Originally posted by bronyraur
I really don't have any intent of getting married to anyone (not just her).

Does she know this? If she knows you feel that way and still wants to hang around that's up to her, but you should be fair and let her know that. Otherwise, you're simply leading her on and that's a ****ty thing to do to either sex.

 

[Jay Gatsby]

Re: Re: Where is this relationship going?

Originally posted by Eileen
Does she know this? If she knows you feel that way and still wants to hang around that's up to her, but you should be fair and let her know that. Otherwise, you're simply leading her on and that's a ****ty thing to do to either sex.

I would argue that it's only leading someone on if you actually talk about marriage with a person, leaving him/her with the impression that it could, and likely will, happen at some point in the future. "Full disclosure" is not appropriate at the beginning of a relationship. For example, if a woman told a man on the first date that she wanted to get married, she would scare him off and there likely wouldn't be a second date. Why? Because he's looking to see if she's compatible with him on a variety of levels before even considering the idea of marriage. She, on the other hand, has one thing on her mind, namely, her ultimate goal of getting married.

The time for discussing marriage is probably 9 months to 1 year into a relationship, after compatibility issues have been resolved and the desire for the companionship of the other has grown substantially stronger.

 

[Eileen]

Originally posted by bronyraur
After 9 months of stress-free relationship, she brought it up.

I agree that marriage talk isn't something that should occur during the first few dates or even months of dating, but at this point in this relationship it's the fair thing to do.

Honestly, I think that once it becomes apparent that one person is looking for a deeper commitment than the other person will ever want, it should be brought up. Twist it any way you want to, but if you know the person you're dating is marriage minded and you know you are not, then you're using them. You're wasting their time.

Technically, not a foul but a better person wouldn't go there. It’s a do unto others sort of thing. Would you want someone treating your sister or mother in that way?