Where do I go from here? (Long)

[oldguy]

OK, so I'll probably come across as being pretty pathetic but I suppose I'm fairly anonymus here so I'm going to spill my guts. I need opinions and hopefully some advice.

I'm in my mid fifties but when you take into account how long I was married and been divorced a few years now I've been away from this game since I was 30 years old. Although I was a teacher for years I presently just work for a medically related company as courier. I'd have to say I'm not especially good looking but am friendly and have a pretty good sense of humor and honestly always had beautiful girlfriends.

One of the stops I make is a medical clinic. About a year ago I walked in for the first time and there was this beautiful young Hispanic (Americanized)woman. Big beautiful eyes. Got me the second I looked into them. I figure she may be about 25. Can't really say. She's old enough to have a 6 year old child. Each time I've gone in I'd stay a little longer and we'd talk about all different things.

Now I don't know if it was just wishful thinking or if I was misenterpreting signals and body language. She is always smiling at me. When we talk she leans toward me and tilts her head and runs her fingers through her hair. Sometime she's twirling her hair as she's talking. She adjusts her clothes and hair when I walk in the room. There have been little things that lead me to believe there might be some interest there on her part. For instance I gave her some coupons for a fair she was going to and she said "I'll think about you when I have it." Or when talking about a movie she slipped in the comment, "I'm always up for a movie." But at the time I figured that's all she meant. I didn't read anything into it.

So being slow and cautious I just let things continue the way they were and just looked forward to my favorite part of the day when I'd stop a her place. A friend of mine said go ahead and ask her out. He said sometimes women go for older guys. So after a couple of weeks of gathering up my courage (I'm extremely afraid of rejection) I go in to ask her. As we are talking some little weasel doctor who I never saw before comes walking in the room and goes up to her and puts his hand on her shoulder and they look at each other and smile. At that moment I'm thinking "Oh f**k!" So I didn't ask her. Over the weekend I figured I'm going to go ahead and ask her anyway. So the next Monday I go in but chicken out because there were a number of patients sitting there. I wait a couple of hours and call her on the phone. I knew she was already doing something with her family on Friday but I asked if she would like to go out this weekend for dinner and drinks. She answers with a weak "Maybe." So I respond, "I'll take that as a no." (I know, in retrospect I'm a dumbass.) And she says, "I kind of have plans already. I'm going to such and such a place with one of the doctors from the clinic." At that point I'm disappointed so I don't exactly remember what I said other than well I'll see you tomorrow. The next day I went in and before we talked about anything else I just said, "Listen the offer I made yesterday remains open. If and when you want to do something let me know." And then we just continued into small talk. I don't know if it was her or me but there was just something missing from the vibes I used to get.

For business reasons there has not been a reason for me to be there now for two weeks. So I drive around all day thinking of all the things I should have done. Was the comment like, "I'm always up for a movie," a hint to me I didn't pick up on? Is doctor paws pawing her now? Is he screwing her on the weekend? What chance do I have vs. a doctor? And on and on. I know, I obsessing but I put a lot of psychic energy in this for a year.

OK, so let me have it. Tell me what a dumbs**t I am. Knock some sense into my head. But I'd also like to hear suggestions of where to proceed from her. Thanks.

OG

 

[azanon]

We've all been there, so here's where you are. You asked her out in a manner of sorts, and she said no in a manner of sorts. If she wanted to go out with you, she would have made that happen and crushed all of the excuses. Its nothing more than a rejection and it happens to all of us; including the young, crafty, and fairly good-looking amongst us too.

Your next move is to move on. That's the DJ move here. If you happen to see her by chance anyway, just be friendly and harbor no resentment.

 

[Interceptor]

What happened is that you asked her out and iit wasn't a natural escalation.

What I believe you should have done, is reward her with your IOIs each time she says something that really interest you about her.


You: "So, the weather's really nice today." (body angled AWAY form hers)

Her: "Yeah."

You: "Hey, the other day you told me about your passion. Tell me more."
(turn your body slightly more towarfds her)

Her: (lights up) "Oh yeah..so when I was little....etc etc)

You: "Wow. That's is really cool. (fully face her now, keep eye contact snd smile) What an experience, and the way you came through it. That's sexy. Seriously. Hey listen,...I have to go. I want to learn more about this , and more about you. Give me your phone number."

Her: "Um..ok. It's 555-1234"



Basically, she was just being nice, and liking your attention. You must have displayed a fawning type of attention to her, and she liked it.
But you didn't come acrioss as sexual, I believe. You and her were acting "frinedly", you weren't flirting.


Try to work in a reward and IOI for each thing she says that generally interests you. That way, when you do ask her out (escalating) she will feel it is in order, in that it's due. She's earned it.
You see?


Learn how to flirt.

Learn to reward her with genuine interest for genuine output from her.

Understand how to make rapport, and how to break it.

Control your body movements, facial expressions, and eye contact sop that you do not com eoff as desperate and TOO interested. You want to sho her you're in control, interested, but not desperate, needy, and hanging on her every word.

Keep excellent body language, tone of voice.
Spark the attraction.

Sowly add kino, and don't feel awkward, embarassed, or anxious about it. Women like to be touched. That other guy touched her, why not you?
Be cool, and measured.

Keep talking to her, but maintain strong masculinity and keep the sexual vibe.
Don't be like the little kid who is fawning and drooling over the hot chick.

 

[STR8UP]

Yep, move on.

But it sounds like she MIGHT have been a little bit interested.

I would consider trying again down the road, this time in a more confident manner. (Less ASKING and more ASSUMING that she wants to go)

 

[##17]

Hey man, Welcome to the forum!

You know already what you could have done better next time:
(1) Strike while the iron is hot--you say you're a risk-averse fellow, but you're realizing that you actually 'risked' a lot more by waiting.
(2) Ask her out in person
(3) Confidence!!


What others said--next time you see her, be cool and confident. If you could initially attract a girl like her, you must be doing a lot of things right already. And next time, don't 'ask' her out! Make plans for something cool and tell her she is coming with you. Anyway, all you did was flub one interaction--one interaction doesn't make you a bad person. (They say that Ted Bundy was very charming when he wasn't actually killing someone, so being smooth isn't your worth as a person.)

You seemed to imply that she has a six-year-old. Are you sure you'd want to date a single mom anyway? No disrespect intended (many are actually working twice as hard to be a good mom, because they try to be both parents), but if the relationship with her gets serious, you could find yourself in a tough situation.

 

[##17]

duplicate post

 

[Mr.Positive]

(They say that Ted Bundy was very charming when he wasn't actually killing someone, so being smooth isn't your worth as a person.)

oldguy only has 2 posts on the forum, and we're already comparing him to Ted Bundy!?! :crackup:

Welcome oldguy!!

To answer your question though..I would second the advise and be cordial to her when you see her in the future, but move on. It's all one big learning experience, for all of us. It's a reminder to not take life, and women, too seriously. It's time to have fun.

 

[jophil28]

Hey Old Guy - here is a little advice from another Old Guy.
Firstly, you need to accept that the dating scene has changed a LOT in the past 30 years .. When you were "courting" there were no cellphones and DVDs and no email - and women were more passive and compliant. Now we have feminism and "Sex in the City" to add to their confusion .
Also , back then you did not have ****y and Funny. What is that you ask ?

Here is one of my favorite examples of C&F that I use when approaching a HOT younger woman.

You, " Hey Kiddo, don't be pointing those at me unless you intend to use 'em."

Her, " Huh - what ? "

Me, " You know what I am talking about - your EYES !"

Her ( looks coy and blushes a bit) " OH umm . yeh ..ah ...."

You . " You got a permit for those ?"

She now will smile and look up at you.
Now you take the compliment away a little.

You," I know that you probably use 'em on those boys your age and they fall for it but i am a mature guy here . They are not gonna do it for me. You need to work harder and try something else."

Now she will start to protest that she is not "trying" anything at all.

You, " OK , stop .I get a lot of this flirty stuff. You women ! " (Look a little peeved and roll your eyes, with a smirk on your face)

You, " Next time, I want you to try to appeal to my sensitive side otherwise our relationship just ain't gonna work out.."

You then just walk away.


I know it all sound corny and contrived - but the point is this. Women love funny guys and they love the flirty games, so you combine the two.
The next time you see her you have a perfect topic to roll right along with.