Where DJing fails - insightful

[Jariel]

Good looks, intelligence, charisma, social proof, style, humour, confidence are among the most important traits of a DJ and I have them all.

However, after a call from an ex-girlfriend (yes, the one who has been fvcking with my head) I learned that many of these things are actually going against me. According to her, I make people feel insecure. Apparently, I don't have/show enough flaws, I try too hard to be perfect, I'm "too immaculate" and "untouchable", people feel like they can't meet my standards and can't relax around me. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, I don't even eat "normally" (i.e. junk food) and don't let myself go enough. She even criticised the fact that I rarely swear or burp, that I carry a vial of cologne around with me and chew gum. She also said she feels like sh1t when women talk to me and flirt with me and when her own friends put me on a pedestal. In general, I'm too high-maintenance. Despite the fact that I'm a very modest person, I make her feel uncomfortable about being herself, and other people have said the same thing apparently.

This follows what my friend was advising me recently, that I should stop dressing so stylish, swear more, act the fool more and stop trying to be perfect (I assume the two of them have been discussing me).

So be aware that all this self-improvement and striving to be "the prize" can actually work against you.

 

[Royal Elite]

This is funny, because I have the same situation. Notice how I said situation and not problem. It's their problem not yours. People will always hate excellent if they aren't excellent themselves. Never bring yourself "down" to please others, you need to find some new friends. Friends who are on the same road as you, that's what Im doing.

My friends tell me they get mad because I dont lose control when it comes to my emotions and they cant read me, oh well, the ones that are my friends will stay around the ones that wont, wont. But I know one thing I will not stop being me, just too make others feel good about their insecurities.

If Bill Gates hang around poor people all day they would try to convince him he waste money, and could be doing other things with it, that's why he only hangs with other wealthy folks.

There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with them. Find other more dignified people like yourselves.

 

[dearsappho]

Jariel...please please please would you drop the thought of your ex, for your own sake.

Im getting worried about you, man. All your posts appear to be related to her in some way. What have we got to do? Come get you and drag you out of it?

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for that Royal Elite. You are right! I always knew this chick was trying to drag me down to her level (and may be why she has been such a b1tch to me), and other people try to do the same. But yes, you are damn right, why should I cater to other people's insecurities?

Time to find some new friends.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by dearsappho
Jariel...please please please would you drop the thought of your ex, for your own sake.

Im getting worried about you, man. All your posts appear to be related to her in some way. What have we got to do? Come get you and drag you out of it?

haha, you are right. I'm trying (way too hard) to work out where I'm going wrong. I'm a control freak and a perfectionist and I have a habit of trying to explain everything and control external events by controlling/changing myself. Although this does tie in with what she said?!?!

Do you think I need help?

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by Jariel
Good looks, intelligence, charisma, social proof, style, humour, confidence are among the most important traits of a DJ and I have them all.

However, after a call from an ex-girlfriend (yes, the one who has been fvcking with my head) I learned that many of these things are actually going against me. According to her, I make people feel insecure. Apparently, I don't have/show enough flaws, I try too hard to be perfect, I'm "too immaculate" and "untouchable", people feel like they can't meet my standards and can't relax around me. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, I don't even eat "normally" (i.e. junk food) and don't let myself go enough. She even criticised the fact that I rarely swear or burp, that I carry a vial of cologne around with me and chew gum. She also said she feels like sh1t when women talk to me and flirt with me and when her own friends put me on a pedestal. In general, I'm too high-maintenance. Despite the fact that I'm a very modest person, I make her feel uncomfortable about being herself, and other people have said the same thing apparently.

This follows what my friend was advising me recently, that I should stop dressing so stylish, swear more, act the fool more and stop trying to be perfect (I assume the two of them have been discussing me).

So be aware that all this self-improvement and striving to be "the prize" can actually work against you.

BRAVO!!! Man don't change for nobody but for yourself! You got some real positive things going for you..You don't have to smoke or drink to have a good time-Heck thats whats wrong with most of the young population-They can't just have a good time.

So anyway--You are doing great MAN don't stop for nobody!

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Jariel
Good looks, intelligence, charisma, social proof, style, humour, confidence are among the most important traits of a DJ and I have them all.

However, after a call from an ex-girlfriend (yes, the one who has been fvcking with my head) I learned that many of these things are actually going against me. According to her, I make people feel insecure. Apparently, I don't have/show enough flaws, I try too hard to be perfect, I'm "too immaculate" and "untouchable", people feel like they can't meet my standards and can't relax around me. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, I don't even eat "normally" (i.e. junk food) and don't let myself go enough. She even criticised the fact that I rarely swear or burp, that I carry a vial of cologne around with me and chew gum. She also said she feels like sh1t when women talk to me and flirt with me and when her own friends put me on a pedestal. In general, I'm too high-maintenance. Despite the fact that I'm a very modest person, I make her feel uncomfortable about being herself, and other people have said the same thing apparently.

This follows what my friend was advising me recently, that I should stop dressing so stylish, swear more, act the fool more and stop trying to be perfect (I assume the two of them have been discussing me).

So be aware that all this self-improvement and striving to be "the prize" can actually work against you.

sounds like your ex woman is just trying to find something to ***** about. don't worry about it.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Jariel
and don't let myself go enough.

To sum up what she said nicely, she meant that you arent laid back enough.

It's true every single person has at least one insecurity which is why we're only human. But truly it's their problem if they cant handle it.

It's only natural to have flaws and be human, being too perfect can be almost like living in a twilight zone. imagine if everyone on this planet had the exact same traits as you, scary eh? It would be nice to have variation every now and then. We're only human and we grow bore of things easily. It would be nice to meet someone who's "different" than the rest.

But it's also natural that people demand freedom or so called "living the life" which expresses the human ways. such as smoking, laughing like an idiot, sucking at sports, suck at math...im not saying you should degrade yourself to levels such as these. Everyone is human on this planet, and for that fact, we all expect to find flaws in each other.

Flaws arent necessarily negative, some make you and some break you. Your flaw could mean a turn on for someone else.
an example: Having an aussie accent, while living in nyc.
You may see it as a flaw, but others will find it a turn on.

 

[MindOverMatter]

why are you still talking to this girl, much taking note of what she's saying. don't lower yourself so you can please gutter trash, instead find girls that are on your level.

edit - also, the vial of cologne is a bit too much lol

 

[Freeman]

Impressive

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
why are you still talking to this girl, much taking note of what she's saying. don't lower yourself so you can please gutter trash, instead find girls that are on your level.

edit - also, the vial of cologne is a bit too much lol

Hey man you in pretty good shape! I'm a excercise buff myself..I was wondering what is max on bench presses?

 

[thefonz]

screwit raises a good point....perhaps you are rather obessed with perfection. And girls tend to dislike obsession. Trying to be the perfect dj without experiencing all the failures and trials that lead up to being a dj. Reading between the lines, maybe she is saying you need to be more open with people. Do you focus too much on hiding your emotions (as the bible says) that you don't let anyone see your inside, maybe you should find more of a balance. I don't mean turn into a blitering sobfest just maybe give traces of emotions like...."Sometimes i don't get how society can be so irresponsible as to delegate one country to fighting an entire war on terrorism .....and that chick over there has big cans.".....don't take yourself so seriously when doing it. But don't do it often. This is just one of my thoughts on what your thinking...don't lower yourself for anybody, ever.

Deep down i really feel this is just one of those cases where your girlfriend is being a *****.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
why are you still talking to this girl, much taking note of what she's saying. don't lower yourself so you can please gutter trash, instead find girls that are on your level.

edit - also, the vial of cologne is a bit too much lol

I also walk around with a vial of fregent oil, and gum. You never know what or who you are going to be doing.

 

[squirrels]

It's lonely at the top.

As long as that IS who you are and not just a "DJ front".

We've all met that person that, when they're around, they just seem so perfect at everything that people feel like they need to try to impress them. Celebrities often give off that vibe...people go out of their way to be who they're not because they're insecure of how they look in the "great person"'s eyes and need to come up to that standard.

It's hard to find other people who, even if they ARE flawed, can accept themselves enough to not feel uncomfortable when they compare themselves next to you.

And it wouldn't hurt for you to be more appreciative of other people's character flaws...the best kings are the ones who don't pity those beneath them for not being as great, but inspire them to become better...or at least to develop the virtues they HAVE.

Just because you're the one writing the script now doesn't mean you can run a successful play with only one part...or with only lead characters.

 

[MetalFortress]

She's jealous. Why the hell is it her business that her friends like you? You're not her boyfriend anymore.

 

[Jariel]

That's what I love about this forum. When I'm emotional and delusional, there are always people here who can take an objective standpoint and talk sense.

I really need to start taking that standpoint in my own life more often.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Completely disagree.

People like your friend and ex-gf who make stupid comments like that are insecure, lazy people.

Why are they insecure? Well they are threatened by you instead of being confident with themselves.

Why are they lazy? Instead of stepping it up a level to "compete" with you, they whine, moan, and b1tch that you act like you're "too good" for them.


If anything, this works FOR YOU. You're weeding out the insecure, lazy people who won't amount to anything. You'll eventually find a real winner instead of sticking with a real loser like your ex-gf.

Can you be "too rich"? If your friend/gf complains that you're "too rich" for him/her, are you going to give away your money so he/she will be satisfied? I don't think so.

So why is there ANY question in your mind if someone told you that you're "too DJ" whether you should peg yourself down or not?

 

[Levex]

Its one thing not to lower the standards, but its another to have them so extremely high that very few people measure up. If you do that more often than not you come off as an arrogant shmuck, which puts off lots more people than it attracts.

i'm not dissing you or anything and i may be wrong, but i did get that impression just from reading your post.

 

[il_duce]

I believe Pook once said that perfect is boring.

Now, from your post it doesn't sound like you are having trouble attracting these people, but they do seem to resent you. Honestly, if you really aren't trying to be perfect all the time, then don't worry about it. That's just them being insecure about themselves around you. In that case, maybe it's time to trade up for some new friends who aren't trying to bring you down with them?

But if you think you might be trying too hard, maybe you need to let loose a little bit.

edited

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by il_duce
I believe Pook once said that perfect is boring. Now from your post it doesn't sound like you are having trouble attracting these people, but they do seem to resent you. Maybe it's time to trade up for some new friends who aren't trying to bring you down with them?

Perfect on its own isn't boring. If your need for perfection causes you to avoid risks, then THAT is boring.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

You are letting jealous people influence you now.I advise you to cut this hoe and your symped out freind out of your life.

They are just insecure.Can I ask if they are bookwarmish or poor(no offense)?

It might be that.

Now if you are giving off a superior vibe to everyone then you should loosen up cuz haters are gonna come out to get you.

But I get the feeling you are around people that are not too happy about you being the focal point of your lil' social hive.

You didn't work this hard on yourself for people to ignore you now or did you?