Where are all the plates?

[The LadyKiller]

Today, I realized that I have somewhat of an uphill battle when it comes to getting things going socially. I work at a large-population company, which you would think is good because a lot of the employees are around the same age, there are a number of HB's, etc (we all relocated for the job). Unfortunately, we all work long/strange hours, meaning I don't see a weekend night for awhile. There are also a few other complications - these I hope the forum can help address:

-Although I am very outgoing, I can't get much rapport going with girls aside from of work small-talk. Small-talk they act normal, but elevating things past small-talk get dicey. If I ask what they're doing after work, "things." If I ask about anything non-work related, I also receive a short answer.
-The only HB who does talk somewhat consistently is the same girl who turned me down rather disrespectfully a few months ago. Mysteriously, she has become very nice/charming over the past couple of weeks. This is the girl I now talk to the most at work because, well, she actually holds a conversation (something she wasn't doing months ago).
-The company is located in a slow area; there isn't much happening.
-I get along with guys at work no problem. Strangely, however, it seems that any extra-cirricular plans depend on girls being involved. Bringing this full-circle, the girls will talk to the other guys while I'm out of the loop.
-I feel if I push for information, I will appear needy.

People at work surely do things outside of work (parties, hitting bars), but I don't know how to properly get myself involved without coming off as desperate. One of my friends at work says there are a lot of girls at the company, so it shouldn't be that hard. He has a LTR (long-distance too) going and while girls take to him well, he doesn't go out a lot. While his thinking isn't wrong, I have been getting nowhere on this.

What's the proper way to get the ball rolling? I am talkative, so it's not a matter of being shy.

 

[Spinning Spinning]

It's tough bro I don't know are you as relaxed around the women as you are around your bloke mates?

You said this girl disrespectfully turned you down but now is now talking to you? How disrespectfully? Could she perhaps have been trying a little too hard to play hard? Or maybe she had a guy she was serious about at the time and it was that time of the month? I remember I rang this girl to go out years ago and she was so harsh on me she almost old me to get fkd but ended the convo with "Oh I'll see you at the pub on Tuesday night" WTF go figure. Needless to say I picked her up that Tuesday night. She was just overdoing things. This girl was quite young though around 20 years old. I'm sort of in the same predicament where I got KB'd pretty hard but am receiving ultra positive signs now but I'm obviously hesitant to do anything after what happened. You know what though bro? You only live once and it's not like you're gonna get the ass if you ask her out again. You'd be amazed how much more attractive you'll be to the ladies at work if you're already putting one of them away ESPECIALLY if you're doing a good job of it.

 

[The LadyKiller]

It's tough bro I don't know are you as relaxed around the women as you are around your bloke mates?

I'm more outgoing/talkative because that's just my usual self. Starting a conversation isn't the problem. I'm not sure how this translates to them.

You said this girl disrespectfully turned you down but now is now talking to you? How disrespectfully? Could she perhaps have been trying a little too hard to play hard? Or maybe she had a guy she was serious about at the time and it was that time of the month?

I asked her out, she said yes. She then went on to give me a wrong phone number and defriended me on Facebook. The fb part wasn't so bad, but the wrong number was a little elementary.

Back then, we got along, but it was more lukewarm. We seem to get along better than ever now, but I don't know if it's an attention-seeking move by her or not. I don't want to ask her out and then go through the same bs as last time.

You also made a good point mentioning social proof. I guess that's one of the conclusions that can be made from the OP; I don't have much of it where I am now. To have "social proof," being in the company of some girls is going to be a must. I don't appear to have that luxury because nothing is working out (even in a group).

 

[youngmack]

I have this same problem too, aside from a girl turning me down and all of that. I am a talkative type of person also but convos that i have with plates are always dead.

Its like they dont hold their end of the convo. I mean im not the best conversationalist i do need lots of conversing skills still but i think i do a decent job talking to the plates but it seems like things just dont escalate. Just regular boring dead convos smh.. Maybe it is me... Maybe i think i can have decent convos but in actuality my convos are boring as hell on my part..

I dont know what to do.. Any tips on how to have better conversations? I know about the "do less talking and have her talk about herself most of the time" but what if when she does she always answers in short answers like shes extremely uninterested? How do i get in the minds of plates through conversation?? Oh and btw im a 16 year old black kid in highschool

 

[Zerro]

I have this same problem too, aside from a girl turning me down and all of that. I am a talkative type of person also but convos that i have with plates are always dead.

Its like they dont hold their end of the convo. I mean im not the best conversationalist i do need lots of conversing skills still but i think i do a decent job talking to the plates but it seems like things just dont escalate. Just regular boring dead convos smh.. Maybe it is me... Maybe i think i can have decent convos but in actuality my convos are boring as hell on my part..

I dont know what to do.. Any tips on how to have better conversations? I know about the "do less talking and have her talk about herself most of the time" but what if when she does she always answers in short answers like shes extremely uninterested? How do i get in the minds of plates through conversation?? Oh and btw im a 16 year old black kid in highschool

Just excuse yourself and walk away then. If she actually does want to talk she'll either try to stop you from leaving or at seek you out later when she does have something to say. Don't try to force girls to talk; the sooner you learn this the better, I certainly wish I had when I was your age.

 

[youngmack]

Just excuse yourself and walk away then. If she actually does want to talk she'll either try to stop you from leaving or at seek you out later when she does have something to say. Don't try to force girls to talk; the sooner you learn this the better, I certainly wish I had when I was your age.

Thanks for the advice zerro, i will be sure to do this next time, also how do i become a better conversationalist so that walking away wouldnt even come up as an option for me. Im not gona be ****y and say im the best converser. I am not i want to continue to improve as a conversationalist

 

[FairShake]

You should ask somebody who's there. I'm sure there is a reason that will be apparent once it's explained to you.

I've found alot of people I know who will point out regularly how talkative and "not shy" they are often are "try hard" and weird. They can be attention-seeking, obnoxious, vulgar, too talkative, and needy. While speaking up more is great advice for some it's not for everyone. Some people could use a little more shyness!

Not to say this is you but it's a possibility I noticed because you mentioned how much you talk twice in the first post and another time later in the thread. Getting invited out with the crowd at work isn't that hard. Even quiet and shy people do if they show some interest in their co-workers.

 

[The LadyKiller]

You should ask somebody who's there. I'm sure there is a reason that will be apparent once it's explained to you.

I'm sure there's a reason, but I doubt anyone will discuss it. I know that it's not something guys see (I've asked a few friends) and girls won't come out and say it.

I've found alot of people I know who will point out regularly how talkative and "not shy" they are often are "try hard" and weird. They can be attention-seeking, obnoxious, vulgar, too talkative, and needy. While speaking up more is great advice for some it's not for everyone. Some people could use a little more shyness!

Not to say this is you but it's a possibility I noticed because you mentioned how much you talk twice in the first post and another time later in the thread. Getting invited out with the crowd at work isn't that hard. Even quiet and shy people do if they show some interest in their co-workers.

The ones that are possibilities: trying too hard (I go 100% on everything work-wise, maybe some of that is bleeding out?) or talkative. I'm not vulgar/obnoxious (I don't want to see HR lol) and I'm not exactly needy. I've realized that if I say/do nothing, nothing happens.

I figured getting invited out can't be that hard. I just need to figure out how to get, well, invited.