Where are all the beautiful women?

[StevenR]

I hope this doesn't come across as a rant but it has been a problem for most of my post-college adult life it seems. People suggested I try to make more freinds in the area that I have moved to, and to build up a social network. I found this place called meetup.com that has various groups that orgainize activities around various interests. There is just about any interest one can imagine, and I have not looked at them all yet. I signed up for a local photography group and went on the photography outing. They have profiles of everyone in the group that you can browse. I noticed last night that the few good looking women cannot make it to todays outing because they had "other plans". So most of the people who showed up were men, middle ages, a few women who were wither with a guy, obese or middle aged. No prospects there. I looked on some of the other meetup groups, specifically the singles meetup groups. Guess what? the men greatly outnumber the women. It reminded me of when I was in an outdoor activities group back in the 90's, again, mostly single men like myself, and the very few women there were popular items especially if they were good looking.

This seems to be the prevailing trend everywhere I look. At work, mostly geeky middle ages guys, a few woman but they are married, very few hot chicks. The personals, men outnumber women 3 to 1. I go to any nightclub, and there seem to be so many guys there that you need to pick a number if you want to talk to an HB. Where do all the HB's hide? Why don't they go to any of the places where they have the opportunity to meet guys? It really does seem that men outnumber women everywhere I go these days but I know that is statistically not the case.

Granted, there are places where I do see beautiful women, like at the gym and at Whole Foods and a few other places, but I just don't feel comfortable picking up these women in those places at my age. Why do these women make it hard for us? Is it that they only want to associate with men in their established social network and that is why I never met them? Even when I did have a social network most of my friends were geeks and didn't hang out iwth women except maybe their occasional girlfriend or wife when they got married. Is there some hidden secret island where all the beautiful women go to hang out?

 

[Interceptor]

Steve, first off, read the Book of Pook.
Second, read the entire DJ Bible.
Third, get the crowbar out and use it on your wallet and consider buying some products from David DeAngelo.
And lastly, the women you may be after are the ones who expect the Men "to do the approaching."If you're not comfortable approaching, then resign yourself to a life of celibacy.
If a woman were reading this she would just scream at you: "Be a fvcking man for God sakes, grab your nuts and approach us!!!"

I want to help , man.
But dude, you are really off putting in your "Oh Woe is me." outlook.

Anyway, like I said, I want to help guys out, but you're just making it hard for me. But then again, you may not appreciate my help anyway, which is cool with me.

Good luck, bro. You will definitely need it , unless you man up and do something.

 

[StevenR]

It may come off as a whiny thread, but I am asking a general question about why good looking single women seem to be so reclusive in the first place. That was my original intention but yeah i did end up whining a bit, I can see how it would come off that way. I also don't feel all that confident cold approaching women right now because I don't feel my looks are up to par, I need to lose some weight. Because of this I tend to think that for a woman to feel attracted to me she needs to get to know me in a social setting first, preferably one where there is a mutual interest. This also may sound like a dumb question, but how do you get to the DJ Bible on this site? Even when I type in a search for it all I get is a bunch of forum posts. There, I asked the dumb embarrassing question I was afraid to ask.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...This also may sound like a dumb question, but how do you get to the DJ Bible on this site? Even when I type in a search for it all I get is a bunch of forum posts. There, I asked the dumb embarrassing question I was afraid to ask.

Scroll down.

 

[StevenR]

okay, thanks, and I feel stupid now as expected duh!~

...any chance the mods can delete the last three posts?

 

[Phyzzle]

From an older post I made:

I went to a wine tasting last week. Fifty people were there, including four young, non-obese women. Two were there with their husbands. Another woman came in with a group of 4 guys (AFC orbiters? A boyfriend or two?) Another was 30-ish but quite hot, and she came with her small child.

I know this is anecdotal tripe, but it seems like going to a seminar, going to an office party, going to a book club, or going to Betty and Jim's 4th of July kegger, you're going to a see a about 10 fun, successful, young, decent-looking guys, and about 5 young women (who bring their boyfriends). But I'm convinced it's not just my imagination:

Today, women are taken off the social scene when they have kids, but the guys who knocked them up are still out there gunning for the same shrinking pool of childless women. Also, deal-breaking obesity is higher among women.

Obesity is real; the breakup of 2-parent households is real. There actually are going to be more unattached men than women at your average social function. It's not just in your head.

 

[squirrels]

Cut to the front of the line. Don't take a number.

Pretty women get men interested so fast that they dont' HAVE to stay out in public long. They go out, set a few leads, and then let things run. If you're club-hopping, you'll notice how the best looking chicks only stay in one place for a couple minutes at a time. They bounce from bar to bar because they don't WANT to wait for the lower-value dudes to "work up the nerve" to bug them. The guys who truly FEEL that they are high-value engage as soon as the opportunity presents itself. So don't wait. I know you want to be the typical love-story where the girl is bored from all the "usual tools" hitting on her when you, the nice guy, finally works up the nerve and finds her receptive and captivated by how "different" you are. It doesn't work that way.

As far as at the grocery store and such, just be friendly. There is nothing wrong with a smile and a "hello". Will she probably sense your agenda? Sure she will? But so what! You're just doing your thing.

The whole "game" is just the way that women filter out men who, deep down, don't believe that they "deserve" a good woman. And chances are if you believe you don't deserve a good woman, you probably don't.

 

[StevenR]

They bounce from bar to bar because they don't WANT to wait for the lower-value dudes to "work up the nerve" to bug them. The guys who truly FEEL that they are high-value engage as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Today, women are taken off the social scene when they have kids,

Well, sort of, actually, they are all on match.com

but the guys who knocked them up are still out there gunning for the same shrinking pool of childless women. Also, deal-breaking obesity is higher among women.

I HATE those kind of guys, they are kinda like the dating scene equivalent of the rich who are getting richer and not being generous with it. So with sexual freedom there is an increasing socioerotic class divide in the same matter that economic freedom increases the socioeconomic divide between the rich and the poor.

Because it IS a dude-ranch everywhere, is why the DJ bible exists.

agreed, it probably is my only hope, or I can just go to Eastern Europe lol

 

[speakeasy]

I think the OP post came off as pretty AFC, but he does make a few points. You are a 100x more likely to walk into a nightspot that turns out to be a ****fest than the other way around. I can't remember the last I've gone anywhere and thought, damn, there's way more girls here than guys.

 

[MatureDJ]

This is the way it has been all my life, with the one exception when I have visited Eastern Europe. This is just the way life is in the good old US of A. (More on this later.)

Why is it like this? The Baby Bust, as well as the obesification of the American woman, and rise of the single mother. The result is that the numbers of datable women for the bachelor are just not there. Also, women (at least the decent, non-stuck-up ones) tend to not be as bold and go out on the town as much as men, with the net result being that social events are loaded with far more decent men then women.


Whereas a generation ago, a decent bachelor would always have within his family's social circle some matronly matchmaker who would always be on the lookout to be set up any available man with a decent, marriageable woman, today's bachelor only has his friends' fat wives try to set up him up with her even fatter maiden friend, or the single mommy friend. Some bachelors just sell out to security and marry such a woman, while others will just dig down to that level for the occasional sexual encounter.

My experience with American girlfriends had basically been that I only got such a girlfriend when she had just been back on the market after breaking up with her boyfriend, or just moved into town, etc. Contrast with my East European (EE) girlfriends, who were generally quite available for a while before I had met them.

 

[aliasguy]

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I simply don't understand this question.

Walk out your front door, and go somewhere, anywhere.

There, my friend, you will see beautiful women.


Jeez.

Are you in Alaska, or something?
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[Phyzzle]

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I simply don't understand this question.

Walk out your front door, and go somewhere, anywhere.

There, my friend, you will see beautiful women.


Jeez.

Are you in Alaska, or something?
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My, don't you sound confident.

You should post a field report on here of how you met your last fling. Daytime cold approach?

 

[aliasguy]

My, don't you sound confident.

You should post a field report on here of how you met your last fling. Daytime cold approach?

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Well, I am confident, but that's got little to do with this "where are all the girls?" whining.

Honestly, there are women everywhere.

As to the FR, I'll make this short. Last new "fling" girl was a coupla weeks ago. Cold approach, but not daytime. Early evening at a bar and grill type place. I was there with some friends. The table next to us was taken up by 4 blondes (I actually prefer dark-haired girls, though.) They were about to leave, so I walked up to my choice and said hello. We talked for a bit, and went out the next night. She's in the rotation, now.

I don't have tons of free evenings - my kid is here half the time, and I work after hours sometimes, so I don't get out as much as I'd like. I'm not as good at cold, daytime approaches, though (good call on your part). Unless I'm sorta in my element at work. Then it's easier. I guess I feel more in control. I've still got work to do on myself.


But, really, man, there are girls everywhere.

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[edger]

I also don't feel all that confident cold approaching women right now because I don't feel my looks are up to par, I need to lose some weight.

Steve, believe me when I say looks don't mean JACK SH*T. I'm telling you the honest truth. Having good game is everything. Take a look around you the next time you're out in public..you'll notice most hot women out there are with avg./ugly looking men. Really, I'd like you to do that, and then come back here and tell me what you've observed.

Most avg./ugly looking guys will usually have great game. And my theory on this is because the avg./ugly looking guys growing up from a young age never got chix, because chix when they're younger pretty much choose guys based soley on their looks(it's not until their late teens that it switches and a guy's "game" becomes a woman's focal point, not his looks). So these guys always having been rejected during their childhood and teens, had taken on the "I know I'm ugly/avg. looking, I don't give a f*ck, I'm gonna approach every hot babe, because what do I got to loose" mentality. They know their looks will never get them in the door, so the only thing they can rely on is their game. And this is how they learn to develop good game. They are forced to develop good game. And they build up confidence doing this. Now I'm not saying all avg./ugly looking guys will develop good game, but most will I'll say.

And the good looking guys end up being in for a rude awakening once they're out of high school, because all their lives they've only had to rely on their looks, never getting a chance to develop "game". Now they're royally f*cked, because now by this time, their looks don't mean crap to women, and these poor guys don't know where to turn. This is the category I've fallen into my whole life...always relied on my looks to get me by with women all throughout childhood and high school, never developing much game and never cold approaching because I never had to. And when I got to college, I was up the creek, cause I couldn't understand what the hell was going on. All of a sudden I was hardly pulling anymore tail. All my life, all I knew was one thing..which was that all I had to do to get women was to be a good looking guy and I'll never have a problem. And also the matrix constantly reinforced that. And as I got older, realizing women choose you based on how good your game is, I was forced to rechange my whole thinking on what gets you women, and forced to try and develop good game, and to cold approach, and build the confidence to cold approach. I wasn't used to all this, it was all new to me. It's been a rude f*ckin' awakening, I'll tell ya.

 

[grinder]

Here’s a post I made a while ago in the tips section. Since then I have incorporated MySpace into approaching thanks to some excellent threads here (props to PlasticSurgeon). Its fish in a barrel. There are linked threads here on MySpace too, check ‘em out.

If you learned to ride a bike you can learn this too.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126636

 

[iqqi]

Don't beat yourself up too much for "whiny" posts just yet. You are new here, and you aren't posting some of the stupid sh!t we are used to seeing "this girl looked at me twice... is she interested?", "noone will ever love/shag me cuz I am short" type crap.

Some "AFC" questions should be expected from a newbie. And your question isn't all that afcish to me anyways. Yeah, it isn't all that easy meeting new people. The key is you just got to keep putting yourself out there. And whoever said that you can't meet anyone worthwhile at a bar or club is not the sharpest tool in the shed. I think there was an article on the main page not too long ago that addressed this.

Use this board, who cares what some ppl think. They won't remember your first posts anyways. Sheesh, go look up my first post! I was so cute then....

 

[StevenR]

I have read the first part of the Bible, so far only the motivational part at the beginning which for the most part seems like basic psychology that I have already figured out by now(but didn't know in college unfortunately). I haven't gotten to the nuts and bolts part yet.

I don't know why some people see the online personals as such a bad thing, even if guys do outnumber men. Using the personals, I could get a HB7-9 for a date every night of the week if I really worked the thing, my problem and frustration lies in the fact that ONCE THEY MEET ME they seem to lose interest. It makes all that work for nothing. So some suggested I do cold approaches since I am new to the area and don't have a social network. I live in a "bedroom" community and it seems most of the women around here(at Starbucks, bookstore, etc.) are either young mommies or still in high school. I am also afraid of accidentally approaching underage women since frankly I have difficulty telling their age if they are under 28 or so. I have met more than one 17 year old who I thought was in her early or mid 20's, and this inability to tell the exact age of a younger woman seems to get worse as I get older.
So now I am trying some of these local clubs/classes/meetup sites etc. I did the meetup thing this weekend and of course there are a lot more guys then girls and it brought back memories of the same situation when I tried this stuff before. I am also going to go to some Salsa classes. I don't really enjoy it and frankly think it is gay but I did take some classes with my girlfriend a few years ago and I remember that as one of the few places where there are more chicks then dudes. I still don't think online is that bad, if I can figure out how to close the deal once I get them interested.

 

[joekerr31]

first off i think this is a great question, and one that has been asked a million times over. and as always, no one every responds with anything direct and concrete. and as always the poster likely then walks away shaking his head feeling like he's missing hte point of something.

but in truth, you aren't missing the point. your question was 'where are all the hot hbs?' and no one has answered that yet other than to say 'they are everywhere'.

while there is a hb here and there, the clubs are the best because its true, there are 100 other horny guys all gunning for her.

so where are the 'places' where women outnumber men (which is really what you are asking for - where can you shoot fish in a barrel so to speak).

the answer is, anywhere that women congregate that men dont. which means you'll have to do things that men typically don't like doing.

for instance, have you joined a yoga class? i bet you there would be 10 hbs to 1 male in those things. have you taken a cooking class? when shopping are you walking by places like the Body Shop (you knwo those stores that sell all the bath oils and facial creams etc).

think of places where women hang out, and then go there.

off the top of my head i can think of the following...

- yoga classes
- cardio classes
- kick boxing classes
- cooking classes
- wine tasting classes
- the body shop
- the mall in general
- horseback riding classes?
- co-ed sports like baskeball
- the dog park
- the coffee shop / bookstore (haha, how many guys do you know who stop by the coffee shop and sit down and have a coffee and read a book or something? not many. but i see women doing it all the time).
- the shoe store (find a shoe store that sells both men's and womens shoes)
- church
- the gym (in my opinion, any woman who joins a gym for men and women is looking to get a date. women who are taken and not looking go to all female gyms)


outside of the above you're probably going to meet women by simply expanding your social circles. you will bump into them all over the place the more you are out and about.

but if you are looking to target them, then try the above places - most guys don't bother going to the places that women go to all the time.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I don't know why some people see the online personals as such a bad thing, even if guys do outnumber men....

I'm guessing that you meant "even though guys do outnumber women." What they either don't realize or can't capitalize on is that the majority of their competition consisting of unimaginative, cliche ridden, one line/trick pony's. All that they would need to do is write a brief, attention grabbing intro email and follow it up with what's taught in this forum and withing a couple of day they'd have a date with a woman or two. All that's necessary is confidence, originality, charisma and communication skills (at least when sarging women who have something more than just looks going for them).

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Using the personals, I could get a HB7-9 for a date every night of the week if I really worked the thing, my problem and frustration lies in the fact that ONCE THEY MEET ME they seem to lose interest.

It's just proof that looks alone will only get women to notice you, it's substance which sustains their interest. I suggest just working on your conversation skills without focusing on closing, just be cordial and have interesting conversations with people in general situations. Your goal is to become comfortable enough to talk about anything, anytime and anywhere without tons of preparation. Believe it or not, you'll eventually begin to get closings without necessarily attempting to.

One last thing, learning to salsa is one of the best ways to build confidence and separate yourself from the masses. Most guys feel that dancing in general is unmasculine but we've all heard that one of the first ways that a woman begins to consider a man sexually is observing him dance. Dances of Latin origin scream sensuality, confidence and machismo.

 

[iqqi]

It's just proof that looks alone will only get women to notice you, it's substance which sustains their interest. I suggest just working on your conversation skills without focusing on closing, just be cordial and have interesting conversations with people in general situations. Your goal is to become comfortable enough to talk about anything, anytime and anywhere without tons of preparation. Believe it or not, you'll eventually begin to get closings without necessarily attempting to.

I agree 1000% with this. I am not social, I have always been very introverted, and random conversation was not my strong point at ALL. I could completely identify with what you were talking about earlier in regards to small talk. I actually pictured myself in your shoes at that coffee place, and shuddered, lol.

But in the past few years I have improved significantly. I won't shy away from small talk (unless its one of those days, then I won't force myself), I will engage anyone in conversation. It helps that I am naturally funny, but I swear with that trait, and all the practise, I can now charm a snake with conversation alone.

It helps to have that skill, (the gift of gab), because you can really steer a situation. You can make an awkward situation fun, and you have no idea just how much can result from a great conversation.

And remember... smile like you mean it.