When your girl thinks you're her therapist

[SoSuaveDJ123]

What is the Alpha male thing to do when you're in an LTR and your girl continuously bombards you with her emotional problems? She got an 80 on a test instead of a 90, so she's all mad and pissed off, she got into a fight with her mom, etc, so instead of being happy and positive when she talks to you, she goes on and on and on as if you're her ****ing therapist.

What to do? Simply say "I don't care"? Isn't that too harsh though? Especially since we've been together so long. Or just ignore her texts? I feel like not bekng there would turn her cold against me, no? It pisses me off man, espescially since I have real life problems as a man and I don't bring that **** to the relationship, and yet she brings emo baggage almost every day.

Please someone give advice!

Thanks.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You always have to pretend like you care. That's what sucks about relationships.

I have heard of research that kept track of couples' communications and ranked every statement as either positive of negative - not necessarily neg/pos on the partner or relationship, but just life in general. The results were very clear - the more positive the communication, the longer the relationship lasted.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Play PSP while she talks to you. Nod and look concerned.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Yep. You act like you care on the outside by merely nodding, agreeing, and paraphrasing back what she is saying. You NEVER provide a solution and you NEVER play devil's advocate. Justify her feelings and she'll suck your c0ck like there is no tomorrow.

On the inside, as long as that is where it stays, you can think whatever you want. But if you think you want your c0ck sucked then you need to justify her feelings.

 

[Cremasta]

Yep, this is a tough one to negotiate.
I have a fairly high tolerance for this stuff, so I'll usually let my girl have about three days to complain about something (less if it's something stupid, maybe a bit more if it's something that's actually quite important). Quite often, letting a girl vent will make the problem go away eventually and you'll be in the good books because you're a good listener. In those first few days, just nod and make all the right "I'm concerned" noises.

I do get to a point though where I'll say
"Stop, you've been going on about this for the last three days and I've had enough. Do you want a solution to this problem, or do you just want to keep complaining about it? If you want to fix this, great, let's talk. If you just want to keep complaining, go tell someone else now!"

She'll either get back in her box, or you'll get into a fight because now she thinks you're an inconsiderate arsehole. Stand your ground here and do NOT back down... ever.

 

[Igetit!]

I HATE when girls do this.


This chick I've been seeing for like the past month and a half...she does that every now and then. She sent me a text saying,"I don't know to do",and I said,"About what?",then she went,"About life".



I hate it cause for one,it's frustrating,and two,if it goes on too long and too often,you can end up friendzoned.



You can't just ignore it and be cold cause you'll come off as not caring,but at the same time I sometimes feel like saying,"Look.....I'm NOT "Dr. Phil".


The bad thing is,even if YOU KNOW the answer to a girl's problem,you STILL shouldn't be advising her cause the relationship dynamic will start to change. Even if you know the solution to her issue,it's best if SOMEONE ELSE tells her.

 

[VladPatton]

Just nod while you think of strategies on how to get more kills on the new Nuketown 2025 map.

 

[handle]

When people talk about their problems they are almost never looking for you to be their therapist or provide solutions. Usually they just want someone to listen and empathize. Show you understand, show you care, mostly just listen. Take note of these conversations you have with people: they don't ask for a ten point plan, they just want you as a sounding board.

My suggestion is to do just that: listen, understand, no need to get too involved unless you have specific useful advice.

I will say this: if you can't put up with listening to her issues every once and a while, why are you in a long term relationship? Obviously if it's every day just TELL HER that it's getting to be a bit much. Should be pretty easy. If you don't feel comfortable doing that or need some sort of "strategy" then why are you in the relationship?

 

[Down Low]

She's treating you like you are a woman. They always, endlessly, impotently vent and fume to each other, and the response is always the same: "oh you poor thing," "you did the right thing," and "you go, girl!"

Just goes to show that today's women don't understand and don't even begin to suspect that men aren't women.

Elvis Presley kept walking and talking when people wanted to do the flypaper thing to him. He kept it pleasant, but kept walking. You have to develop strategies to disentangle. Call faker apps on your phone (shake to ring), bathroom emergency, whatever. Disentangle.

If she does it too much, next.

 

[stevejabba]

What is the Alpha male thing to do when you're in an LTR and your girl continuously bombards you with her emotional problems? She got an 80 on a test instead of a 90, so she's all mad and pissed off, she got into a fight with her mom, etc, so instead of being happy and positive when she talks to you, she goes on and on and on as if you're her ****ing therapist.

What to do? Simply say "I don't care"? Isn't that too harsh though? Especially since we've been together so long. Or just ignore her texts? I feel like not bekng there would turn her cold against me, no? It pisses me off man, espescially since I have real life problems as a man and I don't bring that **** to the relationship, and yet she brings emo baggage almost every day.

Please someone give advice!

Thanks.

Change her emotional state. Smack her arse or something then **** her.

Then bring it up afterwards

 

[Atom Smasher]

The bad thing is,even if YOU KNOW the answer to a girl's problem,you STILL shouldn't be advising her cause the relationship dynamic will start to change. Even if you know the solution to her issue,it's best if SOMEONE ELSE tells her.

Interesting. Can you elaborate?

 

[DonJuanabe]

The girl I am dating now often vents about things via text or when we are together, usually related to her family. I listen and confirm, sometimes I'll say something intended to boost her confidence.

Ol' oneitis from back in the spring was far more annoying: she always insisted that everyone needs therapy (she was seeing a therapist), every time we got together she would talk about therapy and making improvements in her life, etc. It got to the point where I didn't simply listen, I retorted that not everyone needs to see a therapist or has emotional problems -- some people, including me, don't have deep emotional hang-ups, don't suffer from depression, and go about life positively. If there is a problem they accept it and try to work it out, they don't get lost in some emotional netherworld. Since then I've thrown out my white knight armor and have found it much easier dealing with girls.

 

[Igetit!]

Interesting. Can you elaborate?

Goes back to the attraction thing. Everybody already knows that when you first meet a girl,you have to choose what "ROLE" you want to have in her life.


You can't be a woman's "EVERYTHING" cause her emotions won't let you.


You can't be her friend AND her lover,the "bad boy" who turns her on AND her shoulder to cry on. You can't be her everything cause the emotions she has DIFFER from role to role.


You CAN'T BE both her therapist and in an ongoing sexual relationship with her cause the two roles will conflict. Not saying you can't dish out occasional helpful advice,but if you spend more time talking about,discussing,and trying to help her with issues than being the sexual guy she first met in the beginning,her attraction for you will start dying out.


You'll still be attracted to her cause of how she looks,but her attraction for you will change cause you're both not behaving as you did when you first met her,nor are you treating her the same.



Instead of the flirting,teasing,kino,compliments,and negs you did that got her all attracted to you from the getgo,now she's confiding in you,telling you her problems and personal issues,which is a recipe for friendzone.



It sucks cause sometimes a girl will say something to you,then you'll be faced with a decision.....do you discuss her issue and help her out,which may DECREASE her interest/attraction for you,or do you say nothing...maintain her interest,but let her continue to be plagued with her problem?



If possible,the best thing to do is just to get her to talk to someone else about it.

 

[Trump]

I agree with Igetit, I would also listen enough to calm her down, don't offer advice, insight, or anything that may think you more than her. If she accuses you of not being sensitive, agree, and don't say anything judgmental.

If she gets I'm fight with her mom over something she did, she will start blaming you for other shortcomings she has, be careful.

 

[Down Low]

I'm starting to think that women just plain panic.

They can't think logically, only emotionally. All of their memories, experiences, and information, are associated with the emotional states the women were in when the ideas were stored in the brain. So when women are faced with a bad situation, they look for ways to feel good about it. That's their one and only way of "solving" problems. If associated memories are also bound to bad feelings, they have no way to escape feeling bad -- and panic.

No wonder women are nervous wrecks. I wouldn't be surprised if women have such poor sexual response due to adrenal fatigue (adrenal glands produce a much higher % of women's DHT than men's).

If this is so, all the more reason to pick only women who had a normal upbringing with a father around. Their foundation of basic concepts will more likely be associated with pleasant or neutral feelings.

 

[Ethernal]

I had the exact same problem, I don't know if this will work for anyone else so if you break up with your gf, not my fault! Anyway, she used to do this for like 2-3 months, one day I was so pissed off I started screaming at her to shut the **** up, told her I have many problems of my own, and that she's endangering our relationship, because she's flooding it with her problems. And now, every time she starts talking about it, goes for 10 seconds and says "but anyway, I don't want to talk about it, it's stupid"