When women say "maybe"

[msi]

If a woman answers, "maybe" when you ask her out (with a specific plan and date), do you automatically consider it a no?

I usually do and I don't know if that's a good thing. Looking at it from different perspectives, I say "maybe" to people all the time, including some of my best friends. I say it because I appreciate the invite, but I'm not sure if I'm free. I also have mood swings that I struggle to control, and sometimes I'll say maybe because I don't want to commit to an event and then be in the mental gutter and have to cancel.

This girl gave me a "maybe" today (in person, neutral tone) and I said "it's a yes or a no." She got really pissed at me. My reasoning for saying what I did was that if she really wanted to meet, she would have suggested a better time for her, but it's possible that she's just busy.

I know that the internet likes to say, "she wouldn't say 'maybe' to Brad Pitt," but Brad Pitt is Brad Pitt. Realistically, people are busy, have feelings, can be moody, emotional, etc.

How do you take "maybes?" I think I'm done challenging them. If I get a maybe from now on, it's just what it is.

 

[bigneil]

'Maybe' is usually said playfully in my experience (and via text):

Oneitis girl 1:
Me: "Would you have got on a plane to see me if I had moved away?"
Her: "Maybe..."
Result: (Got back together for sex).

Oneitis girl 2:
Me: "Did you miss me?"
Her: "Maybe..."
Result: (Got back together for sex).

In both cases we had dated, broken up, and I asked those questions at a critical junction, both were do-or-die moments where a "No" ended it forever.

But in your case it's just a do-or-die moment for that particular date. If you asked her out and she said maybe I would take it as a no and I would (silently) make her decision permanent. I'd assume if she really wanted to go, she would have said definitely yes. So now you go NC for the next 48 hours, no matter what. Try to meet and have sex with as many other women as possible but don't tell her. The more she texts, the better. If she never texts, wait until she does. Then just contact her like nothing happened. If she insists on knowing what happened, say you lost your phone.

The fact she got pissed is a bad sign.

 

[msi]

I think she was rejecting me anyway, at least to me. She sounded unsure, not necessarily like she was saying no.

 

[SoSuave666]

It depends on the context. I don't agree with BN often, but if it's a girl you have a past relationship with then "maybe" can be a good sign. It's probably more playful than anything if she has been sexually interested in you before. Like, "maaaaaaaaybe I'll let you stick it up my butt!" That's a good sign.

If however, you just met her and she says "maybe" it probably means no. How did she look when she told you? Was she being cute? Was she playfully punching you? Or did she shrug it off and simply say maybe. Did she give you a better option? Did she stay and flirt with you after? It's all about what she says/does AFTER she says maybe.

Saying "it's a yes or no" in my opinion is kind of needy. You're never going to change a woman's opinion by offering an ultimatum. Honestly, I would have just said "aiight" and let her wonder why you're not pursuing her like all her other suitors.

 

[Renegade357]

If a girl gives a wishy washy answer besides yes I call them out on it and make them clarify. Usually they come back with a definite yes after I do that. In the rare cases that they don't I usually say "well, I'm just going to make other plans then"

 

[msi]

I don't think "yes or no" is needy, but it does make me sound like an *******. It means more like, "I don't want to be stuck in this limbo, so if you don't wanna go out, just ****ing tell me and I'll stop wasting resources on you."

She just said maybe, I think she said something else along the lines of "I'm not sure if I'm free." I spoke, she got pissed and said her line, walked away.

 

[Iceberg]

I don't think "yes or no" is needy. More like, "I don't want to be stuck in this limbo, so if you don't wanna go out, just ****ing tell me and I'll stop wasting resources on you."

She just said maybe, got pissed, said her line, walked away.

Not to pick on you, bro, but that actually does sound needy.

Don't let some broad keep you "stuck in limbo." Ever. If you ever get a whiff of mixed signals/undecidedness, just cut it off and make other plans.

Asking a woman to be open and forthright is like asking a fish to fly. Just read between the lines and move on. If she wants you, she'll find you. But if she wanted you, she wouldn't d!ck around with answers like "maybe."

Any girl who respects your value in the marketplace isn't gonna play games like that. Because a girl who respects your value will assume that if she waits, you'll easily find some other girl. A girl who wastes your time with "maybe" is either uninterested, or borderline uninterested.

 

[msi]

So then what is a better way to challenge an answer like "maybe?" Even if it means no, if you're walking or standing with her, there doesn't seem to be any reason to not challenge it.

 

[SoSuave666]

Not to pick on you, bro, but that actually does sound needy.

Don't let some broad keep you "stuck in limbo." Ever. If you ever get a whiff of mixed signals/undecidedness, just cut it off and make other plans.

Asking a woman to be open and forthright is like asking a fish to fly. Just read between the lines and move on. If she wants you, she'll find you. But if she wanted you, she wouldn't d!ck around with answers like "maybe."

Any girl who respects your value in the marketplace isn't gonna play games like that. Because a girl who respects your value will assume that if she waits, you'll easily find some other girl. A girl who wastes your time with "maybe" is either uninterested, or borderline uninterested.

Agreed. It's not about whether or not MSI thinks it's needy, but more about how SHE perceives your answer. Imagine saying "maybe" to someone and then getting the response that you gave her. Basically it's saying "I'm willing to give you another shot but I'm going to try and sound tough by giving you an ultimatum." Not gunna win that one, because no matter how many other options you have, she has more. Just stick with an indifferent attitude, whether it's your true state or not. It'll go way better for you.

 

[Iceberg]

So then what is a better way to challenge an answer like "maybe?" Even if it means no, if you're walking or standing with her, there doesn't seem to be any reason to not challenge it.

It's a "no." There is no challenge. It's not like this is a job interview where you're underqualified, but you win the job by your effort and passion. If a girl doesn't like you, she doesn't like you.

If she says "maybe" (aka: "no) then change the subject. And then gracefully walk away. You'll have a better chance in the future by walking away like a man rather than trying to fight it like a pushy car salesman.

I don't get it. Why would a person challenge it? I'm not going to waste my time on a girl who's not sure she'd want to go on ONE date with me.

 

[Renegade357]

I don't get it. Why would a person challenge it? I'm not going to waste my time on a girl who's not sure she'd want to go on ONE date with me.

It's not always that straight forward. A maybe for me usually comes in the form of "Yeah, I want to but I might have this thing going on that day" I challenge them to sorta weed out their opportunity to flake. Anyway, why not challenge them? If they come forth and say yes it's a yes. If they still say maybe then you walk away. Big deal. It's just being assertive imo.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Not to pick on you, bro, but that actually does sound needy.

Don't let some broad keep you "stuck in limbo." Ever. If you ever get a whiff of mixed signals/undecidedness, just cut it off and make other plans.

Asking a woman to be open and forthright is like asking a fish to fly. Just read between the lines and move on. If she wants you, she'll find you. But if she wanted you, she wouldn't d!ck around with answers like "maybe."

Any girl who respects your value in the marketplace isn't gonna play games like that. Because a girl who respects your value will assume that if she waits, you'll easily find some other girl. A girl who wastes your time with "maybe" is either uninterested, or borderline uninterested.

Geez! if you wanted to go the whole hog, why not just admit that asking the girl out is needy?

wanting to have constant sex with hot babes all the time is needy!

is a lawyer asking a witness for a yes or no answer being needy? no. he just wants a clear picture about we're talking about.

a little perspective please. nothing wrong with a yes or no answer from someone. personally i think it shows strength.

 

[Mike32ct]

Playful flirty "maybe" = yes

Neutral to disappointed "maybe" = no

 

[Fly By Night]

Ok, I am going to make this as simple as possible:

If you have dated her before or invested a good amount of rapport with her (you have to be sure you did) then her "maybe" is a genuine maybe.

If you got her number off a cold approach or you don't have enough rapport with her, then her "maybe" is a no.

Generally speaking, women are not assertive enough to say no. Last time a girl told me maybe, I just said "Maybe? Want to be more definitive about that?" I always try to get a real answer. In some cases, she will say yes then cancel last second. At least you won't start thinking if you should set up for another date.

 

[Iceberg]

Geez! if you wanted to go the whole hog, why not just admit that asking the girl out is needy?

wanting to have constant sex with hot babes all the time is needy!

is a lawyer asking a witness for a yes or no answer being needy? no. he just wants a clear picture about we're talking about.

a little perspective please. nothing wrong with a yes or no answer from someone. personally i think it shows strength.

A "maybe" is a "no".

And I'm talking about this within reason. Obviously, there are things in life that are more important than a date. I'm not talking about the "maybe" that comes with having a busy work schedule, or family in town, or concert tickets...that's normal. I'm talking about the unexplained, "maybe".

So here's why I don't like your "yes or no" idea. Here's what I envision...

You say to the girl, "Me and you need to hang out some time. Let's get a few drinks this Saturday. I know a place."

She responds, "I dunno. Maybe. I'll let you know."

You say, "That's not good enough. I need a yes or no."

So now I'm envisioning you harshly grilling this chick who was just letting you down easy, as girls do. You know women....they don't give direct answers. And I've dated enough girls that I know when I'm hearing a "no"...the last thing I'm gonna do is put this chick in the position to reject me twice within the same conversation.

nothing wrong with a yes or no answer from someone. personally i think it shows strength.

So, in my opinion, asking her out was the show of strength. If she gives you some wishy-washy answer, then f**k that broad. It's certainly not going to sway her opinion to force a "no" out of her, when in woman-speak "maybe" means "no" 90% of the time anyway.

There are certain things in life worthy of being pushy. A raise. A price on a home...important stuff. A first date with some chick is not one of those things.

But hey that's just me

 

[Trump]

.
You say to the girl, "Me and you need to hang out some time. Let's get a few drinks this Saturday. I know a place."

She responds, "I dunno. Maybe. I'll let you know."

You say, "That's not good enough. I need a yes or no."

So now I'm envisioning you harshly grilling this chick who was just letting you down easy, as girls do. You know women....they don't give direct answers. And I've dated enough girls that I know when I'm hearing a "no"...the last thing I'm gonna do is put this chick in the position to reject me twice within the same conversation.

I totally agree with Iceberg.

If she responds, "I don't know, maybe, I'll let you know."

I would say "Splendid, here's my card, my number's on the back."

 

[Professor Booty]

You're just going to turn a maybe into a definite no by being pushy about it. I would either just leave the ball in her court and have her call you or just try again some other time. One thing that often gets overlooked on this forum - it may not be lack of interest on her part, it may be she's dating someone else right now and wants to see how that goes first.

 

[Fly By Night]

You're just going to turn a maybe into a definite no by being pushy about it.

Lmao, or maybe she was planning to say no in the first place. If a girl truly liked you, why would she jeopardize it by giving iffy statements?

 

[foreverAFC]

maybe means no, many women dont have enough courage to flat out say no. either they are into you are they arent.

 

[Professor Booty]

Lmao, or maybe she was planning to say no in the first place. If a girl truly liked you, why would she jeopardize it by giving iffy statements?

It's not always that black and white, there are varying levels of interest. And availability - like I said, there could be somebody else in the picture. You don't want to get false hope, but I don't see the point in always assuming the worst either. Just recognize that it's a low probability game and make sure you have other options.