When to utilize money (if you have it) in dating

[vorbis]

Doesn't affect me anymore as I'm married but a topic that I've always had niggling doubts over.

When I was single, I took a fair amount of advice on this forum to heart about not spending too much on early dates. I would typically have gone to a bar for a first date. Wouldn't have gone to super fancy restaurants early. Most dates would have been split.

I think in hindsight that it wasn't the best strategy for me.
At the time I earned good money but wouldn't have been the smoothest guy ever.

I probably could have afforded to take dates to fancier restaurants that would have made a better impression. I'm curious what people think. At times you can be so worried about being taken for a ride that you downplay one of your biggest strengths (assuming you have the money to spend on dating)

I mean at an extreme, if you were say a millionaire and you wanted to get laid on a date.
Are you going to take the girl to a dive bar for a few drinks, or go to some super fancy restaurant that leaves her really impressed? I'm sure there's a few people on this board that are in the situation that I was in, earning good money but not great ladies men. What's the best way to use money to your advantage in that situation?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

It all depends on what you want, and the type of girl. After all, first dates are SUPPOSED to be "qualifying" events for both parties. I've always had luck with daytime coffee days. Meet a neutral location. Good way to check if she shows up on time, offers to split, etc.

OTOH if you want to get laid and only get laid, it's not a matter of money, but of "fractionalizing" meet for one drink in BAR X, another drink over in Bar Y, etc.

I've had tons of money before, and I don't think taking girls to a fancy place for the first time is that effective, UNLESS, that's the place you are used to going to anyhow.

Doing a cursory check of my memory, I don't see much difference in success between first dates as money restaurants of first dates as daytime starbucks.

Then again, a guy can try too hard at starbucks and fail, or another guy can be aloof and confident at a 1K restaurant and have mad success.

MANY variables.

 

[CMNILS87]

1. Why spend money on women that are dating multiple people?
2. If you do make money, why are you trying to impress her with a fancy dinner?
3. If you make all the money and provide, shouldn't she be trying to qualify herself to you to date you. You're the prize.
4. Money appreciates
5. Beauty depreciates
6 some best first dates are cheap and fun, you need to escalate on her to get her hamster spinning and her passion takes over to romance her.
7. You can't do that at a formal dinner. No kino or escalation and it feels like an interview
8. Romance has nothing to do with what you do or how much money you make. When a woman starts asking those questions, she's in beta provider search mode.
9. TO HELL WITH DINNERS. Action action action. Dates with action that are fun and you can tease. Pool, hiking, bowling, mini golf, walking around town. I've never had a bad action date. It's when you sit down and talk and start the interview it gets super boring and I lose the chemistry

10. Millionaires and being rich is a byproduct of a certain skill set. Salesman, CEO's, higher ups all have a skill set (cunning/charm) and confidence that exudes from them most of the time. That's what is sexy to a girl.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Being able to completely hide your wealth is the advantage of having money without fame. You can draw people (including women) by looking like you take good care of yourself, having a positive mindset and adding valuable, fun or creative elements to any social interaction.

The scary part of this is that if you only change "positive mindset" into "negative mindset", you'll still attract a lot of women (if not more!) but not necessarily the ones worth having.

 

[ERB]

Never. My ex of 12 years (6 years married)still doesn't have a clue about what I earn or have saved. Hahaha in evil laughter. I still to this day tell her I'm broke.

 

[zekko]

Are you going to take the girl to a dive bar for a few drinks, or go to some super fancy restaurant that leaves her really impressed? I'm sure there's a few people on this board that are in the situation that I was in, earning good money but not great ladies men.

I don't really see this as a financial question. They have a saying here that drinks = sex and food = sleep. There's probably some truth in that, but I don't drink anymore so if I had to take a girl out it wouldn't be to a bar anyway.

Dinners are extremely unpopular on this forum for a variety of reasons. Personally, sometimes I like going out to eat. And if you are good at conversation, it can make for a very good date, because you get to talk with each other a lot. Bottom line is, if I feel like going out to eat, that's what I'm going to do.

I wouldn't try to impress a girl by buying her food though. Better to impress a girl by showing her what a classy guy you are. That would seem to be a better use of money. Maybe you have a classy car, maybe you are well dressed, maybe you have a nice house.

 

[BeTheChange]

Ne

I don't really see this as a financial question. They have a saying here that drinks = sex and food = sleep. There's probably some truth in that, but I don't drink anymore so if I had to take a girl out it wouldn't be to a bar anyway.

Dinners are extremely unpopular on this forum for a variety of reasons. Personally, sometimes I like going out to eat. And if you are good at conversation, it can make for a very good date, because you get to talk with each other a lot. Bottom line is, if I feel like going out to eat, that's what I'm going to do.

I wouldn't try to impress a girl by buying her food though. Better to impress a girl by showing her what a classy guy you are. That would seem to be a better use of money. Maybe you have a classy car, maybe you are well dressed, maybe you have a nice house.

Never understood the hate against dinners.

I love having a good conversation over a bottle of wine and some nice food. And if your date is as interesting as a dead fish, then just drink more wine!

 

[zekko]

When you and your buddies go out, do you pay?

Nobody says you have to pay, although I guess that's what the OP is talking about. When I am out with my girlfriend, sometimes she treats, sometimes I treat, sometimes we go dutch.

People here talk about dinner as being boring and unoriginal. I don't really agree with that - it may be unoriginal, but dinner is a good date because it facilitates conversation. I could see why some guys may not want to make it a first date, especially if they don't have much cash. Even if they each pay for their own, they may not want to spend that much money with someone they don't know. I could see that.

 

[Huffman]

I never do dates in fancy restaurants because that's not something that I would normally enjoy myself.

That aside, all the girls I've ever dated wanted to split or at least take turns. I really do seem to attract a certain type of crowd (and repulse another).

 

[Alvafe]

the dinner is more likely as you paying remember females will most likely expect you pay for it, I agree with people then a good place to talk, drink something works well, but remember most "fancy" dinners place cost money, and in the end the real question here is not if you should expend money on female but when to start doing so.

 

[BeExcellent]

This discussion on SS has always been fascinating to me as a woman. I agree that it doesn't really matter what you do on the first date so long as you create the opportunity to get comfortable and get acquainted.

And don't do anything you either don't like or can't afford. If money is an issue get creative. If it isn't do what pleases you.

I've had lousy as well as lovely expensive dinner dates as first dates as well as no cost activity dates that were great, and some not so great.

You as the man have to be comfortable with yourself and open to conversation in the setting you select, independent of cost. A courteous woman (especially if she has her own money) may offer to contribute money on an outing. I do it as much to communicate that I don't expect a meal ticket, and I'm fully prepared to pay some or all if he chooses. But it can be touchy. A man who has gone to the trouble to plan a date typically expects to pay the tab. I've actually had men feel a little affronted if I ask to contribute so I am careful about how I approach it and sometimes I don't. You don't want a power struggle regarding money, no matter how subtle, on a date. Money equates to power so be aware of how this may color the interaction.

The advantage of activity dates is that it comes complete with built in conversation material because you are doing something together.

But if you are a good conversationalist any venue where you can chat is fine. Restaurants are often better in such a case over bars because it is less noisy and more conducive to conversation than a loud bar.

The main thing is that a woman who likes you should have an attitude of gratitude. You chose to spend your time and your money investing in her to some degree. She should be appreciative. Even a billionaire to whom money is no object can never get his time back.

 

[BeTheChange]

When you and your buddies go out, do you pay?

Quote the part of my posts that says I pay.









Don't worry I'll wait.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I had a girl say to me, "What is with all these men wanting to take me to dinner? I don't want dinner. I wish they would stop asking."

 

[KingBeef]

It all depends on what you want, and the type of girl. After all, first dates are SUPPOSED to be "qualifying" events for both parties. I've always had luck with daytime coffee days. Meet a neutral location. Good way to check if she shows up on time, offers to split, etc.

OTOH if you want to get laid and only get laid, it's not a matter of money, but of "fractionalizing" meet for one drink in BAR X, another drink over in Bar Y, etc.

I've had tons of money before, and I don't think taking girls to a fancy place for the first time is that effective, UNLESS, that's the place you are used to going to anyhow.

Doing a cursory check of my memory, I don't see much difference in success between first dates as money restaurants of first dates as daytime starbucks.

Then again, a guy can try too hard at starbucks and fail, or another guy can be aloof and confident at a 1K restaurant and have mad success.

MANY variables.

Who you are as a man is what you bring to the first date. Everything else superficial (money, food, etc.) You are the gift to her....your time.

In this day and age where women have so many options and flake on you so easily with no remorse you can't be wasting your time.
Its been said so many times before...WOMEN WHO WANT TO BE WITH YOU WILL MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU"....there's no confusion.

Of course be at your best and have fun. No man should ever be stressing over a first date..

 

[vorbis]

taiyuu_otoko: interesting to see that success rates were similar with cheaper and more expensive dates

A few comments still seem to be hung up on the money aspect.
In terms of getting laid, continuing to date someone, there's nothing wrong with using what you have.

zekko: I think your point is a good one. Having a nice car, dressing well can be a way to show that you're doing well for yourself. Definitely a way of leveraging the advantage of having money.

Again I think this type of advice is useful for the type of guy who's say in a high paying job but not amazing socially. You got to use any advantages you have.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Do what you want.

I think it's just stupid to buy a chick dinner that you don't even know. I've been burned a couple times taking dimes to fancy restaurants just to have my texts ignored following. I won't make that mistake any more. I rather buy myself some shoes as opposed to taking a chick out to dinner that I don't know.

I am not a charity (this is no AJ's feed the needy) and I'm not feeding a hungry chick that I don't know.

 

[sodbuster]

A couple drinks is about it..... I want to see if they are worth spending money on....

 

[zekko]

Another thing, dinner does not have to be at a fancy restaurant. It doesn't have to be at McDonalds either lol. But there are plenty of good places to eat that don't cost much if you know where to go. And really, if you can't afford to lay out $20 for a meal, you've probably got bigger problems to deal with than women.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thanks @Espi, interesting quote from Pook. Apparently I'm not your average woman.

My income is now largely passive. Generated by the investments I made over the years with my own earnings from my businesses. Purposely.

So I am an example that directly refutes the Pook quote about women; Pook's assumptions above do not apply to me.

Apparently my perspective is not what Espi and other men routinely come across in dealing with women...No disputing that to be sure.

The OP asked when to utilize money (assuming a man has some at his disposal). I gave my thoughts as did others.

What does Espi do? What do others do?

 

[zekko]

I guess the answer to the OP's question would be to use money when you are with a woman you know better, and not just someone who cold approached off the street, who could be a crack wh0re for all you know.

Thanks @Espi, interesting quote from Pook. Apparently I'm not your average woman.

My income is now largely passive. Generated by the investments I made over the years with my own earnings from my businesses. Purposely.

Congratulations, BeExcellent. Certainly not all women are as fiscally minded as you. I've known my share though, so they definitely exist. My income is now entirely passive

You have to remember that while Pook is an inspirational writer, he is far from infallible. He's not a god. In fact, I would say that paragraph he wrote is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Many women are foolish with their money, but like I said, I know plenty of exceptions. And I also know many men who are dumber than rocks with their finances, too. So I don't really see this as a gender thing.