When to make it official?

[ahh69]

Just wondering if a few guys can read over my scenario here and give some thoughts.

I've been seeing a girl for nearly 2 months now but nothing is official. She has a son whom I really like having around but on the down side its hard to get out just the two of us. We have had the odd opportunity to get down and naughty but still in nearly 2 months its all countable on 1 hand.

I really like this girl and being that she has a son, its wise I think if we both take things slow but how to keep the pace slow but not too slow.. I've met half the family & vice versa but we've both been playing out as friends (well close friends) for another reason which I won't go into. Anyways, I overheard her telling a girlfriend on the phone today about her other friend who was with a guy but this guy wasn't telling his mates that they were together etc and made me start wondering how she thinks about us not being official yet..

After how long should you ask a girl out officially? Do they see this "next step", making it official a big thing as its been nice and cruisy until now.. But just this weekend gone, we went away the 3 of us.. Had an exhausting weekend basically running around after her little one.. but was fun at the same time.. Once again, no chance for going out alone, let alone much in the romance department. After the first day she started seeming tired and we kinda felt like an old married couple for the rest of the weekend.

Now in the romance department things have been pretty straight forward (haven't had a chance, just been getting to know each other better) and I'm yet to come out of my shell and really, really show her how I feel. Is letting her know after 2 months too short, too long? I don't want to put the scare on her..

 

[Don of Truth]

I've never been official, let alone 2 months so take my advice with grain of salt but why do you need it to be official ? It's just a label. Will saying it's official make it so ?
Do you expect things to change once it's official ?
Ask youself what's better....what you have now or risk scaring her off and having less ?

 

[ahh69]

I'm totally with you and this is my approach..

The plan is to wait until she comes out and expresses how she feels.. But just this phone call I overheard today made me wonder I guess..

Its actually perfect the way it is... No commitments but knowing underneath how we feel about each other.

But does a girl want to be told how you feel or is playing hard to get and hoping shes not stuborn enough to not come out and tell me how she feels.. (hope that last sentence made sense.. )

 

[Don of Truth]

Originally posted by ahh69

But does a girl want to be told how you feel

A question as old as time itself !

A) You tell her and she goes "wow, I've been waiting for you to tell me how you feel....I feel the same way" you snuggle and purr together and you live happily ever after.

B) You tell her and she goes "listen, I forgot I left the stove on...omg my baby !! I have to go." DOH !

There will always be a risk in expressing your feelings to a girl...and that goes for expressing your feelings to anyone.
Is it a risk you are willing to take ? Answer that question and you will know what to do.

 

[Julian]

never.

Always leave em guessin thats my motto.

remember- actions speak louder then words.

Show her you have love for her in the things you do.

That way she already thinks you have mad love for her, but it hasnt been confirmed verbally so its not official. which is a good thing.

This way she knows that even though you have mad love for her, you will walk away without saying a word if anything vindictive ever occurs.

 

[madgame]

Man take this piece of advice from me. I once tried to make it official with a girl and that way I just blew everything. She went from talking bout future plans of the two of us, telling me she wanted to be with me every night (not just once a week) and telling her friends how she wanted to be with me as in b/f and g/f to saying: oh no I thought this was nothing serious. I'm so sorry. I didn't know... (which was definetly a lie). I mean this girl was probably an extreme case and it wasnt exactly good luck for me to run into her but I know for sure I'm not gonna ask a girl whether it's official or not. Actually I'm sure if I had just continued to do things the way I had done till that day chances are it woulda just continued like that and we would have been 2getha in an official kind of way without having to mention it. I gotta disagree a little with the other posters though, because...I dunno I mean if you really like a girl and stuff you want to be with her "officially" sooner or later. But dont try to 'force' it. Better still hook up with other girls to prevent oneitis (even though she shouldnt know...) and keep doing what you do with her and wait for her to make it official. You're the man she's the woman. You're the one who doesn't want to be in a relationship if possible and she's the relationship addict. That's how we're made. Nah just playing, but seriously don't ask her after 2 months if you're official yet or anything like that..its strange that the female brain works like that, but there's definetly a chance that she might be put off by that.

Where in Australia are you from btw? I'm from germany, but I'm going to Queensland soon.

P.S.: After cutting contact with the girl I was talking about for almost a year (and being over her finally), she's been trying to make moves on me again, but I know she's not the the perfect girl of my dreams anyways, so I know I wouldnt even hook up with her if she asked me 2 marry her

 

[Qmanchoo]

Originally posted by Julian
never.

Always leave em guessin thats my motto.

remember- actions speak louder then words.

Show her you have love for her in the things you do.

That way she already thinks you have mad love for her, but it hasnt been confirmed verbally so its not official. which is a good thing.

This way she knows that even though you have mad love for her, you will walk away without saying a word if anything vindictive ever occurs.

I've never had anything good come of "displaying your feelings." I figured out that I was able to get away with it the few times I did it only when the girls interest in me was really high. As it drops you certainly can't vomit feelings all over her.

Women know just by the way you look them in the eyes how you feel about them. And in fact the way you look at a girl says 1000X more than what you say to her.

Actions not words, I agree 100%.

Expressing your feelings to a girl wont increase her attraction for you, and possibly hurt your relationship by making her run away because she doesn't feel the same way...if you express your feelings for her and she doesn't run away she's now 100% validated by you and the relationship is at a 50/50, from here you really have to make sure you estate your manhood and you certainly will have to since she will test you to make sure you're telling the truth.

On the other hand if you don't tell her she'll be insecure about it (if her feelings for you are high) and it will remain a mystery, which will cause her to think about on a regular basis. (Does he like me???) women love to wonder, and once they stop wondering about you the interest drops.

 

[frivolousz21]

dont just tell her it all like a sappy little girl.

but drop HINTS.

also show her how you feel by the way you look at her.

my girl smiles everytime I look at her..becasye she cant help it..because she can see my passion for her.

she knows I feel 1000 times stronger for her than I ever say I do.


I mean I tell her im lucky every know and then or that she makes me so happy.

at teh same time I wouldnt say this if I didnt know she felt the same.

but dont hold back..let her know im some way, shape or form.

 

[ahh69]

When I overheard the phone call, she had just found out that one of her other friends got rid of a guy (because he didn't tell his mates that they were "bf & gf") and then just happen to move on to the next guy.

Started making me think.. Fark.. hope that wasn't a hint but my mates know that I'm seeing this girl, she just hasn't met them yet.. As I said, its only been 2 months..

She's mid 20's and I don't think she'd play little games like that.. Another thing to note is she has been spoilt all her life and loves the whole getting flowers, being swept off her feet thing.. I've been the opposite with her and its been strong.

The only thing is I think either her interest level dropped a small bit because we spent the weekend away and maybe it was a bit much this early being so much time together, hence why its called dating..

How do you up your interest level.. Keeping her wondering what you're doing? Not calling her.. I've actually turned my phone off.. Just want to hit it back up to where it should be..

I'd say normally at about 70-75%..

Madgame, I'm in QLD..

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Don of Truth


A) You tell her and she goes "wow, I've been waiting for you to tell me how you feel....I feel the same way" you snuggle and purr together and you live happily ever after.

ROLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[CLOONEY]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=75235

There is a link to a topic I made on this a while back. Followed the advice of XBlitz and it worked perfectly.

 

[ahh69]

Thanks for that Clooney.. So which way did you end up going and how did it go?

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by ahh69
Thanks for that Clooney.. So which way did you end up going and how did it go?

No prob.

Well, I kept dating her for a little longer. However, I intensified the relationship. I started to put myself out more, asking her to meet up more regularly, and I made the physical contact a lot stronger. I then slept with her one night, and since just kept seeing her more often. A few times a week for about 2 weeks I think. (Yes, too much, but I was just establishing a lot more initial rapport).

Then we went out one night to a club with my friends. I withdrew all attention, and she started asking if I was even interested in her, and telling me that she cant read my signs. So I said, some mean sh*t (as I was drunk), she cried, then I told her I never ask if chicks want to be my girlfriend, but is that what she wants? She said yes, and that was that. After that, we went back to her place, had some sex, and the rest is history.

 

[Lost In Translation]

A Street Pimp's Perspective

your problem starts with the phone call

you wonder does this mean she is wanting more ?

NO. she is just talking $hit on the phone to her friend.

women talk $hit on the phone to their friends. ALOT of $hit on the phones to their friends.

you need to remember it's a woman's ACTIONS you look at not her WORDS

so lets look at her actions

vice versa but we've both been playing out as friends

she is happy with the status quo

now lets look at her words that you OVERHEARD

I overheard her telling a girlfriend on the phone today about her other friend who was with a guy but this guy wasn't telling his mates that they were together etc and made me start wondering how she thinks about us not being official yet

now lets break that down. her story is that her friend had a guy. WHO WAS ALREADY HER BOYFRIEND. he just didn't show it infront of his mates. they were already together in the story. you over looked that part. it is a different kettle of fish to your story.

but what if she said it on purpose so you overheard ?

i would say it was a $hit test if it was on purpose. and yes women are that sneaky. she would be testing you to see if you would flip out and ask her out like a pu$$y.

if you are happy with what you got then keep on truckin'

if you want her as your girlfriend follow CLOONEY's advice it is solid

but now we get to my question for you. what does this mean ?

been playing out as friends (well close friends) for another reason which I won't go into

my pimp instincts smell trouble

it's the internet and you are anonymous

but you are still afraid to give us the whole story .....

interesting

so i will hazzard a few wild guesses :

SHE IS MARRIED but seperated

SHE IS PREGNANT

HER CHILDS FATHER WILL KILL YOU IF HE FINDS OUT SHE HAS A NEW MAN

YOU ALREADY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND / WIFE / ETC

haha you are up to something !!!


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

This is a strange man/woman relationship!!!! You had sex already but are too tired or too busy not to be intimate after 8 weeks of baby playing?? HUH???? Seems like you are dating her son and not her!!!!!!!

Never date a woman with a child -- you are always lower in rank than her and lower than her child - you are in last place -- this is not good for a man - you have absolutely no power - you are an eunuch and by the sound of your relationship you don't need your penis!!!!

Don't get emotional over women with children unless she is your wife!!! Your are heading for trouble!!

 

[frivolousz21]

you are 21..you have no bussiness in this relationship!

 

[ahh69]

Well none of the above to Lost in Translation..

She's a close friend of my sisters and decided we'd keep it hush hush from her.. Just both a little worried about what she may have thought.. well more so she was worried..

Dating her child? sometimes it feels like that.. I can never get 5 mins alone with her.. Her child always seems to come first which I guess any mother would.. And the nights that his dad takes him, we go out and do whatever that maybe..

But even so, her little fella is cool.. I have fun mucking around with him and I guess that'll happen after spending a bit of time with him.

 

[Lost In Translation]

guard your heart

her childs father is always going to be part of her life

are you still going out and working on other women ?

She's a close friend of my sisters and decided we'd keep it hush hush from her.. Just both a little worried about what she may have thought.. well more so she was worried..

yeah if i miss i miss the target by a long shot LOL

i just have seen the worse of most situations but even with my worst case scenarios you will see i am right 90% time ( like the chick with stretch marks thread )

so you pimpin' your sisters friends eh ?

your chicks attitude is very apparent from her not wanting to tell your sister. you are her booty call on the side.

is she older than you ?


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[ahh69]

I've been given a pretty defined picture of his dad, is probably not a bad guy but they split before her son was born.. Definately out of the picture and no jealous emotions to match..

I haven't really worked other women since I met her.. Had a few interested parties but didn't really engage.. Couldn't be bothered I guess.. (I'll keep to that excuse for the minute)

Well pimpin the sisters friends isn't a planned thing.. We just kinda hit it off.. yeah she's a tad bit older..

Definately not bootycall.. Just precautious, making sure its more then just a fling.. I've met half her family, folks seem to like me a lot.. and my family likes her a lot also..

My sister can see and knows of the time we spend together but just doesn't know the gory details if you get me

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Dude, you are 21 --- wake up!!! You are falling for a woman with another man's child!!!!! You are way too young for this!!!

You seem like a guy that has to be in a LTR but don't want to go through the hassle and trouble and time of chasing a lot of women to get to the right one! I know it is a pain and it is difficult but you can't just pick a girl because she fell on your lap!! Your sister introduced you --- oh how easy -- you had to do little work to get her I imagine!

Dude, she is controlling you and the agenda here -- the man dominates and not the woman -- quit following her around and you take the lead and set the agenda and she follows!!!!!!!!!!!