When should I escalate to sex?

[Heraclius]

Hey lads, I'm pretty inexperienced with girls and need some genuine advice. I've kind of been a ***** for most of my life when it comes to girls because I had a stutter growing up. Recently ive hit the gym, gotten a lot of confidence, and worked up the nerve to ask out this cute student at my school.

Some background context info:
We went out for coffee on the first date (maybe 10 days ago) and really hit it off. We talked for over an hour, and when I suggested we could end it at around the 45 minute mark as she might have work to do, she brushed that off and said she wasnt busy and we kept talking for a while. At the end I gave her a hug and told her i had a good time. She was giving me mad IOI's, like eyelash batting and and hair twirling so I asked her out for dinner that weekend despite my pounding heart haha. She said yes.

So a couple days later I walked to her residence building and picked her up to walk over to a nice local restaurant. We had a really good time, I paid for dinner even though she offered to split the bill and then I walked her home. On the way back I offered her my hand cause it was slippery and she held onto it the entire walk back.

At her door I made a joke about having forgotten my breath mints and having red wine breath, but she laughed and said it wasnt a problem because she had red wine breath too then, so I took the hint and swooped in for my first ever real kiss and we rather awkwardly kissed for like 10 seconds haha. She was throwing every IOI under the sun at me as we parted ways at her door and I told her id call her soon.

Now I've arranged a fun little exploration date of our town's downtown (we're new here) tomorrow and was wondering if I should escalate this to sex at the end of it, given my situation? Shes sort of a shy girl, but she seems to really like me. Is the third date too soon? How will i know from her IOIs if she wants to bang that night, or just is letting me know she had a good time? I dont want to **** this up!

Advice please!

TL;DR

-I'm very inexperienced with girls
-been on a coffee and dinner date with this girl
-we've hugged, held hands and kissed.
-She has dropped lots of iois, but seems like a shy girl overall
-should I be expecting to escalate to sex on the third date?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

For starters, congrats on moving along successfully with this girl so far! The fact that you've been able to catch some of her IOIs and move in at the right times shows that, at the very least, you're paying attention to what she's been throwing your way. So, keep it up!

In answer to your question: at this point in the game, where most guys mess up is focusing on sex as the end-all-be-all goal... and because they put so much energy into it, they end up screwing the whole thing up. I've gone out with girls where I had to wait 5 to 7 dates before we did it simply because the girl kept throwing out the ol' "I want you to get to know me" excuses first. Did I get upset and throw a tantrum, or go NC like a lot of dudes on these boards would have? Nope - instead, I did the opposite: I told them that not only was I fine with waiting, but that I could out-wait them and I was in no hurry. All I wanted to do was show them a good time, however that ended up happening.

And that's the key, my friend: you don't focus on trying to have sex with her, you simply focus on showing her a good time. Now, if that good time happens to end up involving sex, more power to you - at the same time, if it doesn't, that doesn't mean it won't eventually happen, it just means that, for that particular night, she's not needing sex as part of her good time. At least not yet.

The best way for you to know if she's ready to have sex with you, then, is to look at the indicators she throws your way. For example: if, at the end of the date, she says "hey, why don't you come up before you go," the odds are in your favor that she wants sex. If she starts throwing sexual jokes or innuendos your way, or asks you to survey a part of her body that's in the sexual realm (i.e. "do you think my butt looks big in these pants" or "ugh, I feel like my boobs are about to pop out of this top, what do YOU think?"), the odds are in your favor.

The point is, when a girl wants to do something as next-level as having sex with you, her being in the mood will cause her to make her signals to you dang near hard to miss that she wants you. Even a girl that's shy will find a way to make you realize she's down for the get down - you just have to be aware and know when to move accordingly. Hope this helps!

 

[TheException]

Harry gave some good tips.

What I would suggest...is making dates that involve her coming over. I do it all the time and its actually my "go-to" date. Ill say something like "Hey I got this new recipe I want to try out. What days this week are you free to come over for dinner?"

Have them bring a bottle of wine and next thing you know, you both are on the couch watching a movie. You make a move and the rest is history.

 

[Mr Wright]

In answer to your question: at this point in the game, where most guys mess up is focusing on sex as the end-all-be-all goal... and because they put so much energy into it, they end up screwing the whole thing up. I've gone out with girls where I had to wait 5 to 7 dates before we did it simply because the girl kept throwing out the ol' "I want you to get to know me" excuses first. Did I get upset and throw a tantrum, or go NC like a lot of dudes on these boards would have? Nope - instead, I did the opposite: I told them that not only was I fine with waiting, but that I could out-wait them and I was in no hurry. All I wanted to do was show them a good time, however that ended up happening.

Getting to sex quickly should be a natural thing. There are only two reasons why you wait...

1. You're afraid that you'll scare her off if you escalate too hard
2. You're trying to get affection before sex(trying to build a relationship without the sex part)

As soon as she has subdued you enough into not even bothering trying to have sex with her, she's automatically slotting you into a boyfriend role. Whilst the "sex" thing is still up in the air, she can do what she wants, she's getting all the benefits of you playing the boyfriend without having the give it up and feel like a slut.

I know I couldn't out-wait a girl, I'm a horny little fvck and they know that because I can see it on their face. There's that one moment where we're in the bedroom and she's like "how the hell did you manage to even get me in here?" I know how I did it, it's because I want to fvck her, I don't want to spend 3-4 weeks holding her hand walking around a park. I don't know the girl, I can't say I really know any girl that well unless I've fvcked her, if she wants that privilege she will have to sleep with me first.

Sexual connection > Affection connection

The guy who sleeps with her first will always have the advantage.

To the OP, go on your date and make your move, chances are she will turn you down. But stay calm, don't react and try again a few minutes later, start kissing her neck and pulling her in really close. Then let go of her and tell me she doesn't look like she wants to fvck you Sex is something that's so natural between a man and a woman, the reason why women say all these "I'm not sleeping you" lines is because she knows how easy it is for her to give in and sleep with you. The reason why she baits you into breaking the sexual tension is because she's getting turned on and she knows it. Ignore it, escalate until you get physical rejection.

And that's the key, my friend: you don't focus on trying to have sex with her, you simply focus on showing her a good time. Now, if that good time happens to end up involving sex, more power to you - at the same time, if it doesn't, that doesn't mean it won't eventually happen, it just means that, for that particular night, she's not needing sex as part of her good time. At least not yet.

You're trying to show her a good time though because you're trying to impress her but for what reason? ...probably so she likes you enough to sleep with you, unless you want a shopping buddy. Stop putting the cart before the horse and be honest with yourself, if she was spread eagled you would go through with it. You're too busy trying to be the man of her dreams rather than someone she is irresistibly attracted to.

Unless deep down you want her to make you wait because you don't want to view her a slut, which would hurt you in the long run if you get feelings for her. Fvck her silly first, then if you still want to, take her out for dinner after. It's that subtle difference that will make the whole relationship dynamic so much easier.

 

[Vice]

Check out Vin DiCarlo's Escalation Ladder. It gives you a step by step framework on how to physically escalate.

As far as getting her home, just tell her you have a cool "XYZ" you want to show her. I always keep the thing I want to show her relevant to something we've been talking about. Recently I wanted to show her my photos from Japan.

If she likes you, she'll jump at the opportunity to go home to "check something out". The thing you want to show her doesn't even have to be THAT cool. Hyping it up in a silly way helps too. Jeffy from RSD would invite girls over to play on his "basketball court" which was a nerf hoop on the door in his bedroom LOL

 

[Heraclius]

Thanks for the tips guys, I really appreciate it.

So I went on the third date, and it went really well. Had lots to talk about, good chemistry.

After the date, I suggested a movie at my place, and she agreed. So we went back to my bedroom and watched it on my bed. After the movie was over she very obviously indicated that she wanted to make out, so I got to it.

We made out for over an hour. I started it pretty tame, just kissing, but soon I escalated it to rubbing her breasts, and inner thighs. She was doing a pretty good job of exploring my body too.

I took off my shirt after about 30 minutes, and she took off hers too and we continued making out for about another 10 minutes. I then made the ballsy move of beginning to undo her pants, but she stopped me and said "No, sorry". So we went back to making out.

A couple minutes later she whispered to me, "this doesn't mean no, just not tonight". I told her not to worry, and after we finished making out I walked her home.

Two questions:

1. Did i make a rookie mistake by going for the escalation to sex during our first makeout? I felt kind of silly getting chastised like that. Is there a way to gauge whether a girl is willing to take things further, or is it just trial and error?

2. What the heck does "not tonight" mean? Does that mean that she'll be ready next time? How the heck am I supposed to know when? I really don't want to mess up a second time.

 

[TheException]

Two questions:

1. Did i make a rookie mistake by going for the escalation to sex during our first makeout? I felt kind of silly getting chastised like that. Is there a way to gauge whether a girl is willing to take things further, or is it just trial and error?

2. What the heck does "not tonight" mean? Does that mean that she'll be ready next time? How the heck am I supposed to know when? I really don't want to mess up a second time.

1. No. This is exactly what you are supposed to do.

2. Most likely a form of anti slut defense. A lot of women dont want to come off as sluts so they will make the guy wait. You will most likely fvck her the next time you two hang out....as long as you dont become needy and blow up her phone 24/7 with texts.

Just hit her up once a week with a "what days are you free to hang out this week?" then make plans. Just keep doing what you are doing.
-severely limit the unnecessary texting between meetups
-dont initiate texting conversations
-dont bring up what happened last time sexually in regards to "well how about tonight?" or some equally as gay line.