When she writes after a month

[Backbencher]

This girl I saw for a short bit just writes to me after a month without any contact. She just asks me how I'm doing.

I hate that part. We just went out for a month before she said "she needed to take a step back, couldn't be in a relationship". Altough she was totally into me at first, her interest in me dropped suddenly at some point, so there's no hope of winning her back.

Basically if I reply I'm doing fine and everything, I'm lying and I'm making her feel right about dumping me. Next thing I know she's gonna tell me about her new boyfriend or some crap.

But if I tell her the truth (which is: I'm miserable), I'm being too heavy.

Thing is we work in the same field, I'll probably have to run into her often in the future, I'm hoping to keep things civil.

So...what should I answer?

 

[Warrior74]

How about not answering at all? That is an option. She may draw any conclusion she wants from that. Your so devastated you won't reply, or you're having so much fun you can't reply. Regardless of what you say or don't say, it will all be misconstrued in a way that validates and strokes her ego.

Tell her you are having the time of your life - she calls BS
Tell her you miss her terribly - she's validated
Don't reply - he must be devestated/moved on and happy

So take the route that's easiest for you, put yourself first. Don't even bother to reply.

If you run into her and she says she sent you an email, just reply with Oh really? About what? And let her explain herself. Put her on the defensive. Give them nothing, take from them everything.

 

[jophil28]

How about not answering at all? That is an option. She may draw any conclusion she wants from that. Your so devastated you won't reply, or you're having so much fun you can't reply. Regardless of what you say or don't say, it will all be misconstrued in a way that validates and strokes her ego.

Tell her you are having the time of your life - she calls BS
Tell her you miss her terribly - she's validated
Don't reply - he must be devestated/moved on and happy

So take the route that's easiest for you, put yourself first. Don't even bother to reply.

If you run into her and she says she sent you an email, just reply with Oh really? About what? And let her explain herself. Put her on the defensive. Give them nothing, take from them everything.

This ^^

One day soon I am going to write a thread for guys about how to avoid the "Double dump" in situations like this..

BB, she is contacting you because whatever plan she was hatching when she dumped you (and they are always planning and scheming) did not come true.

Not to be harsh, but you are the consolation prize here. Women do NOT contact guys that they dropped unless she wants something, and that 'something' is purely to her benefit and not to your's.

Ignore it.
YOu cannot control what she thinks about your lack of response but you can control how you respond, or not.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So...what should I answer?

Quick, simple, and NO implied emotional crap. And when you reply (if you reply) IMMEDIATELY after you do, put her email into your spam list. And set your spam list to immediately delete spam after receiving it.

some possible replies:

Busy, kind of sore after working out yesterday.

Don't be a stranger,

backbencher

or


Hey, long time no see!

Gotta run

backbencher

or


Pretty good. Say, which wine goes better with veal?

Later,

BB

Believe it or not, and as paradoxical as it may seem, sending an email whose possible response you HAVE NO INTENTION OF READING will strengthen your "walking away skills." And the confidence to walk away ANY TIME is a good skill to have.

if you do ever see her again, and she happens to bring up why you never responded to her response (about a million to one chance, despite being in the same industry) just say you don't know what she's talking about, and change the subject.

The sooner you get this girl out of your brain, the better. Use her email as an opportunity to do that. See sending her this last email as a symbolic purge of your memory. If you want, watch some good porn and click SEND just as you get to the money shot. (or not).

Then as soon as you move her email to your SPAM folder, go have yourself a nice dump.

 

[logic1]

But if I tell her the truth (which is: I'm miserable), I'm being too heavy.

I dont have any advice on what to answer with.... But......If you weren't so miserable things might be different. Do you understand what I'm saying?

 

[window]

She is testing the waters to see if you are still interested. I would ignore it. What is there to gain from replying ? She had her chance and she missed it. You have to be of the mind set that there are thousands of girls available and interested in you even if it is not the case. So why would you bother with one who was semi interested. Never go back to a girl who has moved on from you as she will always hold the original frame in her mind. If you must reply tell her nothing just say Hi, I'm good, been busy at work. She then may say why dont we catch up for a coffee or something (still probing). To which you reply...that would be nice but I'm kinda taken right now (even if you're not). This will probably ramp her interest through the roof. 1-1

 

[jophil28]

She is testing the waters to see if you are still interested. I would ignore it.

THis is the best advice so far ^^
Indeed she is testing your IL to determine whther she can use you for 'filler' until some BBD takes her fancy, at which time she will LJBF you.

There is no need for any of those cutesy or corny replies. Any reply will be interpreted by her as an open door for her to step though to get what she wants and it will ultimately be at your expense - again.

What did Pook say ? One girl, one chance, one lifetime.

 

[Jeffst1980]

All excellent advice- but I'm fairly certain that the OP will ignore it completely. It's just human nature to be curious about a girl that dumped you, and in the modern world of instant communication, it's too easy to get sucked back in.

I'm wondering if there's any way to make the good advice on here "stick" when in flies in the face of human desires. Maybe some kind of system of aversive conditioning? Perhaps sosuave 2.0 should be designed with that in mind...

 

[Donnie Darko]

Backbencher...if you are miserable, then you need to just ignore her e-mail and move on with your life.

If you were indifferent about this girl (which you clearly are not) and you were previously sexually active with this woman, then there could be an opportunity to turn her into a fvck buddy.

If you respond to her e-mail, then be polite, brief, positive, and happy in your response and don't ask her out.

If she starts calling or texting, then be polite, brief, positive, and happy in your response and don't ask her out.

If she is interested in you as a fvck buddy, she'll start to chase/pursue you.