When SHE says that marraige is BULLSHT

[Deadly_Ripped]

Hey Guys,

Met this awesome women (smart, funny attactive, extremely supportive, raised in a Jewish household but non-religious).

She tells me that she has major problems with being legally married to anyone. I personally like the notion of marraige, because it means that if I get messed up in a car accident she might feel obligated to help my sorry *ss get in and out of my wheelchair, and visca versa.

Are there any people in here who have a philosophically well-grounded belief that marraige is a good thing?

Anyone here have experiences to share about being in a relationship with a monogamous woman who doesn't believe in marrying at any point in her life?

I'm not really sure what to make of it, but it's currently the only sticking point in my mind about this woman. It really bothers me though.

 

[WaterTiger]

Possibility 1 - She's using reverse psychology to make you "relax" in the relationship & not feel like she's pressuring you into commitment.

Possibility 2 - She's seen so many nasty divorces, broken homes & ruined families she doesn't want any part of it. If you piss her off, she can pack up & move out while you're at work & be done with it. No lawyers, no testimonies, no papers, no judgements...just gone.

Men aren't the only ones seeing the futility of marriage.

Not being married means, as you noted, she has NO INPUT about your healthcare. She can't come see you on your deathbed, ands can't stop your parents from pulling the plug. She doesn't get any of your estate if you die. Your parents can kick her out on the street, and can bar her from your funeral.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I like those reasons to stay with someone, although both a living will and a final will would grant several of those rights to her.

Her parents are still together, and were highschool sweethearts. She says they get along okay, but she thinks they'd be happier with other people. She didn't come from a broken or abusive home. Her reasons are concrete and very well rooted in ethical and moral principles:

1. Historically, and currently, marraige discriminates against groups of people. Today, it's primarily homosexuals. By getting married, you support this notion (until the laws are changed) that it's okay to be married if youre straight, but not okay if you're homosexual. She likened it to a "whites only" marraige, since she believes, as do I, that you can't change your sexuality. She is very much pro gay rights, and as such believe that she'd be doing a disservice to her fellow human beings by supporting an institution of discrimination.
2. Marraige originally made property out of women and children. The man would provide material resources and the woman would provide sex and children. This particular aspect of it is no longer as relevant in today's society, especially because she claims that she doubts she'll ever want kids. She certainly doesn't want to be someone's property, and she definitely doesn't want to engage in a contract with that person that makes her into property.
3. She doesn't want to stay with someone if it's not a concious, willful decision to do so. Marraige means that, even once you stop loving that person and maybe even hate their guts, that you're stuck with them until you die. Given that marraige fails half of the time, and we can probably say that a great number of marraiges that last to death aren't happy ones (in fact, I think they're like diamonds in the rough), it makes sense not to tie yourself to someone longer than the moment would dictate (as opposed to what a government contract dictates).

I can't really argue with any of those points, as I agree with their validity, but only disagree with their importance and weight against the positives of marraige when I consider the possibility of getting married.