When She Never Asks You Out

[JST8828]

Been dating this chick for over a month now. Been on 5 good dates. She's 29 and a tad inexperienced in my opinion. Something that's really started to get to me though now that we're on the horizon of the 6th date (sex likely coming very soon but she's super conservative with it) is what seems like her inability to ever take the lead or control and ask ME out for once. She also doesn't seem to be a big texter in GENERAL. She was on a trip this past weekend with friends and I messaged her asking how it was, and the girl didn't ask me a single thing. Not how my day was, not how my weekend was, etc. Don't be fooled i dont need that all the time at all and i know heavy texting is something you wanna stay away from, but this pattern from this girl is starting to bother me. She actually barely texts me much at all if that matters, and again this is after a solid 5 dates with a lot of making out in between.

I'm starting to feel like I'm leading along some immature teenager who doesn't know how to properly date and handle a guy. Most (mature/adult) women usually step up and start making it easier for you after a few dates. Asking you out. Texting you. What's the deal with this then? How would you handle? Getting the feeling that she might just be in it for the free drinks and good company.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Some women just don't like texting. One of my plates is like this currently but she always is excited to see me, always makes time for it and we progressively became more physical until I banged her on the 3rd date.

If she meets you, you escalate and she has sex with you her interest level is high. Don't let your hamster spin about this other stuff.

 

[bcude]

Is she the same when you meet her? A woman usually does start to invest more and more as the relationship progresses, especially after sex. Sex is a huge barrier when it comes to comfort and investment.
However, the important part is that she responds well to your advances, agrees to dates etc. some women are just naturally passive and some men mistake that for low interest and miss out.
It's when she acts disinterested, rejects dates, puts less time into you and makes it hard and complicated to date that you know you're better off spending your time and energy on someone else.

 

[JST8828]

Is she the same when you meet her? A woman usually does start to invest more and more as the relationship progresses, especially after sex. Sex is a huge barrier when it comes to comfort and investment.
However, the important part is that she responds well to your advances, agrees to dates etc. some women are just naturally passive and some men mistake that for low interest and miss out.
It's when she acts disinterested, rejects dates, puts less time into you and makes it hard and complicated to date that you know you're better off spending your time and energy on someone else.

She does not act disinterested at all. She's never flaked yet, and seems 100% into it when we hang out. She's told me she's told all her friends about me, etc. Just starts getting to me after a while when I feel like I'm doing ALL the work. Very unusual to see, at this age at least.

As @bcude mentioned, sex IS a big thing and I'm very curious as to what will happen after that I guess

 

[dude99]

Been dating this chick for over a month now. Been on 5 good dates. She's 29 and a tad inexperienced in my opinion. Something that's really started to get to me though now that we're on the horizon of the 6th date (sex likely coming very soon but she's super conservative with it) is what seems like her inability to ever take the lead or control and ask ME out for once. She also doesn't seem to be a big texter in GENERAL. She was on a trip this past weekend with friends and I messaged her asking how it was, and the girl didn't ask me a single thing. Not how my day was, not how my weekend was, etc. Don't be fooled i dont need that all the time at all and i know heavy texting is something you wanna stay away from, but this pattern from this girl is starting to bother me. She actually barely texts me much at all if that matters, and again this is after a solid 5 dates with a lot of making out in between.

I'm starting to feel like I'm leading along some immature teenager who doesn't know how to properly date and handle a guy. Most (mature/adult) women usually step up and start making it easier for you after a few dates. Asking you out. Texting you. What's the deal with this then? How would you handle? Getting the feeling that she might just be in it for the free drinks and good company.

Women naturally want to be lead. She is letting you lead. Not such a bad thing, the fact that she hasn't asked you out but is saying yes to you when you ask her out isn't a bad thing.

As for not asking you questions, take a moment and examine your behaviour. Women want a challenge, they are nosey by nature and will ask and pry if you dont give them information too easily.

Are you accidentally volunteering information about your life your day your everything and she doesn't need to ask?

You mention she is in experienced and immature. Are you her first date or boyfriend experience?

I had a buddy who dated a 30 year old woman, who never had a boyfriend and never even had a date before him and her lack or experience showed. She behaved the same way. She let him lead she let him make all the decisions she sat back and waited on him.

 

[JST8828]

Are you accidentally volunteering information about your life your day your everything and she doesn't need to ask?

That's the thing - I ain't volunteering much at all. When we hang out sure I share some stuff but I'm not talking a mile a minute giving her every detail about me and my life. But something as simple as a text convo yesterday that I was referring to in my initial post. She had gone away for the weekend and I quickly asked her how it went. She didn't come back with anything other than her responses to my questions. Not even a simple how was my weekend/how was your day, etc.

 

[Lookatu]

Been dating this chick for over a month now. Been on 5 good dates. She's 29 and a tad inexperienced in my opinion. Something that's really started to get to me though now that we're on the horizon of the 6th date (sex likely coming very soon but she's super conservative with it)

I didn't think guys actually went on 5 dates with someone in that age bracket without getting laid or put into the friendzone now adays.
Anywho, how many bf's has she had before this? Was she in a super ltr before you? Is she very religious? Also some girls that pretend or say they are conservative are only that way for an avg guy. They will go all slvtty for the right guy so don't believe anything she says.

If she hasn't gone out a lot, I'm suspecting she may still be in the trial period about you and isn't sure if she really likes you or not. She's still feeling it out. It's going to suck for you if she is in fact in that trial period stringing you along for 5 dates and deciding you're not for her afterall.

Generally it's accepted by many gals that sex is expected to happen on the 3rd date or else it will be friendzone time or breaking it off/ghosting.

But if you wanna play the long game, just have more eggs in your basket so she's not your only option and clearly by this post, it is affecting you in some degree(too much investment already on a single girl that hasn't even given it up).

 

[dude99]

That's the thing - I ain't volunteering much at all. When we hang out sure I share some stuff but I'm not talking a mile a minute giving her every detail about me and my life. But something as simple as a text convo yesterday that I was referring to in my initial post. She had gone away for the weekend and I quickly asked her how it went. She didn't come back with anything other than her responses to my questions. Not even a simple how was my weekend/how was your day, etc.

Try not texting her at all in between dates. Normally we recomend using texting to set the date only.

Text her to make the plans. Then tell her you will talk to and see her then. See what happens.

 

[JST8828]

I didn't think guys actually went on 5 dates with someone in that age bracket without getting laid or put into the friendzone now adays.
Anywho, how many bf's has she had before this? Was she in a super ltr before you? Is she very religious? Also some girls that pretend or say they are conservative are only that way for an avg guy. They will go all slvtty for the right guy so don't believe anything she says.

If she hasn't gone out a lot, I'm suspecting she may still be in the trial period about you and isn't sure if she really likes you or not. She's still feeling it out. It's going to suck for you if she is in fact in that trial period stringing you along for 5 dates and deciding you're not for her afterall.

Generally it's accepted by many gals that sex is expected to happen on the 3rd date or else it will be friendzone time or breaking it off/ghosting.

But if you wanna play the long game, just have more eggs in your basket so she's not your only option and clearly by this post, it is affecting you in some degree(too much investment already on a single girl that hasn't even given it up).

She has not had many bfs. She told me the longest relationship she's ever had was one year. So, I get there may be some inexperience with regards to how to communicate well with guys, but I also feel like common sense should come into play. For a girl that has shown clear signs of being into me and continues to go out with me and I'm basically asking her how her weekend was and she doesn't do the same. That's not inexperience imo, that's just strange.

 

[Lookatu]

She has not had many bfs. She told me the longest relationship she's ever had was one year. So, I get there may be some inexperience with regards to how to communicate well with guys, but I also feel like common sense should come into play. For a girl that has shown clear signs of being into me and continues to go out with me and I'm basically asking her how her weekend was and she doesn't do the same. That's not inexperience imo, that's just strange.

Well I suppose she could just be a natural prude. You are trying to inject your male logic into a females emotional landscape which doesn't work. Do you think she's going out with you because she's not used to receiving so much attention and affection from someone and that is what you're providing her? Also, is she Eastern European by chance? I found some of those to be very short and quirky in texting.
Maybe the reason why she hasn't had a lot of bf's is because she's naturally this way. Any narcissistic behaviors from her you can tell off the bat?

I do agree there needs to be equal reciprocation but at the same time if she's naturally strange/inexperienced, you need to take the lead and don't read too much into her texting behaviour and let it define your relationship with her.

HOWEVER, you also need to take the lead and escalate sooner than later to see where you stand with her. 5 dates is plenty enough to know if she wants to have sex with you. I would escalate on the next date and see where you fall.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I didn't think guys actually went on 5 dates with someone in that age bracket without getting laid or put into the friendzone now adays.

If one has to go through 5 dates without getting laid, either the guy doesnt go for it or there is something wrong with her.

@JST8828 Did you try?

I had that one girl 15 years ago, she wouldnt kiss me on second date on my couch because "she needs some time with these things" ..... but she invited me for the third date to party in her city and stay overnight (in her bed) ....... nothing( not even kissing!!) happened and it wasnt because of me didnt trying.

That was one of the weirdest things i esperienced .... couldnt figure why the hell she invited me to her place for a 3rd date.
Few days after that she texted me that she isnt that much into me.

After that i never dated chicks again that didnt kiss me at least on 2nd and **** on 3rd date.

 

[Lookatu]

If one has to go through 5 dates without getting laid, either the guy doesnt go for it or there is something wrong with her.

I only went out with one gal recently on 5 dates as she only had 2 partners in her life and was married for 15 years and a devout "christian". She told me on the first date that she wouldn't have sex until she got at least engaged. Any guy would've been turned off by that and would've probably ejected. For me I viewed it as a challenge and was willing to play the long game with her. Sure enough after 5 dates, I got her to give it up. LOL

So in certain situations and depending on your agenda, I think it is ok to gamble and play the long game from time to time.

 

[flowtheory]

5 dates and she’s not pursuing a little or coming up with ideas? Relatively silent, no texts?

High or low interest on her end, whichever it is doesn’t matter, to me.

It just honestly sounds like it doesn’t meet YOUR criteria of standards for what YOU want in dating and possible relationship.. but your hamster is spinning because you can’t figure her out. You’re playing her game. She’s getting what she wants. You aren’t, fully

I would be keeping my options aside from her and wait for her to start putting more skin in the game. She would be my third or something.
I can’t stand when women make the guy pursue and pursue, even if they are giving continual green lights when asked or prompted for things. To me, that doesn’t create the necessary tension to make a new ‘relationship’ enticing.
It’s already all on you, and I wouldn’t expect that to change a whole lot. She’s probably a princess and thinks it’s all about her, rather than about both of you.

My ex was responsive too. Would come up with dates. Buuut her way of promoting texts wasn’t like “her let’s go to..” it was “haven’t heard from you in x days.. thought that last time was good. Apparently wasn’t for you..” and I fell right in.
Seriously watch how women message, or don’t, in the early stages.

 

[bat soup]

Been [strung along by] this chick for over a month now. Been on 5 [time wasting] dates. She's 29 and [knows how to play the innocent virgin in order to get what she wants from men without putting out].

She [is very passive and makes little effort] in GENERAL. The only thing she lets me do is kiss.

Getting the feeling that she might just be in it for the free drinks and good company.

You're right. She's probably banging other guys whilst she plays the "innocent virgin" with you. You're not important to her. At any moment, she's likely to start telling you she's busy and then disappear.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She does not act disinterested at all. She's never flaked yet, and seems 100% into it when we hang out. She's told me she's told all her friends about me, etc. Just starts getting to me after a while when I feel like I'm doing ALL the work. Very unusual to see, at this age at least.

As @bcude mentioned, sex IS a big thing and I'm very curious as to what will happen after that I guess

Wait...you have been on 5 dates and not had sex yet? Maybe she is waiting to see if you know how to lead her to that before she does anything in regards to suggesting things. How have you not escalated past that yet? Either she is a prude or your ability to go from kissing to sex is weak.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Try not texting her at all in between dates. Normally we recomend using texting to set the date only.

Text her to make the plans. Then tell her you will talk to and see her then. See what happens.

Don't put everyone in this category. I definitely do not recommend that. Never has worked for me.

 

[Clamslammer]

Stop listening to garbage advice on here. Most guys will drop a chick if the girl doesnt sleep with a guy after 3 dates and then proceeds to call them sloots. Ask yourself this question. Do you like her? If you do keep it going and let things evolve naturally.

Also she is going on dates so thats a good sign.

She may just be inexperienced and not know what she is doing so she is letting you lead. She says she has been with a few guys but did she do anything sexual with those guys, girls will date and hold hands with a guy for 1 year and think thats a relationship. Who cares...keep leading and taking her on dates and getting to know her. Take your time and make her feel safe and comfortable by doing fun dates. Eventually she will open up to you and eventually she will let you penetrate, just don't push her. She may be long term material or not, just keep your options open as you are just dating.

Also do not ask her why she is not asking you out, just keep doing what your doing. You are the man so lead.

 

[Bigpapa]

Stop listening to garbage advice on here. Most guys will drop a chick if the girl doesnt sleep with a guy after 3 dates and then proceeds to call them sloots. Ask yourself this question. Do you like her? If you do keep it going and let things evolve naturally.

Also she is going on dates so thats a good sign.

She may just be inexperienced and not know what she is doing so she is letting you lead. She says she has been with a few guys but did she do anything sexual with those guys, girls will date and hold hands with a guy for 1 year and think thats a relationship. Who cares...keep leading and taking her on dates and getting to know her. Take your time and make her feel safe and comfortable by doing fun dates. Eventually she will open up to you and eventually she will let you penetrate, just don't push her. She may be long term material or not, just keep your options open as you are just dating.

Also do not ask her why she is not asking you out, just keep doing what your doing. You are the man so lead.

do not listen to what she is saying that she wants to take it slow or whatever. How fast you have sex with her is key

 

[Suave88]

Been dating this chick for over a month now. Been on 5 good dates. She's 29 and a tad inexperienced in my opinion. Something that's really started to get to me though now that we're on the horizon of the 6th date (sex likely coming very soon but she's super conservative with it) is what seems like her inability to ever take the lead or control and ask ME out for once. She also doesn't seem to be a big texter in GENERAL. She was on a trip this past weekend with friends and I messaged her asking how it was, and the girl didn't ask me a single thing. Not how my day was, not how my weekend was, etc. Don't be fooled i dont need that all the time at all and i know heavy texting is something you wanna stay away from, but this pattern from this girl is starting to bother me. She actually barely texts me much at all if that matters, and again this is after a solid 5 dates with a lot of making out in between.

I'm starting to feel like I'm leading along some immature teenager who doesn't know how to properly date and handle a guy. Most (mature/adult) women usually step up and start making it easier for you after a few dates. Asking you out. Texting you. What's the deal with this then? How would you handle? Getting the feeling that she might just be in it for the free drinks and good company.

Been dating this chick for over a month now. Been on 5 good dates. She is 29????

There is some red flag here. Did I correctly understand your post???? No sex?????

 

[Suave88]

Have you kissed her yet?

Good question. Actually, key question.