When everything lost its meanings...

[Blacksheep]

Maybe I just got crazy, or maybe I just can't handle all the pain anymore.

I don't see any meaning in being a good man, since even if you're the best for society, people will try to kick you down. Family, friends, women...

There's no meaning chasing sex or playing the game of sex, since even if you're the best at it... there will always be pain.

There's no meaning being a good son, cause it will never be suficient for your parents.

There's no meaning being a good men, cause you will never be enough for your wife.

There's no meaning chasing the perfect body and fitness. You can lose it someday.

There's no meaning being a good dj, cause women will always find a better guy than you.

There's no meaning doing sex, even with it's pleasure, it can cause a lot of pain too.

There's no meaning in society, since it will always make you a slave and will **** you whenever it could.

There's no meaning about money, cause someone can take it off of you, and if don't... life will take it off of you when you die.

There's no meaning saying the truth... People and society values the ones that lie to them. Truth is quite hard to be heard. And you can be hated for everyone if you do that.

There's no meaning about chasing the utopic "Freedom" idea... The moment you're born, you're death's slave. You're Society's slave. You're alse slave from your own mind since you cannot control it fully (and I never found 1 theory that really works).

There's no meaning about pleasure and desire, since it can never be totally fullfilled.

This is just an outburst, and maybe none of this has a meaning... But anyways, I come to this moment when everything lost its meaning.

I had beauty, I used had sex with more than 3 women per week, and I didn't had to use any techniques to catch those girls, they come to me. When I was at 18-25. Had a lot of friends around to use my home to make parties and invite girls. I had money to spend with the things I wanted. I had a jacuzzi to put naked girls and make any kind of fantasy became true. But when you lose your beauty, everything is gone. Everyone is gone.

I dated some really hot chicks, fall in love, become a ****in AFC and was stupid enough to believe that I should be this nice guy. But when those girls dont want your money, status and sex... They will **** another guys. When you become fat, because those women want you to be like that so you're not desirable. So, they kick you.

When you stop being what your father want you to be, it may happen that he will threat you all the way and mess up with your mind. But it's not his fault. The fault is for the ones who don't know how to absorb it inside his mind. Thing I couldn't do cause even if I have all the motives to leave, I still can handle with the idea that when my dad is gone, I will suffer so much. Cause I can't stop loving him. And I just want to be his friend.

I miss a lot of things I lost because I was weak, I let those negative energies destroy my mind. I chased the truth and I get part of it... And it's so devastating that maybe living with a mask was better. I read all kind of books, all kind of psychology, philosophy, and everything related to human and life. And when you understand some stuffs, its a reality crash.

This is the last place I still feel comfortable to expose my feelings and thoughts... I don't know, but I felt that at least here there are men that I can learn a lot with their feedbacks. So, it still have a meaning.

I'm feeling really down, I'm living a weird, crazy and difficult period of my life... I fight against my demons, against my imperfections, against the things I have to improve... But I can't be strong enought all the time.

 

[Blacksheep]

This was me, when I was confident to chase my dreams...

https://soundcloud.com/blackfoxbr

Some songs I created when I worked with music production.

And it hurts like a **** to know that I gave up on this.

 

[backseatjuan]

@Marcel Corradi do you have any more of this music?

 

[Blacksheep]

@Marcel Corradi do you have any more of this music?

Yes, I just reupload my other songs to this account. Just check there.

Also I have some stuffs on youtube when I used to be a singer and had a band.

Just did a lot of crazy stuffs on my life haha.

 

[backseatjuan]

This girl I approached long ago, went on a date, had sex with. Lost my head. I did everything wrong. And it was never meant to be.

She is singing french.

This was her way of saying good bye to me, nicely.

I admit, there existed
Other ways of parting from each other
A few shards of glass
Might have helped us
In this bitter silence
I decided to forgive
The errors that we made
Loving too much
I admit, the little girl
Inside of me asked you
Almost like a mother
You tucked me in, you sheltered me
I stole you from this blood
That we never should have shared
Lost for words, for dreams
I will cry

Find this video, lost my head again.

 

[Blacksheep]

This girl I approached long ago, went on a date, had sex with. Lost my head. I did everything wrong. And it was never meant to be.

She is singing french.

This was her way of saying good bye to me, nicely.

I admit, there existed
Other ways of parting from each other
A few shards of glass
Might have helped us
In this bitter silence
I decided to forgive
The errors that we made
Loving too much
I admit, the little girl
Inside of me asked you
Almost like a mother
You tucked me in, you sheltered me
I stole you from this blood
That we never should have shared
Lost for words, for dreams
I will cry

Find this video, lost my head again.

That's hard man, I know that feeling this rejection is pretty hard. I've gone through this a lot of time in my life.

The good thing is, it will pass. Just understand that nothing is forever. And also the idea of the ONE. You will fall in love with another woman someday and she can also broke your heart again or you will broke her heart... That's just life.

Good read for you: The Rational Male (Rollo Tomassi)

Keep it up man!

 

[Blacksheep]

OP - This is your consciousness trying to unplug from the world of illusions. Let it. It will feel weird. Like falling into a black hole and losing your sense of self.

This is something a lot of people are going through right now. People everywhere are starting to see the illusion and are trying to awaken.

You venting is simply you letting everything go.

It is only when you realize that nothing matters that you are able to enjoy life and not take it too seriously. You might even become curious about what happens after life. This is actually a very high state of being. It is letting go of worldly attachments. These people die the most peaceful deaths and have the least amount of fear.

It makes sense and I also believe this is true. It's really painfull when you're in that process of disillusion and detaching ourselfs from those things. It's really like a black hole and you can't find a way out.

But when the storm is getting to the end, things calm down.

I'm learning so many stuffs this year, and even feeling so much pain sometimes it is helping me to grow up... and I hope I could find a better meaning for this life.

 

[backseatjuan]

I'm looong over it, but I find this video today, and I cried watching it.

 

[Trump]

How can you have had sex with THREE hot girls PER WEEK and then talk like this?

I love these guys, hot girls are begging to sleep with them, and then they come in here and say “sex with hot girls is too easy, there is no meaning to life.”

Sorry bro, that’s pretty pathetic.

 

[Blacksheep]

The other side of pain and resistance is letting go. It's okay to let go of your illusions. It takes more effort to hold on. Some people hold on to it their whole lives until the point of death. Literally one minute before they die, they finally let go. It's because they have no choice. They cannot take their illusions with them to the other side. And thus the secret to life is to let go of your illusions before you die. Ask yourself this question: If I had one minute left to live, what are all the things I can let go of?"

Here is a list of illusions to choose from:

-Petty romance
-The idea that someone out there can complete you
-Happiness somehow exists outside of yourself
-People's validation can make you happy
-The world can make you happy
-Meaning (man made illusions)
- The notion that you will ever be complete
-The notion that you will ever be truly 100% satisfied and happy
-Trying to become someone important
-Keeping up with your self image to impress others
-Working out to increase your value so that women can complete you
-Doing anything for women will lead to happiness
-Happiness exists in others
-Looking for ANYTHING outside of yourself
-The notion that there is a pot of gold somewhere out there if you seek and strive hard enough
-Resisting the fact that the world is ultimately empty
-People can give you what you can't give yourself

This is just a short list of illusions. Some people have a long laundry list. They have illusions on top of illusions. Like instead of plain ol' run of the mill "Other people can make me happy," it's "My child becoming a doctor will make ME feel accomplished somehow."

Some people don't want you to unplug though. It's because they have a vested interest in the matrix. The agent Smiths will seek to attack you for trying to free yourself. For them, you are a "loser" if you try to free yourself from the world of illusions, as if being a winner or a loser has any true meaning outside the matrix.

It's a great analogy.

Maybe when we start understand those fantasies we create, we can then finally find some meaning on the things we do. Not like those illusions, but maybe something more deep than just desires and pleasures and the wish to be 100% happy.

 

[Blacksheep]

How can you have had sex with THREE hot girls PER WEEK and then talk like this?

I love these guys, hot girls are begging to sleep with them, and then they come in here and say “sex with hot girls is too easy, there is no meaning to life.”

Sorry bro, that’s pretty pathetic.

Did you ever do that kind of thing? It really sounds pathetic when I said that, because logically it's the wish that most guys pursue today. We want to be rich to get more women, we want to be more sexy, build muscles, etc... Ok, you can get all that and you can sure go and **** the hottest girls in this world. It will be ****ing pleasurable and you might have the best sex of your life. But then what? You'll die and did everything to hook up with girls? Or to be the richest guy, the sexiest guy? I just can't believe that life is only about that.

I'm no saying that I will never want to do those things or that I hate it or even those things are wrong... the point is that I came to a point that I don't find that this is so meaningful as my fantasy said in my mind. I used to have a illusion about living this "dream"... But in our dreams everything is better than when we really experience it.

I don't want to stop having sex or desiring hot girls and stuffs like that... But I also don't want to spend my small time in this life pursuing things based on these illusions my mind created.

And maybe none of this really matters... This existence only wants us to reproduce and survive. That's why sexual energy is so strong and pleasurable.

 

[Machine10033]

Did you ever do that kind of thing? It really sounds pathetic when I said that, because logically it's the wish that most guys pursue today. We want to be rich to get more women, we want to be more sexy, build muscles, etc... Ok, you can get all that and you can sure go and **** the hottest girls in this world. It will be ****ing pleasurable and you might have the best sex of your life. But then what? You'll die and did everything to hook up with girls? Or to be the richest guy, the sexiest guy? I just can't believe that life is only about that.

I'm no saying that I will never want to do those things or that I hate it or even those things are wrong... the point is that I came to a point that I don't find that this is so meaningful as my fantasy said in my mind. I used to have a illusion about living this "dream"... But in our dreams everything is better than when we really experience it.

I don't want to stop having sex or desiring hot girls and stuffs like that... But I also don't want to spend my small time in this life pursuing things based on these illusions my mind created.

And maybe none of this really matters... This existence only wants us to reproduce and survive. That's why sexual energy is so strong and pleasurable.

I think this logic is flawed! Your saying you want to be rich, in shape, successful so you get more hot chicks. Your end goal is hot chicks and since that was your driving factor behind you striving to be better you ultimately feel complete when you accomplished this. I had experienced this with my career! I had a small goal of getting promoted and put all my time and effort into it! When I was promoted it was almost a sense of failure??? The goal was accomplished and now I was left with a large void. You need to establish long term goals and don’t make females the reward!!! They are a nice bonus but your self improvement is only for you!!! I am so self driven towards my new goals now I often push females away because I have little time for them depending on where I am at. I find a bunch of my single friends and even married ones go into a funk if they are not landing chicks or side pieces. I personally can care less and I think this attitude makes you all the more attractive to females.

 

[Alvafe]

How can you have had sex with THREE hot girls PER WEEK and then talk like this?

I love these guys, hot girls are begging to sleep with them, and then they come in here and say “sex with hot girls is too easy, there is no meaning to life.”

Sorry bro, that’s pretty pathetic.

simple he want meaning, with in life there is none, the meaning is what you give, society and religion try to gate people in a certain path so they can easily be used and manipulated, but life per see there is no meaning, life ther eis not sure thing, its all chaos, or you accept this and work around it, or you deny it and find your "meaning" or spend you whole life looking for one, people like to thing things will go well in the end without tehy input, everything is already decided, ther is not destiny, not meaning, only what you work on

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Define your own way and live that way. Be aware of the pigeon holing and herding that goes on in life. Do things for your own purpose and meaning.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Read Nichomachean Ethics. The instincts of your intelligence are right, you've got to go beyond the world of appearances to that of reality. Become a magnanimous man, pursue the excellent, don't give in to despair~

 

[Blacksheep]

Define your own way and live that way. Be aware of the pigeon holing and herding that goes on in life. Do things for your own purpose and meaning.

I'm working on that. It's still a bit difficult yet because sometimes I got blaming myself for thinking that I may be selfish or even narcissistic... And maybe I worry a lot about it and it's not necessary.

Anyways, when I try to talk to my therapist that I want to do things on my way, it seems like he judge me as selfish and that it's not the right thing. I'm getting really confused by that. I said him that I'll never trust anyone 100% and to trust someone, the person has to prove its value.

One thing I have in mind is, sometimes when someone tells you're selfish I think they're are being selfish because they want you to accept their ideas and act their way. So if you do something you want, you may be selfish for society and people around you. But if you please someone's wish, you're feeding their selfishness.

What I believe is: do whatever you want, as long as you don't hurt or destroy the freedom of others. Or don't disrespect the people around you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm working on that. It's still a bit difficult yet because sometimes I got blaming myself for thinking that I may be selfish or even narcissistic... And maybe I worry a lot about it and it's not necessary.

Anyways, when I try to talk to my therapist that I want to do things on my way, it seems like he judge me as selfish and that it's not the right thing. I'm getting really confused by that. I said him that I'll never trust anyone 100% and to trust someone, the person has to prove its value.

One thing I have in mind is, sometimes when someone tells you're selfish I think they're are being selfish because they want you to accept their ideas and act their way. So if you do something you want, you may be selfish for society and people around you. But if you please someone's wish, you're feeding their selfishness.

What I believe is: do whatever you want, as long as you don't hurt or destroy the freedom of others. Or don't disrespect the people around you.

When you fit into their confines and viewpoint your feeding their selfishness. Pick and choose your battles. Lone wolfing it in certain areas may cause too much negative feedback and distraction and not worth it. Be mindful.

 

[Blacksheep]

I think this logic is flawed! Your saying you want to be rich, in shape, successful so you get more hot chicks. Your end goal is hot chicks and since that was your driving factor behind you striving to be better you ultimately feel complete when you accomplished this. I had experienced this with my career! I had a small goal of getting promoted and put all my time and effort into it! When I was promoted it was almost a sense of failure??? The goal was accomplished and now I was left with a large void. You need to establish long term goals and don’t make females the reward!!! They are a nice bonus but your self improvement is only for you!!! I am so self driven towards my new goals now I often push females away because I have little time for them depending on where I am at. I find a bunch of my single friends and even married ones go into a funk if they are not landing chicks or side pieces. I personally can care less and I think this attitude makes you all the more attractive to females.

That's a good point.

I'm also working on that... cause right now I see that is much more important chasing valuable goals than only think about chasing women. And I saw a lot of friends spending their whole life just worrying about that. I just don't want to get old without any achievement that was truly meaningful for me.

 

[Blacksheep]

When you fit into their confines and viewpoint your feeding their selfishness. Pick and choose your battles. Lone wolfing it in certain areas may cause too much negative feedback and distraction and not worth it. Be mindful.

Yep.

And I don't know if you follow this "Lone Wolf" idea, but if yes, does it worth for you?

I'm getting this awareness about those concepts those days and sometimes I think living that way in certain areas is the best solution grow up.

 

[Blacksheep]

simple he want meaning, with in life there is none, the meaning is what you give, society and religion try to gate people in a certain path so they can easily be used and manipulated, but life per see there is no meaning, life ther eis not sure thing, its all chaos, or you accept this and work around it, or you deny it and find your "meaning" or spend you whole life looking for one, people like to thing things will go well in the end without tehy input, everything is already decided, ther is not destiny, not meaning, only what you work on

That's interesting.

So basically, you are responsible for creating your own meaning. Since following society ideas or creating your owns