when everything just isnt enough, why am I acting like such a bytch with this one?

[jbbrain]

First, dont be intimidated by the length please. Its a wicked easy read.


A little context: I had been dating this girl Ewa for about two months starting in aril ending the end of may before we went off to do our own things for the summer. I went off to vancouver and hawaii for vacation, and she went back to her family in NJ to study fot her MCATs. It was nothing exclusive, but we really liked eachother and we swore to kep in touch over the summer even though we would have a continent between us essentially.

Fast forward to September, the beginning of school and we start dating again. During this time, Im screwing like 6 other girls (not all simultaneously) until I decided I liked her the best. She had no idea of course, but she quickly begain reliving her feelings for me before the summer. It was about 3 weeks ago when she asked me to be exclusive..I delayed it a bit, not because of the other girkls, but just because I remembered what it was like to be in a torturous LTR: I didnt want to have to do that again.

About a week ago, being a lil ****y and funny, I asked her after sex if she thought "she could handle being my girlfriend?" She liked this of course and gave me an affirmation. Since, I consider myself being with her exclusively (although it was heading in that direction a few weeks b4 that).

I like this girl a lot. I mean, at first i didnt care, but she showed me tons of integrity, loyalty, and proved to be extremely trust worthy, somewhat of an opposite of my previous gf Julie, so she was really like a breath of fresh air. She's totally suitable for companionship and I love that about her but of course I had to let myself create problems about her in my head, probably because self consciously I'm afraid to bcome really serious with her: This is where it started:

Im telling her how much of a slut my roommate is and she asks me how many guys she has slept with sincer the beginning of school in sept..I tell her 8 guys! Thats 1 a week boys, read em and weep. Of course, this discussion then turns to us, and believe me I know better than to get in a heavy discussion about our previous "partners" but she just wanted to know and I have to say, I was a bit curious myself.

She tells me:

Ewa: "4"
me: (I knew of two of them already, both her previous bfs) "Who was the third?"
Ewa: "a guy in NJ"
me: "this summer?" (why did I ask???)
Ewa: (Eyes welling up, a complete look of shame and almost embarrassment) "y...y..yes"

The rest is history, I told her my number honestly, which happened to eb exponentially higher than hers. At fist she was shocked, but she got over it and I should have too.

But I really haven't! I mean, this girl has soooo much to ofer me, shes sweet, a giver, sensitive, beautiful, honest, naive ( I once asked a somewhat acquaintance of hers why he thinks shes not a game player and he replied: "Because she doesnt know how to"..

This is how inncent she is. When I started being exclusive with hr, one of the major things that turned me on was my perception of her as a work in progress. When I started sleeping with her, she knew nothing (her previous bf's musta been serious sexual duds). I am now turning her onto great cinema, music, and culture because she was seriosuly lacking it. I feel she is my little project, and maybe this is a totally fvcked up way at looking at our LTR, but I think this is the reason why, along with her guilt ridden expression when she told me about hr friend in NJ, that I have a hard time accepting that she slept with another guy this summer, even though we werent exclusive (hell, I was nailing girls in Van and Hawaii..of course).

I feel like such a bytch, and will use discipline to get over this inconsequential hump. She digs me now, and wants to be with me NOW, and here I am pondering the past...which is threatening to our good relationship now.


Thanks for reading
I would love some feedback.

 

[mrbreeze]

Man, I know how you feel. I would have a hard time with it too.

You probably already know most girls woulda lied. So there are BIG points in her favor. Well… if she didn’t lie…

Don’t pay much attention to those tears, she pushed the conversation in that direction and was prepared for what was to come.

What crosses my mind is how easily she let you slide… I would bet it’s bothering her bro. No matter how much she wants you think it’s not.

Unless…
...and this isn’t gonna help your thinking much, but you slept with 6 girls one time, how many times did she sleep with this one guy?

Women never forget and always keep score.

She could just think you are even.

Keep in mind you two “WERE NOT” exclusive, and you were the one that didn’t want to be, three weeks ago anyway.

If “YOU” let this taint your relationship I think you will regret it for a long time to come.

I’d say… clean slate from here.

Just one mans opinion.

Congrats, and Good luck, sounds like you’re on to something good.

 

[jbbrain]

thanks for the reply mr breeze..like I said, its not mystyle to be jealous..Ive read countless posts on how to deal with it and ive come to realize that Im ususally able to rationalize situations...

I know its ridiculous to think about this at all..there is obviously no need for concern. HOWEVER, i think the fact that I perceived her as being "taken under my wing" is causing me to deal with her sleeping with her friend in a bad way.

I feel like im the one responsible to make her great at sex, dress great, learn about great movies, listen to great music, get in shape etc. and I guess I felt a little threatened that someone else was able to add to her transforming into the woman I want her to be...haha, this sounds really fvcked up I know, but I've never felt this weird desire to "save" a girl b4 in my life..

anybody else have experience with these circumstances?

 

[jakethasnake]

You're probably falling for her. Being in love creates nice feelings of trust, security and happiness, but it also brings out the worst in you, like intensified jealousy. Just look at this as a good sign - let yourself fall for her. Just let nature take its course - since you said you give this girl the green light I don't see why not.


And btw, you're being unfair and subjecting her to a double standard by getting upset at her past lovers. Like I said, it's the result of really falling for someone. Those feeling of insecurity and jealousy are normal, so just give it time and get over it. Don't be a puzzy-ass punk about this. Besides, you were slvtting it up hardcore in Hawaii anyways.

Good luck- it all sounds promising. Don't ever neglect the DJ principles while you're dating, though.

 

[Mr. Mystery]

Innocence is really refreshing isn't it?

But having a girl without any kind of taste or culture other than that which she gets from you gets really annoying. I hope she at least stands up to you and can hold her ground in an argument, or your in for a boring relationship.

Mr. Mystery

 

[jbbrain]

thanks for posting boys,

1st of all, i ha a good talk with my brother about it. He asked me why I feel such a strong desire to "save her"...save her from what?

This girl has her **** together. The other things I wanted to change about her, like her sex, clothing, music bla bla..those are all superficial things...If i want to make her into a slvt, ill make her into one. If i want her to dress nicer, then ill buy her some clothing. Music? Hell, Ill spend 40 bucks on a couple cd's.

He thought what I was feeling was plain ol jealousy. It wasnt any different because of this particular circumstance. I felt threatened really only because she slept with another guy..thats it, tahts all.

But now it makes so much more sense to me. Jake, you give really good advice, but Im not goign to get over my jealousy because I relaized I put a double standard on our relationship. Ill get over it because

a) Jealousy makes you into a chump in your lovers eyes

b) Jealousy makes you feel helpless and weak inside

c) Perspective. Will I marry this girl? Probably not. Would it absolutely destroy me inside if I knew she was planning on going with someone else? Hell no. I'll live. I know my self worth, I have a good idea of my identity, In any situation this girl could put me in, I will always come out a winner. Easier said than done? All of a sudden, I feel it.

I feel liberated knowing that whatever happens, happens. She can do whatever she wants, and Ill always be me.

 

[Trogdawg]

Your making too big a deal out of...well...nothing. You were not exclusive so you have no basis for being upset with her. You did sleep with six other girls. Just drop it, you should never have had this conversation with her anyways. As long as she doesn't have any diseases I don't find a girls sexual history that interesting to know. I'd rather just be ignorant.

Anyways back to the point, just drop it and keep going on with your relationship. I'd advise never talking about it or going for details.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by jakethasnake


And btw, you're being unfair and subjecting her to a double standard by getting upset at her past lovers. Like I said, it's the result of really falling for someone. Those feeling of insecurity and jealousy are normal, so just give it time and get over it. Don't be a puzzy-ass punk about this. Besides, you were slvtting it up hardcore in Hawaii anyways.

I dont really buy that Jake. So just because she took my figure of the girls I slept with well means she isnt into me? I dont think jealousy equals love, and i honestly believe anyone can get over it. Jealousy has more to do with yourself than with the other person. Its an obstacle to get over if youre to have any sort of meaningful relationship. Yes, it may be organic, but its more about the parasite than the fertilizer..ha! whatever

I just feel super glad I have my older brother and you guys to help em get over it at age 22.

 

[Jake Steed]

One thing you need to learn is that this girl existed before you ever even came into the picture and she'll be fine once you're ancient history. It's a sign of insecurity for you to think you are the end all be all guy who's going to "make her" into a woman. I hate to break it to you, but she would have made HERSELF into a woman just fine without you.

Once you have a grasp of this concept, you will get over these childish feelings like being insecure that she slept with 1 guy while you slept with 6 over the summer. Your post reminds me of these guys who get jealous because they're gfs give good bl0wjobs and they can't get the image of their gf blowing her past bfs. They fail to see the obvious--they have a gf who gives good head!

Just make sure you don't wast your time worrying about whether or not you are the "best". The guy she fvcked last summer could very well have a much bigger d!ck than you. What good is it going to do you worrying about it?

Jake

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by Jake Steed
One thing you need to learn is that this girl existed before you ever even came into the picture and she'll be fine once you're ancient history. It's a sign of insecurity for you to think you are the end all be all guy who's going to "make her" into a woman. I hate to break it to you, but she would have made HERSELF into a woman just fine without you.

I have to agree. Thats what I posted before. What did I ever think I was saving her from? Nothing. She has her shyt together, and shes a fine woman..There are indeed somethings Id like for her to change about herself, but shell do ultimately if she wants to.

Once you have a grasp of this concept, you will get over these childish feelings like being insecure that she slept with 1 guy while you slept with 6 over the summer. Your post reminds me of these guys who get jealous because they're gfs give good bl0wjobs and they can't get the image of their gf blowing her past bfs. They fail to see the obvious--they have a gf who gives good head!

I know. The crazy thing, I knew she would have. I mean, were aprt for 3 months, she likes to have fun, she met a guy! Its funny that it took her telling me to actually have that statement have an impact on me.

Just make sure you don't wast your time worrying about whether or not you are the "best".

That never came to me. I think I have a good idea of what I'm worth. This sint a relative thing, its an absolute thing.


The guy she fvcked last summer could very well have a much bigger d!ck than you.

Impossible.


What good is it going to do you worrying about it?

no good.

Jake

 

[jbbrain]

im wicked bad with the quoting shyt

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by jbbrain
I dont really buy that Jake. So just because she took my figure of the girls I slept with well means she isnt into me? I dont think jealousy equals love, and i honestly believe anyone can get over it. Jealousy has more to do with yourself than with the other person. Its an obstacle to get over if youre to have any sort of meaningful relationship. Yes, it may be organic, but its more about the parasite than the fertilizer..ha! whatever

I just feel super glad I have my older brother and you guys to help em get over it at age 22.

Bro - what are you smoking? I just said that you shouldn't have jealous feelings about this girl sleeping with this dude a few weeks ago, simple because you've been doing the same. I never insinuated that she isn't into you.

 

[jbbrain]

Im not smoking anything. I probably should be tho. Anyways, I know you didnt insinuate that..I just wanted to correct you on that myth that jealousy has everything to do with love. It doesn't. They're 2 completely different things and love is always better off without jealousy, although the two for some reason get mixed up.

yeu!