When do you stop "chasing"?

[crowolf]

I am wondering about this thing - when to stop chasing (for a date, via text).

And by chasing I don't mean simping and giving free validation and unlimited attention. I mean playing your text game after you two meet, but the woman is not ready to go out within 5-10 messages. Or she is showing some signs of enthusiasm but is rather cold and somewhat distant in her replies.

I got 2 opportunities right now. One is a princess girl, and the other one "has a boyfriend" but is still somewhat pulled towards me. I met them both already irl through cold approach, and the interactions were pretty good.

Usually I would ask a girl out maybe twice, and then I would stop wasting my time texting. I don't like texting. And recently my toleration for timewasters has been seriously diminishing, and I kind of don't wanna deal with their bs games, playing hard to get, etc.

At this point, when I see a glimpse of them playing games, and not responding to my date offer (even if it's a vague suggestion - and they change the topic, for example) - I feel like there is no point continuing. Plus, it takes me a lot of energy to always come up with a good reply, keep the frame, be funny, teasing, maintain the good dynamic of on/off, and all that gamey stuff that works.

And I know giving up quickly is not exactly the right thing. Maybe it's not the right day or time for her. Maybe in 2 days she will want to go out. I have seen some guys texting a lot and even being needy, but eventually it works out for them. I've even done this myself when I was younger (16). I had a long-distance relationship gf, whom I texted for a whole year before we finally met up. We were more like best friends during this chat time. And I somehow escaped the "friendzone" after that. But that is off-topic.

Question is: when do you stop trying to get her out?

P.S: I've seen one "technique" from Tom Torero about this. He called it "The Royal Flush". And it's basically saying to the woman: "Look, I'm done with your bs, either we move forward, or bye bye". Ok, not said exactly like that, but you get the idea. I really like that, because I am not in the mood for wasting time and energy. But I don't know if this would be effective.

I also now opened the Alan Roger Curie book about timewasters, and there I read a section about this exact method of calling her out on her bs. I guess this is actually powerful when used correctly.

So, what do you guys think? Where do you draw the line?

 

[BPH]

When interest isn't being reciprocated.

If you feel like you're trying harder than her, you're probably right; multiple texts/large timeframes to get a response, not suggesting alternatives after flaking, etc.

On a side note, why are you gaming a girl who told you she has a boyfriend? The fact that she told you and didn't lie/omit that information should be enough of a reason not to waste your time with her.

 

[crowolf]

Makes sense clearly put like that, thanks.

However, pretty girls with high SMV and a lot of options on the side, will rarely show you more interest in the beginning. So this is why I wonder how hard should I push.

About the occupied girl - actually she told me she has a boyfriend after I opened her directly, and it turned out my name is the same as "her boyfriend's". Nonetheless, I decided to continue the interaction, and it went good. She sent IOIs, followed my frame...

I try with her because by looking at her profile, there isn't any evidence of her having a boyfriend. And even if she has one, I am pretty sure he is some feminine dirtbag. She needs to experience something better. Or this is what I believe.

 

[CornbreadFed]

ALL women chase the guys they want. SO while you are blowing up her phone, constantly thinking of game tactics, and etc...this girl is literally doing the same thing to another man. With that said, most women you come across aren't going to be truly single and judge you if you aren't the prince charming currently in her head. After you have sex then the interest should always be reciprocated at minimum.

The Golden Rules:

1). Only go out with women you would be willing to lose $100 or equivalent dollars on. If you are willing to risk 100 dollars on a date with this girl then she has more than likely vetted herself appropriately to you. If a girl is taking days to respond back and being cold, would you waste $100 on her? I am not saying you should blow $100 dollars on every date, but if that were a case would you be upset?

2). Only go out on the first few dates when you are really feeling. Do not be afraid to flake if you had a bad day and just want to do something by yourself because women are super cut-throat on first date impressions. Even if you do have a prospect with high interest, your attitude and projection could destroy every momentum you built with her.

 

[crowolf]

I don't "blow her phone". As I said, I hate texting. I do as little as I can get away with. But still have to create emotion, right?

Why would I spend $100 on a date, lol. This is some beta provider bs. And you are only 30 years old. Maybe if I you are 50 and rich, okay. But this is bs. No need to spend more than 5-20$ on a date. It's your presence that should matter, not your wallet. Edit: I think I get your idea but it's a bit puzzling.

About 2) I somewhat agree. But here is another part: You meet her on Tuesday. The temperature is hot between you two. If you prolong for too long, you lower your chances of going out. That's how I see it. Maybe I'm wrong. And maybe this puts me in a bad position of having to rush things up. Whatever.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I am wondering about this thing - when to stop chasing (for a date, via text).

And by chasing I don't mean simping and giving free validation and unlimited attention. I mean playing your text game after you two meet, but the woman is not ready to go out within 5-10 messages. Or she is showing some signs of enthusiasm but is rather cold and somewhat distant in her replies.

I got 2 opportunities right now. One is a princess girl, and the other one "has a boyfriend" but is still somewhat pulled towards me. I met them both already irl through cold approach, and the interactions were pretty good.

Usually I would ask a girl out maybe twice, and then I would stop wasting my time texting. I don't like texting. And recently my toleration for timewasters has been seriously diminishing, and I kind of don't wanna deal with their bs games, playing hard to get, etc.

At this point, when I see a glimpse of them playing games, and not responding to my date offer (even if it's a vague suggestion - and they change the topic, for example) - I feel like there is no point continuing. Plus, it takes me a lot of energy to always come up with a good reply, keep the frame, be funny, teasing, maintain the good dynamic of on/off, and all that gamey stuff that works.

And I know giving up quickly is not exactly the right thing. Maybe it's not the right day or time for her. Maybe in 2 days she will want to go out. I have seen some guys texting a lot and even being needy, but eventually it works out for them. I've even done this myself when I was younger (16). I had a long-distance relationship gf, whom I texted for a whole year before we finally met up. We were more like best friends during this chat time. And I somehow escaped the "friendzone" after that. But that is off-topic.

Question is: when do you stop trying to get her out?

P.S: I've seen one "technique" from Tom Torero about this. He called it "The Royal Flush". And it's basically saying to the woman: "Look, I'm done with your bs, either we move forward, or bye bye". Ok, not said exactly like that, but you get the idea. I really like that, because I am not in the mood for wasting time and energy. But I don't know if this would be effective.

I also now opened the Alan Roger Curie book about timewasters, and there I read a section about this exact method of calling her out on her bs. I guess this is actually powerful when used correctly.

So, what do you guys think? Where do you draw the line?

There are two schools of thought on this.

1. If your attention is not being sufficiently reciprocated, or she's giving mixed signals, you are better off spending your time pursuing other girls. This is what some call the "abundance mindset". There will be other girls with a higher interest level, so cut your losses and move on.

2. Persistence pays off. This is more of a traditional "blue pill" strategy but it can work....sometimes, with some women. One of my university friends was chasing a girl for six months before she even agreed to go on a date with him. They ended up getting married.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of #2. Just because a certain strategy can work, doesn't automatically mean that it's the right strategy. The ends do not always justify the means. Going back to my university buddy example, the only reason why I know that he was chasing his future wife for six months is because she told me. And everyone else in our circle. It was a story that she would gleefully tell to anyone who'd listen. It was kind of demeaning, frankly. I wouldn't want to date a woman who is telling everyone left and right that I basically had to beg her for a chance to go out with her. Not to mention, this sets the wrong power dynamic in a relationship.

 

[Bokanovsky]

No need to spend more than 5-20$ on a date.

A $5 date? What does that look like? Go to Dollar Tree, buy two cans of coke and a bag chips to share? I'm not a proponent of spending a fortune on the first date but this is ridiculous.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Why would I spend $100 on a date, lol. This is some beta provider bs. And you are only 30 years old. Maybe if I you are 50 and rich, okay. But this is bs. No need to spend more than 5-20$ on a date. It's your presence that should matter, not your wallet. Edit: I think I get your idea but it's a bit puzzling.

1). Because the whole point of it is to see if this girl is worth your time or not. You aren’t going to blow $100 on some random 304 or fat chick to end a dry spell.

2). It makes dating easier and simpler. Where I am at, a coffee and pastry is $20 so I would love to know where this $20 date is. If I’m not scared of money, I can confidently tell a girl where to meet and go from there instead of jumping through hoops stressing over a budget date.

3). It’s the perfect benchmark for are you financially stable enough to date. If losing $100 on a date will cause you to miss rent then maybe you have other priorities to focus on.

 

[The Duke]

Experience is the best teacher of when its time to stop pursuing. I recommend creating some connection in person, as well as some fun texting. Give it several days and then ask her out. Anymore than that, and I have better things to do. Understand, a ton of women will sit there and suck up all the free attention you will give them. Your job is only to give her enough free attention to spark enough interest and lower her defenses so she will go out with you.

Here are a few indicators you need to pull away:

-When she stops matching/reciprocating your efforts.

-When she tells you she can't go out this weekend, but maybe next weekend.

-When she offers no counter offer.

-Anything other than a yes, is usually a no.

I've been out with a lot of women, 98% of the time the ones that are truly interested leave zero doubt in your mind. They make it easy, you won't be questioning yourself. A woman that thinks you are some amazing catch, doesn't want to risk losing you by playing games.

Always ask yourself, If I was George Clooney(insert whatever universally attractive male) would she be acting this hard to get out on a date?

Sure you can play the patient game and keep investing in these luke warm girls, and eventually get them out. Some you have sex with after a few dates. But once the new cahk smell wears off, she gets flakey, plays games, and really fuhks with your head because now you are more invested. After you have gone thru enough of these wh0res, you realize its better to only date girls that show genuine interest and don't play games.

 

[Skyline]

Never do ultimatums. Whoever that seduction guru is don’t listen to that content because it’s designed to make men like you to continue to fail so men like me get the women you want at a much easier pace.

What you can do is simply talk to other women. It’s good to keep a harem of female friends because eventually they will hit you up if you actually improve yourself as a person. They will notice that improvement.

Burning bridges is the biggest ‘set myself up for failure’ advice I got on this forum.

 

[The Duke]

Here are some examples of girls I entertained that I stopped investing in:

#1
I had a girl I met about a year ago that showed me medium interest from the start. We had some good converstations thru text and over the phone. She was fairly responsive, but I had to initiate everything. We had an excellent first date, she had a lot of open/positive body language and made it easy to get physically close to her. Even ended up at her house afterwards.

The second date was good, but she was more reserved and not as open to my touch/advances. At the end of the date I kissed her and pulled her near. I just didn't feel much sexual energy from her. I didn't feel the passion that a woman with high interest conveys.
After that date, I never asked her out again. A few days later I texted her and it never really went anywhere. It was obvious that her interest wasn't enough.

Her job was always a priority and the focus of her life. If she had down time, then I would hear from her when it was convenient for her. She just liked the attention and the wining and dining.

#2
I met this girl online. We texted back and forth a few times. A few days later I called her and set up a date. Although our date was good, this girl was not very open on our date. She didn't divulge much and I got the impression she wasn't ready to date yet. Her heart/mind was still with the last guy. I think she had some financial issues going on related to her ex and wouldn't have been suprised if the ex was still somewhat in the picture. I never contacted her again after the date.

Neither of these girls ever reached out to me since then. A less experienced me, with less options would have asked these girls out again.

The best way to learn how to negotiate this game is to develop your instincts and it takes experience to do that. These days I sniff it out pretty quick. I don't always act, but I know right where there mind is.

All of us have different amounts we are willing to invest. @We_ArE_VeNOM gets around every bit of this by going for the kill right from the start. He invests pennies of his time and very little money. Its not for me, and it won't get you the best girls, but it will get you laid quickly. Do what works for you, don't disrespect yourself to try and attract some attention wh0re because there are a ton that will go for that and give nothing in return.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Concur with a good deal of the advice here with a couple of exceptions.

1. ALL women will NOT chase. I never have. Ever. If a guy isn't man enough to ask me out? He's not worth my time or investment. Period. So understand you need to be a man & make the first move. Give her something to respond to.

If she is interested in you she will say yes and make it easy for you.

2. Ask a girl out quickly after you meet her. Like the next day. No idle chit chat. This accomplishes a couple of things. It keeps you away from the friend zone & makes your interest clear. It also respects your own time. Yes you risk her being weird or flaky or non-committal.

Guess what? Weird/flaky/non-committal behavior is insufficient interest. Get the rejection over with and move on. If some girl is wishy-washy, take a page out of @Glassguy 's playbook:

"Cool. Hit me up when you are free....." and NOTHING more. That way you value your time, make it clear you are not a source of go nowhere attention/validation, and it demonstrates self-respect.

It also takes pressure off the interaction. Sometimes the chick will reach out later on. That's an unexpected bonus. If she does? You ask her what she has in mind & make her work for your time a bit.

My husband asked me out immediately the morning after I met him. I went. He would ask me out to dinner or lunch during the week. I'd go unless I was away on business (in which case I'd advise him) and he'd ask me out for another time.

Initiate -> Receptive Response. Continue. Its that simple. If a girl likes you she will say yes and she will not give you BS excuses.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I am wondering about this thing - when to stop chasing (for a date, via text).

I think the word you're looking for is "pursue".

And, you lost me at "date".


I'm out.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

@We_ArE_VeNOM gets around every bit of this by going for the kill right from the start. He invests pennies of his time and very little money. Its not for me, and it won't get you the best girls, but it will get you laid quickly.

What is your definition of "best girls"?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If those are your best options you don't really have any options.

Focus on getting more options with women who make things easy for you. Those are the ones who are actually interested

 

[crowolf]

Thanks, SoSuave squad!

I realized that I'm way too invested in this girl, even if I don't show it to her via text.

Anyway, I'll take it easy now. Doesn't really matter if she doesn't wanna go out. Her loss.

 

[jhonny9546]

There are two schools of thought on this.

You simply tell 2 different scenarios: 1) wide game 2) game in the social circle

Maybe those 2 met and both had scarcity. That's why they are together.
We know very well that the soulmate does not exist, but only circumstances (family, social circle, activities, interests, careers, goals, visions, etc)

A woman that thinks you are some amazing catch, doesn't want to risk losing you by playing games.

Of course this. But it is also your prerogative to establish whether she is doing it for a need of her own (hitting the wall, wanting company, money, etc.), or whether she is truly interested in sharing with you