When and how to jump back in there...

[SecondHalf]

My annoying story: Ouch

As a type A personality, I'm naturally impatient to get things started.

I don't want mr. wiggly on bread and water for too long. Impatient for more.
However, I just don't want to go back to POF or Match. It's easy (like shooting gina's in a barrel), but finding quality balanced women is difficult if not near impossible. And I just don't want to play therapist again which is oh so common from internet dating.

My constraints:
Son lives with me full time which implies a certain amount of home time plus I can't be bringing different women home. Not after the last one that he actually loved!!!

I've got a couple blind dates going which will lead to some light dating. That's ok, I need to replace the memories of the last eight months.

I'm thinking about dance lessons (as suggested everywhere on this forum).
Salsa, Ballroom, not sure which type to pursue. Insights?

I have a hiking club I may start to participate in. Don't think I'll meet any HB's other than in the negative numbers :s

Yoga? Maybe, I could use some added flexibility and wouldn't mind watching the stretchy ladies.

Bars, nope, too old, look like an old wolf.
Singles clubs, nope, nope, usually 1 6.5hb who surrounded by fatties. So all the men strut around 6.5 like pigeon's in the spring. I would rather cut off my member than join the ranks of those guys.

My biggest issue is I need to spend most nights available to my son. At least be present. So I've only got a couple / three nights I can play.
The yoga is good for this I suppose, I should do this for health anyway.

Thoughts?


SH

 

[imarockstar]

To me, it sounds like you have it all figured out. You have some ideas for some hobbies, and you have some upcoming dates, so what exactly are you asking here? You have narrowed down a few days a week where your son will not interfere, so go on the dates those days.

If you want my honest opinion, I don't think you are "ready to jump back in there". I skimmed through one of the last posts of your novel of a thread and this is what I saw:

Now I sit here, completely fecked up, don't know who I am, and too tired and frustrated to put it back together.

You said this yesterday! Let me tell you about my life. Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 months ago, she finds out she is pregnant, calls and tells me while I am on a date, makes me second guess dating, and I thank god it went down like this. What seemed like a curse ended up being a blessing in disguise.

In just one month of realizing that another woman simply is not the answer, I have realized something that has plagued me most of my life; I live in the past and the future A LOT and not enough in the present (living in the moment). I had a very dark, mostly negative outlook on life for the majority of my life, using self medication or my sense of humor to cope. In the past month or so, I have realized that I can no longer let the past influence me, and that we as humans have the ability to control our thoughts, and that if one should be negative, that you can be conscious of it and focus your time or energy on something positive. I don't know if it is because of my new hobbies, my new job, new friends, new eating habits, or excessive exercising, or a mix of all of the above, but I could care less about a woman, I'm too busy living an interesting, productive life and learning more about myself than I ever have. A month or two ago I really wanted another girlfriend, just so I could fill that void. Now I only want a woman for sexual purposes, because I simply do not want a relationship to interfere with what I believe to be the beginning of a personal breakthrough/revelation in my life. I'm sure in the near future, I will make some elaborate thread on this, however I am just making baby steps right now.

I say all of that to say this; please do not use a woman to fill this void in you. You will just end up repeating the same mistakes that led you here. It's cool to date and all, but do not look to some woman to repair all the past damage in your life. If you date, keep her on the back-burner and focus on your life and the age old question: "What the hell am I doing here?".

At the end of the day, any woman you love very much will eventually leave, voluntarily or involuntarily. You could meet the perfect woman tomorrow, get married to her and 3 years later she could die in a car accident. You need to figure out how to be your best friend, how to be a positive influence on your son, and how you want your journey in life to play out. No one can say the magic words, give you the magic pill that you are searching for, only you can, through personal exploration and experiences.

The attitude all of us should have is that we should not want to be in a serious relationship until we fully understand ourselves and who we want to be, which should be the best possible versions of ourselves.

Also, don't blame your personality type for your impatience. The type A type B concept is a generalization, we are all very different and I know plenty of people who are a mix of both, including myself.

One more thing, this is going to sound harsh, but you need to take a break from this forum. You come here seeking validation and encouragement because it gives you some form of pleasure, however, all of your posts/threads end up asking the same questions, and they are questions that only YOU can answer. At the same time, YOU are the only one holding yourself back, by focusing on the past. Trust me, I have been where you are right now, I know exactly what you are going through, and I am learning how to fix it. Hobbies, health, accomplishments; give yourself reasons to be respected and to respect yourself, and you will find happiness.

Take action, make your presence known in the universe, and then come back here and report to us.

 

[SecondHalf]

A very insightful post ima.
The picture you paint of yourself now is one I'm just starting to try to achieve.
I'm not looking to jump back into a relationship (AT ALL), but would like some female company from time to time.

The way I have used this forum was not really what it was intended for, but it has helped me tremendously. Especially recently.

Fact is, I'm at a turning point in my life and there is only one road to salvation. It's clear what I must do and am painfully taking the steps to start living healthy. It is painful as the pieces I'm cutting away have been with me a very very long time. Sometime through marriage I snapped.

I'm not likely to take a break from this board, although, I'll stop misusing it.
I am going to study the DJB and read the posts. There is a wealth of information on this board on a variety of subjects.

I might start a journal or maybe a thread on my transition and goals. Not sure if anyone will ever read it, but it helps me keep focused. It also will help me regain momentum when it slows by re-reading it.

Very good post IMA,

SH

 

[Atom Smasher]

Rock Star, that's a Rock Star post.

+1 worthy.

 

[origin138]

To me, it sounds like you have it all figured out. You have some ideas for some hobbies, and you have some upcoming dates, so what exactly are you asking here? You have narrowed down a few days a week where your son will not interfere, so go on the dates those days.

If you want my honest opinion, I don't think you are "ready to jump back in there". I skimmed through one of the last posts of your novel of a thread and this is what I saw:



You said this yesterday! Let me tell you about my life. Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 months ago, she finds out she is pregnant, calls and tells me while I am on a date, makes me second guess dating, and I thank god it went down like this. What seemed like a curse ended up being a blessing in disguise.

In just one month of realizing that another woman simply is not the answer, I have realized something that has plagued me most of my life; I live in the past and the future A LOT and not enough in the present (living in the moment). I had a very dark, mostly negative outlook on life for the majority of my life, using self medication or my sense of humor to cope. In the past month or so, I have realized that I can no longer let the past influence me, and that we as humans have the ability to control our thoughts, and that if one should be negative, that you can be conscious of it and focus your time or energy on something positive. I don't know if it is because of my new hobbies, my new job, new friends, new eating habits, or excessive exercising, or a mix of all of the above, but I could care less about a woman, I'm too busy living an interesting, productive life and learning more about myself than I ever have. A month or two ago I really wanted another girlfriend, just so I could fill that void. Now I only want a woman for sexual purposes, because I simply do not want a relationship to interfere with what I believe to be the beginning of a personal breakthrough/revelation in my life. I'm sure in the near future, I will make some elaborate thread on this, however I am just making baby steps right now.

I say all of that to say this; please do not use a woman to fill this void in you. You will just end up repeating the same mistakes that led you here. It's cool to date and all, but do not look to some woman to repair all the past damage in your life. If you date, keep her on the back-burner and focus on your life and the age old question: "What the hell am I doing here?".

At the end of the day, any woman you love very much will eventually leave, voluntarily or involuntarily. You could meet the perfect woman tomorrow, get married to her and 3 years later she could die in a car accident. You need to figure out how to be your best friend, how to be a positive influence on your son, and how you want your journey in life to play out. No one can say the magic words, give you the magic pill that you are searching for, only you can, through personal exploration and experiences.

The attitude all of us should have is that we should not want to be in a serious relationship until we fully understand ourselves and who we want to be, which should be the best possible versions of ourselves.

Also, don't blame your personality type for your impatience. The type A type B concept is a generalization, we are all very different and I know plenty of people who are a mix of both, including myself.

One more thing, this is going to sound harsh, but you need to take a break from this forum. You come here seeking validation and encouragement because it gives you some form of pleasure, however, all of your posts/threads end up asking the same questions, and they are questions that only YOU can answer. At the same time, YOU are the only one holding yourself back, by focusing on the past. Trust me, I have been where you are right now, I know exactly what you are going through, and I am learning how to fix it. Hobbies, health, accomplishments; give yourself reasons to be respected and to respect yourself, and you will find happiness.

Take action, make your presence known in the universe, and then come back here and report to us.

Really awesome post. I copied it to my desktop for daily reference. Thanks for this.

 

[scrouds]

I would think just schedule some time. Drop the little SH with a babysitter, folks, etc and go do something. You'll play around with it, figure what you want and don't want to do.

 

[stephen_dedalus]

To me, it sounds like you have it all figured out. You have some ideas for some hobbies, and you have some upcoming dates, so what exactly are you asking here? You have narrowed down a few days a week where your son will not interfere, so go on the dates those days.

If you want my honest opinion, I don't think you are "ready to jump back in there". I skimmed through one of the last posts of your novel of a thread and this is what I saw:



You said this yesterday! Let me tell you about my life. Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 months ago, she finds out she is pregnant, calls and tells me while I am on a date, makes me second guess dating, and I thank god it went down like this. What seemed like a curse ended up being a blessing in disguise.

In just one month of realizing that another woman simply is not the answer, I have realized something that has plagued me most of my life; I live in the past and the future A LOT and not enough in the present (living in the moment). I had a very dark, mostly negative outlook on life for the majority of my life, using self medication or my sense of humor to cope. In the past month or so, I have realized that I can no longer let the past influence me, and that we as humans have the ability to control our thoughts, and that if one should be negative, that you can be conscious of it and focus your time or energy on something positive. I don't know if it is because of my new hobbies, my new job, new friends, new eating habits, or excessive exercising, or a mix of all of the above, but I could care less about a woman, I'm too busy living an interesting, productive life and learning more about myself than I ever have. A month or two ago I really wanted another girlfriend, just so I could fill that void. Now I only want a woman for sexual purposes, because I simply do not want a relationship to interfere with what I believe to be the beginning of a personal breakthrough/revelation in my life. I'm sure in the near future, I will make some elaborate thread on this, however I am just making baby steps right now.

I say all of that to say this; please do not use a woman to fill this void in you. You will just end up repeating the same mistakes that led you here. It's cool to date and all, but do not look to some woman to repair all the past damage in your life. If you date, keep her on the back-burner and focus on your life and the age old question: "What the hell am I doing here?".

At the end of the day, any woman you love very much will eventually leave, voluntarily or involuntarily. You could meet the perfect woman tomorrow, get married to her and 3 years later she could die in a car accident. You need to figure out how to be your best friend, how to be a positive influence on your son, and how you want your journey in life to play out. No one can say the magic words, give you the magic pill that you are searching for, only you can, through personal exploration and experiences.

The attitude all of us should have is that we should not want to be in a serious relationship until we fully understand ourselves and who we want to be, which should be the best possible versions of ourselves.

Also, don't blame your personality type for your impatience. The type A type B concept is a generalization, we are all very different and I know plenty of people who are a mix of both, including myself.

One more thing, this is going to sound harsh, but you need to take a break from this forum. You come here seeking validation and encouragement because it gives you some form of pleasure, however, all of your posts/threads end up asking the same questions, and they are questions that only YOU can answer. At the same time, YOU are the only one holding yourself back, by focusing on the past. Trust me, I have been where you are right now, I know exactly what you are going through, and I am learning how to fix it. Hobbies, health, accomplishments; give yourself reasons to be respected and to respect yourself, and you will find happiness.

Take action, make your presence known in the universe, and then come back here and report to us.

Very insightful, very inspiring post! I really think that most people do not live in the present enough, its always what will or what has happened. What about NOW?