When a woman cries AFTER she did you wrong

[DJDamage]

I noticed there is alot of threads about situations where the woman ends up crying and often what happens is that she is let off the hook for what she did. This thread purpose is to eliminate that farce and put things into perspective. Feel free to add your own comment if you disagree or agree.

If a woman who lied to you and did you wrong is now crying because you contronted her about it and she is apologizing for it, don't put up with the crying.

Remember this is a tactic she had learned through childhood that if she plays the victim role and she cry's, it shows how sorry she really is because she is "emotional" and therefore sincere. Society has taught women that they can get away with it using this tactic and it is also hard to stay mad on someone or be focus on an issue when someone is crying (it makes you look like the bad guy even if you are not).

This display of crying is disrespectful especially when the fact she wasn't crying but rather giddy when she acted the way she acted and she knew she was at the wrong but still done so. This is not to say that you should confront her on every little issue but the big ones (if she has a lot of issues and problems you probably are better off dating someone else). After all if she cries and she says she is sorry then she agrees with you.

If this type of woman starts bawling, in a calm voice tell her: That you cannot have this conversation when she cries, she should go to the bathroom compose herself and come back to finish this conversation.

You got to let her know that she isn't off the hook because she cries and women will respect a Man more for not letting them get off with their bullsh1t especially when they know that they did you wrong.

 

[penkitten]

A+ damage! this was a golden tip.

 

[KontrollerX]

Good thread damage.

A therapist has once said another good tactic for a situation like this is to ignore the crying and hand the girl a kleenex then simply continue talking about the issue you need to talk with her about.

He says it takes practice but its one of the ways you are supposed to handle manipulative crying.

Basically he says never comfort a person that is doing manipulative crying since thats what they want to get out of their crying.

Comfort.

Not an issue being resolved.

 

[joekerr31]

women cry because they know it brings out the 'knight in shinning armor' in us guys.

man i can't tell you how many women got off the hook for bad behavior when i was younger becuase they cried. i thought i was being a nice guy and that surely they must have learned their lesson given their emotional distress over the situation.

and every single time, EVERY single time, once i was lulled back into the 'protector' role and re-invested myself in their well being, they went right back to whatever behavior p*ssed me off in the first place.

women cry because a man who continues to be aggressive towards a crying woman is considered an '*sshole'. and women know this. they know, just turn on the tears and 90% of men out there will shut right down and even end up apologizing for causing them to cry (even though the man didn't cause anything, they are only crying to duck out of taking REAL responsibility for their behavior).

women crying is like men who throw temper tantrums. its an AFC move meant to manipulate.

now if a woman cries on me i react completely disappassionately. i stick to my talking points, i continue to discuss the situation like a mature man. for example...

her: (bawling) i'm sorry, i didn't mean to stand you up.
me: well it's not acceptable and i have no desire to be in a relationship with someone who behaves that way
her: (bawling) can't see you see how upset i am? im sorry. it was wrong and im sorry.
me: and i appreciate the apology. but the fact that you are crying has no bearing on this. you're behavior not only upset me, but apparently, its upsetting you as well. so really the question you need to be asking yourself is why you are engaging in this behavior. it's nice that you are sorry, but unless you understand why you behave the way you do, then what reason is there to believe that in a week, month or year from now you won't continue to behave this way.

now, usually at this point, after i've defused her tear tactic and hit her with cold logic, one of two things happen....

1) she slowly stops sobbing and starts thinking about what i said and begins to engage me in a discourse over her willingness to behave differently in the future. in essence, she tosses the tears out and start to dialogue like a mature adult.

2) the tears stop immediately and she gets angry. she gets angry that her tears and apology aren't enough and now tries to attack me that im being insenstive. this is typically a woman who is all about control. the apology didn't give her control, the tears didn't give her control, so now she's going for broke and tries to flip the situation into I'M a bad person because I'm not carte blanche accepting her apology and am holding her accountable for her future behavior. a woman who reactes like this i immediately end the conversation with and tell her to get out.

 

[DJDamage]

A therapist has once said another good tactic for a situation like this is to ignore the crying and hand the girl a kleenex then simply continue talking about the issue you need to talk with her about.

I have a mixed feeling about this suggestion.

On the one hand you are ignoring the fact that she is crying as if she wasn't and showing her that it doesn't really bother you.

On the other hand she is still crying, and you are talking to someone who is tearing up and bawling in front of you, doesn't pay much attention to what you are saying but is being over emotional. I would want this sort of display to stop as I feel it is a sign of disrespect that she would even attempt to pull this off.

 

[joekerr31]

I have a mixed feeling about this suggestion.

On the one hand you are ignoring the fact that she is crying as if she wasn't and showing her that it doesn't really bother you.

On the other hand she is still crying, and you are talking to someone who is tearing up and bawling in front of you, doesn't pay much attention to what you are saying but is being over emotional. I would want this sort of display to stop as I feel it is a sign of disrespect that she would even attempt to pull this off.

some women when they turn on the waterworks really can't stop immediately.

its like guys who lose their temper.

yes, it is a manipulation technique, but its also at the same time genuinely.

a lot of guys underestimate how men and women aren't fully conscious that they are being manipulative. they dont know they are crying to get their way. its so engrained as a natural response to the situation.

so to ask a woman to simply stop crying is sometimes unrealistic.

im a big believer in the approach of just keep reinforcing that their crying has nothing to do with the issue at hand. let them cry, but in terms of the discussion you have no interest in their crying being an actualy component of the conversation.

 

[DJDamage]

1) she slowly stops sobbing and starts thinking about what i said and begins to engage me in a discourse over her willingness to behave differently in the future. in essence, she tosses the tears out and start to dialogue like a mature adult.

2) the tears stop immediately and she gets angry. she gets angry that her tears and apology aren't enough and now tries to attack me that im being insenstive. this is typically a woman who is all about control. the apology didn't give her control, the tears didn't give her control, so now she's going for broke and tries to flip the situation into I'M a bad person because I'm not carte blanche accepting her apology and am holding her accountable for her future behavior. a woman who reactes like this i immediately end the conversation with and tell her to get out.

Yes this is the type of reactions you should expect to get after you stop putting up with the crying. A woman that turns from a sobbing little girl to an angry defensive b1tch because you called her on her bullsh1t, has just showen you her true colours and you should probably NEXT her.

 

[Mr. Blue]

as some wise roman man already said:

Coniugis iratae noli tu verba timere,
nam lacrimis struit insidias, c u m femina plorat.

 

[Mr. Me]

"2) the tears stop immediately "

I learned this lesson from watching a court judge when the Plaintiff started crying while giving her testimony in a civil lawsuit. The judge asked her, "Would you like some candy?" to which she stopped crying and laughed, because it was funny.

When hit with something like that out of the blue, they are apt to not think first and immediately react. But if they can react and stop the tears so easily, then those weren't real tears from real emotions.

 

[mrRuckus]

But if they can react and stop the tears so easily, then those weren't real tears from real emotions.

Wait. What?

Does this mean if i'm really angry and punch someone and want to keep punching someone that if i can stop myself from punching a second time making it worse (rationality takes over) then i wasn't really angry?

I've cried a time or seven in my life and can put the brakes on it but it's usually alone and it feels good to just let it go. I could stop at any time though. Was i doing it for attention from myself? Was I really not sad? WHY DID KITTY HAVE TO DIE!

Haven't you ever been with a girl crying over something genuine (not some attention garnering thing or trying to manipulate you because it's not even about you), and you make a joke and she laughs through the tears? That was fake because she could laugh at something funny?

 

[Mr. Me]

"Does this mean if i'm really angry and..."

The basis for your argument is in comparing your emotional control to that of the female?

"you make a joke and she laughs through the tears? That was fake because she could laugh at something funny?"

Yep. She wasn't that broken up about it if she can stop crying and laugh. The wise old Judge knew that.

If she was deeply distressed, she'd be angry at your lack of sensitivity and how uncouth you are. "How can you joke about this???" she would wail through her tears. "Don't you care???" Then she would run to her room and sob into her pillow, you insensitive beast you.