What's your most memorable...

[Albion2]

Ok, not sure if this has been posted or not but here goes.

What is your most memorable sexual experience? Give us details as to what made it so memorable.

Here's mine. I have two.

A few years back there was this one girl I dated who was so good at giving *******s that she could keep me right on the edge for what seemed like forever with her mouth. I don't know how she did it but she knew exactly at what stage I was at. To this day I haven't been able to *** from a ******* because of her.

And...

So I'm 69in with this 8.5 I'd been dating for a few weeks. We're getting into when all of a sudden she lets loose a silent fart that could end all farts. Girls, you think guy’s farts are bad, no man could ever hold a coin to this woman's rancid flatulance. It was so potent that it alone could have fueled every natural gas powered bus in the Los Angeles metro area for a freakin’ month. I couldn’t stand it, my eyes started to water and I started to get a bit nauseous. Well she climbed off of me and asked me what was wrong. I said, "Hell, you didn't know you farted in my face?" She came back with, "You didn't like that?" I ask her, "What gives you that idea, the fact that my johnson shriveled up like a jerkin in the Sahara at noon or the fact that I'm about to vomit?" But, and yes there is a but… the real kicker was when she asked whether I'd be grossed out if she pooped on me. Needless to say, I was on the market again after that one. It goes to show that even an 8.5 can become a 3 in a matter of seconds.

-Al

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Easily, my most memorable was the homeless chick w/ no teeth I banged in the basement of the apartment complex where I was living. Good old Tenderloin, SF.

I promised her a place to stay for the night if she would do me.
I left her there when I was done and someone kicked her out when they found her. lol!

God, valium and alcohol don't mix...

 

[markk30]

We're getting into when all of a sudden she lets loose a silent fart that could end all farts. Girls, you think guy’s farts are bad, no man could ever hold a coin to this woman's rancid flatulance. It was so potent that it alone could have fueled every natural gas powered bus in the Los Angeles metro area for a freakin’ month. I couldn’t stand it, my eyes started to water and I started to get a bit nauseous. Well she climbed off of me and asked me what was wrong. I said, "Hell, you didn't know you farted in my face?" She came back with, "You didn't like that?" I ask her, "What gives you that idea, the fact that my johnson shriveled up like a jerkin in the Sahara at noon or the fact that I'm about to vomit?" But, and yes there is a but… the real kicker was when she asked whether I'd be grossed out if she pooped on me.

Thats f$%king disgusting. Don't you ever repeat what you just said again. yes, a 8.5 can easily become a -27, but did you have to go that far?

 

[markk30]

oh and by the way, i forgot to mention... what a horrible experience. Man, i'm surprised you did'nt see a psychiatrist after that, or did you?

 

[DJ Jeff]

My girl was riding me, and let out a loud fart......****ing hillarious. We were rolling on the floor laughing.

 

[MDgood]

I have a friend with a colostomy bag, and he once was seeing this girl who absolutely nobody liked because she was sort of evil.

A few times while he was banging her his bag came off and he shyt all over her. Talk about poetic justice! The funny thing is, his bag never would come off even once when it was a nice girl he was banging!

 

[Legend]

We're getting into when all of a sudden she lets loose a silent fart that could end all farts. Girls, you think guy’s farts are bad, no man could ever hold a coin to this woman's rancid flatulance. It was so potent that it alone could have fueled every natural gas powered bus in the Los Angeles metro area for a freakin’ month. I couldn’t stand it, my eyes started to water and I started to get a bit nauseous. Well she climbed off of me and asked me what was wrong. I said, "Hell, you didn't know you farted in my face?" She came back with, "You didn't like that?" I ask her, "What gives you that idea, the fact that my johnson shriveled up like a jerkin in the Sahara at noon or the fact that I'm about to vomit?" But, and yes there is a but… the real kicker was when she asked whether I'd be grossed out if she pooped on me.

LMFAO.....this is probably something that could change your entire life, in a negative way that is.

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by Albion2
She came back with, "You didn't like that?" I ask her, "What gives you that idea, the fact that my johnson shriveled up like a jerkin in the Sahara at noon or the fact that I'm about to vomit?" But, and yes there is a but… the real kicker was when she asked whether I'd be grossed out if she pooped on me. Needless to say, I was on the market again after that one. It goes to show that even an 8.5 can become a 3 in a matter of seconds.

-Al

LOL thats classic, .. "didnt you like that?"ahahaa ,this b!tch was testing out her poop fetish.

what did she expect?.
OH YES PLEASE, PLEASE SH!T ON ME.

consider yourself lucky she at least tested your reaction first, she could very well skip the fart test while you were 69in and just followed through with a fresh steaming number.
LOL

 

[Player_Supreme]

about 15 years ago I was dating these two aerobic instructors named suzie. one I later trained in bodybuilding and dated for along time...she was tall and beautiful and smart as f*uck. But the other one I really loved....(suzie p).

suzie p...and I could *** at the same time all the time. she was a *** monster. I once just pulled her underwear tight in her crotch to make her ***...anyways..

my 2 susans were competitive with each other trying to win me over. susie p went out with another instructor (oh I taught aerobix back then) just to get back at me...our relation faltered and ended.

one night we got back together. we made love so deep that I cried in her arms as did she. Our connection was so true and perfect...everything flowed....back then I didn't use condoms...late 80's...early 90's before aids scare...I could almost feel her getting pregnant...which she later did...she aborted the child cause she didn't know who's it really was and she wanted to go to school and finish without having kids.

We made love again after she decided to do that..and it was even more intense and heartfully painful. she was the greatest love I have ever had outta of over 100 women...making love...not rutting like a goat but actually making love to her was the best I have ever had...since I'm the one who taught her how to slow down and make love instead of **fu**cking like "white folks" as I called it back then..oh they were white but I wanted them to do it what I called back then "black style" no offense to the white players here.


****note to Heter skelta..or whatever your name it***

I made this story up...uhhh yeah and I don't have aerobic routines that I choreographed at www.turnstep.com...uhhh yeah I made it up....and if you know anything about aerobic instructors of the 80''s and 90's nooooo we didn't get laid at all...no I haven't had over 100 women .....uhhh nope...nope nope nope....Oh wasnt one of those sissy faggot instructors. I taught martial arts aerobic before it became popular... a class called Heavyhands...we held light weights in our hands and did power strenght moves...from there I only pretended to open my own personal training business and gain 40lbs of muscle naturally...uhhh yeah...I don't really exist...

*****

sorry to polute your post with what's above but I am teaching this young idiot a lesson in mannors.

 

[dionysius_d]

exp.

I didn't laugh so hard for a while.. what a story Albion2.

I guess you didn't stick arond long enough to find out if she actually had a shyt fetish, or she had been with someone that did.

Believe it or not, some guys will pay a hooker 2 do that.

Sexuality can be weird stuff.

--

A couple of memories..

1) Banging a filipina chick who i had just met.. and at the end of it, pulled out my rod and observed there was not much left of the condom.. maybe just the ring part left on my d1ck.

2) Having sex with a big white girl who was too overweight to enter normally.. so i had to line up in a kind of right-angled lie down way with her body.. it seems that was her usual method to allow access.

3) Having a 3-some with a guy who wanted me to do his wife.. we had been smoking joints. It was hard to get motivated in any case.

Finally got it up and entered his wife, and then was PARANOID her husband (watching next to me in the semi-darkness), was gonna pull a knife any second or cut off my c0ck.

Made some sort of prayer or divine plea, that if I got out alive, I would never do a married 3-some again.

Didn't make contact after that time though, since i picked up abnormal vibes from them.

(Extreme emotions were probably intensified by the MJ).