Whats the mentality behind flaking?

[vorbis]

If there's one thing in the US that really bugs me, its this flaking practice common to lot of women over here. Thought I had got past that over the last 2 months. However, its struck again today.

Met this girl on Monday while coming out of Tag hardware. Somehow ended up talking to her and got her number. Texted her that night and she responded (chit chat). Texted her the following day asking if she wanted to grab a beer that night. (Looks bad, but she seemed well into me and 3 day rule stuff doesn't work well for me in CA)

Got this response
"I can't tonight but I definately want to - how about thursday?"

Well, she seems interested, send her back a text saying I'm not sure if I'll be free (might have had soccer) but I would let her know tomorrow.

Was free so texted her yesterday and she responded saying she would meet me at the pub tonight at nine. All looks great, feeling quite proud of myself as it had gone so smoothly.
Today I get this text
"I called in sick to work today for the first time ever because I feel pretty terrible. I'm so sorry but can we get drinks another time?"

I mean, she might actually be sick but how "conincidental" would that be.
I texted her back
"I'm not really fond of games Emily"

Do women not realise what games do to a normal guy's IL? She's just gone from a could be a decent chick to potential headwrecker in my mind! I just don't get the mentality behind flaking, it builds resentment, it reduces other peoples opinion of you (I now view her only as a girl to bang), its just plain annoying! At least I have a chance to catch up on some sleep tonight.

 

[musclyjerk]

I love it when those oppertunities present themselves.. reminds me of a recent young lady I was seeing who I was out with (her friend joined us) and after they both went to toilet together she came back to say 'Oh sorry I forgot I had to go to my Grandma's tonight' then left the bar with her friend.. obviously to go elsewhere and NOT to her Grandma's.

I never called, txt or anything after that - she persisted trying to contact me afterwards until she realised I forgot she existed as soon as that little lie came out of her mouth. To be honest she probably doesn't even KNOW that's why I never bothered with her afterwards.

After the night she lied and left her messages went like this:

1st: Hey! How you doing, I'm just at work blah blah.

Few days later..

2nd: Hey Pete Blah blah more happy talk.

A day later..

3rd: Quite sullen talk and 'If you can be bothered reply'

I couldn't be bothered, so I never did reply.

Embrace their flakeyness.. it's your chance to show you don't care... which doesn't make them feel too good about themselves.

I love it.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[vorbis]

ha ha I like. The flipside of this is that I'm still kinda seeing a girl who is a bit of headwrecker, but is always honest about stuff (sometimes too honest!) and has never flaked on plans. Honesty is a rare commodity when it comes to dating.

 

[ProtoMan1]

This happens and its common. Don't take it personal. Seems like she is still interested... either she's testing you or shes really sick. But the fact that she said "another time" seems like she is still interested. She could have just said, "Unfortunately, something else came up. Sorry" and offered no reason, not that she has to.

 

[mrRuckus]

Today I get this text
"I called in sick to work today for the first time ever because I feel pretty terrible. I'm so sorry but can we get drinks another time?"

I mean, she might actually be sick but how "conincidental" would that be.
I texted her back
"I'm not really fond of games Emily"
.

If she was really sick you look like a big douche to her.

I'd like to know what happens with this.



I've had girls flake at first but then end up coming out a few times anyway. I don't know why they do it. Probably because they're looking around for something better to do but if they have nothing else then you are acceptable.

One girl i was recently seeing i'd be like "let's go to so and so thursday" (it'd be sunday night i'd say this) then she'd say oh i have to check blah blah i'll email you tomorrow morning. Then i'd never hear anything about it again and to hell if i was going to follow up and be like pleeeeeeeeeease tell me if you're going to go or not.

But then like saturday of the same week she'd ask if i wanted to go to lunch during the next week. So who knows? I think really it's just they MIGHT have other plans (maybe with another guy) that are tentative and they're seeing if that guy is going to make it or not before she's 100% going to bother to meet you.

She did this sort of thing a couple times and i started teasing her about it and just rolled my eyes at her and said "yeah right" any time she said she'd do anything and she'd be like "what?" and i'd tell her "yeah i'll believe that when i see it"... then suddenly she started doing as she said.

 

[vorbis]

Just got another text there from her
"This isn't a game. I've been sleeping all day bc I'm sick. I would much prefer working, enjoying this weather and seeing you"

Maybe she is sick after all! I find the idea that she suddenly got sick overnight hard to believe but can't see a reason myself for her keeping up a pretense. I might ring her later on and judge from that.

 

[johnnyrem]

Don't do that. Let her contact you. Remember, it was she who cancelled; it is she who has to get back in your good graces.

Let her suck up to you for awhile before you waste your time on her. Remember, she has to prove herself to be worthy of your time. She's changed times for a date and now hasn't showed up for a planned date.

That's two strikes already.

 

[ProtoMan1]

Yeah, let her contact you. If she contacts you twice in the same day saying pretty much the same thing then you can safely assume that it is legit. Then you can call her back after because you know she is being legit. You can then say ok, plan for another day or something. Yes she has to prove herself but if yeah if she contacts you twice, then its alright to call her back.

 

[Ace of Flames]

But you guys forget he like lost half his points by doubting her. That probably bothered her... I think he would be ok by responding first.

 

[Zero Hero]

I think its just because they know they have options. I mean, if you've only been on a date or two, she doesn't know you that well. It's like if you've ever had any friends who you know will always be down to do something, you're not going to go out every time they call you because you won't always feel up to it. Girls can get away with it so they do it. I don't think it necessarily means disinterest.

 

[vorbis]

there is a subtle difference Zero Hero. If a buddy rings me and says we're going to x place tomorrow night and I say no, then thats grand. If I say yes but then call him to say know a few hours beforehand thats a bit more annoying. Flaking in my book is agreeing to plans and then breaking them. Not aggreeing to plans in the first place is fine imo.

As for this chick, I think it might be ****ed up. I called her there this evening. Got a dodgy phone connection and between that and her not saying too much, it felt really awkward. Sounds trivial but I really should have made sure I had enought phone signal. Ended up saying we could go out for drinks on Sunday, her saying yeah, I'll call you (ugh!).

Its odd, every so often I just have a horrible collapse in phone game. I set up a date for tomorrow night with a different chick on Tuesday and my phone game then was just so tight! Arrgh can be so frustrating sometimes.

 

[Thomas94305]

This flaking stuff is a crappy thing we need to deal with. I'm not sure it's just a woman thing, though. If we met some decent guys and wanted to go sarge or play sports, etc with them, there's games to get it to happen this week, the next, etc. What I'm saying is try not to be too angry with women.

From here, if you are interested in seeing her, recommend you do nothing for the next several days, act a little aloof. Go put your time sparking something with another gal. If she's really into you, she might get back to you in a few days. If she doesn't, don't read much about it, she could just be shy or concerned you are just upset with her. After a week or so, if you want, you can CALL her to see what's up. The text zone can be a quick game. Calling lets you get more rapport and a better feel for where things stand. If it doesn't work out then, move along.

 

[Raikojo17]

first, i think u should set up dates while talking to her, not through text. i've found that while actually talkin to her, asking her out has a more personal effect and is more assertive. she's more likely to say yes and then actually show up too. second, dont take flaking to personaly bro. it happens, cant be stopped. girls can be AFC's too and she might jus be nervous that she might mess things up with u. faking doesnt mean that she doesnt like u. my advice, call her back, and after she heals from her sickness, set up a date with her, but do it while talking to her. no text. but if she flakes to much, then jus move on to other girls.

 

[Mental]

If there's one thing in the US that really bugs me, its this flaking practice common to lot of women over here. Thought I had got past that over the last 2 months. However, its struck again today.

Reasons a woman might not show up.

1) She might really be sick. It does happen, even if a chick is interested.

2)She COULD be playing games...

Either way, you don't really know.

But, even if she IS playing games, I would not have called her on it just yet. It makes you just sound angry and overly emotional. Some games should be called out, but I don't think quite so soon after meeting her. I think it's important to act calm. I'll call my friends out when they're trying some stupid games, but new people, I just ignore them after a little while.

If she WAS sick (yeah, it's happened with females in my past where we have to postpone, and yeah, I might believe them) then wouldn't you feel a tad silly about accusing her of playing games?

I'm not saying to let her walk all over you. But you just text her back with "feel better soon" and put her at the back of your mind. Keep going out, meeting people. If she KEEPS flaking, you "next" her and move on. So far, in my opinion, she hasn't necessarally flaked. One time doesn't always mean flaking out. If they're notorious for doing it, you either accept it, or you move on.

Maybe next time she'll not flake out. But if she does, it's no biggie. If I were in your situation, I would still live my life the same, either way, which is the advice I'd give you.

 

[The Realest Thing]

okay, I have had enough of reading this.

I promise you Vorbis, if you had 10 other girls that you were either seeing or talking to, you would not care enough about this to even post it here. Let her flake all she wants, whether it is real or fake, the whole point of everything is that YOU SHOULD NOT CARE, because you have other prospects.

 

[vorbis]

eh I have a date tomorrow night and am hooking up with a third girl on Saturday (purely for sex). Doesn't mean that stuff like this can't bug me.

 

[Jariel]

Flaking used to wind me up so bad at one time and I'd get really uptight, but now I understand that it's part of women's nature to be indecisive and to get cold feet.

Girls will flake for many reasons and it's not always personal. A lot of the time they just get scared. I found out recently that one of the girls that flaked on me last year still regrets it and still hasn't got over her crush on me, but she was just too nervous about going on a formal date.

Of course, I understand that it's going to bug you a lot when a woman flakes, but accept that you can't do anything about it. Meanwhile it might help if you can reduce any formality of the date and make it as casual as possibl.e

 

[DarthJuan]

I think maybe unconciously they do it to see if you're gonna throw a fit or roll with it like it doesn't faze you. And see how much you'll put up with.

That's all I got.



Darth.to.the.Juan.

 

[realsmoothie]

Flaking used to wind me up so bad at one time and I'd get really uptight, but now I understand that it's part of women's nature to be indecisive and to get cold feet.

Girls will flake for many reasons and it's not always personal. A lot of the time they just get scared. I found out recently that one of the girls that flaked on me last year still regrets it and still hasn't got over her crush on me, but she was just too nervous about going on a formal date.

Of course, I understand that it's going to bug you a lot when a woman flakes, but accept that you can't do anything about it. Meanwhile it might help if you can reduce any formality of the date and make it as casual as possibl.e

This happened to me. A girl that I'd been seeing for more than a month just stopped calling. After about a week I emailed her and she admitted that she'd been stressed out over school and a couple of other things, couldn't make a date, and was too embarrassed to call. She was a pretty nervous girl who was generally shy around me, so I believed her on this one.

Sometimes you have to give them the benefit of the doubt. Use your instinct... you can usually tell a REAL flaker who's playing games.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You responded well Vorbis - the best response to game-playing is no response!!!!!!!!!!!!! If a girl was really interested, she'll NEVER miss a opportunity!!!!!