What's the difference between oneitis and having faith?

[Yuma]

So, basically, that's the point of this thread. There's a story to go with it, though, as to why I'm asking.


I've posted before about an asian model that I've been seeing. We met while she was dating someone else, we never did anything except recognize that we have pretty strong feelings for each other.

Inb4 tl;dr, she and I told each other that we loved each other. Toyed with the idea of a long distance relationship, as she's going to school out of the country until next year. Once we introduced the idea of commitment, she backed way the hell away from me. Told me she didn't want to speak anymore, but contacted me (passively) anyway. We've spoken the last couple of nights, and decided to give it all another shot, and she said that she was scared because she thought things moved too quickly, so she felt she should distance herself rather than just deal with it.

My game got fu*ked up with this girl. She's like... 9 shades of emotionally frail, but she's a genuinely wonderful woman. And I do love her.

BUT, she told me just the other day (and this is where sh*t starts bothering me) just after her plane landed that she's still with the guy she was seeing when we met, and that they're going to try and work things out. Even though she's said she still has feelings and all that. Before this, she said that if she and I commited to an LDR, she maybe wanted it to be an open relationship. Then she told me she didn't know if we should speak anymore. THEN, she tells me she still has feelings, but she's still with this guy and she doesn't think she's being fair to him.

I laughed at her. None of this makes sense anymore. She told me yesterday she wants to give this another shot, but I get the feeling that I'm either A) being led the hell on, B) wasting my breath on an emotionally retarded child, C) confusing having faith with a bad case of oneitis.



Thoughts, gentleman? and really, ladies, if you have anything to say, I'd love to hear from all sides.

 

[Iceberg]

There might be a difference between oneitis and faith. But I don't see how this situation can be anything but oneitis. If you see it any other way, you're lying to yourself.

Once we introduced the idea of commitment, she backed way the hell away from me. Told me she didn't want to speak anymore, but contacted me (passively) anyway.

That's it right there. I believe the man should never have to pursue the relationship. That's what women want.

We've spoken the last couple of nights, and decided to give it all another shot, and she said that she was scared because she thought things moved too quickly, so she felt she should distance herself rather than just deal with it.

A commitment-fearing woman? Like I said, it doesn't sound right. Men pursue girls. Girls pursue relationships.

BUT, she told me just the other day (and this is where sh*t starts bothering me) just after her plane landed that she's still with the guy she was seeing when we met, and that they're going to try and work things out.

And you want to work things out with this girl?

Before this, she said that if she and I commited to an LDR, she maybe wanted it to be an open relationship.

Hmm yeah. Sounds like maybe you just need more faith, buddy. That's what this situation requires. More faith.

Come on, man. If you were just trying to bang this girl, then I'd say go for it. You're trying to treat her like a serious prospect and NOTHING about her should be taken seriously.

This is a bunch of high school s***. Bang her or drop her. But do not convince yourself that this is going to turn into a healthy, stable relationship. Your head is in the clouds. Let's bring it back down to earth.

 

[horaholic]

NEVER HAVE FAITH IN A BYTCH. There is no difference between faith and oneitus. If you have faith in them, you've already lost.

 

[Warrior74]

Long story short. Or in before TLDR,

It's over. She enjoyed the fling and it was great (hence all the feelings) but the minute you pushed she ran. That tells you all you need to know right there. She doesn't want to commit to you. In fact if she wanted a commitment, she would have asked you for one. She holds the frame or power in this relationship and she knows it. She knows she was playing you the whole time. She knew this other guy was still in the picture and as far as he is concerned he was never out of it. She can't just say, I'm using you, and I enjoyed it, and I want to keep my options open. Women are never that blunt. This is her way of saying it. She told you that in so many words.

BUT, she told me just the other day (and this is where sh*t starts bothering me) just after her plane landed that she's still with the guy she was seeing when we met, and that they're going to try and work things out. Even though she's said she still has feelings and all that. Before this, she said that if she and I commited to an LDR, she maybe wanted it to be an open relationship. Then she told me she didn't know if we should speak anymore. THEN, she tells me she still has feelings, but she's still with this guy and she doesn't think she's being fair to him.

I laughed at her. None of this makes sense anymore. She told me yesterday she wants to give this another shot, but I get the feeling that I'm either A) being led the hell on, B) wasting my breath on an emotionally retarded child, C) confusing having faith with a bad case of oneitis.

Your answer is C.

 

[nismo-4]

So, basically, that's the point of this thread. There's a story to go with it, though, as to why I'm asking.


I've posted before about an asian model that I've been seeing. We met while she was dating someone else, we never did anything except recognize that we have pretty strong feelings for each other.

Inb4 tl;dr, she and I told each other that we loved each other. Toyed with the idea of a long distance relationship, as she's going to school out of the country until next year. Once we introduced the idea of commitment, she backed way the hell away from me. Told me she didn't want to speak anymore, but contacted me (passively) anyway. We've spoken the last couple of nights, and decided to give it all another shot, and she said that she was scared because she thought things moved too quickly, so she felt she should distance herself rather than just deal with it.

My game got fu*ked up with this girl. She's like... 9 shades of emotionally frail, but she's a genuinely wonderful woman. And I do love her.

BUT, she told me just the other day (and this is where sh*t starts bothering me) just after her plane landed that she's still with the guy she was seeing when we met, and that they're going to try and work things out. Even though she's said she still has feelings and all that. Before this, she said that if she and I commited to an LDR, she maybe wanted it to be an open relationship. Then she told me she didn't know if we should speak anymore. THEN, she tells me she still has feelings, but she's still with this guy and she doesn't think she's being fair to him.

I laughed at her. None of this makes sense anymore. She told me yesterday she wants to give this another shot, but I get the feeling that I'm either A) being led the hell on, B) wasting my breath on an emotionally retarded child, C) confusing having faith with a bad case of oneitis.



Thoughts, gentleman? and really, ladies, if you have anything to say, I'd love to hear from all sides.

She's just not that into you.

Your answer is C and that's my final answer. The audience has already been polled. Don't take advice about meeting women from women.

Never tell a girl you love her. Never catch those kinds of feelings for a girl. They need to pursue you to have a relationship, not vice versa.

Judge nismo-4 will list your charges.

1. Catching feelings for this girl
2. Putting all your eggs in this one basket (very fragile btw)
3. Refusing to eject when she said she wanted someone else
4. Putting her on a pedestal
5. Failure to spin more plates
6. Failure to recognize this girl is just not that into you
7. Failure to recognize that you aren't what this girl wants
8. First degree oneitis
9. Constantly pursuing said oneitis even though she's uninterested

And Judge nismo-4 is disappointed in you. I had to type out a long ass rap sheet and now you've accrued fines of heavily lost time, a strained brain, much lost focus, lost money, a date with your hand, and a trip to North Strained Mind, Oklahoma.

Before I swing my gavel angrily, remember that you are not to catch feelings for a girl, anytime. Stop shopping at the damn Pedestal Mart! Go after more girls! That's my ruling!

Thank you Yuma, but your princess is in another castle!

Case closed.

 

[badboyjmm]

The difference in that particular case ? There's none because someone with a case of oneitis has faith that the girl he badly wants will actually love him... He's there waiting but he doesn't live his life. He doesn't talk to other girls. The saddest part: He doesn't see the other girls that would wanna be with him simply because his angel (that was getting the rocket launcher of another man in her mouth and in her black hole) will love him regardless because he's so nice...

Just let if go man, you gotta talk to more girls