What's the best next move?

[thirdtimescharm]

Back on 10/20, I met a woman for lunch through an online site. I thought the meeting went well, good convo, I was very attracted, she seemed genuine, nice, together, etc. Not much happened in the kino department though, but it was just lunch. We exchanged a text or two that night, but I really was not sure if she was interested (usually I can tell pretty easily). 5 days later, I messaged her and asked her if she wanted to get together again (we work fairly close together and getting together at lunch seems like a good idea). I got no reply. Next?

Yesterday, I get an email and where she says she's sorry she just vanished, and that she met a guy the night we met (not online) and it did not work out. She said she'd understand if I wasn't interested in seeing her again, but she would "love" to meet up again sometime.

Now, I'm not one to go for sloppy seconds, but I think this is pretty rare. On the other hand, she did just blow me off the first time, so it's some bad behavior that I wouldn't generally tolerate. What to do?

I will add: I am currently running some HIGH mojo. After taking a bit of a dating break, I have a few very attractive date options, and due to extreme work hours, time is at a premium and I have no desire to lock myself in to one woman for a while at least. I'm just looking to have some fun getting to know different people for now.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Amazingly, I've just been in this situation (see thread I'll be posting soon) and I got severely fuked over.
I'd been seeing her for about 3 months and then she started flaking on me. One night I get a text saying she's started seeing someone. I replied: "But you were already seeing someone....me!" Ha ha. It's fuked.
She also asked for a second chance but I graciously declined, wished her good luck and told her I never play second fiddle.
I was sorely tempted though, just like you, but you can't condone disrespectful, mercenary and selfish behaviour.
Put a higher value on yourself, improve your life and become the man she'll be kicking herself for years for ditching you.
Good luck, mate. I feel for you.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I replied: "But you were already seeing someone....me!"

That is seriously hilarious.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Ha ha, yeah I can laugh about it now but I was gutted at the time. Women never cease to amaze me with their ability to be completely selfish losers.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I don't think that behavior is only attributable to women. Not that I'm defending the screwed up ones that we're here to try and identify.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Three X Charm,
All sounds perfectly normal....On reflection you can't really condemn her for that which you forgive in yourself.

 

[pdx1138]

I would ignore or decline the email.

If you accepted, she would then realize you're the type of guy that can be blown off with no consequences.....no future in that my friend.

 

[Slickster]

Wait a minute OP.

Your situation is a little different than Greasy Pig's. He was dating his girl for some time before she pulled this stunt.

You only had one measly lunch date where you admit there was no kino or real signs of interest on her part.

So she met this other guy later that night and he swooped in and did a much better job than you raising her interest level. Is that really her fault or is it yours? This girl could've easily strung both of you guys along but she chose the high road and waited to see how things played out with the other guy before contacting you again. That's fairly honourable in my books. I think most girls would string you both along.

It's entirely possible that if your lunch date went a lot better she may have blown off guy #2 later that evening thinking that you were the one she wanted.

This whole attitude about not wanting to play 2nd fiddle seems kind of silly because you are both single and met each other through an online dating site. Of course she's seeing other people. She expects that you are too.

I think the fact that she did what she did shows she's more mature than the average bird. I'd give her another go.

Tough to play the "I'm too good for sloppy 2nds" card while online dating. Heck you are probably settling for sloppy 3rds and 4ths with most of those chicks.

At least this girl has the courtesy to see only one guy at a time.

 

[window]

I would pass on this girl...she's completely blown you off so your posture from the start is no good. You also shouldnt be contacting her the same night as your first date but I hate rules. I suspect that is where you went wrong though probably trying to see if she was interested and it would've shown in your mail. Just out of interest after your first date did she say something like "lets do this again" or "mail me" or "call me" ?

Just tell her "thanks for the offer but I'm going to have to decline for now as I have a couple of options but if you still feel the same way in a months time email me and we can see where things are at..."

Then cut all contact. Dont answer the phone, email or text. She'll look you up in a month and you will have regained your stance. Let us know how it goes.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Slick-

Good points, but the fact is she blew me off without a word once, and I don't need to be disrespected like that again.

 

[window]

Like RazorSharp sais your stance in the beginning should be mild amusment to basically any behaviour a girl throws up. So when you say "I dont need to be disrespected like that again" it implies that you are taking things way to seriously to soon.

 

[3countriesPlan]

It is definitely a dilemma sometimes when this happens, you feel maybe that the girl who blew you off is not really that bad. Well the answer is "she is always that bad" Relationships end how they start. If you were jumping through her hoops in the beginning you will end the relationship with her in complete control. If you started with disrespect you will end it on a disrespectful note too.. Always look at the beginning to know the end!

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I'm definitely leaning towards your view 3countries. I like things to start well. This didn't. There's a lot more like her. And more not.

Window, I don't think I'm taking things too seriously. Just looking for opinions on what you guys think. She dissed me, this is a fact. And while I like a challenge, I do want to be in control, and in this case, I'm not, though her coming back to me like this -appears- to give me an opportunity. But I don't want to start out with someone playing this type of game. It's counter-productive.

 

[window]

just email her the suggestion I made, I garauntee you she'll contact you in a month with a very different attitude.

Just out of interest at the end of the first date did she make a reference to the future and the two of you in it ? like email me or phone me ?

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Espi-

Rejection doesn't bother me at all. I am living in abundance right now (sleeping with one woman, dating two others that intrigue me). I'm intrigued at her writing back to me, as this is not something that I've experienced. I was interested in her, but there are always more...

 

[thirdtimescharm]

window-I don't remember specifically who said what, but there was some mention of "doing this again." I thought it was positive, but then I guess the other guy got her drunk and she drank the kool-aid.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Follow up time.

I responded to her email telling her that I was pretty busy and that we should get in touch again in "a few weeks." Just after new years, I made the decision to contact her. A few days after that, we got together -not for lunch. We had planned to meet out at a bar, but on the day, she asked me if I'd mind!? coming to dinner at her apartment instead, because she was having some major lower back pain. So we ended up back at my place later that evening making out like teenagers, but she had to get on a bus in the middle of the night to go see a family member's friend who was going to administer an epidural cortisone shot for her back. I kid you not! All true! I went to the bus station with her. Upon her return Saturday, we made plans to get together Sunday night. We spent the night. Fabulous.

I also spent last night with another woman who I have been seeing since mid-November, so things are seemingly pretty good. That said, I am afraid I am starting to care. About both women. The one I've seen since November has been great. No drama, no demands, enjoys just being with me doing what I do. While we are going at it last night, I'm a) thinking how great she has been and b) thinking how much I wanted to be with the other woman. Is this simply my infatuation with the shiny new thing? Still, I can't imagine not seeing either one of them. But I know it's not sustainable. I don't have the time or the energy. Work is demanding, and I'm really not taking care of me. My perspective is getting totally screwed up. It's way easier dating women who are screwed up bloodsuckers, because they are easier to kiss off in the end.

So I'm in conflict. I like them both. I can also see them both being *gone* because of my behavior, and while that would suck, I'd be ok. Still, I can see myself sticking with both for a while, if I can keep things separated. Woman number 2 asked me if I was dating anyone else on Sunday, and I said I was. But she also has made it clear that she wants a "relationship." When that has to happen is still unknown. Woman number one has not asked me anything that directly, and I have not offered up anything.

I know it's flawed thinking on my part to think that I'm more inclined to want a relationship with the new girl. Still, she's 10 years younger, and while they are both "my type" theres no doubt in my mind who I am thinking about more. I've been on a dating merry go round for a solid year, and both these women fit so much of what I think I want if I'm going to stop playing the game. I know...I don't know ****e and it's way too soon to say any of that kind of crap. I get it. Sometimes.

I need to get my head on straight, fast.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I like following up my own emails. Sosuave; it's like my personal dating journal. And it goes back a few years. Very Cool.

Both the women in the above post: gone. The woman who prompted the original post: she flaked again. Why am I not surprised? Still, we had our fun, then a week later she gave me a "not feeling the connection" text. I admit: I was upset. For about an hour. Then I got busy with other things.

The second woman got very needy. She wanted to mother me. I even called her mom, twice. Talk about letting the air out of the tire. Once I felt that, she was done.

So now I'm back with someone else I met last year. Somehow, everyone else sunk, and she floated. She's fun. Funny. Beautiful. 10 years younger than me. I'm her type. She's my type. She splits the dinner bill. And after what might be the longest period of time I ever dated someone before sleeping with them, we finally crossed that line Friday night. And it was really good. She already told me he doesn't do "casual" dating, and I told her I never viewed her that way from our first meeting. She lit up. It seems to be working. Until it isn't, right?

 

[gimmeyofonenumba]

Thirdstimecharm:

If it were me, and genuinely liked her, I would give her a shot. I see nothing wrong with her actions. She seems to be shooting straight with you. I personally don't get the "sloppy seconds" option; so what if she's not a virgin?

Again: it comes down to what YOU want. Sometimes it's best to put yourself out there. Too many tomes we seek to avoid rejection rather than focus on getting the girl. Even the most AFC guy trumps the PUA because he's willing to put his ego down and go for what he wants.

That's just the thing. The average afc never gets his girl. Ya maybe they get into a relationship or married but the avg afc. Wont have his wife, by that I mean in the palm of his hand. With that said. I've done this same scenario but been in the girl's shoes. Completely forgot about girl a b/c girl b was so much more intriguing. Girl b doesnt work out then I really get attracted to girl a. So it could workout from A man's perspective, b/c I'm the one choosing. This cannot replicate from the women's perspective.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

So now I'm back with someone else I met last year. Somehow, everyone else sunk, and she floated. She's fun. Funny. Beautiful. 10 years younger than me. I'm her type. She's my type. She splits the dinner bill. And after what might be the longest period of time I ever dated someone before sleeping with them, we finally crossed that line Friday night. And it was really good. She already told me he doesn't do "casual" dating, and I told her I never viewed her that way from our first meeting. She lit up. It seems to be working. Until it isn't, right?

All good - congrats.

But to coin the venacular around here, keep 'spinning the plates'. Oneitis can kill this early. You got a good thing going here so far - don't f#@k it up!