Whats next?

[KeevKK]

Hey all.

Im new to this site as you can see, but i would like some help about what i should do next?

I have been reading and watched a little as David DeAngelo, Vin DiCarlo, Richard LA Ruina and Bluepring Decoded.

But yesterday i just finished The Book of Pook which i think was very good. It opened my eyes to a lot of different things. But right now im doubtful about what i should do next. I think i got the right mindsets by reading BOP but he also says that "As you think you shall become". But i do understand that it might takes a while to change the way you think. Im not sure if its something thats just comming later on or if you have to read other stuff to change the way you think.

Im not interested in learning some pick up lines. I want to be the "real me". I want to attract people just by being my self. Not only women but also other people so i would be better at connecting and get new good friends and a greater social circle. Like a natural. Then im not sure about what to next. Do i just need som experience talking to random people? Because i really think I lack social skills. As a kid i just played video games all day without developing my social skills. I regret that now of course. But then what should my next move be? I might think it would some self improvement so i would better at attracting people but what is the steps for that? Would it be reading a new book about self improvement maybe? I hope you can help me.

In fact i do not only lack skills with women. Its just generally social skills i need, you know when interacting with other people.
I want to enjoy life, live 100% and reach my goals without thinking what other peoples think of me. I do really like your advice since i know that there is a lot of skilled people in here that has a lot of experience about this topic.

Btw sorry if i have posted the wrong place. I wasnt sure where to post.

Thanks
Grateful Keev

 

[Cashew]

The "Real You" is a bunch of crap, for a bunch of reasons. The real you is whatever you are at any given time. The real you is an ever changing idea. For instance, you are looking to improve your social skills. With that other things will inevitably change.

But that aside, some practical advice. You want to get better at talking to girls or people in general? Practice at it. Will you suck at it or be awkward at first? Probably. But in that process you will also learn things that will make you better. Remember a lot of being weird or awkward is from self-perception, if you you feel awkward or weird doing it, other people will pick up on that and it will be weird or awkward.

Build your confidence and be confident in whatever way you can. There must be things that you are confident about in you life, from the sounds of it there must some video game you are good at or know a lot about. I bet you are confident when you talk with someone about that or when you challenge someone to a game. Now I'm not necessarily suggesting you go around talking about that game or challenging random people, but there are certain principles at work here you can learn from. Knowing about or being experienced in something helps confidence in that topic. Go and learn and do new things, self-improvement and otherwise. Pick something, do it, and see where it takes you.

Even if you aren't confident about something, act confident about it anyway. Act like you're the man, like you own the place. Do it long enough and it will stop being an act and you actually will be confident.

Most people's minds operate within a certain gray area with respect to their own opinions about things, especially toward other people. You making a firm decision about something or portraying confidence about it will help them make up their minds too.

 

[KeevKK]

Thank you very much for your answer. I do really appreciate it.

I just want generally to be better at being social. Being in the present. Not inside my head. But also girls of course. I want to be the guy everyone likes. Not by using mean methods but by offering value to other people.

If i have understood your answer correct, i just need practice? experience?

I do really think thats it something my confidence as you mentioned. For example when im at school. Mostly i have nothing to say to people in my class. I just sit there without saying anything. But then sometime i in a good mood (state) and then its a little bit better. Or i feel better about my self. Another issue i think is that my state depends on other peoples reaction to me. It shouldnt be like that. I should be happy all the time with thinking about others peoples reaction to if they are good or bad. I know its all something inside my head but i dont know how to stop it. I want to have the feeling of a very good reaction all the time.

But do you suggest me to go outside my house and just talk to random people. For example at my train, bus or supermarket?

Thank you
Keev

 

[Cashew]

One more thing. When you think of something in your head, just say it (unless it's perverted/psychopathic/similar).

Don't over-think because the more you think about something and hesitate the less likely you are to DO. Just say it. Sure, you'll say some dumb things, but that really doesn't matter. Most people exaggerate embarrassment in front of others to themselves when in reality most people are just too concerned with their own selves to think of someone else as an idiot most of the time. (People won't think you are an idiot as much as you think they will because they are to preoccupied with thinking they might look dumb themselves instead). If they do react negatively, it won't be for more than a few moments before the moment passes and it leaves their mind, so don't be bothered by the reactions of others too much.

Blurting stuff out will help learning conversation and might give you confidence boosts as well.

Be enthusiastic. If you care about what you are saying, other people will too. If you don't care about what you saying, people will be less interested in hearing what you have to say. It doesn't necessarily have to come from a tone of voice or gestures, just know in your mind that you want to talk about it. People have a knack for subconsciously picking up on these things without even knowing it.

So I guess that was a bit more than "One more thing" but as far as who to talk to, yeah random people works. Supermarkets are great because whatever someone else is buying is a conversation starter if it's something you like, heard of, want to try, different/same brand than you get etc.

 

[blueeyedgent]

If the real you isn't good enough to generate interest in the ladies you need to make yourself a better you.

New friends, hobbies, interests, career, fitness, clothes, self improvement etc.

Its that simple.

 

[Chamber36]

if you want to stop worrying what people think of you, you got to stop taking yourself seriously. The ego, is really you judging your own thoughts. Instead of judging them it's better to see the humor in them. Getting out of your comfort zone is also important. Also remember what David DeAngelo said, you don't need an excuse to be confident.

 

[lolwut]

what's also gonna help your confidence other than actual practice is simply constant self improvement.

work on your body and looks, hit the gym get ripped, dress well, get a good hair style. and when you look in the mirror you will naturally gain alot of confidence.

and cut down on the video games. nowadays some of them are so well made and addictive that they can really consume your life. trust me i've been there. Stopping an addiction cold is hard but the best way to do it is to STOP buying anything new and the old ones will eventually get boring and less addictive.

save your money buy good looking cloth, get a brand name belt, watch whatever, anything that improves your appearance will help ur confidence level.

and i see you are still in school - work on your academics, plan out your career and in 10 years, the football jocks getting the girls now will be bagging your groceries while you step out of your benz with chicks begging for your attention. when you have money and looks (and decently good looks is achieveable on almost every guy), 70% of the battle is already won.

 

[Zerro]

If the real you isn't good enough to generate interest in the ladies you need to make yourself a better you.

New friends, hobbies, interests, career, fitness, clothes, self improvement etc.

Its that simple.

Such is the problem with the lazy advice of "just be yourself." If your self is not attractive then you need to do something about that.

Friends: Like it or not you are judged by the company which you keep. Good friends will make you a better person, bad friends will just drag you down. If you want to be successful then don't surround yourself with lazy losers, if you want to become more physically fit you shouldn't spend most of your time hanging out with couch potatoes, and if you want to be seen as a nice guy (not a "nice guy") then don't surround yourself with *******s.

Hobbies: It's good to have hobbies which others will find interesting, it gives you something more to talk about. Of course don't pick up a hobby just because chicks find it interesting and exciting if you yourself don't enjoy it that much.

Interests: Shared interests are always good, however I believe that it's better to seek girls who have similar interests rather than trying to get interested in whatever stupid thing that interests the girl you've just met.

Career: Money can't buy you happiness...directly. It can however buy you freedom and security, two things which it is difficult to be happy without. If you're happy and secure it will show and women pick up on that.

Fitness: You don't need to get ripped, in fact being too muscular can put a lot of women off. You should however be in decent enough shape to keep up with the girls who do take care of themselves.

Clothes: Clothes don't make the man; they can certainly make him look a bit better or worse but an AFC in a suit is still an AFC. However good clothes can make you feel better about your image and that can influence your behavior a bit. Don't worry about following fashion, just figure out a style of your own which amplifies the good things you already have. Besides, you want to stand out a bit, not just look like you're Bro #1120932.

Self Improvement: Really this is just a catch-all term for everything that doesn't fall into the above categories. Just remember that you're improving your self FOR YOURSELF, not because some girl you have your eye on likes a guy who has such and such skill or quality. If you do something to improve yourself and women like it, that's just the icing on the cake.

 

[KeevKK]

I am really glad that you have taken your time to answer my questions.

There is so much going on in my mind at this time. It think that its just something that happens when you begin to realize these different things.

I started out with the desire to be better with woman. I did only focus on this. I thought that it would lead to succes and make me happy, to have the women "under control". That is wrong. It will only make you less unhappy. After reading different books i realized if you arent happy as singe you will neither be happy in a relationship.

In fact i have no idea why i feel that unhappines. I do acutally have very good friends. But these are only my nearest friends. Im not that good at making new friends. Its probaly because im insecure about my self and my lack of self-esteem. And my career is only going forward.

Im not sure about what i should do to get happier. What practical actions should i take? Im very satisfied about my cloth, body (since i already workout), career and hobbies ect. There is some days im down about my apperance beside i have always beem told that im handsome and have good looking. As i said before i dont know why i should be unhappy. Its like something unkown deep inside lacks and i really dont know what it is.

I do believe if i fix my inner self (self-esteem, condfidence, self-loving ect.), then all these other things as hobbies, friends, career ect. would in some way take care of it self. Then i wouldnt become in a bad mood if "the world" didnt react to me if you know what i mean.

But i cant just sit at home and read, read and read all day. It will in the end only give me an unstable inner self right? Since im not taking action to find evidence for what im reading and learning is true. If have understanded this right then i will only get a stable inner self if i take action based on what i have read.

Im really grateful for your attention for my problems. A million thanks´s.

Keev