what would you do?

[Legend]

Alright things are going well with this girl that i have been after for a while now. The only thing that is really bother me is that she is a bartender at many bars. At first i did'nt mind because its good money but now its just getting annoying because all she talks about is how every guy is always hitting on her and trying to take her out. "This guy gave me a $20 tip with his number on it" I was like....oh what a chump...i would of given you a quater with my number on it.

We are'nt a couple but we are seeing each other what ever that means. I'm just sick and tired of all her crap about all the "guys" that want her. I feel like saying oh thats good, go out with all of them and leave me the hell alone. I cant do that though because i am starting to care for her. Its starting to really push my off my game, i cant mack if i'm mad.

Its a tough situation......am i being unreasonable? Or would you guys be pissed too? Maybe once in a while its cute but its like everyday is another one. Shes 20 and i'm 19, we are both college students. We have done everything but sex.....

any comments are welcomed.

-John

 

[CONAN]

Hi,
It's called jealousy, and it stems from the fear of losing,
you must not let her see it in you tho or it will destroy your relationship.
Look at it this way, if she is goind to see one of these "chumps" she will, there is nothing you can do about it so forget it and get on with having fun with what youve got.
I know from experience!
C

 

[Legend]

thats what it is...its like i'm afraid i'm going to lose her. It so hard keeping this to myself but i know if she finds out everything is over with. I just need to play it cool.....if things do end its like it actually does'nt matter.

Benefits of breaking it off:
*more money for myself
*more savings
*time is my own
*time to improve myself
*time to do the things i want to do
*no long have to care about her little head games

Benefits of together
*fooling around
*fooling around
*and fooling around

haha

 

[Quick]

The reason she's always talking about it is that she wants to draw a reaction out of you. Don't indulge her. That's giving her way too much control. She's letting you know she has other options. The way to combat that is to know that you're the best option, and not care.

I'm just sick and tired of all her crap about all the "guys" that want her. I feel like saying oh thats good, go out with all of them and leave me the hell alone. I cant do that though because i am starting to care for her

This is the worst part. Once you get in the frame of mind that you can't do what you want to do, because this girl might leave you, you've fallen off the DJ path. What else would you put up with just so you can keep her? Letting her slap you around? Screw your friends? I know it's not exactly the same, but the point is that you need to either put a stop to any behavior in the girl that bothers you, or leave her. Do not transfer the power in the relationship to her. It benefits nobody.

One of the main parts of AFC behavior is the belief that you can keep a girl by letting her do what she wants and not sticking up for yourself. In reality, she won't respect you, she'll make you frustrated and miserable while you're with her, and then she'll leave you. Draw a line in the sand. Have this relationship on your terms. Don't put up with any sh1t that you don't like. Next time she starts talking about some guy that gave her his number, check her.

"Are you going to call him?"

"No"

"Then I don't really care about it." (Don't say it angrily, say it as a matter of fact)

Repeat that any time she brings someone else up. Don't just say it, believe it. She'll stop soon. Since the two of you aren't in a committed relationship, you need to meet some other girls. Flirt with them, a date or two. Even if you don't go too far with them, you'll have a better perspective and realize the bartender isn't the only girl in the world and that you have other options. It's a cycle. You'll be less willing to put up with her games, and she'll like you more because of it. If she won't stop, you absolutely have to be willing to leave her. Remember, the goal for you is happiness. Either force a change with the bartender so you can be happy with her, or forget the bartender and be happy with someone else. Staying with the bartender and letting her irritate you badly will not make you happy in the short term or long term.

 

[Legend]

Quick nice post man, i really appreciate it.

I'm going to confront her on this viva the email because i dont want to next her in person. I wont ever be happy with this girl and maybe she'll realize what she had when i'm no longer there.

Thanks for the help man

bump

 

[jnallen]

Its a tough situation......am i being unreasonable? Or would you guys be pissed too? Maybe once in a while its cute but its like everyday is another one. Shes 20 and i'm 19, we are both college students. We have done everything but sex.....

I dated a chick one time that was in the same situation. Legend Remember what Doc says: Women do the choosing. If she chooses you there is nothing your competition can do about it.
She use to get hit on all the time to. She cannot help it. Hot chicks are going to have guys hitting on them. It is how she handles it that makes the difference. How you handle it is also inportant. I was jealous to but never showed it. Her last boyfriend did show it and she dumped him. Showing jealousy tells women you are insecure. A buddy of mine here 1utfan1 told me one time never let them see you sweat.
On the other hand I see your point and was in the same situation and hated it. It is that sick feeling in your gut and the fact you want to beat the crap out of the sh*thead messing with her. I know how you feels. If it is any consolation my EXGF ended up quitting. The best way to approach it from my experience is if you feel secure with her talk to her a little about it. Been there dude. It sucks.

 

[Legend]

its all good...i just nexted her today. I dont want to deal with all her crap anymore.

 

[jnallen]

Know what you mean man. It sucks how the hot ones are always getting hit on. Mine handled it pretty well that is why it didn't cause us problems but I hate the feeling you get from it. If she is really has high IL then she will quit her job and find another. Good luck dude. Happy hunting.

 

[xblitz44x]

" Look at it this way, if she is goind to see one of these "chumps" she will, there is nothing you can do about it so forget it and get on with having fun with what youve got." -CONAN

Awesome advice. Seriously. That's the attitude. Let her play and have her fun at the bar. I personally would encourage to give those guys a chance. I'd tell her she should see if they are nice guys. She'll probably be taken back by it, but it's doubtful that she'll bring it up again if you seem sincere.

She's probably doing it because she's immature and playing games. Maybe she's just rude and doesn't know any better. Regardless, who cares. You are to concentrate on her and you. If you attract her right, no outside force can interfere with that (except me : )

The fact that you're posting about her tells me that you're really into her. Don't deny that. And you can't turn that off...nobody can. Just worry about you and her, instead of her and others. The truth is that you're not mad she's telling you those things, you're mad that it's happening..and she's letting you know. Let the guys hit on her. When you do it right, she's not going anywhere.

-Blitz

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by Legend
its all good...i just nexted her today. I dont want to deal with all her crap anymore.

I'm guessing that she did other things that bothered you beyond talking about getting hit on. Glad I could be of help. The most important thing is that you thought and made a decision on what was going to make you happy. What stops so many is fear. Good to see you conquered it.