What would you do in my situation?

[Cheeks]

After nearly 2 months of brooding in my basement, drowning in cheap wine and cigarettes, frantically reading "HOW 2 GET MAH EX BACK" threads, I've resolved to quit being such a b1tch and begin the process of moving on.

Right now I am at rock bottom. I truly feel like a man with nothing to lose. I'm 27 and living check to check through a job I hate. I have about a year and a half of credits at a community college and plan to continue, despite losing any sense of academic focus post-breakup.

I have no friends: I used to, they came and went, I never made much of an effort to maintain relations. I am utterly alone and it's entirely my fault. Not a healthy place to be when I'm suffering withdrawal pains from an emotional attachment to a girl who doesn't want to speak to me.

Basically, I need to rebuild and reinvent myself, and ensure that nothing like this ever happens to me again. I want have a tight social circle. I want to take up skiing, rock climbing, fencing, or anything active, but I don't even know where to begin while I'm in such financial lack.

I've been studying engineering but I can't shake the notion that I'm not really into it. I'm just chasing the security of a future high paying job, but my passion for the subject is dwindling rapidly. I don't even know what I want to pursue as a career anymore.

Now that the whining is out of the way, here's what I've come up with as far as options to push forward. Any feedback would be appreciated.

1) Continue with school but try to pursue some alternative career options. I admit I have no direction in this area of my life.

2) meetup.com? I know I need to socialize, but I'm wary of doing it this way. Not sure if it's just a magnet for lonely and awkward people. I don't want to fall into that trap.

3) Just throw all caution to the wind and act out on my instincts at any given moment. Get a different job, get 2 different jobs, become an approach robot with women, quit school or find another major, throw myself into new activities, and just overall live in the moment. Easier said than done.



4) Just continue what I'm doing and hope that time heals my wounds and offers me new opportunities.

5) Save as much coin as possible, pack my things and just move away and start over.

Whatever the right answer is, I need to take action now, or I may go insane.

 

[Zunder]

I was in the dumps a couple years ago. Cheap wine and cigarettes all day like you. I literally struggled to get from one ****ing minute to the next - I had DEEP depression.
Here's how I got out of it:
*Exercise: Get buff. If you are not a natural mesomorph like me - take roids (but do your research), specifically testosterone.
*Realise that almost eveyone else on earth is an idiot - some more so than others. Remind yourself also that most women in particular are silly idiots - you want to find one of the good ones one day, but until then go fvck a hooker if you get too horny or spin a few plates - but realise YOU are the GREATEST.
Its a radical shift in mindset I know - I am such an egotistical bighead now - and I really couldnt give a fvck if people think I am either - fvck them.
Once you realise the almost all people have MASSIVE insecurities then it helps you realise that they are not someone you need to be worried about their opinion on anything.
I cite an example: Arnold Schwarzennegger. ALong with Mohammed ALi, must have had the biggest ego in the world, when in realitiy he was hiding a dysfunctional upbringing especially with his father. But he used that to his advantage to become one of the worlds biggest super Alphas.
Fake it till you make it - and dont take shyt from anyone along the way.

 

[window]

ok my friend this is what id do...first thing. Stop smoking and drinking. What you put into your body will directly influence the quality of your thoughts and personal energy which in turn influences how the world responds to you and how much luck she'll throw your way. So cold turkey is needed. It will take at least 6 months. During this time Id make no decisions about things.

You are young. Id finish the engineering. You can always throw it in the bin when you are 30 and go and find some meanial job. There are many branches to it so later in your studies something may vibe with you. The biggest plus though is it will support your self esteem.

 

[Cheeks]

Thanks guys, I'm trying to stay on top of my studies, but ever since all of this happened I'm finding it nearly impossible to focus. Reading has become a chore for me, it's like the words and numbers just swirl around in my head without any meaning. I know it's because my thoughts are preoccupied, and I'm finding that there's little I can do about it at the moment.

 

[highSpeed]

I would have to agree with window, I wouldn't make any decisions for awhile. Things change once you have had time for them to set in. If you still feel like you have to make some changes after 6 months, then there is a good chance that the decisions need to be made.

 

[Slickster]

1. Stay in school - even if you have no clue what you are going to do learning anything is better than nothing. Really this is the only positive thing you have going right now. (Not being harsh, but realistic). From experience, when you stop going to school to figure yourself out, you end up floundering around for quite a while. When you finally do figure out what you want to do, you will probably go back to school again anyway. Once there you will feel the incredible charge of energy and it will feel unbelievable to be learning again. You will wonder why you ever quit, because learning is the ultimate use of time. You are continually improving yourself in some way. Even if it seems meaningless you will reap the rewards later in life. Stay focused on the studies in front of you. You will find your direction in time. One day it will just click.

2. School is also the best way to build your social circle. No use becoming an approach monster if you have no social circle to back you up. Any cool chicks you meet are eventually going to think you are some kind of creep if you have absolutely no friends or anything else going on. School is a the best place to meet cool women as well. Generally these chicks have their sh!t together more so than the average girl you meet in the club. Join co-ed intramural sports leagues. Most of these leagues will take single players and form a team of strangers and you end up making a lot of friends this way. Who cares if you suck at sports. You can usually pick the level of competition and can even find a "just for sh!ts and giggles" type league too. These are sometimes better for meeting chicks because people tend to goof around, talk more and it's not so serious.

3. Forget about your ex. Every single guy who has ever been dumped and felt sorry for himself comes out of it wondering why the hell he wasted so much time feeling crappy. You're going to meet a great chick some day who is going to make you forget all about your ex and you are going to feel really stupid for placing so much of your happiness in some other person. In fact just meeting new chicks is going to do you wonders so the best thing you can do is start working on your social scene immediately.

4. Remember there is no such thing as a boring place, only boring people. While there may be times when you should just pack up and leave for greener pastures, in most cases its your own fault for getting stuck in a rut. Kick yourself in the ass and get out there and do some sh!t. Bust out of your old habits and try some new stuff. Running away from a place won't solve your problems. You'll eventually end up in the same "bad place" no matter where you are if you aren't willing to change yourself first.

5. While there may be temptation to go crazy on all this Don Juan stuff at this point, you may just end up hurting yourself in the long run. There's so much information on this site that many people end up getting "paralysis by analysis". They get too caught up in techniques and over thinking every little thing. Read the following article and allow every concept presented to etch itself permanently into your mind and being. http://www.sosuave.com/doclove/doc2.htm It is the very first thing I ever read when I came to SS and now 10 years later it is still the best. It sums up everything you really need to know to be good with women. It really is that simple and anything else you learn here is just mental masturbation until you have that stuff engraved permanently into your life.

6. Realize that you are at a crossroads in life and embrace it. Don't look at this time as a negative. Down the road when you are all settled into your career and life you will look back at this time and see just how awesome it was to be a single guy with his whole life ahead of him. You are a quarterback standing in the pocket, looking downfield, choosing your play despite the chaos all around you. There are many options to take, yards to gain, touchdowns to score, and games to win. Stay in that pocket and enjoy it, because it truly is one of things you will miss later in life.

Cheers

 

[Serg897]

I've had good experiences with meetup.com. It problably depends on the activity, but you are likely to meet some cool people who share whatever hobby you decide to engage in. I would definately give it a shot.

 

[In2theGame]

its alright dude. i was in the same place like you, i dont smoke but there was fire, i felt like i was in hell. My business collapsed, Clients started callin non stop, i was emotionally destroyed when my "love" left for another guy, got sued by a major bank, ended up in the hospital 3 times with no insurance. No money to do or go anywhere since i was let go from a bank in 2009 and my business funds ran out. All my friends were far away. my phone service was cut so i couldnt call anyone. Step father had lent me his Cadillac and a drunk driver hit me and sped off. Bills kept piling in the mail for me. Seeing my ex post how much she was in love and planning to get married to her new man almost immediately after she left me. My health was bad because of how over weight i got. I was having chest pains from the hurt and stress and my hair started falling out. I couldnt sleep because i kept thinking about her and how she literally turned into satan bad mouthing me. remembering the things she told me and how she said she wanted to suck all the guys c*cks. Just cold turkey against me dude, we were close to getting married. I dislocated my shoulder, fractured my wrist. Lost my luxury car.... I mean the list goes on with such "wonderful" things and it all happened right after another without a F*ckin break. Talk about going down the drain quick. Im a really laid back kinda guy and hardly anything gets me stressed out like i was but for the first time in my life i felt like i was having anxiety attacks, i asked God to help me, the emotional stress was off the charts. all happened in the span of a year and a half.

How about Today?,.... I hit the gym hard every week, Im a lean muthaF*cker. Body like a Model, Developed new business plans to rebuild it again. Hair grew back after i lost weight and switched my diet and drank nothing but water. Got approved for health insurance now so can cover some bills and head to the doctor. Girls are giving me the eye like crazy again after my physical change. starting to sleep better and hanging out with my friends going to bars and enjoy my time out. Now there is a girl i like who im thinking about talkin to lol gonna start a thread about that lol. anyway, Dude you can get back up, you must get back up. My financial status is still shaky and im trying to recoup and get back to the big bucks i used to have but it will come in time as long as i keep cool and you must also.

 

[Rubirosa]

its alright dude. i was in the same place like you, i dont smoke but there was fire, i felt like i was in hell. My business collapsed, Clients started callin non stop, i was emotionally destroyed when my "love" left for another guy, got sued by a major bank, ended up in the hospital 3 times with no insurance. No money to do or go anywhere since i was let go from a bank in 2009 and my business funds ran out. All my friends were far away. my phone service was cut so i couldnt call anyone. Step father had lent me his Cadillac and a drunk driver hit me and sped off. Bills kept piling in the mail for me. Seeing my ex post how much she was in love and planning to get married to her new man almost immediately after she left me. My health was bad because of how over weight i got. I was having chest pains from the hurt and stress and my hair started falling out. I couldnt sleep because i kept thinking about her and how she literally turned into satan bad mouthing me. remembering the things she told me and how she said she wanted to suck all the guys c*cks. Just cold turkey against me dude, we were close to getting married. I dislocated my shoulder, fractured my wrist. Lost my luxury car.... I mean the list goes on with such "wonderful" things and it all happened right after another without a F*ckin break. Talk about going down the drain quick. Im a really laid back kinda guy and hardly anything gets me stressed out like i was but for the first time in my life i felt like i was having anxiety attacks, i asked God to help me, the emotional stress was off the charts. all happened in the span of a year and a half.

How about Today?,.... I hit the gym hard every week, Im a lean muthaF*cker. Body like a Model, Developed new business plans to rebuild it again. Hair grew back after i lost weight and switched my diet and drank nothing but water. Got approved for health insurance now so can cover some bills and head to the doctor. Girls are giving me the eye like crazy again after my physical change. starting to sleep better and hanging out with my friends going to bars and enjoy my time out. Now there is a girl i like who im thinking about talkin to lol gonna start a thread about that lol. anyway, Dude you can get back up, you must get back up. My financial status is still shaky and im trying to recoup and get back to the big bucks i used to have but it will come in time as long as i keep cool and you must also.

Good for you ! Inspiring read. When you get to be my age, you start to realize that bad episodes of time like you described are really just bad chapters in your life, BUT NOT THE WHOLE BOOK. The bottom line is that you made it through the storm because you were strong enough ...........

 

[Nutz]

After nearly 2 months of brooding in my basement, drowning in cheap wine and cigarettes, frantically reading "HOW 2 GET MAH EX BACK" threads, I've resolved to quit being such a b1tch and begin the process of moving on.

Right now I am at rock bottom. I truly feel like a man with nothing to lose. I'm 27 and living check to check through a job I hate. I have about a year and a half of credits at a community college and plan to continue, despite losing any sense of academic focus post-breakup.

I have no friends: I used to, they came and went, I never made much of an effort to maintain relations. I am utterly alone and it's entirely my fault. Not a healthy place to be when I'm suffering withdrawal pains from an emotional attachment to a girl who doesn't want to speak to me.

Basically, I need to rebuild and reinvent myself, and ensure that nothing like this ever happens to me again. I want have a tight social circle. I want to take up skiing, rock climbing, fencing, or anything active, but I don't even know where to begin while I'm in such financial lack.

I've been studying engineering but I can't shake the notion that I'm not really into it. I'm just chasing the security of a future high paying job, but my passion for the subject is dwindling rapidly. I don't even know what I want to pursue as a career anymore.

Now that the whining is out of the way, here's what I've come up with as far as options to push forward. Any feedback would be appreciated.

1) Continue with school but try to pursue some alternative career options. I admit I have no direction in this area of my life.

2) meetup.com? I know I need to socialize, but I'm wary of doing it this way. Not sure if it's just a magnet for lonely and awkward people. I don't want to fall into that trap.

3) Just throw all caution to the wind and act out on my instincts at any given moment. Get a different job, get 2 different jobs, become an approach robot with women, quit school or find another major, throw myself into new activities, and just overall live in the moment. Easier said than done.



4) Just continue what I'm doing and hope that time heals my wounds and offers me new opportunities.

5) Save as much coin as possible, pack my things and just move away and start over.

Whatever the right answer is, I need to take action now, or I may go insane.

Quoting for posterity since OP will disappear due to not having his age in his profile.

 

[rsxtreme]

I just recently got out of a 4 year, you can say i got dumped..

But someone posted this video on (The Mature Man) which helped me literally.. Though i still have a hole in my heart ive put that chapter past in life. Move on my friend!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8slB-mYCPw

 

[Cheeks]

I just recently got out of a 4 year, you can say i got dumped..

But someone posted this video on (The Mature Man) which helped me literally.. Though i still have a hole in my heart ive put that chapter past in life. Move on my friend!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8slB-mYCPw

The reason it's so hard for me to let go of my ex is that I was the one who sabotaged the relationship. I was always in control and held my frame, but when I cheated I got betaized into apologizing and making amends because I didn't want to lose her.

Most guys lose their girl due to clinginess and jealousy, but for me it was the opposite. I was just never very attentive. Now she's kicked me to the curb for a guy who is by all intents and purposes a total AFC. Major blow to my self esteem.

And I can't help but wonder if she's just doing this to punish me. Though I realize if she really wanted to be with me then she probably wouldn't risk losing me.

 

[rsxtreme]

The reason it's so hard for me to let go of my ex is that I was the one who sabotaged the relationship. I was always in control and held my frame, but when I cheated I got betaized into apologizing and making amends because I didn't want to lose her.

Most guys lose their girl due to clinginess and jealousy, but for me it was the opposite. I was just never very attentive. Now she's kicked me to the curb for a guy who is by all intents and purposes a total AFC. Major blow to my self esteem.

And I can't help but wonder if she's just doing this to punish me. Though I realize if she really wanted to be with me then she probably wouldn't risk losing me.

I can say i had the power in my realtionship while she tried to controll me Ie how her mother controlled her father.If she wanted to make it competetion or something like that fine with me:woo: ,But with me being in a relationship wasnt about who had power or who didnt.. End of the day I was happy she wasnt..

With your situation. yeah 9 out of 10 times if your caught slipping she will leave.. Heck you would of too had she done the same.. Wouldn't you? If she would of taken you back she would of already, your just hurting yourself more holding on.. Yeah i know its easier said than done. Think positive here on out for your future..

 

[Colossus]

Cheeks put your age on your profile please. Thanks.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Cheeks man -- look if she cheated on you than she's garbage it's that simple. Sure you wanted her back -- you repeat the highlight reel of good times and happy moments and nice and kind words -- and your actions were that similar to so many men including myself -- they want to be with this chick they care about.

But at the end of the day you have to step back and say is this really worth it? Is a person of this nature really deserving to be in MY life? Sure you may feel like **** right now in the ways you are treating yourself and where your mind is -- but this will pass. Truly you have to think of yourself has being damn worth a lot -- and if you don't feel you are worth a lot, than you must start to revamp/change yourself so that you do have self-worth.

Exercise, heavy lifting, starting a business, taking on a hobby and becoming skillful, focusing your mind on some new outlet -- these things will help create deeper value in you. And reaching out to all of those who seem to be a part of the worlds you'd like to partake in.

Stay strong man, most all dudes here have been through some ****, even the greatest of men I am sure has had dips of heavy depression, confusion, anger, these are parts of life and growth and you shall be victorious. Don't let the bullsh!t tear you away from a long-term vision of your own success.

 

[Colossus]

1. Stay in school - even if you have no clue what you are going to do learning anything is better than nothing. Really this is the only positive thing you have going right now. (Not being harsh, but realistic). From experience, when you stop going to school to figure yourself out, you end up floundering around for quite a while. When you finally do figure out what you want to do, you will probably go back to school again anyway. Once there you will feel the incredible charge of energy and it will feel unbelievable to be learning again. You will wonder why you ever quit, because learning is the ultimate use of time. You are continually improving yourself in some way. Even if it seems meaningless you will reap the rewards later in life. Stay focused on the studies in front of you. You will find your direction in time. One day it will just click.

2. School is also the best way to build your social circle. No use becoming an approach monster if you have no social circle to back you up. Any cool chicks you meet are eventually going to think you are some kind of creep if you have absolutely no friends or anything else going on. School is a the best place to meet cool women as well. Generally these chicks have their sh!t together more so than the average girl you meet in the club. Join co-ed intramural sports leagues. Most of these leagues will take single players and form a team of strangers and you end up making a lot of friends this way. Who cares if you suck at sports. You can usually pick the level of competition and can even find a "just for sh!ts and giggles" type league too. These are sometimes better for meeting chicks because people tend to goof around, talk more and it's not so serious.

3. Forget about your ex. Every single guy who has ever been dumped and felt sorry for himself comes out of it wondering why the hell he wasted so much time feeling crappy. You're going to meet a great chick some day who is going to make you forget all about your ex and you are going to feel really stupid for placing so much of your happiness in some other person. In fact just meeting new chicks is going to do you wonders so the best thing you can do is start working on your social scene immediately.

4. Remember there is no such thing as a boring place, only boring people. While there may be times when you should just pack up and leave for greener pastures, in most cases its your own fault for getting stuck in a rut. Kick yourself in the ass and get out there and do some sh!t. Bust out of your old habits and try some new stuff. Running away from a place won't solve your problems. You'll eventually end up in the same "bad place" no matter where you are if you aren't willing to change yourself first.

5. While there may be temptation to go crazy on all this Don Juan stuff at this point, you may just end up hurting yourself in the long run. There's so much information on this site that many people end up getting "paralysis by analysis". They get too caught up in techniques and over thinking every little thing. Read the following article and allow every concept presented to etch itself permanently into your mind and being. http://www.sosuave.com/doclove/doc2.htm It is the very first thing I ever read when I came to SS and now 10 years later it is still the best. It sums up everything you really need to know to be good with women. It really is that simple and anything else you learn here is just mental masturbation until you have that stuff engraved permanently into your life.

6. Realize that you are at a crossroads in life and embrace it. Don't look at this time as a negative. Down the road when you are all settled into your career and life you will look back at this time and see just how awesome it was to be a single guy with his whole life ahead of him. You are a quarterback standing in the pocket, looking downfield, choosing your play despite the chaos all around you. There are many options to take, yards to gain, touchdowns to score, and games to win. Stay in that pocket and enjoy it, because it truly is one of things you will miss later in life.

Cheers

^^GREAT advice. Especially the article linked. Sometimes I think guys come here in a place of desperation and turn to all the Don Juan methodology as a way out of it. Ultimately these guys end up miserable cynics because they thought stacking up pvssy conquests like pancakes was going to fix their problems. The answer to your current state Cheeks is NOT another woman. That I can guarantee you.

I second all the advice above. Dont quit school. Forget the girl who dumped you. Meet new friends. Change your body. Quit smoking. In a few years you will look back and see how far you've come; from the depressed guy chain-smoking and boozing to the stud you will be because you took action and didnt give up.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

^^GREAT advice. Especially the article linked. Sometimes I think guys come here in a place of desperation and turn to all the Don Juan methodology as a way out of it. Ultimately these guys end up miserable cynics because they thought stacking up pvssy conquests like pancakes was going to fix their problems. The answer to your current state Cheeks is NOT another woman. That I can guarantee you.

I second all the advice above. Dont quit school. Forget the girl who dumped you. Meet new friends. Change your body. Quit smoking. In a few years you will look back and see how far you've come; from the depressed guy chain-smoking and boozing to the stud you will be because you took action and didnt give up.

I read that article : http://www.sosuave.com/doclove/doc2.htm

I have to agree completely solid advice. And it rings true to a situation just 2 days ago -- I've got one girl who will "maybe give me her number later" and another chick who is calling my phone at 12am -- which one do you choose to invest in?

You'll be fine Cheeky -- just please don't destroy yourself too much right now, our own minds are our worst enemies! Concentrate on a zen disconnect -- let go of the things that you hold on to -- all things are mostly empty space and when you get down to the atomic level it's all mostly probabilities of smears of energy -- you think your life is iron-clad the way it is but I promise you an immense new world awaits you in the future if you deem it so!

 

[Slickster]

The reason it's so hard for me to let go of my ex is that I was the one who sabotaged the relationship. I was always in control and held my frame, but when I cheated I got betaized into apologizing and making amends because I didn't want to lose her.

There are a lot of guys on this site who believe there is nothing wrong with cheating. I've always preached otherwise. Not because of the morality issues but because ultimately you are hurting yourself. The damage you cause to yourself goes a lot deeper than you first realize. Take some time to examine what really has happened here. It is a lesson that every DJ must eventually learn the hard way.

Hopefully you will figure it out and come out all the wiser.