What worked and didn't work for being more confident.

[John_Smith]

I don't usually post much, but I just needed a break from what I was doing.
For the past 13 years I was probably the biggest loser in the whole school. However, right now after alot of self improvement, people go wow to me all the time. I worked hard okay, it doesn't come without some willingness to change.

I used to:
-Be a big loser and a nerd (hint hint, excelling at school isn't one of the things that work)
-Get beaten/teased up everyday
-Needlessly to say, did not many friends
-Girls: Actually I can't say no girls liked me. That's not true. I did have a number of people who did but of course they thought I was too damn boring.

Right now, I happily am CEO of a company. I am also Chairman and executive director of a non profit with large clients and partnerships as well as a bunch of leadership roles. I have a great amount of success in almost every activity. And I'm only 18 years old. I am not trying to be arrogant, but I'm just saying anyone can do it.
Anyways, I dare say I'm above average with women.

I'll briefly go through what actually worked for me

1) Toughen yourself up. I really want to lose the nerdy image. "You know, the "ahh he's such a nerd". So what I did was take up martial arts first of all. Don't be afraid to use them if you have to. Its perfectly legal to use skills in self defense. I respect my instructor alot, but I can't really agree with the "use your skills only if your life is threatened "part . You know what, its important you toughen up and remember that you're better than some people.

2) Also, work on some achievement. I'm no good at most sports so atheletics (besides martial arts) was out of question. I've practiced enough to be average but I know I'll never be a football team captain. Focus on your strength.
For me, I was pretty entrepreneurial so I started my own business and non profit organization. I got it going pretty well and people get really surprised when they find out how young I am. Both groups are running successfully with alot of "big names" and great support from the University (e.g. city hall, bunch of other really big clients). It makes me feel good I'm achieving something.

3) Ignore naysayers and people who say you can't do it. See, in business, you only get really really successful if you see commercial potential in something THAT EVERYONE ELSE DID NOT. Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Ted Turner, these guys all did that and got really rich. Bet the guys who say they couldn't do it are kicking themselves.


What didn't work

1) Faking confidence till you are actually confident. For me, I found faking it didn't really help much. I was still really insecure.

2) I don't agree with the part of finding something you think is fun. Most nerds excell at studying but that doesn't make them any happier (nerds can be cute too, but still that only helps a bit and then the girl gets bored with them, I would know). It is well intended but for me it didn't work. That didn't help me when I was severely depressed and getting teased everyday. I was good at school but studying never really helped me. It just made me feel more like a nerd.

 

[Rad]

You have your own business at 18? Wow, that's awesome. I'd love to do that, but I just don't know where to start. Everything seems to be confusing me.

Anyway, very good post.

 

[benchod]

Word about business.

I to have a my own business and one thing I can say is

" Establish yourself and business more than it is ".


Someone who figures that out, will usually have a pretty good idea in business field..

 

[Dead By Dawn]

This was a great post and thank you for sharing it with us. Good job on having a business at the age of 18.

I used to not study at all for fear of being a nerd. I was never really popular then, more sort of neutral. However, since I have become the most intelligent person in my year(forgive my arrogance) I have developed a sort of confidence that I am going somewhere and I know that I am going to be successful. I suppose you get similar feelings running a business? Like you are in control of your life and the only thing that will stop you reaching world class success is death. It is a great feeling that every man should experience(much more pleasurable than sex, getting drunk, etc in my opinion).

I have the interests of a nerd(physics, maths and chess) and I excel in all three. I think that if you just have a sense of humour the girls will no longer perceive you as a boring person. Most nerds are insecure and view themselves as nerds. When you get a "nerd" who knows where they are going, knows what they are doing, knows that they have a future then people start to respect them as long as the nerd is willing to get into a fight if needed.

When I first changed I had a bit of opposition from a few guys. They obviously did not like the fact that I was going somewhere in life so instead of doing the same they decided to sabotage my efforts, rather like a little child will destroy another child's sandcastle because they cannot be bothered to create a better one themselves. However, keeping my cool and not putting up with their bull**** I eventually got them off my back.

It is much easier to destroy than to create, keeping yourself at top is much easier done by dragging other people down than by raising yourself up. Evade the clutches of those below you trying to drag you down by raising yourself and eventually they will give up. Most people don't want success enough, they just want their ego satisfied, that is why most people don't do what they want and end up miserable.

I think that my success with women and people in general has seen unbelievable improvments. I am still not where I want to be. A good thing about being an academic is girls have a reason to talk to you and spend time alone with you. Alot of girls want me to help them with maths, physics, English etc. but usually we end up doing something else. I also get lessons from them, I'm just starting to get interested in art and dancing and I have several girls who have offered to give me help in these areas(I make them swear to secrecy about my current dancing skills though).

In conclusion, have whatever interests you want but make sure that they supply you a sense of confidence. Maybe my post is more aimed at the person who is low in social status but is not bullied. It is hard to gain confidence if you are bullied until you stop the bullying.

 

[John_Smith]

Hey, thanks.

For anyone who needs to "toughen up" quick, I reccmmend doing some kickboxing rather than traditional martial arts. I do traditional martial arts myself, but it just takes way too much to learning if all you want to do is toughen up quick. Kickboxing and stuff like that is quicker and easier to learn. Or do some Krav Maga, which is meant solely as a self defense art. IF you fknow how to defend yourself, the verbal self defense follows pretty quick. I wouldn't recommend learning it in the inverse, as when I could not defend myself a long time ago, I was afraid I would say the wrong thing and get beaten up. Heh, its good that its the past.

Trust me, most "tough guys" (the ones who are all obnxious) generally can't even fight all that well. Their skill isn't that great and all they got is their strength (its enough to beat up untrained people I guess).

Approach whenever you feel good about yourself. You won't be able to get any good women without feeling good about yourself. It's true.

 

[senator]

Originally posted by John_Smith
You won't be able to get any good women without feeling good about yourself. It's true.

Not a hard and fast rule, but I'd tend to agree with you.
What happened to me was as follows:
I set up a date to meet up with a girl (I'd say HB 6) at a bar. Had some drinks, kissed a bit, then things sort of fell apart. Long story short - I bailed, Didn't feel too well after that. Kind of felt bummed.

Now, my natural reaction would have been to go home and sulk. BUT, what I did was hit a favorite meat market and just suppress those sh!tty feelings from the date. So, what happened as a result? THREE phone numbers , one of which was a Phuck close that same night! Did I feel "good" about myself immediately after my first date? NO. But, what I did was take the initiative and I pressed on to try and have fun anyways.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Whats your company? What do you do? I wanna hear about it...pm me or something about it.

 

[Bourne]

I agree with most of it.

But no reason to think you are better then anyone or worse then anyone. Someone told me this once

"Always treat everyone with dignity no matter what they do. Never put yourself ABOVE any person. Regardless of their humble upbringings.

However, when it comes to the essense of a man, once you define and learned yourself, you should be alright if you manage to reach a level in which you don't view any MAN (as Masculine) above you, in which you view very few as your equal, ofcourse once that happens you won't feel better then anyone. But you will feel that NOBODY is better than you."